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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi all! I would greatly appreciate your perspective,experiences, insights on the following :

After hanging out with a friend and talking about general woes and troubles in their life... do you take on those emotions? How quickly do you take them on? Do you feel like it's your duty to listen and if so why? What is your approach to mitigating your interactions with these individuals? In what situations do you feel someone has transferred their emotions to you?

Personally, I have no problem with lending my ears;however, my ear canals are quite impressionable and it seems as though everything travels straight to my heart. I had a conversation with my friend and I cried afterwards. I felt so bad about his situation: arguing with his father and car woes. These are things that are probably, temporary and fixable... but why in the hell did I feel like he was speaking to me for help. :dry:

He spoke about how he felt as though he was being teased at work & I instantly got defensive like I was the one working his job. I hate to love that part of me but it's not necessary in the city I'm in.
 

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...do you take on those emotions? How quickly do you take them on? Do you feel like it's your duty to listen and if so why...
Yes
Fast
Yes, because if someone is in enough pain to talk about an issue, I must listen to them.

I don't think however that people are transferring their emotions to me, I think it's me picking up their feelings like a sponge. It's empathy.

I'm the same, it goes straight to my heart. What helps me is to 'go thinker' a little bit, lol! I think it through rationally. For example, you said yourself things are probably temporary and fixable. Yes, he is hurt/sad/mad or whatever other feelings, but there is rational in his situation. His dad probably has some right in this situation. You don't need to point it out to your friend, you don't need to fix his situation, he only needs someone to talk to, to take off the burden. Don't carry it for him, just listen with an empathetic ear and know for yourself things are temporary and some issues will get fixed in time.

Sometimes, when I get too involved and can't stop feeling someone else's emotions long after we've spoken, I imagine currents of energy connecting us and I send back all of which is hes or hers. It's not mean, you are sending back people's energy at the end of the day. I have my own issues and do not wish to burden anyone with them so it should be the same for me. I release back.

Hope that helps a little. :hug:
 

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I am sensitive to a myriad of *energies* or emotions, if you'd like. Happy, excited, death vibes, sad, depressed, psychopathic, violent, good vibes, anger, bad vibes.

I am never healthier, than when I am alone or with one other loved one (husband), or with compatible energies, I can pick and choose, to be with.

I do not believe these "feelings" I get from others, relates back to any empathy, I might have. I think energy is real, it cannot be seen (just like radio waves, yet the data flows through the air, like songs and talk) I pick them up with my antennae, and I have to deal with it. It happens automatically, when coming across another human, with a strong enough energy. I have been unable to figure how to block it. I do not ask for it to happen.

Too much woo woo ? It is, what it is. It can be exhausting or exhilarating. Depends on the feeling/emotion sitting in front of me.

Negativity, cynicism, depression, darkness of spirit, sadness -- are all my kryptonite. They pull me down. Can't stand it. :shocked:
 

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Hi all! I would greatly appreciate your perspective,experiences, insights on the following :

After hanging out with a friend and talking about general woes and troubles in their life... do you take on those emotions? How quickly do you take them on? Do you feel like it's your duty to listen and if so why? What is your approach to mitigating your interactions with these individuals? In what situations do you feel someone has transferred their emotions to you?
If they are talking to me to seek comfort, I'll take on the emotions. If they are looking for help / insight, I will not.

Immediately.

Yes I do, I know how to not talk to someone, so if they're bothering opening up to me that means I've taken the steps to get the conversation to that point. We won't just jump into feelings and packed away issues, so I can't leave them there in the raw.

I won't make any effort to extend a conversation if it becomes too heavy for me, but that's rare.

They don't transfer their emotions, I just may feel for them.

These are things that are probably, temporary and fixable... but why in the hell did I feel like he was speaking to me for help.

I instantly got defensive
You may be struggling with wanting to step in and help with every situation, when in reality people just want someone to listen to them, no judgement and no offer of advice. You extend yourself further emotionally than the situation warrants, and with all that extra energy, but no avenue to release it (because they weren't asking for your help), it brings you down. I would always clarify if the person wants you to do anything to help, or is content just having you listen. Don't take on more than someone is asking you to! Keep the focus on them, and what they need (or do not) to rectify their situation.
 

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Hey there,
I do this a lot! Actually, it's been getting even more intense lately where the emotion and energy becomes it's own entity and consumes me. That sounds really weird, but it's exactly like being possessed by someone else's energy, and then when we separate and I go on with my day or night, I settle back into myself again and realize what happened. But normally, when someone communicates something to me I'll immediately feel what they're feeling (or how I imagine it would feel to be in their place) within me. Michael Pierce mentioned in a video the difference between Fi and Fe, and he used something his INTJ friend told him about Fi to explain it. Fi works like a strawberry plant, and the plant is the energy of the room and it grows these little roots connecting to each person in the room, and when one person feels something that an Fi user takes note of, it's like the energy from that root travels through the plant and the Fi user can feel that emotion well up within them. Maybe you've heard this before. I brought it up because this is the greatest description for how I personally experience emotion around other people.

I do feel like it's my duty to listen because if I don't they might not have someone else who will. People need to feel loved and cared for and I think a common trend among us humans is we don't feel like this, even when the people around us think they are giving us this. I take listening as a responsibility to an extent, because it's important we take care of and nurture each other. Let the people we love- whoever that is- know we believe in them and will try to help them face life. They aren't alone.

What you said about thinking people are asking you for help- I think they are! But what I recently learned is just the act of care in listening and trying to help them reflect on what happened and what it all means- that's sometimes as much help we can give. People really have to help themselves. I can't tell you how many hours I've listened to people complain or vent or be angry and I gave them time to do that and offered solutions that were feasible. I used to think those were wasted hours, because those relationships aren't prevalent in my life anymore and they didn't even do any actions based off of our conversations. But the value had from just talking about your emotions and having someone sit with you and be there with you, right there in those emotions, is comforting, and I hope that I made those people feel a little less lonely.

This is a really interesting post and I'd like to see how others experience this. I hope more people reply!
 

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mmhhhh *thinks* No... *hesitates* *thinks harder* I don't think so...
I mean the way empathy is described in the OP, that wouldn't be a situation where I empathize with my friend. I empathize in other situations, but not in the OP example.

When I socialize, the moods and words of the people I hang out with affect me. And I might not realize while it's happening. I do notice that my energy goes either up or down, depending on what the person is saying or doing, but I pay no attention to my energy/feelings in the moment, and I just keep going in the moment. It's after we hang out and I'm alone that the feelings explode and I can look at them clearly and reflect.

My friends a lot of times get mad at me when after the hangout I tell them I didn't have a good time, and I explain why. Their response is "Why didn't you say so during our time together? Why were you lying??? I can't trust you!" and this hurts me because I was never lying, I just can't figure out my feelings on the spot, as far as I knew I was feeling fine, and I need to introvert and then I can know where I stand and how I truly feel. People want everything delivered quickly on the spot, it's all about fast feedback, fast responses, fast everything, and that's just literally impossible. I need to be alone to know how I feel.

So anyways... if the person is a debbie downer, I will feel down, but not even notice it fully until later when I'm alone and realize "Holy shit, I feel depressed, what happened?". If they're hyper, I'll feel hyper, like they fed me something. Energy and mood is contagious.

I wouldn't take into my heart a friend's situation or feelings. That sounds too extreme. I don't feel that deep for a friend. I would definitely feel worried, but not sad. If my friend cries cause they're being teased at work, I won't feel like crying, I will feel furious!!! I will have raaaaaage! I'll want to defend them, kick everyone's ass at their job.

I don't think it's my duty to listen to people, it's just my nature or something. It's not something I think about, it's something I do unconsciously like breathing.

I am extremely sensitive to debbie downers and nay sayers, so I'll avoid those people like the plague. Because I can't tune it out. I can't help being affected, my mind isn't strong enough, so the only solution is to stay away physically and avoid their text messages.
 

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mmhhhh *thinks* No... *hesitates* *thinks harder* I don't think so...
I mean the way empathy is described in the OP, that wouldn't be a situation where I empathize with my friend. I empathize in other situations, but not in the OP example.

When I socialize, the moods and words of the people I hang out with affect me. And I might not realize while it's happening. I do notice that my energy goes either up or down, depending on what the person is saying or doing, but I pay no attention to my energy/feelings in the moment, and I just keep going in the moment. It's after we hang out and I'm alone that the feelings explode and I can look at them clearly and reflect.

My friends a lot of times get mad at me when after the hangout I tell them I didn't have a good time, and I explain why. Their response is "Why didn't you say so during our time together? Why were you lying??? I can't trust you!" and this hurts me because I was never lying, I just can't figure out my feelings on the spot, as far as I knew I was feeling fine, and I need to introvert and then I can know where I stand and how I truly feel. People want everything delivered quickly on the spot, it's all about fast feedback, fast responses, fast everything, and that's just literally impossible. I need to be alone to know how I feel.
Just a comment on your sample above. We have the same thoughts. I don't understand why people will immediately conclude that if you do this, then you are this. It's just disappointing.

I just talked to a friend but i was a little offended and the conversation was rather off for me because she's deducing conclusions based on my stories. I told her I'm complex and it's more than that and she responded with, "you're not complex you're just a mess /disorderly." Sigh.

I don't know if im just not articulate enough to put my feelings into words or if others don't really understand the complexity of human's feelings


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@Kenkao
good lord your friend's response is.... ugh.

I think that maybe -just maybe, I'm not sure, just an impression I get- people think of their emotions/feelings/energy superficially, whereas with Fi there's a ton more that goes into it, in the sense that we feel a compulsion to figure out the whole picture, and not just stay at the superficial feeling/energy.

For example I have 2 ENFP friends and I've had the same exact problem with both: I'll feel bad around them (for whatever reason), and I know my feeling/energy, I know I feel bad, but I don't say anything because it's just a feeling, and I don't know its nature, or why, or where it comes from, or if it has ramifications, etc etc.
So I keep quiet and wait to be alone to process. When I've finally processed, I call my friend(s) and explain that this thing happened and I'd like to talk about it to clarify stuff between us.
Their immediate response is this ---> "Why didn't you say anything??? You have to tell me eveyr single thing asap!" and they get super offended, like I betrayed them.

And doesn't matter how much I explain that I don't speak up just because I feel something, I speak up AFTER I analyse the feeling. Because analysis helps me be able to articulate the whole thing. I need words, and I need accuracy in these words.

The way these friends function, however, is like this ---> Feel something superficial, immediately bring it up, and as they talk out loud and I give them feedback and ask them questions, that's how they understand the feelings better, by extroverting them and getting feedback, u know. So they expect me to be like them, and they feel betrayed if I'm not, they think I'm secretive and can't be trusted.
And I tell them "You can trust me because I will bring it up after a few hours, I will, trust me" but they're like naaaahhh I don't trust you.
Uuuggghhhh drives me up the waaaall.
I need an understanding of my inner world before I can vocalize it, I don't want to say things I don't mean and that I don't understand :/
 
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