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Many people in my inner-circle consider me too insensitive/hyper/disorganized/arrogant, so I clearly have a problem. And they all seem to come from INFJs (as far as I can type them by observation). So you guys are definitely not as rare as you think.

My past boss constantly guilt-tripped me about my lack of "sensitivity", and he was a CEO. Of a small non-profit, but still. I'm taking a writing class right now, and the professor always urges me to put more "emotion" into my stories, which is completely lost on me. It just never works when I try to force "emotion" into my fiction (anger, sadness, blahblah)

What are your secrets to becoming so feeling-oriented, calm and sweet? Is it hard work and effort to be like that? I'm good at faking charm/nice to people I meet, but it's a hard act to keep up as time goes by. I'm not a BITCH or anything, but I just don't walk on eggshells for people unless there's an immediate benefit/necessity.

And you're so organized! You're like sweet ESTJs. I actually get along with ESTJs better than with INFJs ironically, because I don't need to censor myself.

I think it would behoove me to become one of you, so that I will be able to expand my network to more F's, giving me an immediate advantage in my professional/general life. Give me some pointers, and hand me the conversion form!
 

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You are in trouble kid and I will tell you why....throughout many of our lives people tried to force us to be more like them and that was very damaging in many respects. So my advice is learn to be more you because a lot of that behavior was reinforced by things that happened in your life that made you believe that that was the more rewarding or easier road to take. One way is by being exposed to more diverse groups of people and being more observant. I often people watch and see how they handle situations and what was the outcome. I try to analyze them and see if it is worth giving it a try in my own life. Remember at first anything you try is going to feel awkward and maybe come off a bit awkward but if you are getting moderate to good results then it's worth it to to keep going or maybe tweak your technique but in the end you have to "make it your own".

I remember taking a job as a B&BW associate during the holidays and thinking how am I going to be one of those sometimes annoyingly "perky" ladies who smile all the time and go up to people and get them to try out products. Honestly I don't care for meeting new people all the time, crowds, or touching people outside of a therapeutic environment, I'm not happy all the time and show it, and I don't like touching money (all these things have the strong potential to be draining for an INFJ) . Basically a nightmare scenario in some respects but I was at the point where I had quit my last job because of all the ugliness and had to immerse myself in a positive environment where people were decent and I left work smelling better than when I came in. I was also hired on with other associates who were younger than me and diverse in their looks as well as personalities. They were very nervous because for some it was their first job or they just weren't used to being so intimate with strangers. The one advantage I had was that I was used to seeing people naked and taking care of their needs. LOL...I just saw how that came out...I worked with sick people. I just let my care mode take over my senses and pictured the people as someone in need versus greedy consumer driven sheep (which honestly I only felt when I had to drive in a snow storm with my windows open so I could see where I was going because my manager called and said there was too many customers and not enough associates). Most customers had someone special in their life who needed cheering up, a mom who worked on her feet all day and could use some pampering, a student who could only afford to buy his teacher a bottle of lotion out of his allowance and wanted it to be the best etc. My uncomfortableness with touching actually was an advantage because some people didn't want a demo or help so I could easily pick up on that and give them direction to where they wanted to be. When I placed myself in this mentality I was able to be very effective in my job and some of the other ladies looked to me for direction as the manager was too busy managing to give them all the reassurance and pointers they needed on the floor. They in turn taught me a lot because we were not cookie cutter cut outs like in the other store yet we were very successful in helping move merchandise and that is because we worked as a team (passing off customers to one another) and we tended to gravitate to certain people or they would gravitate towards one of us and the fact that we all were open to learning from the experience and each other.


*Adopting a child like attitude helps us to relax, be open to a learning experience, flexible, open to change and allows you to make mistakes without losing "face".
*In fulfilling someone else's need you fulfill your own. "The client is always right" is an interesting concept and we all know it is not true. Maybe the better motto is "The client is a human being and all human beings have needs. What does this person need in order for me to accomplish my goal"
*Get in motion: Are you seeking out people and asking them questions in their area of expertise? Are you putting yourself in motion and trying to carry out a "new skill" you picked up from someone but with your style blended in? Write down the outcome and look at it later to see how things could have been done differently to get the best results.
*Introspection: Look inside yourself and find out why being disorganized is a path you took and what value you put on it in your life. Are you hyper because you are disorganized or are you disorganized because you are hyper? Wouldn't being organized make you more at peace and if you like being hyper wouldn't being organized give you more time to accomplish a lot in as little amount of time as possible? Think about it...I mean meditate on it, deep thoughts. How about starting out with a goal of "organized chaos" Rome wasn't built in a day and neither did my organizational skills. Organized chaos is a reasonable goal to shoot for and then through tweaks here and there get yourself to the level you need/want to be at.
*Your weaknesses are not really weaknesses, they are just exaggerations of the truth. Arrogance just means Pride to the unhealthy extreme, Hyper is energy at it's highest peak so how do we adjust it or channel it for the project at hand, insensitive is just sensitivity in it's withdrawn stage so find out what is causing you to withdraw from people, disorganized means leaving your stuff everywhere and organized means leaving all your stuff in one place so you can find it consistently :happy: well it's a little more than that but it's a start :laughing:

So the problem is not that you have to become this different personality/entity the key is finding out who you are and why you do the things you do and embracing your humanity because the universal truth shared amongst most philosophies is that our purpose is to learn and develop....into what is the source of contention where we tend to diverge as a people :sad:
 

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Oh pumpkin, Irukand... the last thing you want to be is INFJ - because ENTP's are so special - you're like pacman after he eats that power-up ball. Having the desire to be sensitive is the first step, so you've done that right. I guess just ask people, slip it in to conversation "Is that okay?", "How do you feel about that?", "I really want to hear your thoughts."

People open up when you ask questions (that aren't mean) as it shows you're interested in them. And if you're interested in them then they're probably less likely to take things the wrong way.
 

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You are in trouble kid and I will tell you why....throughout many of our lives people tried to force us to be more like them and that was very damaging in many respects. So my advice is learn to be more you because a lot of that behavior was reinforced by things that happened in your life that made you believe that that was the more rewarding or easier road to take. One way is by being exposed to more diverse groups of people and being more observant. I often people watch and see how they handle situations and what was the outcome. I try to analyze them and see if it is worth giving it a try in my own life. Remember at first anything you try is going to feel awkward and maybe come off a bit awkward but if you are getting moderate to good results then it's worth it to to keep going or maybe tweak your technique but in the end you have to "make it your own".

I remember taking a job as a B&BW associate during the holidays and thinking how am I going to be one of those sometimes annoyingly "perky" ladies who smile all the time and go up to people and get them to try out products. Honestly I don't care for meeting new people all the time, crowds, or touching people outside of a therapeutic environment, I'm not happy all the time and show it, and I don't like touching money (all these things have the strong potential to be draining for an INFJ) . Basically a nightmare scenario in some respects but I was at the point where I had quit my last job because of all the ugliness and had to immerse myself in a positive environment where people were decent and I left work smelling better than when I came in. I was also hired on with other associates who were younger than me and diverse in their looks as well as personalities. They were very nervous because for some it was their first job or they just weren't used to being so intimate with strangers. The one advantage I had was that I was used to seeing people naked and taking care of their needs. LOL...I just saw how that came out...I worked with sick people. I just let my care mode take over my senses and pictured the people as someone in need versus greedy consumer driven sheep (which honestly I only felt when I had to drive in a snow storm with my windows open so I could see where I was going because my manager called and said there was too many customers and not enough associates). Most customers had someone special in their life who needed cheering up, a mom who worked on her feet all day and could use some pampering, a student who could only afford to buy his teacher a bottle of lotion out of his allowance and wanted it to be the best etc. My uncomfortableness with touching actually was an advantage because some people didn't want a demo or help so I could easily pick up on that and give them direction to where they wanted to be. When I placed myself in this mentality I was able to be very effective in my job and some of the other ladies looked to me for direction as the manager was too busy managing to give them all the reassurance and pointers they needed on the floor. They in turn taught me a lot because we were not cookie cutter cut outs like in the other store yet we were very successful in helping move merchandise and that is because we worked as a team (passing off customers to one another) and we tended to gravitate to certain people or they would gravitate towards one of us and the fact that we all were open to learning from the experience and each other.


*Adopting a child like attitude helps us to relax, be open to a learning experience, flexible, open to change and allows you to make mistakes without losing "face".
*In fulfilling someone else's need you fulfill your own. "The client is always right" is an interesting concept and we all know it is not true. Maybe the better motto is "The client is a human being and all human beings have needs. What does this person need in order for me to accomplish my goal"
*Get in motion: Are you seeking out people and asking them questions in their area of expertise? Are you putting yourself in motion and trying to carry out a "new skill" you picked up from someone but with your style blended in? Write down the outcome and look at it later to see how things could have been done differently to get the best results.
*Introspection: Look inside yourself and find out why being disorganized is a path you took and what value you put on it in your life. Are you hyper because you are disorganized or are you disorganized because you are hyper? Wouldn't being organized make you more at peace and if you like being hyper wouldn't being organized give you more time to accomplish a lot in as little amount of time as possible? Think about it...I mean meditate on it, deep thoughts. How about starting out with a goal of "organized chaos" Rome wasn't built in a day and neither did my organizational skills. Organized chaos is a reasonable goal to shoot for and then through tweaks here and there get yourself to the level you need/want to be at.
*Your weaknesses are not really weaknesses, they are just exaggerations of the truth. Arrogance just means Pride to the unhealthy extreme, Hyper is energy at it's highest peak so how do we adjust it or channel it for the project at hand, insensitive is just sensitivity in it's withdrawn stage so find out what is causing you to withdraw from people, disorganized means leaving your stuff everywhere and organized means leaving all your stuff in one place so you can find it consistently :happy: well it's a little more than that but it's a start :laughing:

So the problem is not that you have to become this different personality/entity the key is finding out who you are and why you do the things you do and embracing your humanity because the universal truth shared amongst most philosophies is that our purpose is to learn and develop....into what is the source of contention where we tend to diverge as a people :sad:
amen to that! lol. My friends keep on trying to want to be like me. Trust me, INFJ's can be disorganized too. I constantly have a messy room but I know where everything it. Almost like organized chaos. They want to be as organized. less "go with the flow". Less hyper, less outgoing. A huge thing they want is the intuition. They don't understand how lucky they are. They have the ability to trust everyone with barely knowing them. They don't think about all the bad stuff they can do. They are blind to most of the evil. A reference I am using is from the bible. God told adam and eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. For an example, my friends are the helpless adam and eve before they take the fruit. They are very happy, they don't notice the darkness. INFJ's can tend to resemble adam and eve after they take the bite. They are no longer blind to the evil. my friends don't see all the evil I do. It can make me so deppresed at how much evil is in my family to begin with. I would love to not know of it at all or be oblivious like they are. I am socialy awkward because of my Introvertedness.

Look into yourself. like what I quoted above. introspection. Look at your life and deep inside of your mind and who you are and realize all the good you have. All of your good qualities. Don't say "how can I change myself". say "how can I understand why I do things. why people do things." stuff like that. really try to just unravel YOUR mind and it will help a lot.

well just adding my two cents to what CR said. She basically said it all so this really isn't needed.
 
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There is no need to change nor is it a good idea rather think in terms of self improvement. We all have strengths and weaknesses, so the idea is to develop them to their positive potential. You have feelings, work on making them more visible even if in words like look up ones that express emotions and include them in your writings. Also try to discern people's feelings and how not to step over them when they are expressed. About organization, each person seems to have a preference in that but there is a base level and the easiest thing I found was putting things in files whether on the computer or the office, etc.
 

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Many people in my inner-circle consider me too insensitive/hyper/disorganized/arrogant, so I clearly have a problem. And they all seem to come from INFJs (as far as I can type them by observation). So you guys are definitely not as rare as you think.

My past boss constantly guilt-tripped me about my lack of "sensitivity", and he was a CEO. Of a small non-profit, but still. I'm taking a writing class right now, and the professor always urges me to put more "emotion" into my stories, which is completely lost on me. It just never works when I try to force "emotion" into my fiction (anger, sadness, blahblah)

What are your secrets to becoming so feeling-oriented, calm and sweet? Is it hard work and effort to be like that? I'm good at faking charm/nice to people I meet, but it's a hard act to keep up as time goes by. I'm not a BITCH or anything, but I just don't walk on eggshells for people unless there's an immediate benefit/necessity.

And you're so organized! You're like sweet ESTJs. I actually get along with ESTJs better than with INFJs ironically, because I don't need to censor myself.

I think it would behoove me to become one of you, so that I will be able to expand my network to more F's, giving me an immediate advantage in my professional/general life. Give me some pointers, and hand me the conversion form!

You don't need to change, If someone doesn't understand you and is calling you insensitivity just explain why you said what you said. Don't force yourself to be nice let it come naturally when it feels right because if you don't you will hold resisment and become bitter to people don't deserve it(or maybe they do? lol)

It's just about loving yourself, find that balance between understand peoples feelings and being true to yourself as well.
 

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INFJ's are not "fluffly cuddling toys" those are the ENFJs...you can basically say anything to an ENFJ and he will not start a conflict with you...INFJs have a bigger dark side...its just that we are one of the few introvert groups that do not like to be around people but still loves them enough to make them no harm
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Great suggestions from all of you.

Luckily, I have the body language nailed down pat, so I think it's more of what I say once I get comfortable with someone. I don't censor my humor/opinions/etc.

As for trying to change into an INFJ, after reading all your posts (especially the guy who wrote in the fancy green font), I don't think it's even possible. INFJs = protectors. I can't even "protect" my nose from getting sun burned. :laughing:

INFJ's are not "fluffly cuddling toys" those are the ENFJs...you can basically say anything to an ENFJ and he will not start a conflict with you...INFJs have a bigger dark side...its just that we are one of the few introvert groups that do not like to be around people but still loves them enough to make them no harm
Hm. The people I suspect as INFJs are definitely introverts. So not ENFJs.
 

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Don't be so envious.

You have a gift, but you may also call it a curse. You have to realize it's like a double bladed sword. You may use it to your advantage, but it could also harm you as well. We all deal with our own version of this.

Also, as far as your teacher goes, fuck him (or her). I respect him telling you to improve upon your weakness, but if he gives you poor grades due to this, I would talk to him. He's wanting you to be a person you aren't. Sure you may not display your true feeling, but you still have them.

Work with what you've got. Prove to him you are fine just the way you fucking are.

But always seek to improve.
 

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All types have their own potential in their own way. ENTPs develop feelings for others through getting hurt and learning from it. INFJs have our own host of problems, for all of the good things that people think when they think of INFJs can give you a list of things that we wish we could improve or change about ourselves. You are best off sticking to who you are and not trying to change yourself, grow as yourself know who you are and build on that, develop as an ENTP, not try to change to an INFJ. Learning how to be a more developed ENTP/person (because we are a person before we are a personality type) will make you much more happy and get you much further. Work on yourself, one thing you CAN do that INFJs do is introspection, we do it endlessly but keep open eyes, befriend an INFJ and get very close to them and work them into the role as a confidant, we operate very well as a close friend and adviser and we will push you to be a better person.
 

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Many people in my inner-circle consider me too insensitive/hyper/disorganized/arrogant, so I clearly have a problem. And they all seem to come from INFJs (as far as I can type them by observation). So you guys are definitely not as rare as you think.

My past boss constantly guilt-tripped me about my lack of "sensitivity", and he was a CEO. Of a small non-profit, but still. I'm taking a writing class right now, and the professor always urges me to put more "emotion" into my stories, which is completely lost on me. It just never works when I try to force "emotion" into my fiction (anger, sadness, blahblah)

What are your secrets to becoming so feeling-oriented, calm and sweet? Is it hard work and effort to be like that? I'm good at faking charm/nice to people I meet, but it's a hard act to keep up as time goes by. I'm not a BITCH or anything, but I just don't walk on eggshells for people unless there's an immediate benefit/necessity.

And you're so organized! You're like sweet ESTJs. I actually get along with ESTJs better than with INFJs ironically, because I don't need to censor myself.

I think it would behoove me to become one of you, so that I will be able to expand my network to more F's, giving me an immediate advantage in my professional/general life. Give me some pointers, and hand me the conversion form!
Sweetie,

No one "needs to change" who they are. They just need to "become the very best" they can be.

My oldest son is either an ENTP or an ENTJ, and I would be insulted if he ever wanted to change that. His job, and yours, is to become YOUR OWN very best.

Try this : ENTP Personal Growth

"Living Happily in our World as an ENTP"
 

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Many people in my inner-circle consider me too insensitive/hyper/disorganized/arrogant, so I clearly have a problem. And they all seem to come from INFJs (as far as I can type them by observation). So you guys are definitely not as rare as you think.

My past boss constantly guilt-tripped me about my lack of "sensitivity", and he was a CEO. Of a small non-profit, but still. I'm taking a writing class right now, and the professor always urges me to put more "emotion" into my stories, which is completely lost on me. It just never works when I try to force "emotion" into my fiction (anger, sadness, blahblah)

What are your secrets to becoming so feeling-oriented, calm and sweet? Is it hard work and effort to be like that? I'm good at faking charm/nice to people I meet, but it's a hard act to keep up as time goes by. I'm not a BITCH or anything, but I just don't walk on eggshells for people unless there's an immediate benefit/necessity.

And you're so organized! You're like sweet ESTJs. I actually get along with ESTJs better than with INFJs ironically, because I don't need to censor myself.

I think it would behoove me to become one of you, so that I will be able to expand my network to more F's, giving me an immediate advantage in my professional/general life. Give me some pointers, and hand me the conversion form!
I'm going to be direct with this since I also have an INFJ friend and an ENTP friend, both of whom I care about however I've learned to approach them differently. The thing I enjoy about my ENTP friend is that I can be direct or even blunt when discussing my feelings (of which I can be quite emtional and passionate) but no matter what crazy, offensive or un-PC thing that may fly out of my mouth, he doesn't take offense to it and will often laugh with me. Some who don't know me that well could accuse me of "ego-tripping" and yes, I confess that on some days I'm feeling particularly fabulous and I don't mind showing it!! Although I love my INFJ friend, she tends to come across as a little snobbish, overly sensitive and many times, I have to tone down my behavior and language (I tend to curse a lot when excited) since I don't want to come across as too strong as I've noticed some people tend to appear nervous when I really get fired up. I guess they expect me to be a ray of sunshine all the time!!!

So, you know what type you should be? Yourself. Never be anyone that isn't the real you; although I fully support self improvement and growth, you should never feel the need to have to totally conform to what someone else wants you to be, that's a load of crap. Never fake anything in this life, I've always despised false pretenses and I will definately pick up on someone's phony b.s. in a heartbeat and will be less inclined to want to associate with you. If your professor can't seem to grasp that your writing style isn't emotional, I would say that you should have a talk with him, discuss this difficulty or perhaps switch classes since he may have is own preconceived agenda as to "how" a person "should" write. Not all professors are that wonderful, trust me, I know!

As far as how much effort it takes for me to be feeling oriented, sweet and very passionate or fiery, that's just how I've always been for as long as I can remember. Frankly, I don't know how I could "teach" someone to emote more although I'm sure there are methods that may help you express your feelings a little easier or articulate them better. I read a lot of the Tao and Buddhist philosophy to help me stay centered and balanced when I feel too emotionally charged, although there are still times when the scales may tip too far in the other direction. If the truth be known, I've sometimes wished that things didn't get to me so badly but then I can't imagine myself any other way. But once again, always be yourself, be aware of yourself, improve yourself but always remain true to yourself. :proud:
 

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Many people in my inner-circle consider me too insensitive/hyper/disorganized/arrogant, so I clearly have a problem. And they all seem to come from INFJs (as far as I can type them by observation). So you guys are definitely not as rare as you think.

My past boss constantly guilt-tripped me about my lack of "sensitivity", and he was a CEO. Of a small non-profit, but still. I'm taking a writing class right now, and the professor always urges me to put more "emotion" into my stories, which is completely lost on me. It just never works when I try to force "emotion" into my fiction (anger, sadness, blahblah)

What are your secrets to becoming so feeling-oriented, calm and sweet? Is it hard work and effort to be like that? I'm good at faking charm/nice to people I meet, but it's a hard act to keep up as time goes by. I'm not a BITCH or anything, but I just don't walk on eggshells for people unless there's an immediate benefit/necessity.

And you're so organized! You're like sweet ESTJs. I actually get along with ESTJs better than with INFJs ironically, because I don't need to censor myself.

I think it would behoove me to become one of you, so that I will be able to expand my network to more F's, giving me an immediate advantage in my professional/general life. Give me some pointers, and hand me the conversion form!

No, shut up, it sucks.
Life without overwhelming guilt or crippling empathy has got to be so much simpler.

God, you remind me so much of someone I knew.

Don't worry about censoring yourself we're all corrupted. At least I am. And I can tell when you're lying. Geez. I'm a good girl, but I also have my dark side. Psychologically, at least.

Sure you're not confusing them with ISFJs? They tend to be more inhibited, and therefore more innocent. In certain ways.


There is no need to change nor is it a good idea rather think in terms of self improvement. We all have strengths and weaknesses, so the idea is to develop them to their positive potential. You have feelings, work on making them more visible even if in words like look up ones that express emotions and include them in your writings. Also try to discern people's feelings and how not to step over them when they are expressed. About organization, each person seems to have a preference in that but there is a base level and the easiest thing I found was putting things in files whether on the computer or the office, etc.

Haha, I think she was being facetious. Ish.
 
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