As you already know I had this sadness, depression if like, low selfesteem the usual... going on for years... but know thanks to my therapist and mom and some self insight I see how these feelings work for me. I've became attatched those conditions, and believing I was this way, this is me. I identifided way too much with those feelings. And as bad as it sound I believe(d) to be a victim of my own misery. My own critical voice and I thought and truly believed I didn't had to power or strenght to go against it. Or to not pay so much attention to it. Mabye this sounds all nothing new to you but for me it's a discovery, how much I searched for a place were everthing was perfect and dreamlike. Now I finally understand that every place has it's lows and that life is a changing procedure not a fixed state of heaven. So I kind of give up my tendancy for wanting the perfect out of life and out of myself. I also so how much I blamed my parents, the world, and my personality for my unhappiness. Now I see they aren't responisbly for my feelings, I am the only one that is responisble for that! Oke the world isn't perfect, and nor there are places and people that stay that way, I deal with it... I'ts like I woke up from my own dreams. And I also know my defenise mechanism and that's isolation, and I trying to go against that too! I send way to much time locked up like a hermit almost... I'ts if Im working on all my unhealthy infp tendencies. I really feel i have more insight. And i also have some streaks of denpendace of other people and fears of not finding or holding a job. I have way more insight in my problems. I also looked up Eckhart Tolle and he also helped me a lot. So I'm going to take up all the things I neglected these two months like normal eating, my fitness, my friends, searching for a second job. The biggest insight I have is that I didn't took responsibilty for my own life so to say...... I felt I wasn't ''ready'' or ''good'' enough (yet). Or that I coudn't be seen like this, and that I couldn't endure mistakes, ( I tend to give up too easily if things won't work out like I want it...) Or anybody else here also felt that way? I was way to heavy on escapism like reading books, music, hanging on the internet, sleeping, crying... I also learned that my fears are from my child side and not from the person I am today. The adult. And before I quit this little rant, I wanted to ask for some insight, (haha still I also have to learn to trust my own opinion but still) right now Im attanding the least year of art school, (yes going there was also a youth thing of mine, I'm much more aware of the consequences this day...) there were many times I wanted to quit it because of the presure and vaguqe future from it but I still kept going. In the mean while I'm looking for other jobs outside the art field. And I found out I liked helping people, and healthcare, but I want to be more realistic this time... so Im volunteering at the eldery home in my neigborhood, seeing of such work is for me, and I was looking up for dental nurse. Are there actually INFP's who work in those fields? How is the work for you? How do you expierince it? I know for being a dental nurse you have to be very punctual, but I can learn that, there is a lot of apeal for me for that job. When I was youngher I always wanted to be some bohemian, but know... I became much more realistic and I see the opertunities of money. And how that can lead to an easier life... haha mabye these insights come wayyyy earlier for other people but I'm glad I found out! Now it's time to acting on them. Do you also have had expernieced such things? I would like to hear from you all
Oh yes I've experienced serious depression before. Thanks to ~two years of therapy plus insight from myself I learned to be independent of my emotions. I control my emotions now while they don't control me. I don't get angry or sad in response to being frustrated about life. I instead take full responsibility for how I feel. I won't let the world, or other people, or any other outside source influence my happiness ever again. No excuses. It's all me. I'm glad you are on the right path.
I totally relate to identifying as your feelings as a big part of being unable to recover from depression. I suffered from depression for about 6 years, and one major block that kept me stuck was beliefs such as "I am my sadness. This is who I am, I was born to be this way". I like that you mention Eckhart Tolle because he was the first person I ever heard saying "You are not your feelings" and I thought "What the fuck is he talking about?", so I dived into his work, and the work of many others. The authors and therapists I surrounded myself with literally saved me
I use isolation as a defense mechanism, too. Totally guilty. When I'm overwhelmed by life, I isolate myself BADLY, like I won't talk to a single human being in six months, I won't go grocery shopping and I'll starve if I have to just so I don't have to interact with sellers. This is one of those behaviors I find very very difficult to evolve. It's much better now than it used to be, though, and I'm sure that I will get even better with my coping mechanisms in the next few years.
Personally I don't know any INFPs in the nursing, dental, medical industries, but I'm sure there are!
I really appreciate you sharing all your insights! It sounds like you did a lot of work!
Dental nurse--you might be strained in a job that requires you to be more extroverted, but my job does too and I can deal. I think it sounds like a great idea. I've worked as a caregiver for elderly and injured people (which requires things like cleaning them and helping them with hygiene), and it was satisfying. Nurses make a lot of money for the amount of education they acquire and it seems like a very sensible job.