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I'm not sure what to say or why I'm posting here. I guess I just feel like I need to externalize this. I just don't really have anyone I can talk to about this right now... And I feel guilty for even posting..

I've been going through some tough times like everyone else and then yesterday my mom tells me she has cancer. She's been cancer free for 20 years, I was a toddler when she had it. But she got through it and now apparently she has it again. I don't even know what I went through last night. I didn't sleep and my mind was making up a million things. I'd never think I'd have to think about my mother's mortality at the age of 24. I've depended on her my whole life, she's done EVERYTHING for me. And now I just hear this.

I want to help but feel powerless. I keep trying to understand why this is happening to her. She is such a good person and she's always been there for everyone everytime. She has gone through so much and she deserves nothing more but to be happy right now in her life. I just can't understand why... She doesn't know the details yet (I'll find out more after her appointment tomorrow) but she just knows she had a tiny nodule on her breast that they found was cancer.

I don't know if it's because I'm an INFJ or what but I am feeling too much right now. I'm trying to keep myself from getting sick, trying to not go down the rabbit hole, trying to stay positive since I'm not really sure about the details yet. Trying to just sleep, not let work stress get to me, trying to not feel guilty for enjoying anything while she's going through this. Trying not to think about the possibility of her dying. Trying not to be bitter. Trying to stop thinking about my own mortality. Trying to believe in something spiritual. Wondering if it's somehow my fault for stress I've put her through over the years. More than anything though asking why. She is everything to me and has done everything for me.

I realize I don't know the details yet but I never thought I'd ever have to think about something like this. Not now. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this except I'm trying my best to reach out and externalize this because it's eating me up inside. I don't have any friends right now to turn to, I can't reach out to my father (they're divorced) or anyone from his side of the family, I just spoke with my sister. And she understands everything and just tells me to be positive and try to distract myself. I guess I'm going to try going to therapy and finally take a bit of meds.

I'm just feeling too much right now, I even feel guilty for posting this.. I'm just trying to find a way to cope.
 

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Sorry to hear about your mom.

I can't tell you how to cope since I've never been in your situation, but something tells me all the things you're feeling is probably normal. Let them out however you see fit. I'm sure there are others in this forum who went through similar situations and hopefully they will chime in.


What type and stage is her cancer, and how is she feeling?

Again, very sorry to hear the news.
 

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I'm not sure what to say or why I'm posting here. I guess I just feel like I need to externalize this. I just don't really have anyone I can talk to about this right now... And I feel guilty for even posting..

I've been going through some tough times like everyone else and then yesterday my mom tells me she has cancer. She's been cancer free for 20 years, I was a toddler when she had it. But she got through it and now apparently she has it again. I don't even know what I went through last night. I didn't sleep and my mind was making up a million things. I'd never think I'd have to think about my mother's mortality at the age of 24. I've depended on her my whole life, she's done EVERYTHING for me. And now I just hear this.

I want to help but feel powerless. I keep trying to understand why this is happening to her. She is such a good person and she's always been there for everyone everytime. She has gone through so much and she deserves nothing more but to be happy right now in her life. I just can't understand why... She doesn't know the details yet (I'll find out more after her appointment tomorrow) but she just knows she had a tiny nodule on her breast that they found was cancer.

I don't know if it's because I'm an INFJ or what but I am feeling too much right now. I'm trying to keep myself from getting sick, trying to not go down the rabbit hole, trying to stay positive since I'm not really sure about the details yet. Trying to just sleep, not let work stress get to me, trying to not feel guilty for enjoying anything while she's going through this. Trying not to think about the possibility of her dying. Trying not to be bitter. Trying to stop thinking about my own mortality. Trying to believe in something spiritual. Wondering if it's somehow my fault for stress I've put her through over the years. More than anything though asking why. She is everything to me and has done everything for me.

I realize I don't know the details yet but I never thought I'd ever have to think about something like this. Not now. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this except I'm trying my best to reach out and externalize this because it's eating me up inside. I don't have any friends right now to turn to, I can't reach out to my father (they're divorced) or anyone from his side of the family, I just spoke with my sister. And she understands everything and just tells me to be positive and try to distract myself. I guess I'm going to try going to therapy and finally take a bit of meds.

I'm just feeling too much right now, I even feel guilty for posting this.. I'm just trying to find a way to cope.
I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family. It sounds like a lot of what you are feeling is natural. Your mum is probably feeling the same things, maybe it would make you feel better to talk to her about it, if she is willing to talk about it you could both share your feelings and make each other feel a bit better. Let her know that you are there for her, I'm sure she would appreciate it. :happy:
 

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Sorry to hear about your mom.

I've been there. My mom had breast cancer too. With seeding. It is a trying time. For you, and for your mom.

And yes. I know the feeling of being powerless, and the unfairness of it all.

The only advice I can really give you is this: Wait for all the details. You don't know if it's benign or not, or if it has seeded.
But the only thing you can do is to simply be there for your mom. You, and your family.

I wish you all the strength in these trying times.
 

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occupy your mind with finding organizations that can help with the hospital bills or find the best resources, then you are helping and also fretting less. Its hard to feel out of control but its pointless to worry about this now. She beat it before, its very possible she can again. In the last 20 years there have been so many improvements in how cancer is treated. One of my best friends has a brain tumor and while she will never be able to be cancer free, she has shown no signs of growth since the majority of the tumor was removed. She is living her life normally now. Prior to this she had a cancerous tumor on her foot and it was easily removed. So if she can beat it twice theres no reason you mom cant as well. I suggest you cry it out, really let yourself feel these feelings and then try and put it behind you so you can enjoy time with your mom again.
 
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Hey there..

I am so sorry to hear about the situation your mother has. It is absolutely heart-breaking and sad that people, who we love and have done so much good in life, have to go through something that horrible. Please, try not to blame yourself! It's not your fault and has nothing to do with you. Just be there for her and please, do not lose your hope. I know it is hard, especially right now when your emotions are all twirling around, but try your best to think positive because the battle is not over yet. I am curious to find out the details from from the appointment, please keep us updated.

Hoping for the best,

C.
 

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I think the therapy will be good for you. And I agree that your mom wouldn't want you to blame yourself. So don't go there. It's a black hole. Will be praying for y'all. And it's okay to cry. It's a good release.

Also heard about this diet recently that is supposed to be good when you have cancer. I suggested it to another INFJ member here who's mom has cancer. It's called the Ketogenic Diet if you're interested. Wish I had known more about nutrition before both my dad and mom in-law died from complications having to do with cancer. But I'm just thankful that I even got to meet them at all.
 
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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all so much for comforting me. I spoke to her today after she went to see her oncologist and he said it's in a very early stage and is a type of breast cancer that is easy to treat. It's on the same breast as her previous one and she apparently had had all her lymph nodes removed there thankfully so I don't think there's any way for it to spread. She'll probably just have to have a mastectomy and implant.

I feel like I've been awakened spiritually. It sounds so horrible to think that something so terrible like this would lead to some kind of good but I honestly feel now like I know what is important in life. I look at strangers now and try my best to let go of my ego and be thankful all of them are alive. I look at mothers with their children and I see the most amazing beauty. I just only see beauty now and love. When I see all that is wrong with things I understand it is simply confusion and dysfunction not truth. I feel like I have complained about things that don't matter. I see how I've been brainwashed to care about things that don't matter. I pray for everyone and their families that are struggling with this. Thank you all for your comfort. Love you guys.
 

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*hug*
Maintain positivity, as if it were your own life at risk.
Keep her close and keep joy and happiness at the forefront.
But don't force it if she's having a moment of solemness.
Let those moments of sadness happen, but don't let them become the forefront. Keep her life and yours filled with the best things you can imagine, and not physical items. Humorous conversation, good friends, good moods and love.
*hug*
You guys can do this.
Don't feel guilty for asking for help and understanding. There's nothing wrong with it when you need it.

Twitch
 
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