Thanks for the reply, Teddy, you make a lot of good points here:happy:
I like the part where you said if you try a new hobby and don't like it, you feel like you wasted your time. Maybe that's a key difference between the SJ and SP. I don't really make a judgement call on anything. Whenever I try something new, it's exciting and I just like the experience. Even if I don't ever do it again, I'm still glad I did it.
Yeah, I think that's exactly it. Of course, some SJ's may be more flexible and some P's more rigid, depending on how strong the J or P is, but in general I think this nails it.
Believe me, I've had SP's tell me a good bit in the past that I'm boring and don't try anything new. But that's why I think ISFJ's and ISFP's seem to be the perfect types to be buddies. Other SP's I think are too harsh and overbearing for me, but ISFP's strike me as so friendly and calm and fun and just....easy to relax around. I think ISFP's are the best type to try to get ISFJ's to try new things, because they know how to be calm and warm and sensitive. So, that makes the ISFJ relax and have fun more, and my guess is the ISFJ can help the ISFP work on improving commitments and work related things.
I really think the two types would be really awesome friends, if only it wasn't so hard for them to meet each other!
letsride said:
The reason I ask is because I have an ISFJ friend who I really enjoy being around, but she never wants to do anything more than get together for lunch. I tried calling several times to invite her on a hike or on a bike ride, but she always declined. So I finally just gave up calling her.
I like how you point out that you need to be convinced you will like the new hobby in order to try it, but I'm just not sure how to do this. You say also that seeing someone else having fun doing the activity can help convince you, but how do I convince you to come out with me in the first place so you can watch?
There's another ISFJ that I know from the gym and would love to buddy up with for other activities, I'm just trying to figure out how to go about it. I don't want to scare them away:laughing:
Like always, I can only speak for me, not all ISFJ's, but also like always, I would imagine my general vibes would apply to your friends.
The first thing that I think is really important is really forming a strong, deep friendship. For me, I have to really trust in someone and feel really comfortable with them before I'm more open to trying new things with them. Otherwise, I get anxious, and feel like I need to impress someone, or I'll feel really bad if I try something new and don't like it...I'll feel like I let the person down or am not good enough for them.
But, if I'm really good friends with them, I know they're accept me no matter what. I know that I don't I can try something new, and if I don't like it, it's ok...I can be honest. Also, I'm more likely to enjoy the new experience, because even if I don't like the activity, I enjoy their company.
So it's really big to let your friends know that you care about them and accept them. Like I said, ISFP's are probably the best SP type for this. I know that SP's might have a harder time building a deep friendship, and it does take patience...but it can work. And again, the friendship doesn't have to be like, "best friends" deep...it just needs to be strong enough that your friend feels really comfortable around you and knows that you're there for them no matter what.
And that leads to other things. One big thing is finding out what your friends already like to do...they may even like to do something that you didn't know they did. So asking definitely helps. It's even possible that they like to do things but haven't told you out of fear that you'll find it boring or stupid...I know I keep things like that hidden from people. But if you're really nice and accepting about it, it really helps a lot...and it might also be really helpful if you agreed to do one of those things with them. That will make them feel like you accept their interests and don't find them boring or stupid.
From there, it would be really good to find something very similar to what they already like doing but is still new to them. That way they'll feel more comfortable stepping out of their comfort zone. Baby steps, basically.
Then, luckily you'll find something new that they like. When this happens, it will give them confidence that new things don't have to be bad. But
don't emphasize this or make a big deal out of this. I hate that so much...when I try something new and like it, when someone goes "SEE?! If you get out of your shell and do new things, you'll like them! You need to do that more!" Because what that does is make me feel like they don't accept me for who I am, and are trying to change me. Then, out of spite, I'll forcibly try to find something new that I hate, just to prove them wrong.
It's because I get hurt and don't feel good being rushed into things. You can encourage ISFJ's by talking about how the new experience was fun, and if they start saying that, it's really good to listen and support their thoughts. But don't push it on them....the ISFJ has to come up with that conclusion themself. If you try to push it, it only does more damage.
So yeah....it can be a detailed process, and it does take patience...and probably the more stubborn the ISFJ is, the more time and patience it'll take. But I can say that I can be very stubborn and resistant to new experiences, and even I have found ways to find the good in new things...and everything I've said explains what works best for me. So it certainly is possible, you just have to be patient, kind, and supportive...and hopefully ISFP's are naturally good that those, except for the patience part.
