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  • WTF is this idiot talking about?

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I touched on this in a reply to a thread earlier... after I've lost touch with a very close friend for any length of time, I have an anxiety about reconnecting with them. its as though I think too much has happened in my life or I've evolved to an unrecognizable state and don't know where to begin or how to describe all of the experiences since we've lost touch, so I just don't pick up the phone at all. problem solved, right? simple solution: pick up the phone, I know. but like I said, weird social anxiety. anyone else experience this?
 

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Yes. Sometimes I may not call family members for a while. I have the same anxiety. It's like I don't want to explain why I haven't called.
 

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Yea.

Too much changes too quickly. they're not the same person, but more importantly, i'm not the same person. in all likelihood i'm very different from the last time i'd seen them.

it's nothing personal. it happens to everyone.
 

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Never had this problem. I have "friends" and then I have friends. I have a lot of "friends", but I only call them that for ease of linguistics and they are really more of acquaintances whom I don't mind the company of. My friends have always been few and far between. People tend to either fit into the category that they're not close enough to me for me to care or they're close enough to me that it doesn't matter. It's as the saying goes -

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter
The closest that I come to what you are presenting is that I tend to be very calculated about everything I do, including going to lengths to present a certain face to each person / group of people I know. Most people see the actions, but very, very few people truly understand my underlying motivations including most of my closest family and "friends". I do have times that I loath dealing with certain people because I know that little to no amount of the interactions will be in any way fulfilling no matter how necessary they may be.
 
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l thouht this post was going to be different so l voted ''yes'' to soon.

My isuse is with older friends. The last old friend l met up with was in 2009. lt was awkward :frustrating: She just remembered more than l did, and then l kept remembering random things about her like ''OH. You're a vegetarian!" and she was all...

"Yeah..." like l should have known that.

l don't really have too much anxiety about it though.
 

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Never had this problem. I have "friends" and then I have friends. I have a lot of "friends", but I only call them that for ease of linguistics and they are really more of acquaintances whom I don't mind the company of. My friends have always been few and far between. People tend to either fit into the category that they're not close enough to me for me to care or they're close enough to me that it doesn't matter. It's as the saying goes -



The closest that I come to what you are presenting is that I tend to be very calculated about everything I do, including going to lengths to present a certain face to each person / group of people I know. Most people see the actions, but very, very few people truly understand my underlying motivations including most of my closest family and "friends". I do have times that I loath dealing with certain people because I know that little to no amount of the interactions will be in any way fulfilling no matter how necessary they may be.
Yes, I suppose if someone is an "old friend" and not actually a friend​, then it doesn't really matter what happens, eh?
 

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I get that.
It's that sort of "What if they've changed? What if I've changed? What if we have nothing to talk about and it's just awkward? What if I'm annoying them by calling them? What if I'm one of those people who you wish would leave you alone and then when you think they're gone they just come back?" thing.

Irrational, but reasonable.
 

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i don't miss them at all and i think i would not miss my currently friends as well
the thing is, when i change my whole enviroment (friends included) changes with me and i kinda feel regenerated:laughing:
 

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I don't have anxiety about it... I just forget to keep in touch with people. I'm not naturally a "hey! How is your day?" kind of caller. It's not that I don't like the person or am anxious about seeing them again, I just don't think to ask personal check up questions, never offer any of my own check up personal facts, and end up caught up in the moment of whatever I happen to be wrapped up in that week. I would love to see these people again, but I am also not going to pick up the phone to make that happen.

There are some exceptions. But those are the people who have wormed their way into my little NT heart.
 

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@Surprise

That is strange. I feel the same way. I am INTP so maybe it's an XNTP thing.

It's just a sense of "it's not worth it" or "it won't work so why even try?" I cannot say I have reconnected with any friend over many years more than 1 meeting or chat.

I feel like I've just come from another planet and the other person's life is so much "better" than mine that we have very different experiences and I'm somehow not "up to" their standard.

But I guess part of being friends is sharing different experiences and sharing emotions of what we have experienced. It's not all just about keeping in contact and having the exact same lives. It may be interesting to reconnect with old friends or at least the more open minded ones.

I never even realized that I had this bias until you mentioned it. It's certainly something worth trying. I don't know if we can reconnect and become friends like "we were" but it will be an interesting experience to reconnect and at least share our different life experiences. It's something to consider.
 

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I think it's more likely that ENTPs have problems with 'keeping in touch' rather than being anxious about meeting up again. That latter issue would probably stem from some sort of general social anxiety.

Tomorrow in fact I am meeting up with this person I was good friends with 10 years ago, whom I have not seen since. I have no idea what she's up to or what sort of person she's become, but I'm looking forward to finding out.
 

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I can be anxious or not, but mainly, I totally relate with the impression I've been changing too much that they're not even meeting the same person. Sometimes actually it annoys me that they are stuck with their old perception of me.
 

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I think it's more likely that ENTPs have problems with 'keeping in touch' rather than being anxious about meeting up again. That latter issue would probably stem from some sort of general social anxiety.

Tomorrow in fact I am meeting up with this person I was good friends with 10 years ago, whom I have not seen since. I have no idea what she's up to or what sort of person she's become, but I'm looking forward to finding out.
I think it is this that then turns into anxiety. To me, ENTPs (and INTPs?) seem to be very present to future oriented people. I personally at least live very in the now. Whatever I am working on and following through with my commitments takes up a lot of my focus (along with thinking of >9000 crazy theories every second). This leads to forgetting or not prioritizing those simple "hey how are you?" texts. It's nothing personal....just...yeah...

And then when we start to think/realize this, or someone mentions it, then we can start to maybe get some (normal) anxiety about it. People can be easily offended sometimes.
 
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