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Feeling very guilty because I completely verbally decimated this guy. We haven't known one another that long and things have always been a bit fraught. He's a very typical ISFP and gets very angry and defensive when he perceives criticism. This time, he was "finally done" or whatever and I really wanted us to be able to move on so I said, "If you don't want to talk anymore, that's fine but let's have a respectful and mature ending."

He wouldn't do that. He got nasty. And childish and taunting. And I should have just stepped away. Instead, I basically told him exactly what I thought of him. It was really damning and needlessly cruel and I feel awful. That said, I know him well enough to know that if I try to apologize he'll just take the opportunity to take some swings at me and however much I may deserve it, I just can't handle that right now.

Am I awful if I just ask God for forgiveness and keep it moving?

Do any other INFJs get nasty when pushed? Is that an INFJ thing?
 

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Just move on. Fire off a prayer for him is what I'd do. Get God to bless him to make up for your anger.

INFJ's can have anger issues. It is good sometimes to burst out like this, but usually not at other people. Like if I get obstacles in life or the devil opposing, I get angry like that. But it's to my benefit if it is channeled right.

Jesus went around the temple throwing over money changer tables. He channeled the anger correctly, and while I doubt he was an INFJ, anger in and of itself is not evil, but how it is exercised, whether it is expressed on hate and hurt, or expressed in a righteous way to oppose evil.
 
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It sounds like you were provoked, and that this guy needed a taste of his own medicine.

Unless you're blowing up on people left, right, and center, I wouldn't worry about it. We're human, there's always going to be that situation or person out there that's bigger than us and gets our goat. Learn from it, move on with your head held high.

You feel guilty about this because you have a heart, not because you're a bad person.
 

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I agree with everything @Aizar has said! Very true, it's only human we feel and react that way sometimes but this one action doesn't automatically define us as an awful person overall.

I was also in a similar situation (but with an ISTP instead) not too long ago. I usually never burst at people but that time really cut it for me so I lashed out at him, out of anger. I also felt awful and guilty about it afterwards too. But I think that lash was needed for him to realise that stepping on the toes of my values was never going to be pretty. I apologised for what I said but didn't apologise for how he made me feel.
 

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Agree with other posters. Fi needs a reminder of boundaries every once in a while, this will give him the opportunity to review his behaviour and improve from it. I am yet to meet an INFJ that has been out of line for no legitimate reason.
 

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If I'm actually sorry and I feel genuine remorse in me then I must apologize.

My heart is not real until it becomes manifest in deed.

If it remains as something only inside myself or between me and God and I never act on it then I'm not real and the forgiveness of my God is not real.
 

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I have had some recent conflicts with two ISFPs and was going to post on it. I managed to resolve these conflicts at the time, but I had to fix the hurt I caused in the process. I did so by reaching them on a feeling level, stressing the deepness of the relationship in both cases. I'm not sure how I wold approach in a scenario where I hadn't known the ISFP that long. In your shoes I wouldn't confront again (which is how I think a typical INFJ apology goes down with ISFPs) because you might be poking the dragon to try, as you said.

I usually seek to fix the relationship somehow (usually by a nice gesture) after some time. But I do end up with a lot of guilt problems until that happens. If you expect it will plague you I'd say get it over with and confront the issue of apologising, knowing it may take some strength on your part if it isn't well received. You could be more certain in knowing you'll walk away this time, which may protect you.
 

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*waves* Hi. ISFP here. Found this thread. thought I'd weigh in. If he lacks the emotional maturity to end things on a good note when asked... like... if his response is to childishly taunt you... and if he'd take swings at you when you're trying to apologize. Seriously. Don't feel bad.

But more importantly. I understand if you feel like you were needlessly hurtful and feel bad about it. But what's really important is whether or not you can do something to make up about it and it doesn't sound like you can. In that situation I wouldn't hold onto the guilt. Just say a prayer for him and let the guilt go. I don't think the feeling is going to be useful in this scenario.
 
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