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MOTM Dec 2012
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My 3rd grade teacher once said that kids have a 70% chance to turn out like their parents (though mostly he hinted that it was in the way of career choice).

How many of you turned out like your parents in some way?

(ie, work, habits, mannerisms, etc.)

- Work? (do you work in the same field?)
- Habits? (do you have similar habits?)
- Mannerisms?
- Anything else?
 

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I suppose that since my mom is an ENFP and I'm an INFP I really didn't fall that far. But I know that I got her work ethic (which is just to do it and get it over with so you can do other things) As for habits I did pick up a few from her. I keep a puzzle going in my bedroom and books on the end table. But I didn't pick up any of her extroverted social habits which includes many of her mannerisms.

Overall there is a lot that she does in social situations that I would never think of doing but when it comes to just being at home and hanging out with friends I'd say yes. I did pick up at least 70% of who I am from her.
 
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I turned out to be as organized as my mother, even though I'm only nineteen. I never thought it would happen, to be honest - I was so against her perfectionism. Funny how things turn out ^^
 

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I'm alot like both my parents, but I think I'm more similar to my dad. I can see it alot right now as I'm training my puppy. I get really angry, belligerent, and stern. It's funny because I used to really resent how my dad brought me up, but I guess I demand the same level of obedience as he does.
 

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I am the oldest of 8 siblings. Not a single one of us went into the kind of work our parents did--they were both doctors. Most of us are educators. We were just that weird family that wasn't like anybody else.

As far as little things go, speaking for myself, I am a lot more like my mom (ENFP) than like my dad (INTJ). Mom didn't practice medicine after the second child was born. She raised us to be independent thinkers, creative people who follow our passions, helpers who try to be there for others, and athletes who honor the physical gifts we were born with. As an ENFP she possessed an energy with people that the introverts among us have to work hard to display. But she was definitely the most influential person in our lives. Dad is still living. He is quiet, hard working, loves to read, and very proud of all his children and grandchildren. One of the most peaceful things I enjoy is just sitting in his living room reading next to him. He had polio as a child, so he has never been as athletic as the rest of the family, though he does love to watch sports--especially our sports. His computer is full of photos and videos of all of us doing the things we love.

I think the one thing I got from both parents was the belief that there is nothing I cannot do if I really want to do it. I'm not as disciplined as my dad and not as talented as my mom, but through their encouraging and supportive nurturing I have been able to lead the life I wanted. Now that I am sort of retired, entering a new phase, I am excited that I get to try my hand at some new things. That's just as Mom would have wanted me to be.
 

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Interesting question regarding the career. I would say I'm a mix of both parents. My dad is a professional musician. I am not professional at all, but I play music as a hobby and it is one of the most important things in my life. My mom works retail in a clothing store at this point in her life. She didn't plan on doing this. In fact, she had many different jobs that never seemed to pan out for her (realtor, florist, banker, crossing guard, stay-at-home-mom, etc) When my parents divorced, she had to buckle down and pick something with good benefits because it was just her on her own, at 50 something years old. It was really hard for her to start a career at her age and I'm sure she resents it deeply. She hates her job. I'm similar to mom in that I am not crazy about my job and it is also retail (books). But it pays well enough and I'm one of only 6 people who work there regularly, so it's close and intimate, which I like, and I'm left to be responsible for myself without a boss breathing down my neck. I didn't go for a career that was soul-satisfying and expressive, like my dad. Instead I went for one that paid the bills, like mom.

If I had to do it over again, though, I would have gone into psychology and tried to get into research psychology. But that didn't work out...

As for habits, I am not sure. I like to travel, which my dad loves. I like to try new things and new foods, which my dad does. My dad has a generally positive outlook on life, carefree and easygoing and my mom is a complete pessimist stress ball. I'm somewhere in between. I try to be positive but every once in a while I feel angry and resentful, like everything in the world is a huge hassle and life sucks. But it's not everyday that I feel like that. I feel happy most of the time. I'd say that is more like Dad. My mom seems pretty miserable. She takes life very seriously. Dad has more fun. He makes a fair amount of money and he spends it as he gets it. He lives it up. He told me that when he dies, not to expect a big inheritance because he doesn't save. He has fun. I respect that. My mom is not like that at all. For one, she is pretty poor and must budget her money frugally. I actually make more money than my mom, which makes me sad. I hate seeing her struggle like this.

I'm losing track of my thoughts... to stay with the question, I'm more like my dad in terms of hobbies and having fun. I'm more like mom in terms of surrendering to authority. My dad fights authority. Just looking at cop and you can see the rage spark up in his eyes. He is ready to fight against the system at any moment, it's kind of freaky. But my mom is much more rule-oriented and wants to do things the "right" way. I would prefer to stay out of trouble myself, so I try not to break any laws or go against society's rules. Outwardly, that is. I'm not in your face about it. My dad is more likely to have a political bumper sticker or fight a ticket, whereas I would rather keep that stuff to myself and fight the battles privately.

He can be pretty rude to people, too. The other day we went out for breakfast and the restaurant wouldn't give him a cup of decaf coffee. He had to buy a carafe of it if he wanted decaf. He got so pissed and told them how ridiculous it was that he had to buy more coffee than he would have drank. "I can't get a cup of decaf?!?!?! This is ridiculous!!!" Then we all had to get up and leave to go somewhere else after we had already placed our order. ?? We all just went along with it and followed him out the door. It was so silly. Making a big deal over a cup of coffee. I would never do that. I would just accept it and not cause a scene. Not dad. He has to fight. Mom wouldn't have fought either. So in that case, I am more like her.

I worry that one dad my dad is going to fight with the wrong person....

well I gotta get back to work. interested to read other people's replies.
 

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Oh and one other thing. Dad is more sentimental than mom with family and heirlooms. He has all the antique cool stuff that has been passed down and he is the one to arrange family reunions, if we ever have them. He made a videotape of my very old great uncle talking about how the family immigrated to the US when he was little. The uncle has since died, but we have this wonderful video of him telling the whole story of our family. This was all my dad's idea and he made copies of the video for everyone in the family. He is always doing things like this. I am a lot like him in this way. I think that stuff is fascinating and I tend to hold on to keepsakes and sentimental items from older relatives. My mom is the opposite. To her, everything is "junk". She keeps a couple special things, but other than that, she doesn't want anything in her house cluttering it up. And she would never in a million years arrange a family reunion or do anything sentimental.
 

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MOTM Dec 2012
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Discussion Starter #8
My dad was a take charge kind of guy (ESTJ). He never took "no" for an answer and if he didn't like his job, he'd quit and go somewhere else. Our family's lived in 3 different continents, thanks to his stubbornness and dare I say, wanderlust. Now he's thinking about moving to Africa!

Anyways, I think I definitely picked up his sense of wanderlust. I've been to a lot of different countries, and I plan to visit as many as I can before I die. In another life, I'd probably have become a freelancing photojournalist.

I think my Enneagram 4 and 9 are awesomely designed for this kind of lifestyle.
 

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It also has to do with the way they raise you. What do they think is important?

I am noticing I am becoming more and more like my father, more like everything I hate about him.
Something I do, and afterwards I notice it is exactly like him, still, I keep doing it. Unconsciously.

My father was a workaholic, and my mother somewhat supported that lifestyle, at least in our early upbringing, where she could stick it in deep. She divorced him for it later. There is no way in hell I am ever going to be like that, my ambitions are NOT in a career. However, because how I was raised, it makes me feel like all that I do is wrong, it makes me feel like shit.

We will see how it turns out eventually.
 

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My mom and dad are both ENTJ super power people. Although my sis and I both tested gifted in school, neither of us have had the impact on people, community, church and systems ....... OMG, i almost forgot even countries!!!.......... as my parents did. My mother has published several books that had an impact and my father worked for a company that was a front for one of the *alphabet agencies*. And that is just the tip of the iceburg of what I want to reveal on this very public forum, about them. My sis is an ESTJ (i believe) and she has a few accomplishments within her community (wrote for local paper, election official, ect.) but no where the impact that I can see, like my parents.

Me? Well..... The changes I have made have been one on one with people. My parents were on a macro level, i am on a micro level. ;-)
 

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My father is INFP. Long before I knew anything about Myers-Briggs, I knew I was like my father. So, yeah, I turned out to be like him. Nothing like my ISTJ mother, though.
 

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I'm pretty sure my mother is an INFJ, and my father is an ESFJ. From my father I picked up his humbleness, his sense of taking care of other people, his love of canadian club whiskey, and his love of flirting with waitresses. I also work for him at the moment, so I guess that kind of falls under carreer too. I also picked up his passiveness, and the way he dosen't know too much about a lot of things, both of which I hate and have done serious work to change in myself.

From my mother, I picked up a love of books, movies, and music. Her politics also rubbed off on me. She votes Democrat, but I'm probably more of an Independant.

From both of them I learned to love people reguardless of age, sex, race, income, ect. I learned to be fair with people and allways give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't think they ever really understood me growing up, but they loved and supported me, and I guess that's something I picked up along the way too.

My parents are good people and I love them to death, but I don't know if I want to be where they are when I'm their age. I feel like I'm destined for different things.
 

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I lived with my grandparents for most of my life so I'm going to compare myself to them. I don't think I'm very similar to either of them. My grandfather is very neat and organized, an accountant, has to have everything done his way, and my grandmother is very conventional, a nurse, talkative, and set in her ways. Both are pretty conservative. I would describe myself as quiet, free spirited, open minded, and very disorganized/messy. I'm an environmental science and classical civilization major which is also pretty different from what both of them did as careers. And though I didn't live with them, I'm not very simar to my parents either. My dad is really hardworking (he is a mechanic and likes physical labor) and my mom was an alcoholic so I don't really know what she would have been like. I guess I must be one of the 30% who is not like her parents. :p
 

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I took my parents in like everything else and used it as critical analysis. when I was ten they realized I had no absorbed any of their religious beliefs and not many of their political beliefs, and were greaty pertrurbed and panicked. Thus began a couple years of shuffling me off to different churches to "enrich my life". I am already enriched thank you. I see both side of the equation and I am quite happy in neutral middle.

They've given up and they think I did it just to rebel. I don't know why they had to force anything on me in the first place, but as it is, at first they encouraged independent thought and that's the lesson I remember :p If they ever care to ask, they'd figure out how brilliant I am (just jokes... but sort of not... sometimes I think the only people who don't appreciatae what i have to say is my parents). My dad thinks I am anti-religion, which is bothersome to me as I have never ever expressed any sentiments remotely similar to that. I just am not religious. There's a lot of deeply felt reasoning behind that but whatever.

Career wise-- dad's a teacher, I could never be a teacher, student hate me and younger people do not respect me so I'd be like a floundering fish. Mom was a bookstore owner, I could do that maybe but not permamantly, then a nurse, no, it was very stressful on her.

so generally, not much?

that said, I think my dad's way of handling anger kinda effed me up in some ways, so I absorbed that. Now I have these weird emotional outburts. They didn't happen at first... it kind of took years of wearing me down. They aren't necessary or built in though, so I know it's something that is malleable.
 

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Not really. I'm really different than my parents... on the inside, although I really look like them on the outside. They both view status and appearance as important, and I don't at all. They strive to be normal, I strive to be myself.
 

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In order to survive, children naturally adapt to the parental frame of reference.

When I did this, I felt that I lost part of my infp self or soul energy or whatever
you want to call it.

It has taken me much of my adult life to gradually release the energy that I
absorbed from my parents and become more of my true self.

My parents had that 'victim' mentality and had low self-worth, so in the past
that is how I lived much of my life.

Difficult task though - maybe our belief system is ingrained in the very cells
of our body.
 

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I've always been the opposite of my dad in everyway I can think of. We clicked like General Patton & George Harrison. I'm not much like my mom was but at least we could sit down & talk over coffee.
 
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I am thankfully nothing like my parents, lol. No one in my immediate family is INFP and they think I'm far too dreamy, emotional, and liberal-minded. I very much disagree with their belief systems and personal habits (my mom is super passive and judgemental, and my dad is very prejudiced, abusive and bigoted) so I consciously separated myself from them while growing up. They eventually just gave up on me and we don't really have any contact now. It really sucks being the "black sheep" of the family though, I wish I had parents I could connect with.
 

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My mum's an ENFP, and I believe my dad is an ESFJ.

First off, my mom: She is definitely compassionate and self-sacrificing to a degree, just not a complete push over. She's the type to always cheer someone up and if she knows you're wrong (typically in how you treat others) she bares her teeth and will practically chew you out. Right now she has a job as a nurse up at the local old folks home, before that she did hospice. With the amount of death she has seen coupled with her deep religious affiliation to Christian teachings I can safely say she is one of the purer religious folk out there. Outside of metaphysical shtuff she is incredibly easy to get along with and usually is the one to cheer someone up if someone's cards are down. Very responsive to the emotional output of others. Plus a strong work ethic, which is commendable as she's taking care of other persons. Um. Very breezy and outdoorsy. Fairly open minded too concerning her religious background.

Me pops: Veeerry bull headed. Someone who doesn't take no for an answer most of the time unless logic is painfully obvious, which he will then retract and apologize. Definitely has a short temper. While my mom went into the Air Force to make something of herself my dad dropped out of high school, worked various factory and construction jobs, all the while drinking booze, getting into fights, and getting laid as often as he could. Not someone who has a very open mind and very bigoted concerning the homosexual community (he just doesn't understand the drive for the lifestyle/what comes natural to others). When I were a child his short sightedness also extended to those of other faiths, often exclaiming such and such faction of faith were to go to hell for not professing belief in J.C (which is probably why I shun away from any affiliation to religion, my dad unfortunately fulfills what I set out against in this regard). Although his short temper and quasi-bigotness is a major pain in the ass, plus his incessant nagging when I am unemployed through reasons out of my hands (such as constantly bombarding me with updates and treatises on what I need to do next), he remains a remarkably compassionate man who will go out of his way to help anybody... so long as the person isn't a complete idiot (in his words). Idiot meaning lazy, such and such, whatever negative subjective thingy you can think of.

And moi: From both my parent's I inherited a very strong manner etiquette (p's and q's). My mom fortunately allowed me to explore alternative possibility to faith and life, but for the most part I keep such to my self. I've tried explaining where I stand to both parent's and my mom remains the receptive one while my dad blows me off (definitely set in his ways) as he plain as day doesn't want to hear it. My work ethic also has been handed down to me from both of em', as both my parent's set the bar at their respective work place without being complete brown nosing ass kissers (they still manage to have fun and get away with crap they probably shouldn't). Unlike my father I am incredibly patient and not generally dismissive of someone who doesn't quite fit the profile I'm comfortable with. Intuitively speaking, me and my mom are much closer in outlook and perceiving those sensitive life bits then me and my father could ever be. Thank god there's another intuitive, as my dad is completely anal about cleanliness, so it's a big sigh of relief to smoke a cigarette of a cup of coffee while me and my mom shoot the shit. Ratio wise between my mom and dad, I'd say it's a 60 / 40 thing. My dark sense of humor definitely spawned from my dad, which is somewhat off topic (thinking to myself) >;D
 

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I am noticing I am becoming more and more like my father, more like everything I hate about him.
Something I do, and afterwards I notice it is exactly like him, still, I keep doing it. Unconsciously.
This is my predicament as well. I'm an INFP and my dad is almost certainly an ISTJ, and we have a very difficult relationship the majority of the time. (I've posted about it elsewhere so I won't go into detail; here's a recent ramble-y rant on the subject...) There are some things that I truly do admire about him, but there's an awful lot I can't stand. I have no idea how so-very-INFP-ish me is turning into my ISTJ-ish dad, but in my worst moments I find myself acting very much like him. Of course, there's my own messed-up-ness on top of that, which is very unlike my dad... but I find the parts of myself that are like him to be far more upsetting than other behaviours that are at least more like what I'd expect from myself, even if some of them are unhealthy. I loathe the idea of becoming my dad... hopefully my INFP personality will counter that, along with some help in the form of therapy. In my last therapy session, we talked about metaphorically releasing my dad from his role as my parent and learning how to essentially "parent" myself. (Of course, at 27 I'm not being actively parented by my dad anyway, so it's more about the symbolism of the whole thing and about helping me to learn to both live life on my own terms and to take responsibility for my future rather than staying stuck in the past.)

My mum... well, there's a decent amount of influence there as well, though I don't really feel like I'm turning into her in any particular way. (My best guess, as far personality type for her, is ISFP.) We share extremely strong perfectionistic tendencies and both almost certainly have some degree of OCD, thus we know exactly how to drive each other abso-freaking-lutely nuts. In our good moments though, we can get on quite well and enjoy each other's company a lot. I admire my mum's very giving and selfless nature a lot, and wish I had a bit more of that in myself... though probably not to the extent she does. She has a tendency to run herself into the ground by putting everyone's needs ahead of her own, and she can be very defeatist and self-deprecating because she blames herself for every single thing that goes wrong. Actually, I guess I've noticed a bit of that self-blame in myself as well... though somehow it seems to come from a slightly different place in me than it does in her, and the ways we express it are not the same.

Ah, parents... *sigh* Haha. People sure are complex -- which is both fascinating and extremely confusing.
 
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