Yes, I can relate to this, I quit soccer after several years of playing because the new coach was so competitive. It just wasn't fun for me anymore.The next year there was a new coach and i quit because i didn't really know him and didn't feel secure around him. The other players kept asking me to join the entire year but i just couldn't bring myself. None of the players ever said come back because your a great player but the would be like "why didn't you join hurry up and join" or "we lack the players for the tournament could you fill in". it felt like they just wanted to fill the roster so i didn't go back.
So i believe for me it goes my willingness for a new interest, previous interest,praise, security, and then people as my deciding factor in that order
Thanks for the reply, Teddy, you make a lot of good points here:happy:Since this is coming from an ISFP, a type that has a lot in common with ISFJ's other than the glaring SP vs. SJ temperament difference, I'm gonna look at this from that angle.
Recently, I talked with some ESTJ's about SJ's and how open to change they are. And we came up with this general conclusion: (not true across the board for SJ's, of course, but it felt pretty accurate)
"SJ's are willing to change, but only if they can be convinced beforehand that the change will be positive."
I have a tendency to get stuck in my ways and not try new things, including new hobbies. This isn't always a good thing, since sometimes when I try something new, it's awesome, and I'll be so happy I found it. However, I also get really irritated when I try something new and I don't like it...I feel like I've wasted my time.
So basically, if someone can convince me that the new hobby is something that I'll like, I'll be more likely to give it a try. Or maybe if I see someone else doing it, and it looks fun/interesting, I'll be more likely to try it with them and ask them about it...and if I get positive vibes, I'll be more likely to take it up myself.
So I just get the general impression that ISFP's are more open to trying new hobbies and things like that just for the sake of exploring and trying them, and ISFJ's are more cautious and time-conservative about it. But the cool thing is that I think ISFJ's and ISFP's have a lot in common and are more apt to enjoy doing low-key, individual, hands-on hobbies.
So basically, I need more ISFP's in my life! I need you guys to show me new things that I'll like! But you guys are so hard to find and form friendships with. I only know one definite ISFP, and he's an online friend...but he's awesome! I need more ISFP's!
Yeah, I think that's exactly it. Of course, some SJ's may be more flexible and some P's more rigid, depending on how strong the J or P is, but in general I think this nails it.Thanks for the reply, Teddy, you make a lot of good points here:happy:
I like the part where you said if you try a new hobby and don't like it, you feel like you wasted your time. Maybe that's a key difference between the SJ and SP. I don't really make a judgement call on anything. Whenever I try something new, it's exciting and I just like the experience. Even if I don't ever do it again, I'm still glad I did it.
Like always, I can only speak for me, not all ISFJ's, but also like always, I would imagine my general vibes would apply to your friends.letsride said:The reason I ask is because I have an ISFJ friend who I really enjoy being around, but she never wants to do anything more than get together for lunch. I tried calling several times to invite her on a hike or on a bike ride, but she always declined. So I finally just gave up calling her.
I like how you point out that you need to be convinced you will like the new hobby in order to try it, but I'm just not sure how to do this. You say also that seeing someone else having fun doing the activity can help convince you, but how do I convince you to come out with me in the first place so you can watch?
There's another ISFJ that I know from the gym and would love to buddy up with for other activities, I'm just trying to figure out how to go about it. I don't want to scare them away:laughing:
it was emotional security. I couldn't trust him and so i was scared. i had no clue what he was like or what his coaching style was....so honestly it felt like i was asked to start Rugby all over again without that reassurance i had the first time. I had no one to tell this stuff to me so i just quit. if someone had told me what he was like and how he coached i would have joined most likely. i couldn't bring myself to ask someone.Yes, I can relate to this, I quit soccer after several years of playing because the new coach was so competitive. It just wasn't fun for me anymore.
That's intereting, the part about starting a new hobby because it branches off from another hobby. This is something I hadn't thought about before. I'll keep this in mind.
If you don't mind me asking, when you say security is a deciding factor, do you mean emotional security, physical security, or a combination of both?
Thanks for the reply:happy:
Yes i hate this too.I don't do anything to prove them wrong or get back but i really do hate we I'm told I'm at fault for not trying new things. I never told them i wasn't happy with my current set because i was happy with what i already hadwhen I try something new and like it, when someone goes "SEE?! If you get out of your shell and do new things, you'll like them! You need to do that more!" Because what that does is make me feel like they don't accept me for who I am, and are trying to change me. Then, out of spite, I'll forcibly try to find something new that I hate, just to prove them wrong.
it was emotional security. I couldn't trust him and so i was scared. i had no clue what he was like or what his coaching style was....so honestly it felt like i was asked to start Rugby all over again without that reassurance i had the first time. I had no one to tell this stuff to me so i just quit. if someone had told me what he was like and how he coached i would have joined most likely. i couldn't bring myself to ask someone.
Thanks for the clarification, Gildar. So it sounds like it is very important that the ISFJ knows the details of who they will be interacting with. I think I'll work on getting to know this ISFJ better so we can build some trust. It makes perfect sense... if they're not completely comfortable around me, they're not going to have any fun with me. And what would be the point of that?:wink:
So I'll practice some patience, and work on becoming better friends with this ISFJ, before I throw any ideas out there.