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I'm stuck between 4w3 and 3w4 as a heart.

4 does sound a lot like me. I've always been obsessed with uniqueness, whether that's being unique in everything I do or having the feeling of being unique. By feeling unique, I've always felt like I can't relate to others, that I'm different even if I can't put it into words. I get annoyed about being misunderstood and yet I want to be. I'd say my sad side is part of who I am. I don't want to be depressed 24/7, but it feels weird being too happy. I am highly introverted so a withdrawn heart would work well. I'm pretty introspective and wonder who I am a lot, what my identity is.

But then some 4 things don't resonate. They want to be rescued, and I don't care about that. Heck, I'd rather rescue-it's a caring thing to do and being rescued makes me feel weak. I also have a love hate relationship with sad things. While I wallow in sadness and like sad music, I usually avoid sad movies or horror. Also, 4s are described as reactive, and I don't think that's me. Maybe my 9 is cooling me down, but yeah, I'm pretty calm and I don't freak out much.

Then there's 3. I kinda want to be famous. Like not overly so, all the attention feels weird. But it would be cool being a YouTuber or famous blogger, so a kinda behind the scenes fame. Also I think my love of uniqueness is 3ish too as I feel like it makes me stand out and be artistic and creative. Like I'll wear funky clothes or eat weird stuff for dares. I hate failure or looking dumb, though I might laugh at my silliness. I have a shame in not living up to my personal standards of success.

With 3, I'm not very assertive I don't think(then again the 9). And even though I worry about failure, to a point I'm kinda a simpleton when it comes to success. Like I'd like to go on vacations and win the lottery, but I'll also be like, "I don't need a big house" and can be pretty lazy at times.

So yeah, do you think 3w4 or 4w3?
 

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I'm stuck between 4w3 and 3w4 as a heart.

4 does sound a lot like me. I've always been obsessed with uniqueness, whether that's being unique in everything I do or having the feeling of being unique. By feeling unique, I've always felt like I can't relate to others, that I'm different even if I can't put it into words. I get annoyed about being misunderstood and yet I want to be. I'd say my sad side is part of who I am. I don't want to be depressed 24/7, but it feels weird being too happy. I am highly introverted so a withdrawn heart would work well. I'm pretty introspective and wonder who I am a lot, what my identity is.
I don't think this is enough to point toward type 4. All types can accept sadness as a part of them, and it's not exactly like 3 is a "happy" type either even if some would want to appear that way. And 4s do necessarily aim to seem unique to others, they just feel inherently different from others.
Also, 3s can be introverts too. They also do wonder about their identity, that's the point of the heart triad.

But then some 4 things don't resonate. They want to be rescued, and I don't care about that. Heck, I'd rather rescue-it's a caring thing to do and being rescued makes me feel weak. I also have a love hate relationship with sad things. While I wallow in sadness and like sad music, I usually avoid sad movies or horror. Also, 4s are described as reactive, and I don't think that's me. Maybe my 9 is cooling me down, but yeah, I'm pretty calm and I don't freak out much.
Any type can wallow in sadness and like sad media, I think that people need to stop attributing that as a type 4 characteristic. I've seen many people mistyped this way.

Then there's 3. I kinda want to be famous. Like not overly so, all the attention feels weird. But it would be cool being a YouTuber or famous blogger, so a kinda behind the scenes fame. Also I think my love of uniqueness is 3ish too as I feel like it makes me stand out and be artistic and creative. Like I'll wear funky clothes or eat weird stuff for dares. I hate failure or looking dumb, though I might laugh at my silliness. I have a shame in not living up to my personal standards of success.
Yes. I wish more people would realize that 3s could love to be seen as unique, if that is the image they desire.

With 3, I'm not very assertive I don't think(then again the 9). And even though I worry about failure, to a point I'm kinda a simpleton when it comes to success. Like I'd like to go on vacations and win the lottery, but I'll also be like, "I don't need a big house" and can be pretty lazy at times.
"3ness" doesn't appear in all 3s the same way, it's the motivation that's important. So I mean not all of them would want the big house and that kind of stuff, it's what you believe is success. And 3s aren't hardworking all the time, they do disintegrate to type 9 anyway which can lead to phases of apathy.

So yeah, do you think 3w4 or 4w3?
Based on this, I lean toward 3w4. I don't see much that points to 4 as a core type, but I think a strong 4 wing is possible.
One reason is that it seems more like you disintegrate to type 9 than to type 2. Your opinion toward the idea of having a rescuer does not seem type 4 at all to me.
You do seem more introverted than typical 3 descriptions (but I think those suck), but it makes sense especially with your 9. 3 "assertiveness" is not necessarily being in your face, but more like the outlook, wanting what you want. If that makes sense.
 

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I'd recommend reading Beatrice Chestnut's book tbh. It can be really useful. Here's a small excerpt.

AS PART OF THE “HEART-BASED” or “emotion-based” triad of types, the personality structure of the Three is centered in the emotion of sadness or grief. Threes have a focus on creating a specific image of themselves. Each of the heart type personalities (Two, Three, and Four) relate to other people primarily through emotional empathy. The “feeling sense” these types share gives these individuals a heightened need to connect with others and an ability to read interpersonal situations well on the emotional-relational level. Relationships are in the foreground of their attention, and so the heart types are especially aware of the image they feel they need to present to attract the love or approval of others.



While Type Fours overdo an attachment to grief and Type Twos are in conflict with their sadness, Threes underdo grief, habitually numbing out their feelings so they don’t get in the way of working to reach their goals.
There's a lot more info in the book (for all types) so definitely give it a read if you have a chance.

For me it was very difficult to type myself as a 3. I typed myself as a 1 (my persona) and as a 9 (my disintegration) and as a 2 (I have a connection to both wings). 3 never seemed right but then I read in that book that 3 so has a vanity for not having vanity. We pride ourselves on not being 3ish, and yet deep down we are very much 3. We just work this humility into our persona in order to be more likeable.

I'd say 3s can definitely struggle with being assertive. I have nearly crippling social anxiety and am afraid to speak my mind most of the time out of fear of being perceived poorly by others.

3s can use uniqueness in a 3ish way by striving to stand out from the crowd by being unique. But they definitely want to be unique and not weird imo. We want to fit in but stand out in a way that makes us look good. Shortly put, we want to be the best and one way to do that is to do it differently than others, but within reason.

I definitely feel like I can be very lazy. I'm not afraid to take shortcuts or let some things fall into disarray as long as nobody else knows about it. And when I compare myself to others, I always compare to people who I perceive are doing better. I don't compare to people who I perceive are doing less than I am to get a more balanced view. I can be really hard on myself and always feel like I'm not doing enough.

In conclusion you sound more like a 3 than a 4 but do read more from that book and other sources too. Or feel free to ask me questions.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I'd recommend reading Beatrice Chestnut's book tbh. It can be really useful. Here's a small excerpt.



There's a lot more info in the book (for all types) so definitely give it a read if you have a chance.

For me it was very difficult to type myself as a 3. I typed myself as a 1 (my persona) and as a 9 (my disintegration) and as a 2 (I have a connection to both wings). 3 never seemed right but then I read in that book that 3 so has a vanity for not having vanity. We pride ourselves on not being 3ish, and yet deep down we are very much 3. We just work this humility into our persona in order to be more likeable.

I'd say 3s can definitely struggle with being assertive. I have nearly crippling social anxiety and am afraid to speak my mind most of the time out of fear of being perceived poorly by others.

3s can use uniqueness in a 3ish way by striving to stand out from the crowd by being unique. But they definitely want to be unique and not weird imo. We want to fit in but stand out in a way that makes us look good. Shortly put, we want to be the best and one way to do that is to do it differently than others, but within reason.

I definitely feel like I can be very lazy. I'm not afraid to take shortcuts or let some things fall into disarray as long as nobody else knows about it. And when I compare myself to others, I always compare to people who I perceive are doing better. I don't compare to people who I perceive are doing less than I am to get a more balanced view. I can be really hard on myself and always feel like I'm not doing enough.

In conclusion you sound more like a 3 than a 4 but do read more from that book and other sources too. Or feel free to ask me questions.
Thanks! I guess my only question for now is, if I want to be weird too does that still make me a 3?
 

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Thanks! I guess my only question for now is, if I want to be weird too does that still make me a 3?
It could be that you have a stronger connection to the 4 wing than I do. I see influences from both wings for myself but I lean more toward 2 than 4.
 
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