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or Why do people get on well with some but not others in a 3 way relationship? (and I mean 3 way not in the good way!)

Example: There is a woman I work with who actively dislikes me. I have no clue why. I have tried to interact, just basic good mornings etc but have always got a dismissive response. We were both early for a meeting one day and aprt from a nod sat in the room in a heavy silence. As soon as someone else arrived she was all over them in animated conversation and was clearly relieved. (You'd think I was a closet axe-murderer or something!)

She is great friends with another guy in the same department. They go for lunch. Go out walking and are always talking. (Guy is gay BTW so it isn't an attraction thing).

I also get on really well with this guy. We have a great rapport and mutual interests. So he's sort of in the middle but cannot translate between the woman and me.

There are several other examples where I am the 'one in the middle' of two antagonists.

Now I don't know the 'types' of the individuals concerned, but was wondering if any of you had come across such situations and any thoughts you may have by way of explanation.
 

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You said triangulation and I had to come... Triangles are my favorite geometrical structure... mu-ha.

So let us analyze the situation... There is a person who you sense does not like you because you do not get similiar responses...

Although you have not analyzed the person's personality type you have deduced that it is something about you personally they do not like.

Ni... such an interesting little diversion isn't it? I... such an interesting little closed world.

Here's what you do...

Break the ice... offer an olive branch, "hey Blah-named person, I am going to get a coffee/tea/beverge/hot-pocket-to-melt-the-roof-of-my-mouth-with, do you want one?"

Offering up little prizes and olive branches is a good way to DEDUCE how this particular person "feels" about you.

The guy is gay, yes, but it is known that women like gay men because they do not feel "threatened" by them. She could have an office crush on you, she may feel uptight around you, she could may not like you body smell, she may been abused by someone who looked like you, she may have a condition of lockjaw which is set on by your aura, she may have find you repulsive...

You get it? NLP - ask yourself questions and soon you'll find out quickly that your fear is nothing but the inability to understand the other. It will remove your self doubt and allow for you to slowly but sure find the courage to find out the why. Outside of that you'll sit in a little room pondering with Ni the great possibilities of the nothingness.
 

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You said triangulation and I had to come... Triangles are my favorite geometrical structure... mu-ha.

So let us analyze the situation... There is a person who you sense does not like you because you do not get similiar responses...

Although you have not analyzed the person's personality type you have deduced that it is something about you personally they do not like.

Ni... such an interesting little diversion isn't it? I... such an interesting little closed world.

Here's what you do...

Break the ice... offer an olive branch, "hey Blah-named person, I am going to get a coffee/tea/beverge/hot-pocket-to-melt-the-roof-of-my-mouth-with, do you want one?"

Offering up little prizes and olive branches is a good way to DEDUCE how this particular person "feels" about you.

The guy is gay, yes, but it is known that women like gay men because they do not feel "threatened" by them. She could have an office crush on you, she may feel uptight around you, she could may not like you body smell, she may been abused by someone who looked like you, she may have a condition of lockjaw which is set on by your aura, she may have find you repulsive...

You get it? NLP - ask yourself questions and soon you'll find out quickly that your fear is nothing but the inability to understand the other. It will remove your self doubt and allow for you to slowly but sure find the courage to find out the why. Outside of that you'll sit in a little room pondering with Ni the great possibilities of the nothingness.
Aha! Thanks 3rd! But it's ALL been done! (I didn't want to go into tl;dr territory with the OP) I have tried all of the above....even using a mutual interest (cats) and work issues to casually interact. Even when ina situation with both the people in the example I gave all I get from her is along the lines of "OK love, you go and do whatever it is you do....we're talking" then the guy comes round to apologise on her behalf!......I stopped flogging the dead horse, but still wonder why it died, so to speak!

But I witness many other similar 'relationships' most not even involving me and was interested on other posters takes on this too
 
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It sounds like she's either holding something against you that you don't know about or you're just simply uninteresting to her. If it's the former, think if you've done something lately that might have offended her, if she could have been attracted to you and you didn't return anything, etc...

My first piece of advice is to not get the 3rd guy involved in this. He shouldn't have to get stuck between you and your co-worker. You can get input from him but he doesn't deserve unnecessary tension - your worries address the tension between you and your female co-worker, and it should be at base level left at that. Getting a 3rd person involved means more complication. And no one wants complications!

My second piece of advice is to not push it so hard. How were your relations with this woman beforehand? Were you simply acquaintances or were you friends? If you weren't at a friend stage, pushing for friendly relations for the sake of friendly relations can be annoying...let it be genuine when it comes to your interactions. And if letting it be genuine means you have nothing in common and can have a hard time talking, well, so be it. It happens. Sometimes you can't read further into it besides that she just doesn't find you an interesting person, which isn't your problem anyways.

Last piece of advice: if it's really bothering you that much, just go up and ask her about it when the opportunity arises. I would suggest this only after attempts at communication continually fail. "Hey, I've gotten an impression that blah blah blah between us, was just curious if I did anything blah, if I did please let me know...if you want you can let me know/be honest." The most direct way may be awkward/hurtful but it's also the quickest.

Based on what you've given us I can't really say how the girl feels, to be honest. Making shots in the dark here haha.
 

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Because people still judge on the way you dress, how you style your hair, your sex, your mannerisms, one sentence you said months ago, or the color of your skin. Maybe these types of things are better picked up by Fe, and that person doesn't realize they aren't as subtle as they thought. I notice these types of things even at cash registers, how cashiers will treat different people differently.
 

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If all else fails (smoke signals) there is something disarming about the direct approach.

Sometimes you can suprise people (and yourself) by just being straight up.

"It's probably just me but I get the sense we got off on the wrong foot somewhere?"
 
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