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I was talking to him today and he says "so I've been talking to this girl, want to see the text messages" and I'm like "yeah sure". Well...it almost hurts me physically to type this out, but I read the texts and I see "I love you, and I want to be in a relationship with you because I think we are a good fit for marriage", and she responded with "you're such a nice guy and you'll find a really lucky girl, but I think of you as a friend". Apparently he thinks this is a good thing and he was excited. He told me "I'm going to say yes I want to be your friend" and he was so happy. I grabbed the phone out from his hand and said "no you're fucking not...why would you do that? Do you want to be friends with her?" "No". "Then why would you tell her you do?". He said "because it gets me closer to dating her". I said "no it doesn't, it makes it much worse".

I asked him if he's told her this before and he said "yes, about five times". My brain went into J mode and I felt like Obi Wan. He said he met her on a dating site...one year ago. I tried telling him about everything...how to play "the game", the "push-pull" thing, etc...but he doesn't get it. He told me "I don't want to play any games with her because I want to be natural and geniune. I want her to know that I can take care of her". Then I explained to him what sexual attraction is and how to make a woman feel that only for you. I'm no expert in women, but one thing I can say is that I have great texting game (not as great in person but I'm not terrible either) and I have the right mindset. He's a really smart guy, possibly even smarter than me (hehe), but he just doesn't understand this. It's like all new to him. He's in his late 20's...how is this possible?

Anyway, I feel super important about helping this guy out because I think he can actually bounce back from this. I've bounced back from the friend zone more than once...sure it was never THIS bad, but I think it can be done in this case. I mean I can tell him to just move on (which I did), but my ego is telling me to try to help him out with THIS girl. Because his sitution is so TERRIBLE with this girl, if I can get him out of this...I would feel like a God.

In fact, what I think makes it possible is that he told me that they've been texting ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past year. Now, I'm sure that she texts him back just to be nice...some women really don't want to hurt a guy's feelings and I get that. BUT, you also have to realize that for the past year, HE has been a part of HER daily schedule. If he goes away, or makes erratic changes to this situation, I feel like she's going to come to him, even if it's just something small like "where have you been"...it's a start, and from there he can build a new foundation. It's a long shot, but I think it's possible. I've thought of the possibility that he can introduce me to her (they met in real life too) and I can get her number, friendzone myself, make myself look worse than him, and drop subtle hints that he's not who she thinks he is (he's seeing a girl now, he's been busy with XYZ, etc...)...but I think I would just end up sleeping with her to be honest so I'm not sure if it's a good idea. He showed me a picture of her and she's cute, so I think I would end up going for it haha. Maybe he can approch her "as a friend" and go to her for advice about another (nonexistent) woman? They're both super religious to the point where they talk about God in every other text exchange, and if my gut feeling is correct, this woman wants sex so bad, and she's probably unable to control her emotions. If he says something like "you've been such a good friend to me so I need your advice...I'm seeing this girl and when we kiss it's kind of awkward because she doesn't know how to do it" or something to get her mind thinking about him in ANY other way other than "the clingly guy who won't go away". He needs to escalate SOMETHING with this girl, I'm just brainstorming at this point.

So if there's any lady killers in here who can crack this conundrum and help this poor guy out, I'll take the advice and see what I can do.
 

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ohhmg. I cringe, how can he propose to someone over text. Im horrified. But if she is still talking to him, I guess she likes him.
I dont like your plan its too manipulative.
I think what is best for these two special ones is that they stop communicating for a while. If this is not going where he wants it to go, then he needs to get used to life without her.
Also he has made enough foolish moves. She needs some distance to start to miss if him. If she does she will contact him. even if the communication is just friendly, we can now tell wether she likes him or is just really afraid of conflict.
...
Im horrified.
 

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I am all about using manipulation for the right reasons.

I say go for helping this guy out. There is almost ALWAYS a chance.
It will be a fun time as well!

Just be sure that when you see a clear stop from her assuming that is forthcoming
that you do the right thing and let your pal down nicely. There will be damage control
if this falls-through. Be the same friend when this goes south and I am all for your method.

One thing! ... I am super not for you trying to get involved with her.
That's wrong. Wrong, ill conceived and very much a stretch.
 

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I had to stop reading and say I was lolling uncontrollably.

Damn dude, that's next level hopeless.

I'm gonna go back to reading now and hopefully have some real advice to give.

Maybe you can tell him it's a mating ritual for humans. Perhaps that will make more sense.
 

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Alright, ENTP relationship brainstorm.

Distance first. Yes, that's the first step. Get him to wait for her to text him first. Maybe you can take him out to a bar and get him used to talking to girls. I was always the opener for my boys. Try to keep him busy with how to talk to girls.

If his princess misses his affection, she will contact him. I liked your idea with the whole asking her for advice on other women. But you need it to be genuine. He needs to find another girl to fawn over. He doesn't even have to initiate any sexual contact, just some flirting. That might be better, assuming this girl is heavily religious, she would probably have hang ups about him getting intimate with another girl, so sexual contact with another girl should be withheld, at least at first.

If this doesn't trigger her jealously and make her desire his affection more, then you need to get him into a fling. He can ask for more intimate advice which would definitely trigger her jealousy if she valued any bit of his attention in the first place.

Best case scenario: the knight gets his princess. Worst case scenario: the princess leaves forever and the knight gets some strange.

This sounds like fun! My kind of help. You should do it, teach him the ropes; I bet you'll learn something on the way.

Oh yeah, don't bang his pedestal girl. That's wrong and you know it. Show some self restraint.
 

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Alright, ENTP relationship brainstorm.

Distance first. Yes, that's the first step. Get him to wait for her to text him first. Maybe you can take him out to a bar and get him used to talking to girls. I was always the opener for my boys. Try to keep him busy with how to talk to girls.

If his princess misses his affection, she will contact him. I liked your idea with the whole asking her for advice on other women. But you need it to be genuine. He needs to find another girl to fawn over. He doesn't even have to initiate any sexual contact, just some flirting. That might be better, assuming this girl is heavily religious, she would probably have hang ups about him getting intimate with another girl, so sexual contact with another girl should be withheld, at least at first.

If this doesn't trigger her jealously and make her desire his affection more, then you need to get him into a fling. He can ask for more intimate advice which would definitely trigger her jealousy if she valued any bit of his attention in the first place.

Best case scenario: the knight gets his princess. Worst case scenario: the princess leaves forever and the knight gets some strange.

This sounds like fun! My kind of help. You should do it, teach him the ropes; I bet you'll learn something on the way.

Oh yeah, don't bang his pedestal girl. That's wrong and you know it. Show some self restraint.
Yeah this is pretty sound advice, thanks. Also I know it has to be geniune...I'm an ENTP too man, I know it works. I know it's wrong to sleep with this girl, but there's a small detail I forgot to mention that you reminded me about. At the end of the day he told me "if you want, I can introduce you to her because if I have no shot then at least you can". I'm like "alright man, but that's...too nice". But yeah I won't do it, it's not like I need this girl like he does.

Also, since I made this topic, he showed me more text messages where he told her he was a corrections officer (he actually is), which is weird that he's known her for a year and never mentioned it. But the cringe continues. She was acting nice and interested, and he started texting very cocky-like...he started putting emojis and just coming off as very arrogant, acting like "i'm in", and it hurts my soul to the very core. He doesn't get it. His desperation level is over 9000. I just don't even know where to start with this guy. I think I need a year myself to help this dude out.

If there is any rule worth following when it comes to women, it's "who is in control". If it's her, you already lost...I'm speaking emotionally/sexually by the way. If you're the one being dragged, it's game over. I tried explaining this to him and he keeps telling me that "the game" is stupid. I'm trying to tell him that "the game" is not meant to be taken seriously, it's just how you build attraction for the 99% of us who don't look like models. Women do it too all the time. He just doesn't get it.
 

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I was curious what was going on in the ENTP forum. This thread is hilarious.

If you want to help him get this girl, I would follow CrispyBacon's advice, which seems pretty solid.

Honestly, though, I would instead advise you to help your friend get over this girl and move on. At this point, she is a girl who will need to be manipulated with games for your friend to have any success. INTPs aren't interested in playing games, and it's really unlikely you're going to change his mind on that. I would guess being up front and genuine is a core value for him.

There are ways to be attractive while being genuine and up front, though, and he should learn how to do this (so he can get a DIFFERENT girl).

I guess you should respond to me if you want to hear my thoughts on how he can be attractive without compromising his values, or my thoughts on how best to help him get over this girl. I don't feel like writing an unsolicited wall of text atm.
 

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Hilarious read.

I don't want by any means to discourage you, but... sorry mate, I think your efforts will be for naught. Hopefully the INTP will learn a thing or two, and I think he's got a good friend in you here. I just don't think you can save him from himself. Not yet, anyway, and not with this woman.
 

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Lol i just read the title and i was like


*Bwahaahahahhahahahahahhaha*

Real life story lol

I also know an intp lolololos xD man. Okay I'll read your long story IL help lolololol
 

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He's not a poor guy.

You're sexual innuendo are just different from him.

I thought he's an epic fail PUA

But PUA is fucking bullshit. Let the intp dude be genuine. Let him be friendzoned. He'll learn from it. And you don't know the girl's feelings anyways.

I don't see the relationship as toxic.

So let your friend be himself.

Don't try to control the situation.
 

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Really guys? :/ just be fucking genuine dudes

I'm a fucking girl. There's no rules about relationship. XD

Don't overthink the actions of a girl.

This is just simple as this:

Girl is not treating you human: Go.

You're having fun with the girl: just enjoy the moment.

Seriously, there's no rules on courtship.

Trust me.

XD

Some women like me, knows if the guy is being real or not. I would always prefer the guy being sincere. Because if courtship is all about set of stupid steps then all of guys courting you is epic failure. (they're all the same) (not unique ;don't stand out)

Okay

Let's say, he got the girl by those stupid steps? What's next??? Will he follow another stupid steps again?

Just be your fucking self. I swear.

If a girl is a bitch on you, move on. That's a sign that you should not waste your time on her.
 

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I love reading this before I go to sleep..

Real question though : Could you possibly arrange a meeting between them and get this over with?
 

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Dress up as a female and then tell the intp friend to ask if she wants to hang out. Make it clear that its not just going to be them and she can bring someone along if she likes. This is where you come in. Make sure to look convincing, and be very touchy and hands on with your INTP friend while looking at his potential mate in the eye and winking as if to taunt her. This will awaken her primal instinct to compete for the male in the group out of a sense of jealousy. She will be crawling on the floor back to your INTP friend in a matter of no time.
Option 2 is to have your friend win some money or get a job in a high ranking position and flaunt it over town. If this happens, then the lass will come crawling back to him, but we will never know if he still wants her.
An accurate depiction of the second option is seen here.

In this picture, you play the role of the big penguin that leaves the female penguin. Once this happen she is devastated and will likely look for alternative options one of which being your INTP friend.
 

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He's not a poor guy.

You're sexual innuendo are just different from him.

I thought he's an epic fail PUA

But PUA is fucking bullshit. Let the intp dude be genuine. Let him be friendzoned. He'll learn from it. And you don't know the girl's feelings anyways.

I don't see the relationship as toxic.

So let your friend be himself.

Don't try to control the situation.
No offense, but girls don't know a thing about attracting other girls. His friend is hopeless as fuck. Who the hell tells a girl he's not even dating that he loves her? Is she his mom? Is she his sister? And again, telling a girl he's not even dating that he wants to marry her? That's crazy!

What exactly is he going to learn from being friendzoned? It seems to me he has no idea how to read a social relationship in the first place. Let's not forget the guy is in his late 20's and super into gawd. As for the girls feelings, it doesn't take a social psychologist to see that she's not into him. Anyone who's dated a few times knows what, "I think of you as a friend," means.

Does he want to be her friend? No, he wants to marry her. So yeah, the guy needs help. He doesn't know how to attract a mate.
 

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No offense, but girls don't know a thing about attracting other girls. His friend is hopeless as fuck. Who the hell tells a girl he's not even dating that he loves her? Is she his mom? Is she his sister? And again, telling a girl he's not even dating that he wants to marry her? That's crazy!

What exactly is he going to learn from being friendzoned? It seems to me he has no idea how to read a social relationship in the first place. Let's not forget the guy is in his late 20's and super into gawd. As for the girls feelings, it doesn't take a social psychologist to see that she's not into him. Anyone who's dated a few times knows what, "I think of you as a friend," means.

Does he want to be her friend? No, he wants to marry her. So yeah, the guy needs help. He doesn't know how to attract a mate.
Okay sorry guys

Probably i just don't know your situation
 
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