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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I have been friends with an INFJ for a few months. She would just listen to me all day with glittering eyes as I whisked her off her feet into storytelling land. Both of us are aspiring filmmakers, specifically in the writing and visual arts portion of the industry. I'm 19 (college) and she's 18 (high school).

Thing is, I've tried asking her to work on some projects with me but for several reasons it's been difficult to actually sit down and come up with something together. She's told me that there's a somewhat dark past of events involving working with other people. She's very "territorial" with her ideas and has had some stolen from her. As for me, I don't hold a single care in the world what happens with my ideas, as I'm content just knowing my writing and influence makes a difference. However, she constantly reminds me that I should protect my great works and that she doesn't want to "steal" them.

She admits to taking some of my ideas and creating her own versions of them. I explain to her that this is called "inspiration" and not "theft". I don't understand why she holds principles and good points so close to herself.

INFPs are referred by some as the "beautiful cinnamon roll that's too good for the world".
INFJs on the other hand are dead-set on their future. They have a "no bullshit" rule, which is really amusing for an introverted "feeler" type. I can't say I've ever met anyone so sensitive and realistic at the same time.

So what I'm asking is this: How do you earn an INFJ's trust?

(Waiting a few more years is not really an option)
 

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She's right about protecting intellectual properties. You may not care right now but if one of your ideas ended up making billions for someone else later.......


You said you've known her for "a few months". That's not a long time in an INFJ's book.




PS.
Your avatar is so "ENTP" ^_*
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
She's right about protecting intellectual properties. You may not care right now but if one of your ideas ended up making billions for someone else later.......
I could be a little too altruistic, but I don't weigh my own success by how much money I make.
I think what I value most is a true friendship - someone that's comfortable sharing their inner world with me. This could mean I need too much of another person's approval to authenticate me.
If putting this level of trust in someone by sharing my knowledge doesn't open them up, then that's a sign there's something wrong. And then I think I'll see what you mean.
 

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I could be a little too altruistic, but I don't weigh my own success by how much money I make.
I think what I value most is a true friendship - someone that's comfortable sharing their inner world with me.
If putting this level of trust in someone by sharing my knowledge doesn't open them up, then that's a sign there's something wrong. And then I think I'll see what you mean.
Money is not an end but a mean. If your idea would net you enough money to make you 1. independent, 2. able to foster other talents, or 3. free to do more good, why not? Money is a tool. Without this tool, your hands are bind behind your back.


INFJs value long term, not hit and run. Young ENTPs have the tendency to hit and run. It's not the recipe to build trust.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)

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So what I'm asking is this: How do you earn an INFJ's trust?

(Waiting a few more years is not really an option)
How attached are you...




































to your pinky finger?
 
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earning trust from anyone takes time. I don't know about the other INFJ's but I have grown verrrry fond of going slow in life. Slowest person on the road, so I can have my head in the clouds, daydreaming away and enjoying nature. It must be said as well, that I'm not a person who really needs many others around me. a small handful and most are old old friends or family. good luck though.
 

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I have been friends with an INFJ for a few months. She would just listen to me all day with glittering eyes as I whisked her off her feet into storytelling land. Both of us are aspiring filmmakers, specifically in the writing and visual arts portion of the industry. I'm 19 (college) and she's 18 (high school).

Thing is, I've tried asking her to work on some projects with me but for several reasons it's been difficult to actually sit down and come up with something together. She's told me that there's a somewhat dark past of events involving working with other people. She's very "territorial" with her ideas and has had some stolen from her. As for me, I don't hold a single care in the world what happens with my ideas, as I'm content just knowing my writing and influence makes a difference. However, she constantly reminds me that I should protect my great works and that she doesn't want to "steal" them.

She admits to taking some of my ideas and creating her own versions of them. I explain to her that this is called "inspiration" and not "theft". I don't understand why she holds principles and good points so close to herself.

INFPs are referred by some as the "beautiful cinnamon roll that's too good for the world".
INFJs on the other hand are dead-set on their future. They have a "no bullshit" rule, which is really amusing for an introverted "feeler" type. I can't say I've ever met anyone so sensitive and realistic at the same time.

So what I'm asking is this: How do you earn an INFJ's trust?

(Waiting a few more years is not really an option)
Try understanding what your friend meant from her perspective, and not from your perspective. ;) Young entps are usually flippant with ideas and values (we pick whatever works best in each situation), while infjs stick to them. That's what makes them infjaze. And most probably your friend is right. I think infjs also have a way of avoiding big complications by facing the small ones head on.
 

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These things that you reference - territorial nature, no bullshit, sensitive to lies and inconsistencies, they all relate to inferior Se. Since it's subconscious, much of their fear of the world is generated subconsciously, and encroaches into their Ni in a very unnoticed way. This stems a belief that the world itself is full of dangers, and not worthy of trust, as a foundation of every Ni system, not just people - things too. So earning trust is tricky.

There is a way to short circuit the system, but it involves many variables that are out of your hand. As you may know, inferior functions are very all-or-nothing. This means that, at times, the INxJs might trust someone absolutely, right away, and for very little reason. This is especially true of young INxJs, who might have less negative experiences to taint their trust further. In middle-aged INxJs, building trust is nearly impossible without inordinate amounts of time - mostly because there are enough negative experiences with people they "trusted" absolutely, right away, and rushed right into trusting - who then abused their trust and ended up not trust worthy. Of course, what constitutes not trustworthy is interesting as well, because it might be something that, among the general population (especially extraverted perception dominants), might be considered petty. You see, it only takes a small fracture of some minor thing to make the entirety of Ni idea of a person to break down, and be viewed as globally untrustworthy, due to the all-or-nothing nature, and bad experiences.

Late in life things usually do get better - as Ni reasons that people are not so perfect, and even if a few aspects of a person don't seem totally trustworthy, the whole of a person might still be trustworthy. More willing to accept the risk, and more focused on the positive aspects of a person over just the negatives.
 

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So what I'm asking is this: How do you earn an INFJ's trust?
Authenticity and a lot of patience. The more consistently genuine and honest you appear, the faster they will trust you.

If you want to expedite the process, you need to offer help and convince them to accept it. Have them rely on your for something, and you need to not let them down. You don't want them to become dependent, but you do want them to think you're reliable

If they want space, I'd say make a conscious effort to give to them. I've had a lot of issues with ENTPs stomping on my toes, wanting affirmation, attention and praise; has the potential to be a very sporadic and needy type. You guys are also young, it's probably not type specific at all, but the INFJs I've known have been all over the place in figuring themselves out until 22-24. In retrospect, as an INFJ, I wouldn't have bothered dating until I was at least 22 had I known what I do right now.
 
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