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Discussion Starter #1
I find myself having some serious trouble with relenting in arguments, particularly the ones where I’m right but at the same the argument is over something trivial.

It makes me look bad.

Should I be concerned about looking bad over the little things? Do you avoid people that need to be right in minor things? Major things? Do I need to be, thoughtful in some way? How does it look from your perspective when the person drops the subject?
 
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In a sense, I don't get too close with people who need to be absolutely right in some small things. Everyone has those so I don't avoid those that do, but if they make it a habit, I will not invite them into my inner circle. Just makes people hard to get along with.

Obviously, I like people who take the time to listen and are open to new ideas or just are willing to yield- actually I really like people who yield on trivial matters- but dropping the subject will come a close second. They still have my respect, I might just be a little disappointed that they weren't open. You can't yield everything, so some people won't like you. If it's small, it wasn't worth fighting over anyway?
 

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Don't take my opinion as common, because it probably isn't. To me it seems that most people will drop an argument relatively quickly, and a couple people whom others viewed as "taking it too far" were suspected/accused of having Aspeger's Syndrome (and one of them actually admitted to having AS).

People will discuss things even though they don't really care about the topic, changing anyone's mind, or re-evaluating their own position, so to me it seems pointless to even bother a lot of the time. I don't see that as backing down, however; I see it as avoiding pointless discussion.

This really depends on the context, however. With people I know, I'd argue forever if I felt the need. People online don't really care who is right a lot of the time it seems, so I'd look for signs I'm wasting my time or just pre-emptively decide to not risk getting too involved/disappointed/insulted/dismissed/accused of being a 'sperg and disengage early.
 

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By the way, I never assume that anyone "needs to be right." This supposed need is totally alien to me and never even occurs to me. It's like some shit a dumb, apathetic person came up with for lack of understanding why people care about agreement or understanding. If someone is arguing a point, presumably she already thinks she is right; just getting another person to agree or back down doesn't prove anyone is right. But normies do weird play power games like this, so...
 

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I know I'm in the same boat as you. I can be stubborn AF. Nowadays, I try to be lighter (especially if it's someone I already know and someone who has a bond/friendship with me), but the idea of submitting to someone else in an argument feels very annoying (especially if I am sure deep down that I am right). It is painful for me to see someone clinging to (what I see as) false arguments and beliefs and keep my mouth shut.
 
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Discussion Starter #6
@Aiwass
Precisely, I can let it go if I detect some sarcasm. However, if they truly believe what they’re saying I feel compelled to help them see the reality of what they’re saying wrong. This only intensifies if the topic is me.

I don’t think there’s anything more annoying than when a friend misquotes you, or makes an argument about you based off something that isn’t true.
 
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I find myself having some serious trouble with relenting in arguments, particularly the ones where I’m right but at the same the argument is over something trivial.

It makes me look bad.

Should I be concerned about looking bad over the little things? Do you avoid people that need to be right in minor things? Major things? Do I need to be, thoughtful in some way? How does it look from your perspective when the person drops the subject?
If you will resent someone because they won an argument and you believe you are right, then you must continue to fight until you come to a conclusion in which both of you will not be resentful. You must have good intentions. You cannot argue mindlessly for the sake of being "right". You have to consider the outcome, the emotional state both of you will be in, etc. If you are concerned about how you look, then apologize. Make it known that you understand where they are coming from and that you grew from the confrontation. Set boundaries and be respectful in arguments.

You should be concerned! Listen to your conscience. You feel bad for a reason and you have to address that or it will eat you inside. You must be thoughtful, humble, considerate, and mindful.

You must pick your battles. Avoid toxic people lest they rub off on you and you condemn them further in their error, for they may dig in their heels and be further from good than before.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
@Jansen
I do need to say things like “I understand where you are coming from.” At least when that is true. Otherwise, that line can sound insincere.
I feel that line is already associated with insincere people just trying to sound respectful but aren’t actually listening.

Any a# can say that line then proceed to say whatever dumb s# they want.
 

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@Jansen
I do need to say things like “I understand where you are coming from.” At least when that is true. Otherwise, that line can sound insincere.
I feel that line is already associated with insincere people just trying to sound respectful but aren’t actually listening.

Any a# can say that line then proceed to say whatever dumb s# they want.
Humility is a key aspect here. Listen to people as if they may know something you don't, because they probably do (Just like you know something they don't) and even if you think they're wrong, the point of communication is to grow, not argue. You have to be sincere, and you do this by changing your perspective from "this is an argument and I'm going to win because I'm right" to "This is a discussion and although I disagree with the other person, the point is that we both are heard".

Now this is general advice because a lot will depend on context. If someone is doing or thinking evil, then it's a moral obligation to correct them.
 

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I find myself having some serious trouble with relenting in arguments, particularly the ones where I’m right but at the same the argument is over something trivial.

It makes me look bad.

Should I be concerned about looking bad over the little things? Do you avoid people that need to be right in minor things? Major things? Do I need to be, thoughtful in some way? How does it look from your perspective when the person drops the subject?
Pick your battles carefully.
 

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I find myself having some serious trouble with relenting in arguments, particularly the ones where I’m right but at the same the argument is over something trivial.
Interesting. Anger is a powerful force and righteousness arguably even more so (not really as it is only fear infused anger).

It makes me look bad.
It is the source of your problem that you said this. You could have just posted this one line. This reveals your immoral choice.

Image is NOTHING. It does not exist. It is a component of your desire. Your desire is what is the issue, not your anger.

When you try to care about how you look to others, you become delusional. I am NOT saying that is not useful in this world. Wisdom includes desire, which is about BECOMING. Your image is who you want to become. But it is lying to you. Why is that?

An image is not real, not yet. And the feeling is, that this image cannot take even one hit. It is insubstantial after all. It will explode into vapor. All desire is delusional. But desire is WORSE than just delusional. It rots you. It disintegrates you. It ruins your valid anger, as you see. Why does it do that? Desire has a property of making you wallow in worthlessness. This is super dangerous. If you want something that means to you that you are insufficient unto yourself. And if that image is destroyed, then you are stuck at being just worthless. Great ...

So, KNOW yee this day, your desires are lies. They lie to you. Your image of yourself is not real. The real you can take a punch and keep on working. The real you is love, is substantial. Images of the future are only demons of your will (or angels). If they are angels you will reform them. They will rise from the ashes of their meaningless defeat. Truth rises eternally. There is no stopping truth. If your image of yourself is real, it will be rekindled and YOU will become it, and more.

Should I be concerned about looking bad over the little things?
Concerned, yes. Love who you are, you are love, and yet strive ever to be more. Let the image die, the real you is more important. YOU hold to your vision of the future you, making sure the real you is healthy.

Do you avoid people that need to be right in minor things? Major things?
Remember this truth, 'No, one is toxic to the wise.' The wise see the weaknesses of others only as wounds they carry. Take pity upon the wounded and demand they grow in wisdom. But do not avoid or empower them, or abandon them to their fate. They are you and you are them. Both of you are only love.

Do I need to be, thoughtful in some way? How does it look from your perspective when the person drops the subject?
There is always a way to hold your ground, be seen as having done so, not giving even an inch, AND keep things from exploding too far. Resentment is not pretty. The desire types know if they can press an anger person to go too far, the image of that anger person will be ruined for a while, carry a black mark. This is baiting. It is easy to bait anger. Anger is genuine and most people keep up pretenses. We live in a world of social delusions and pretenses. It is not wise. People are not willing to face anger and the truth. That does not make them feel good.

Anyway, good luck! I hope that helped. Let me know!
 

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I tend to drop the subject if I think it's pointless. I tend to acknowledge being wrong if they've convinced me I'm wrong, but I think that's less common for most people. So when someone else drops it, I guess they either realised they're wrong but can't admit it or they think it's pointless trying to convince/explain to me. Either way, it doesn't really matter.
 

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I find myself having some serious trouble with relenting in arguments, particularly the ones where I’m right but at the same the argument is over something trivial.

It makes me look bad.

Should I be concerned about looking bad over the little things? Do you avoid people that need to be right in minor things? Major things? Do I need to be, thoughtful in some way? How does it look from your perspective when the person drops the subject?
You have to understand that there are multiple types of arguments that require different tactics:
  • When you try to convince the one you are arguing with
  • When you try to convince the audience
  • When you have an educated debate with pro-arguments and counter-arguments
  • When you just have witty comebacks with no regards for logic or consistency
When you try to convicne the one you are arguing it, the worst things you can do is make it personal and become competitive. If someone says "you're an idiot" or "it's not like that, you're wrong" then what changes you have to listen to them? even if out of pride, chances are, you won't listen to them. The same thing is true for others when you argue against them. So if you want to convince them of anything, you have to at the very least be respectful when arguing with them, and prove wrong the arguments made by the other person without attacking the person itself.

Because they will get defensive, prideful, emotional reaction, and won't listen to you.

When you try to convicne the audience and have no care for what your opponent feels, then by all means, you can behave like politicians at political talks. Hit hard and under the belt with grave accusations about your opposition. But be careful, make founded accusations, as any accusation says something about them but also about yourself, if you make a reputation as someone who blindly accuses everyone of everything chances are less and less people are going to take your word for it when you say something. Look how the "you're racist!" phrase from a serous accusation to a brainless buzzword in the last years, due to consistent misuse by certain people. Even when used legitimately, it may make some people roll their eyes because it has been misused so many times before.

When it comes to witty comebacks, I suggest you avoid them altogether, if someone tries witty comebacks, you can state in a honest and blunt voice, without anger or an emotional reaction "no, I did not do that", you can even ignore the person who said it and say it directly to the audience, minimizing the importance of the person who makes the witty comebacks attempt as just someone who makes empty accusations out of nowhere.

And of course: the best reply is not always the best argument. Your reply may be valid, but it may not always be the best. The best reply is a reply that the opponent has no reply to, something that will quite literally shut his mouth. Trump, love him or hate him, is a genius at this, when someone is being disrespectful towards him, he's like "hey, you did that, are you going to apologize? no, of course you won't" and now the person who behaved rudely is stuck: they either apologise and admit they were rude or don't apologise and behave like a jerk. Either way, it's bad.

A good reply would be "I won't apologise because there's nothing to apologise for, I treated you right" or "you deserved it", you don't allow yourself to fall into his trap of submission and keep your dignity while being respectful. Trump is of course disrespectful to many of his opponents, but that's because he paints them in a bad character, he is basically painting the situation as being disrespectful to bad people because they deserve it, and the left does this too with "you're racist!" and other bad words. This is where ad-hominem works, if someone is a bad person, they deserve bad treatment, this the public understands. Someone can humiliate you only if you allow them to humiliate you, if you stand firm, as long as you're not the one disrespectful, the only thing they can do is throw empty accusations as you, and you will have the upper and and thus the public's support.
 
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