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Discussion Starter #1
Main Questions
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
This frustrates me because I don’t actually know what I want or what drives me. I’m thinking a lot about this right now and I’m just… not sure! I don’t really do a lot!
Mostly I just want to keep my relationships with others and look for someone who I can have a deep connection with and keep that connection. A lot of my life and worth is based on my relationships with friends and family.
I’m also looking for my identity, I guess. I really want to understand myself.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I just want to be happy and overcome my anxiety and depression and learn to deal with my ADHD. I’d maybe like to help people as best I can. I want to study psychology and perhaps become a psychologist. If I can figure out how, I’d like to open a shelter for male victims of domestic violence. Unfortunately, I’m not sure how I would execute this. I’d also like to be a mother one day.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I try my best to not be a hypocrite. I try not to assume I have the moral high ground and to not ignore or invalidate other people’s opinions. At the same time, however, I have very strong morals that tend to reject anything that goes against them, while also not being completely certain what I believe. I’m always confused about myself and what I believe, and that’s something that bothers me a lot. I want to be consistent, but I am one of the most inconsistent people I know. But I also think the most important thing anyone can be is someone who listens to other opinions and seriously considers them.
I also want to find my true self. I want to know who I really am. I really highly value authenticity, if someone is putting up a front, I can see right through them and I no longer want to be in their presence lol. So, to avoid being a hypocrite, I also want to be as authentically myself as possible. Actually, not just to avoid being a hypocrite, I just have a lot of problems with my identity and I want to understand who I am!!!!

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I’m afraid of abandonment. I’m afraid that everyone I love secretly hates me and that one day they’re just going to pack up and leave. This is probably because two years ago I found out my friend group of two years were all laughing at me behind my back and setting up situations where I would embarrass myself. In the end, they ended up abandoning me. So, I have serious trust issues, even with my closest friends.
I’m also afraid that something will happen that completely shakes up my way of living. I’m always anticipating the apocalypse or a situation where we lose all power so our communication is down, and I can’t contact my loved ones, and oh my I’m getting worked up over it right now! Or even this COVID thing, it’s seriously scary to me! I’ve been so cautious, barely going out and seeing people pretty rarely, even though that is really hard for me since I get pretty depressed when I can’t be with my loved ones.
I’m also afraid of getting in trouble, I have a huge fear of authority. I always end up becoming friendly with people in positions of authority, though, in order to avoid situations where I could face serious consequences. (I also tend to befriend those I’m afraid of, I’ve gotten into a lot of sticky situations as a result). I can’t break even the smallest rules… I can’t j walk, I never went anywhere near alcohol when I was underage, and I still don’t! since I want to be in complete control of myself.
Ahh, I could go on forever about my fears, there are just so many! I’m afraid of embarrassment, of seeming incompetent (I’ll never put my hand up to answer a question, even if I’m certain I know the correct answer), of not being good enough, just! I’m afraid of a lot of things.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want other people to see me as friendly and kind, as intelligent and introspective, funny, and likeable. I want people to know that they can tell me anything, and I’ll help them, and that I can keep a secret. Unfortunately, sometimes I let secrets slip, but I’m good at covering it up.
I try my best to be trustworthy and loyal. I’m incredibly loyal to my closest friends, I won’t let anything bad be said about them in my presence, and I’ll always stand up for them.
I see myself as a good person, at least I’d like to think I am! However, I always worry that I’m too selfish and self-obsessed. I am very obsessed with finding myself.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when I come to a conclusion about myself, and when I spend time with my loved ones. I feel my worst when I feel like I’ve let down someone I care about.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I get angry pretty easily, especially at the state of the world. I want to be able to help everyone, and I get angry that I can’t. I also get angry when people mistreat my friends. I get angry with double standards. I get angry when I get blindsided. I get angry when I can’t figure out exactly what I believe. I get angry about all of the injustices in the world.
b) I don’t really know how to explain my relationship with shame. I tie shame in with anxiety a lot since I get anxiety attacks from embarrassment. Shame is a hard one for me. I honestly don’t know. Aaaaaa this one is hard for me!! I don’t quite understand it. I guess I avoid situations where I could be humiliated as much as possible.
c) well, I have an anxiety disorder, so you could say that my relationship with anxiety is pretty much my everything hahaha. The only thing I know how to do is worry (lolol). I always think about the worst way a situation could go. I try to avoid situations that will make me anxious.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) in stressful situations I tend to shut down. When I’m stressed about a project or something that I have to get done I just put it at the back of my mind and ignore it, and pretend like everything is okay. In sudden stressful situations, my mind goes blank and I just panic.
b) it depends on the change. If it’s a change in dinner plans, that’s fine, I can roll with it. I quite like fun, spontaneous adventures, when I’ve prepared myself for one. But sudden huge changes scare the shit out of me. If my friend suddenly cancels plans, I start freaking out and think they’re tired of me, they’re going to abandon me, I often have an anxiety attack. Changing certain things in my routine really throw me. For example, the bus driver missed my stop the other day and I had an anxiety attack and my whole day was ruined.
c) I avoid conflict as much as possible. The second there is any indication that conflict is arising, my heart rate goes up and I feel like I’m going to cry. In order to avoid conflict, I try to use a more friendly tone, to make sure the other person does not see me as a threat. I try to worm my way out.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) I’m both terrified of authority, but also look to authority for guidance. I’m really scared of doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble for it, so I constantly check and recheck with whoever is helping me in order to make sure I’m doing everything correctly. I guess I also tend to check and recheck because I have the tendency to forget what I was told to do 5 seconds after I was told (thanks ADHD).
b) hmm my power or others in power? If it’s me, I avoid positions of power as much as possible since I don’t want to do the wrong thing with it and be responsible for it. Others with power? Not sure. I hope they use it in an ethical way.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I don’t really like humanity as a whole but I really love individuals. And, with life, I’m not sure. I think the meaning is subjective. My meaning is probably trying to find true happiness and security. I also want to know who I am!!

Optional Questions

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
TRIGGER WARNING: s*xual assu*lt
When I was 15, my ex-best friend (female) indecently assaulted and coerced my other friend (male) into doing sexual acts. Before that, I was a huge feminist and fully bought into almost everything I was told. The unfortunate thing with most feminists (most, not all) is that they have a specific focus on male abusers and female victims. Female abusers and male victims are usually just discussed as an afterthought (“…and this happens to men, too” or “and women do this too”), but it was often implied that men weren’t victims of women very often and that they were almost always victims of other men. This unfortunately makes it harder to notice the red flags when it comes to female abusers.
With this situation, I saw everything happening right in front of my eyes, but I was blind to it since everything I heard had these roles reversed. I realised what was happening when it was too late… my friend messaged me saying what he thought had happened to him, and I had this huge epiphany. I’d been blind to what was happening to him because I hadn’t questioned what I’d been told. I hadn’t thought outside of my bubble.
That was when I decided I would always question everything I was told from then on. And that was when I decided I would fight to defend this boy with everything I had. Unfortunately, most of the group of friends said I was overreacting, so I decided to ditch them. This was really difficult for me since I’m incredibly uncomfortable with conflict, but this cause seemed to be worth it. I also hate huge changes, but I had to leave my best friend of 10 years behind. This was the hardest thing, since I’d been friends with her most of my life, and this changed everything.
Anyways, I’m not sure how to wrap this story up, but basically, I question everything now. And I decided I would try to do whatever it takes to get male victims the support they need and deserve.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I’m always suspicious. I find it very hard to trust people, even close friends.

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) I’m intelligent, I try to think critically, I’m creative, I’m trustworthy, loyal, empathetic.
b) I procrastinate, I’m inconsistent, I’m bad at writing, I go on tangents too often. I worry too much. I never know what I want.

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I notice when people are trying to impress me, and I really don’t like that. I just want people to be themselves. I’ll decide whether or not I trust and like you enough to become your friend. Truth is, I probably will if you're being your authentic self.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
If a stranger insults me I often feel very hurt. I tell myself I shouldn’t care, since I don’t know them, but I care a lot about what others think of me. It can really affect me, even if it’s a small thing. When a stranger compliments me, I feel flattered and very happy, but I often don’t know how to take it!! I get quite awkward. When friends compliment me, I joke and say yeah, I know, blah blah blah, but yeah from strangers I don’t know how to respond.

16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
a) I’m thankful for my friends, for my singing voice, for the country I live in (Australia is dope man).
b) I wish I had more money; I wish I had more confidence. I wish I had someone who would be my best friend as well as my romantic partner.

Damn, if you made it this far, I'm very impressed. Thank you for reading this, I hope that you decide to assist me in finding my type!!

2 Posts
Discussion Starter #2
I thought I'd answer some more questions from another questionnaire. There are missing numbers because I removed the questions I'd answered already.

What age range are you in?

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and have previously had an eating disorder.

Main Questions
1. What were you like as a kid?
None of the other kids liked me, I didn’t know how to communicate with other children. But I would always try to be good for my parents. I always had to be the mature child, and I’d always try to deescalate conflict at home. Everyone always fought, anyway.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My relationship with my mother is not the healthiest. There is a serious lack of boundaries, and I’ve always been responsible for her mental health and stopping conflict between my sister and I. She implies that I owe it to her to look after her emotional stability since she decided to keep me instead of aborting me. She also has anxiety, and I think she planted the idea in my head that the world is a dangerous place.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 3
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquillity in yourself and the world around you. 1
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 2
I thought I’d add apologising for talking about my problems or anything is my worst habit.

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Worst case scenario. I’m not sure what provokes this, I just tend to jump to that.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
I’m agnostic. I suppose that could influence how I answer. Politically, I’m a social democrat.
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