Sandra Maitri: The Spiritual Dimensions of the Enneagram
Self-Preservation Two: "Me First"
Self-Preservation Twos are afraid of being neglected and not having their needs met, so out of their survival anxiety, they take care of others so that others will take care of them. They have a self-sacrificing facade: this is the proverbial Jewish mother syndrome in which she appears to be thinking of others first and putting them ahead of herself, but in fact it is really manipulating them in this way on her own behalf. The passion of pride manifests here as a hidden sense of entitlement and privilege - a conviction that others must take care of them in compensation for their martyrdom, and that they deserve to keep the best bits in the kitchen for themselves.
Social Two: Ambition
Social Twos are social climbers, very conscious of social hierarchies and intent on being accepted and aligned with those at the top as a way of resolving their sense of not belonging. Who they are associated with and how important those people are gives them their sense of social standing. The passion of pride manifests here in the self-validation and sense of being worthwhile that arise when they have achieved the position and status that they are after. It also manifests in their refusal to be seen as unimportant or ordinary, rather than special and stellar in whatever group they are part of or aspire to be connected with.
Sexual Two: Aggression/Seduction
Ichazo gave only aggression as the descriptor of this subtype, and Naranjo distinguished between a female Two's seductive style and a male Two's aggressive one. Because of their insecurity about their desirability, Sexual Twos either seduce or force the other into relationship, depending on their gender. Once in a relationship, Sexual Twos also either entice or push their partner into doing what they desire, again depending on gender. Sexual Twos of both genders usually have tenacious attraction to an elusive partner. Female Twos are obsessed with the desire to be wanted, and male Twos are obsessed with overcoming all obstacles to union. In both cases, they are attempting to find personal value through love. The passion of pride manifests here in an extreme sensitivity about being desired or not, and sometimes as a pride in the number of sexual conquests one has made.
The Soul-Child of Enneatype Two (Point Four)
Behind the loving, giving and helpful outer facade of a Two lies a competitive, jealous and spiteful little Four-ish soul child. Twos try to present themselves as sweet and kind, self-sacrificing, humble, all of which can be seen as very much a reaction to the darker tendencies of their soul child. This is a little boy who wants to scream "I hate you!" to the other little boy who got the teacher or mommy's attention, pull his hair and tell him how awful he is and how stupid he is too. He is very observant about who gets how many cookies, tries to grab the most and the best and reacts with spite and venom if he does not get what he wants. He is filled with envy, believing the other kids have what he lacks and that they are better than he, cuter and more lovable. He can be bitchy and back biting, vindictive and huffy.
For a Two, the negativity and pettiness of his soul child are often initially difficult to acknowledge and tolerate. It threatens all of his pretense of open-heartedness and harmlessness, but most of all, it puts him first. This is, in fact, the very thing necessary for a Two's unfoldment - getting in touch with himself is central. As a Two contacts his soul child and, instead of rejecting him, judging him and pushing him away, opens his heart to him, he will become primary in his own consciousness. This is very taboo for a Two, who learned that being self-centred set him up for parental disapproval. He will find that as he focuses more on himself - listening to and filling his own needs, responding to his own impulses and taking his own initiative, recognising his limits and setting them with others - he indeed becomes more centred within himself. This is not the negative thing he feared, signifying loss of love and becoming more selfish to him, but rather is a doorway into his personal connection with Being. The more he takes care of himself instead of others, in other words, the more he connects with the spark of the Divine within, realising himself as the Point. Instead of having others be the point of his existence, around whom he orbits, he finds himself one with Being, a star in his own universe.
The Idealized Aspect
Enneatype Two: Merging Gold
The state of Merging Gold is one of blissful, ecstatic union. It is a dissolving of the separating boundaries of the personality, resulting in a sense of oneness with another of Being Itself. It is the state of being in love, merging and melting into oneness with one's beloved. Twos long for this kind of union, believing intimate contact, either physical or emotional, is the thing that they most need. Being loved and connected to that special other is a Two's deepest desire. Twos emulate the characteristics of Merging Gold by attempting to be someone others will love and consider special. They are sensitive to the emotional states and needs of others and try to be there for them so that they will be loved in return. Twos are acutely attuned to any sense of rejection by others and will go to great lengths to be loved and accepted. While it is difficult for them to ask for attention directly, they become quite demanding and prideful if they feel that they are being ignored or overlooked. Twos often feel to others sticky, clingy, and needy, as well as filled with their own self-importance.
The Wings of Enneatype Two
With the wings of Ego-Resentment (One) on one side and Ego-Vanity (Three) on the other, Twos have the inner demand to be a perfect person while feeling basically flawed on the one hand, and the demand to present a perfect image on the other hand. These requirements to be perfect inside and out are impossible to meet, so a Two feels hopeless about himself and turns to others for salvation, and hence he becomes dependent upon them. From another angle, the high morality of Oe meets the duplicity and amorality of Three, and the result is that Twos constantly feel guilty. And from another perspective, the One-ish drive to be a good person plus the Three-ish drive to impress others leads to the Two's pattern of looking to others for approval and recognition as being a lovable person. Additionally, the Three's drive to create himself as a person, plus One's need to be good, equals the Two's drive to present and shape himself into the image of a really good and lovable person.