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Any T demisexuals?

How would you describe your initially non-sexual attraction? Do you still need the emotional attachment, or do you refer to yourself as demisexual when you need only an intellectual attraction?

Just curious. Because the demi/emotional attraction seems to me like it'd be the ultimate F thing.

Probably I get that impression due to the fact that more women have that bonding style, and they're much more likely to be F's.

I know correlation isn't always causation, but in this case, I wonder if it could be, partially?
 

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I don't think that I am, but I sometimes wonder because stupid/ignorant people are the ultimate (metaphorical) boner killer. I have ridiculously high intellectual standards for who I'll sleep with and if I'm not intellectually lusting after someone's brains, there's no attraction whatsoever on my end, no matter how good looking they are.
 

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I kind of doubt there would be a correlation to type, any more than there is to homosexuality. And I think everyone is demisexual to an extent. When I'm head over heels for someone she pretty much becomes the most beautiful woman in the world to me, although I still find other women physically attractive too and I can still find someone attractive indepenent of personality. Right now I still pretty much think a professor I had in fall 10' is the most beautiful woman in the world because I'm still so smitten with her. :sad:
 

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Not I.

I think moat people require some emotional attachment to sustain attraction but AFAIK a demisexual feels no attraction before the emotional connection exists.

Mind you, I'm not formally educated on you kiddies and all of your fancy new sexual orientations ;P

But seriously, I can be instantly attracted to someone based on appearance before even hearing them speak.
 
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Personally, I need to know how someone thinks about the world, about how they think in general, about whether I'm attracted to their mindset, whether they have an interest in reading and learning or not and so on before I can be really, truly attracted to them. I can't just be attracted to someone because of their looks.
 

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For me the process is:

1) Intellectual attraction - they say something that catches my interest
2) Intellectual connection - the Vulcan mind meld. Hours of intense conversation on every topic under the sun.
3) Physical attraction - doesn't matter what the guy looks like, I'll start to notice things about their appearance that I like
4) Sexual attraction - self explanatory
5) Emotional attraction - I start to think of them as someone I could have a long-term relationship with
6) Emotional connection - I actually feel closeness and affection

#6 and #4 are both incredibly fragile. It's very easy for me to lose my emotional connection and/or sexual attraction to people and difficult for me to get it back. If they don't continue to be intellectually stimulating, everything else falls apart.
 

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I think so, because I sometimes find myself attracted to people after talking to them for a long time, even if they aren't conventionally physically attractive. They did or said something to catch my interest. Now, I have been attracted to people for purely physical reasons, but the people I end up dating are usually interesting people, just not what a lot of my peers would consider handsome.
 

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When someone doesn't seem typical; the quality of being easy to size up -paired- with the quality of being just like every other generic person of that particular flavor, my curiosity is piqued. ~Yaaayyy someone whos -actually- interesting for once.~
..Begin sequence for potential mental attraction building.
If they turn out to be intelligent, it builds more..
If they seem to share some of my very important values on top of all that.. then I'm done for. Infatuation grips me and finally I -see- them physically. Suddenly all these otherwise meaningless shapes begin to have meaning. Before this, its just meaningless parts of faces and bodies.

Something that most would consider extremely ugly is merely something that goes against the norm. Something that most would consider very beautiful is just extreme generic qualities or in some cases freakish oddities that make people actually look like the strange images in magazines. If you put any conventionally attractive person in the world in front of me, I have no reaction. I see a person who looks very plain, and my mind is searching for some clue about their personality. What does this person's appearance -mean- to me? What does it symbolize? The conventionally attractive often work to be attractive and I can see evidence of that. For example, a guy who goes to the gym and uses product on his skin and in his hair looks like a guy who cares about those things. It will register as non-interesting and my mind probably won't continue searching for more clues into his personality.

Sometimes someone in a crowd of people stands out as odd in some way. I will observe them. I feel no actual attraction but I am interested to discover more. I may be compelled to approach.

There was a man in grand central station a few months back when I was in NY, and when he saw me, he completely lit up. He didn't force a smile at me, but it just beamed out of him. I was walking and talking, I vaguely remember some snark coming out of my mouth and my mannerisms and facial expression followed suit. I could tell that he didn't merely think I was a pretty girl, or have a thang for my body type.. I could tell that in the moment, he saw something about who I am, and it brought him joy. We took a moment to acknowledge/appreciate each other.

Sometimes I have found the appearance of a person attractive if they remind me of someone I have had feelings for or have feelings for. Its an emotional memory and it only lingers for a moment.

The person I form the deepest physical attraction to once conditions fall in place and allow for it, are those who are in some way unique looking. I have frequently been told that the people I find attractive are 'ugly' and I cannot see it. I become completely enchanted by the details of their appearance.. perhaps to the point it gets annoying or creepy. I am not an aesthete initially, however my appreciation becomes as intense as those who classically identify as such. Sometimes the look of the person I have feelings for makes me feel dizzy.. or just looking at some random innocuous body part like a forearm can make me feel butterflies in my stomach, or perhaps even arousal. Because its his. Because of what it means finally. All that he is.. and it has given bloom to this exact form somehow.

That said, I cannot sexually commodify people, and I detest the commodification of people sexually, because even the act of thinking it has robbed them of their real identity. It deceives the heart and mind of the attractor, and attractee, because its a lie. It is not real. The body and the mind, emotions, inner-essence -- all connected. To feel intense pleasure in the appearance of a person who is not my romantic interest would be breaking that person into segments and allowing myself to be bewitched by meaningless parts. It could potentially even lead to me wanting to revel in that emotion or approach them, in my opinion. It doesn't get to that point of course because that it not how I operate.

I do not find anyone attractive often obviously, but when I do, they will probably never again experience anything like it. Loving someones soul and mind, and seeing a connection to their appearance in those things becomes a celebration not just of their personality, but the physical form. I think this is an appropriate thing, because for whatever reason, or perhaps for no reason, this is the physical vessel we inhabit and communicate through/with. Physically interacting, we find pleasurable. Its another way to communicate love/desire.

Some people enjoy allowing the self-deception of superficial attraction to create an illusion of infatuation/desire, in order to spend a few hours with a person who means nothing to them. Some are so alienated from their true selves, true desires, higher forms of happiness, that they can do this without feeling the least bit remorseful afterward. I don't think its conducive to self-fulfillment because its a lie to the self. There are many so detached from this that they cannot even catch a glimpse of the damage it can cause. Its very common in our westernized culture that people do not see their real nature, and have self-respect. Chasing a carrot on a stick and being shamed and damned if you don't is the western way -- money, and pussy.

I believe there is no inherent truth in whats physically best in appearances. Different cultures and time periods will tell us what to think is best looking. I was never much one for conformity.

Scientists say babies smile more at symmetrical faces which in my opinion means exactly nothing other than babies for whatever baby reason find it pleasurable to see a symmetrical face. I don't understand or appreciate the logical leaps that science makes in these instances, and less so those who fail to acknowledge that its only a theory in the first place. Evopsych has an underlying flaw that I cannot reconcile: I would call it the glorification of what exists. The fact of the matter is that you simply cannot examine a large portion of a modern human civilization, and claim that everything they do must have a biological reason dictating it. It does not take into account, the socialization that happens in human populations. It assumes that everything in human beings is inherent in human nature, which is impossible.

A little something in Jung's theories thats widely ignored: part of our purpose (and this is something that parallels some beliefs in kabbalah too in a serendipitous twist) is to complete the self by nurturing the areas in which we are deficient. This will mean many things, but one of them for the 'thinkers' specifically is accepting the full range of emotions available to all human beings, and understanding them. Just because a thinker doesn't tap into those processes with a magnifying glass in hand does not mean those processes are not there below the surface. This is why I come off like a feeler sometimes, a thinker other times, and I don't buy any of that 'border of t/f crap.' I made a decision for my experience as a human being to become more fulfilled through the acceptance, understanding, and expression of my emotions. I only started this a few years ago. Looking at my old blogs, I would have typed myself as a very cold, emotionally stunted, immature asshole istp or something.. maybe entp. I digress..

Anyway, I used to have a theory that Fe was more likely to have conventional attractions than Fi, but some socionics folks chased me out of that theory with pitchforks and torches. In hindsight it was silly. Attraction is just an individual experience. Feelers think, thinkers feel.. and the way one feels emotions or the fact that they even have strong emotions doesn't indicate feeler. It does not indicate their cognitive lenses at all. Stereotypes run rampant in mbti communities and people think they can prescribe a type or function to explain away everything in humanity.. however I find that it explains so very little.
 

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Any T demisexuals?

How would you describe your initially non-sexual attraction? Do you still need the emotional attachment, or do you refer to yourself as demisexual when you need only an intellectual attraction?

Just curious. Because the demi/emotional attraction seems to me like it'd be the ultimate F thing.

Probably I get that impression due to the fact that more women have that bonding style, and they're much more likely to be F's.

I know correlation isn't always causation, but in this case, I wonder if it could be, partially?
I think the biggest correlation would be with INs
 

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Yes, T types can be demisexuals. Why do you suppose I have mostly been in relationships with INTPs? It certainly wasn't for their social charisma. :D

Sure, some INTP guys I have known were average, but more often, they have existed at either of two extremes. Some were hentai addicts who thought women ought to look like the girls in their tentacle rape cartoons, and these INTPs were usually unfit to be in relationships with real women, because they only objectified us in order to feel powerful. I avoid such people whenever possible, because relationships with them are fraught with conflict.

Then there are INTP men who don't care at all about anything superficial and just want to bond with someone's interesting mind in the most sincere way possible, to get to the raw essence, cutting through all of the layers of artifice, exposing every embarrassing little detail of the other person's psyche in order to claim it as some valuable truth that he alone has discovered. These INTPs are the exact opposite of the ones whose entire identities revolve around their degrading fetishes and perversions. They are the special ones who treat being psychologically naked as though it were the most vital part of the sexual experience, with the physical part serving more as a game of skill to expose the partner's desirable vulnerability further. Even the INTP I didn't have sex with had this positive quality of caring about intellectual compatibility before all else, despite also having darker lusts that he struggled to control, with more success than one might expect, because of the strength of his conscience.

I don't know much about the other T types. I have never been in a relationship with any T type except for INTPs, so I can only describe my limited experiences.

Anyhow, having had bad experiences with non-demisexuals, my current intention is to only date fellow demisexuals, which mostly involves being with INTPs, despite certain other qualities that make them incompatible with me. I think it is my top priority in any relationship, for which I am willing to overlook some of the other evils that would usually repel me.

In essence, yes, there are probably more demisexual Ts than Fs, and there are also probably more asexual Ts than Fs. An online survey at AVEN indicated that a very high percentage of asexuals were INTJs, with INTPs coming in second. It wouldn't surprise me if I were to find that most demisexuals were INTPs, and if it were revealed that INFP demisexuals were the second most common.
 

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Just look at the ISTP, INTP males... Female magnets or repellants depending on polarity and nothing in between?
In high school, complete repellents. Then again, my social skills are about as strong as my ability to play professional basketball (p.s: Not very good).

And by no means am I a demisexual. As for the asexual comment, you have no idea how badly I wish I were. Life would be a simpler one if I were.
 

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Oh, I dunno.

I've been attracted with someone purely because he's hot, and later on I found him to be a sweet guy as well. Too bad he's a smoker. Big turn off.
I've been attracted with someone because he's hot and decent, but his stupidity turned me off.

I've been attracted with someone intelligent, yet later on I found that he's a player.
The other intelligent guy has too big of an ego. Turned me off.
The other intelligent guy has low confidence. Turned me on.

I've been attracted with someone romantic AND intelligent, but his sensitivity makes me feel like walking on an eggshell.


The guy I'm dating right now is nowhere near hot nor intelligent. But his devotion to me just turn me on. That starry eyes of his when he's looking at me, hmmm... makes me horny....

Is that makes me a demisexual? *shrugs* Idk. I don't care.
 

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I would think that Ts would be less likely to be demi than Fs. Fs in general tend to value interpersonal relationships to a higher degree. I'm a demi because I'm only intimate with someone I'm in a serious relationship with. I don't even find most women particularly attractive based on their looks alone. It's primarily who they are as a person that will attract or repel me. Things they say or do that I happen to find endearing, that sort of thing.

But I would assume most Ts would have that easier, what with their focus often either more on physical things of the world, or on abstract ideas rather than people in general, so events like one-night-stands or random hook ups, or lots of casual sex would be easier for them. But maybe I'm off base on this or something? *shrug*
 

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An online survey at AVEN indicated that a very high percentage of asexuals were INTJs, with INTPs coming in second. It wouldn't surprise me if I were to find that most demisexuals were INTPs, and if it were revealed that INFP demisexuals were the second most common.
Mm, I noticed a lot of Ts in any of the threads/polls on AVEN regarding MBTI stuff. (I've been a member of AVEN for eight years and met my husband there.) There's just been another thread posted recently about it that especially brought that to my attention... it actually surprised me how many Ts there were vs. Fs; I was definitely amongst the minority, haha!

Then again, I'm neither 100% asexual nor demisexual; I usually go with grey-a (and have next to no libido and am very glad of that). I actually thought I was demi for quite a while, but then realised that the closer I get to someone, the more romantically and emotionally connected to them I am, the less I want to have sex with them... almost like, why on earth would I want someone I love and respect so much to do such a thing to me? Then again, I don't have the most positive views of sex and spent the majority of my teenage years being very anti-sexual. Now I'm just more... meh. Indifferent I guess. I can enjoy the physical aspect of it somewhat, but not enough to override the fact that I very much dislike the mental/emotional/psychological part of it. I'm happier not having sex than I am having it.

Anyway, ramble ramble ramble. But yeah, AVEN seems to have an awful lot of Ts.
 
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