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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know what I am capable of, I can get away with a lot; whether it be stealing, cheating, pulling strings to make someone get demoted or promoted, not working when at work, general manipulation etc etc etc. It's all pretty easy. However I hold myself to a high standard to not do such things unless truly necessary.

In addition to the above I can't stand incompetence, or even worse, willful ignorance; and therefor surround myself with equally intelligent people. My issue is, when I come across people whom I deem to be just as capable of such things as myself, I don't trust them, because I assume their standards aren't as high as mine.

This is especially a problem for me, mostly because I only date those people that are smart enough for me to not trust. . . .

Does anyone else have this issue, or possibly some other issue with trusting people?

-Pan
 

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Oh, yes.

But with me it seems to be a kind of morality/integrity thing. I have a bit of this "me against the world" chronic mentality that suggests you never know what people's true motivations are until, well, you see them. And I have very high standards for myself and my own behavior (I would be pretty incapable of acting inauthentically or disingenuously to get what I want), so I'm always terrified that I can't trust people to act on the same level. I kind of obsess about Morality and these universal Truths and Justices that I can pretend exist so I can pretend that someone, somewhere is able to live up to them. Even if that means the only person I trust is Spock, lol.

But I know this is a personal issue that I need to work through. I do have serious trust issues and they affect my adult relationships rather unfairly.
 

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Great thread. I can identify with almost every post here. Other people wonder why I don't just automatically trust new people I meet. Why should one automatically trust new people?


For this reason I am extremely cautious about allowing others to gain too much information about me. Even in my dorm I always lock my computer and my door to prevent roommates from seeing any extra information about me. I only permit certain people to know certain chosen aspects of my personality and interests.
 

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Great thread. I can identify with almost every post here. Other people wonder why I don't just automatically trust new people I meet. Why should one automatically trust new people?


For this reason I am extremely cautious about allowing others to gain too much information about me. Even in my dorm I always lock my computer and my door to prevent roommates from seeing any extra information about me. I only permit certain people to know certain chosen aspects of my personality and interests.
I always get this creeping feeling when I share something I consider personal about myself, like this person is going to use this against me later, I shouldn't just hand them the ammo. It probably keeps me out of stupid things like trusting strangers on the internet or giving too much information, but on the other hand it disables me when I need to be raw and honest, like at the therapist's.
 

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Does anyone else have this issue, or possibly some other issue with trusting people?
This is not just about the INTJ. The thoughts you shared are very common
amongst gifted people, the top 2%. For a very long time I thought there was
a global conspiracy to waste time at work and that I was the only one who
wasn't in on it. But you must accept the truth however unacceptable the
idea might sound to you, but most people are dumb drones who don't really
care about work.

Everyone think he's intelligent, and almost everyone assume that they work hard.
But the truth is they aren't and they don't. It's because of the confirmation bias.
If you are as intelligent as I think you are, you're not about seeing the end of it.
You can believe me, you may change job 20 times, you'll just live the same problem
over and over again.

But for the matter at hand, I don't believe that trust in a work situation is the same
as trust for a relationship. You're smart enough to know if you can trust someone
or not. It's very easy in this world of gossip and facebook to quickly profile someone.
Also, just like in the military, there are different levels of trust. A ladder that must be
climb, one step at a time as demonstration of trustworthiness is judged satisfactory
for you. But in any case, both for work and relationships you will have no choice but
to lower your standards a bit, else you will never be happy.

This world is built for average people. If you're below average, you may have face
various troubles and challenges in your every day life. But the same is very true if
you are too much above average. I have wondered for a while how many people
I would need to meet in order to find just the one that is equal or superior to me
and it is a big number. Top 0.05%. That means statistically I'd need to meet with
50 thousand people to achieve this. And what are the odds it'll be a girl in my age
range. Even if you are just top 2%, that means in a crowd of 100 only 1 other
person would be able to share a conversation you would enjoy.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you because I'm very tired right now lol
 
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when I come across people whom I deem to be just as capable of such things as myself, I don't trust them, because I assume their standards aren't as high as mine.
never had that one, but i don't think i worry about the same stuff as you. i think that to my mind intelligence just isn't relevant; so it's not even a question of 'which are better, stupid people or smart people?' anyone's capable of being a dick.

i don't think i'm untrusting so much as conscious, and realistic. in many respects i have a different set of things that matter to me and/or that can distress me. that being the case, it's inevitable that other people will step on my emotional/social toes without even realising it, much less intending to. ime, intellect has pretty close to bog all to do with that.
 

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lol you are projecting your own self onto others.

I never think about even the idea that I would lie, steal, or cheat anyone, and while I consider my intelligence nothing special, it is definitely above most people just because almost everyone is stupid as hell. So going by that I guess I am fairly highly intelligent (as you describe yourself and the people you date), yet doing bad shit to people is just not an option for me.

What I'm saying is intelligence and an enticement to do bad shit don't go together.
Intelligent people can certainly be very unlikely to do bad shit.
Idiots can totally go and do bad shit too.


I think trust has nothing to do with intelligence.


Having said that, trust for me is a foundation of a relationship - without it there is nothing. I did the doorslam on my last relationship for a minor lie, but the lie (which she repeated a number of times before I really understood it was definitely lies) indicated clearly to me that she wasn't on a team with me and there was no point in knowing her at all once I knew that, so out she went from my life. Her crying and so on meant nothing to me whatsoever. Without trust, it's as big of a waste of time as small talk.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
it's not even a question of 'which are better, stupid people or smart people?' anyone's capable of being a dick.
You're right, it isn't a question of being stupid or smart. The issue is that I can easily see mal-intent, cheating, lying etc etc etc with less intelligent people, I can trust them to do those things because I can see them doing them even if they are trying to hide it. Where-as more intelligent people I can only assume are going to do those same kinds of things but they are better about hiding it, they understand that I can catch queues like pauses in speech, change of tone, body language, which direction they drove up from, how their time frames do or don't add up in their stories, when they are trying too hard to lean on specific details to try and avoid other details etc. . . and because they are good at that same thing, they know how to hide it if they want to or not.

I feel like this thread talks too much about intelligence and I didn't intend that. Here is a good quote I always like to remember.... because, It's not that I think myself to be super intelligent, I just know I'm not stupid.

"Think of your average stupid person, now take a moment, and realize that half the people out there are more stupid than that person"

-Idontknowwhosaidthat.
 

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I don't think more intelligent people are better at lying. I think it is the people more experienced in lying that are better at it.
Obviously the total retards are more easily caught, but someone of moderate intelligence can be very hard to catch if they have plenty of experience at lying/deceit.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I don't think more intelligent people are better at lying. I think it is the people more experienced in lying that are better at it.
Obviously the total retards are more easily caught, but someone of moderate intelligence can be very hard to catch if they have plenty of experience at lying/deceit.
This is true, but experiences may vary.

I don't mean to say that intelligent people are better at lying, but they are certainly more capable of being better at lying if they put the time into it, whether it be a conscious decision or an unconscious habit.

Personally, I am proud to say that I am an incredibly honest person. I have however been around people(my family mostly) that are chronic liars, thieves, cheaters etc. So I grew up seeing and observing; as a result I know how to do it well. With that, luckily, I have learned that you get so much more out of living honestly that honesty is well worth it(at least for me).
 

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I do not trust easily for much the same reason you said-- I know what I am capable of and worry what others could do without my values.

Learning to relax and put aside the skepticism a little at a time is an ongoing process. I consciously remind myself that the majority of people are wrapped up in their own worries, and are not interested in deliberate mischief.

Incompetence is another matter. Not much you can do about it but 1) raise your standards so high that when people fall short they come close to your actual standard or 2) accept that people simply won't care as much as you do. I go with two, because I find it simpler to deal with human nature as it is, rather than as I wish it to be.
 

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I question people's motives when
1. They don't make sense or
2. I can't read them

I am wary of people as a general rule, due to what others here have said: I know what I am capable of, and I know I'm not the only one capable of such things (misleading people, etc.). However this 'wariness' barely sticks around.
 

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I always get this creeping feeling when I share something I consider personal about myself, like this person is going to use this against me later, I shouldn't just hand them the ammo. It probably keeps me out of stupid things like trusting strangers on the internet or giving too much information, but on the other hand it disables me when I need to be raw and honest, like at the therapist's.
I feel this way ALL the time! Looking back I also relate tremendously to your previous post. Hahaha, by the way what sex are you?
 
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