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...so out of all the fuzziness that appears to be associated with esfjs i'm wondering how they act when they're mean or stressed... especially men...
 

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Auntie Duckie
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People are so much more than a 4 letter classification. I tested as an EFSJ, but I also consider myself to be a protector at times, a thinker, a supervisor or teacher.

But... to answer your question :)

Anger/"mean": If I'm not careful I'll snap back at whatever is causing me to feel that way. I know that anger is a response to being hurt somehow, so I try to look for the root cause and take a deep breath before saying something. It doesn't always work, lol. As I get older it feels like it's easier though.

Stress: Depends on what caused the stress. I like "good" stress as it motivates me. "Bad" stress I try to avoid. I have learned my limits (or what I like to think of as my limits), and the best policy for me is to avoid being in a bad stress job/place.

One thing that you didn't list is criticism, which cuts deep wounds. If someone I don't know criticizes me, it's a tiny paper-cut. The closer someone is to me, the deeper the hurt. Criticism from my wife or closest friends is like being impaled on a red-hot spear, and it usually drives me to a really dark place of depression. I retreat from the world and become as unseen as possible. The few times it has happened have been life-altering events.

-ZDD
 

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One thing that you didn't list is criticism, which cuts deep wounds. If someone I don't know criticizes me, it's a tiny paper-cut. The closer someone is to me, the deeper the hurt. Criticism from my wife or closest friends is like being impaled on a red-hot spear, and it usually drives me to a really dark place of depression. I retreat from the world and become as unseen as possible. The few times it has happened have been life-altering events.

-ZDD



Ahh,

im an enfj but i have that reaction too.

generally if someone i don't know that well, even a friend, criticizes me i say to myself that they don't know me well enough to form an idea of who i am and i brush it off. if my family criticizes me first reaction is anger or rather, contained disappointment in them( for being rude? Fe) and myself (fe). i may not realize why i'm angry but i'll take it and after an hour i'll realize that they were right and try to improve myself. often i get that they're right at the beginning if it's explained objectively to me.
 

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Auntie Duckie
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if my family criticizes me first reaction is anger
Anger is an outlet for pain, whether emotional, spiritual or physical. There are other outlets, but anger is easy and very familiar.

-ZDD
 

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Righty ways to make me mad include

*Unjust or unwarranted criticism
*Not listening to me in situations where I know I am right
*Acting unnecessarily selfish about anything

I will also have to be either stressed or tired, otherwise I can usually work around these problems.
 

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Random question - was the title of the thread supposed to read ENFJ or ESFJ? Just curious.

As for me, I will admit that any criticism hurts me whether I know the person or not. I outwardly welcome criticism and I will take it though with grace, even if it hurts on the inside. I welcome outside perspectives as a way to open my mind and try to see things from a different viewpoint. Sorry if I turned this into something off-topic. lol

As for being troubled or mean... When I get troubled I get VERY introverted and very depressed. I don't talk to hardly anyone which is very unlike me. I've even messed up friendships in the past when I've gone through really hard times because I've blocked myself off. :-(
The only time I get mean is when I feel the need to really protect myself and someone is in my face hurting me and it needs to stop. The biggest example I can make of this (sigh) is in dealing with my ex and the horrible way he treated me. I got mean when I just couldn't take it anymore and I snapped. When I feel that things are unjust and I can't stand for it anymore, I can get mean.
 
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