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Everybody wants to be loved, and each enneagram has there way of getting there e.g the eight thinks that if they show power they'll be loved and the one thinks if they're perfect they'll gain love etc it's just that the three thinks they'll gain love by being effective and successful. I'm a sexual three and yeah we have trouble with intimacy because we're always putting on an image.
 

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I like trophies. I'm starting to understand that someone being a trophy material does not always equal to 'actual value', but still, I like trophies. Kind of think that I have to be a trophy ('catch'?) myself to be loved.

If a type 3 is so concerned about status, can he really love somebody?
As in, regardless of the status of the person/ even when the other person is not adding to their own status? What's your definition of 'real love' in this context?
 

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How does type 3 act when in love? What enneagram personality types or myer-briggs personality types are good match for type 3? If a type 3 is so concerned about status, can he really love somebody?
I guess a 3 like all types will show some external signs of being in love. Try googling signs that a guy or girl loves me, and there's heaps of tell tale signs for each biological sex. I've heard that 3's and 5's make a great match or even double 3's, you should look at the 3's compatibility. Ofcourse a 3 can really love somebody but that somebody must in someway contribute to the status of the 3 from my understanding. In other words, a 3 can not love a 'nobody' (excuse the phrase) even if that person is the gentlest, kindest, funniest person out there if they deflate the 3's status. It sounds shallow but each type has their flaws.
 

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Ofcourse a 3 can really love somebody but that somebody must in someway contribute to the status of the 3 from my understanding. In other words, a 3 can not love a 'nobody' (excuse the phrase) even if that person is the gentlest, kindest, funniest person out there if they deflate the 3's status. It sounds shallow but each type has their flaws.
Perhaps in the case of an unhealthy 3, otherwise, I'm inclined to disagree. A 3 tends to focus on image, "status" helps in provide an image. The status, item, or title tends to matter little to the actual person; it is only a window to a better image.

Love gives me the ability to not "turn on" for the other person, not need to keep the petty-schmoozer image out. Normally compartmentalized emotions are allowed to finger out, and I moved towards "being real". It strips me of my plastic image. I can be.

It's a rare occurrence though, as the crusty shell is not an easy one to crack. One must slip in.


People seem to have a completely warped idea on what a type 3 is like, there's more to it than what you read. As most descriptions are not actually written by their types.
 

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Perhaps in the case of an unhealthy 3, otherwise, I'm inclined to disagree. A 3 tends to focus on image, "status" helps in provide an image. The status, item, or title tends to matter little to the actual person; it is only a window to a better image.

Love gives me the ability to not "turn on" for the other person, not need to keep the petty-schmoozer image out. Normally compartmentalized emotions are allowed to finger out, and I moved towards "being real". It strips me of my plastic image. I can be.

It's a rare occurrence though, as the crusty shell is not an easy one to crack. One must slip in.


People seem to have a completely warped idea on what a type 3 is like, there's more to it than what you read. As most descriptions are not actually written by their types.
So you define status and images as two seperate constructs then?

That's interesting the way you describe love for the three as if it were everything you wouldn't expect it to be. I'm pretty sure 3's share this in common with 5's which is why I think they are totally compatible.

Yeah, the people that wirte the descriptions probably have no idea what they are talkiing about in some instances. lol
 

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So you define status and images as two seperate constructs then?
I see status as levels, and image as the current player. To beat certain levels, and move forward, one must change the current player on occasion (changing image to achieve status). Image is the face I'll put on in different company to achieve proper status.


3's and 5's are both withdrawn types; 3's in the sense that you'll never really get to know one, and the boxing of emotions. 5's in the sense of pulling away to deal with things cerebrally. 3's are probably more detached emotion-wise, and 5's are more detached image wise. I could see them being compatible, as most can make it work. It would be hard for both to break free of their shells, as they both have them and neither is really pulling. I do find that they make good friends though.
 

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What kind of woman qualifies as a trophey?
Generally signs of status: beauty, money, intelligence, a high status job. I sometimes feel guilty myself that, if I hear a woman has rich parents, she automatically seems more attractive to me. It's not really under my control though. We all have reasons for being attracted to people.
 

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Generally signs of status: beauty, money, intelligence, a high status job. I sometimes feel guilty myself that, if I hear a woman has rich parents, she automatically seems more attractive to me. It's not really under my control though. We all have reasons for being attracted to people.
Wouldn't you want more status than her though? Wouldn't that make you feel like more of a provider? What kind of job? Is it supposed to be accomplished at an extremely early age?
 

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Wouldn't you want more status than her though? Wouldn't that make you feel like more of a provider? What kind of job? Is it supposed to be accomplished at an extremely early age?
I would go with equal status. Feeling like a provider is not really important. If she has more money, that's fine with me as long as she's willing to share. As for jobs, anything reasonably impressive, a professional job, something that earns a lot of money or is hard to get: executive, doctor, lawyer, professor, writer, something like that. You really have to look at the whole package. Early age is fine. That is not to say if she retires or loses status, I would drop her like a hot potato. 3's integrate towards 6, at which point we are going to seek security in our existing relationship rather than seek greener pastures.
 

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I would go with equal status. Feeling like a provider is not really important. If she has more money, that's fine with me as long as she's willing to share. As for jobs, anything reasonably impressive, a professional job, something that earns a lot of money or is hard to get: executive, doctor, lawyer, professor, writer, something like that. You really have to look at the whole package. Early age is fine. That is not to say if she retires or loses status, I would drop her like a hot potato. 3's integrate towards 6, at which point we are going to seek security in our existing relationship rather than seek greener pastures.
But I mean is it unattractive if it takes her a while to earn this status. Like if she doesn't just come straight out of high school. I mean it seems like you guys are attracted to NFs and we aren't the most ambitious people. What if she came from a hellhole childhood and slowly but surely earns her way into status? What if she wants to be a part time or even full time stay at home mom or did it for a little while and that is why it has taken her so long to get her degree? Where is there room for her to raise his kids and wouldn't he be flattered that someone would want to do that for him? To me it seems like that is status for him to be able to have that in a marriage. Thanks.
 

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But I mean is it unattractive if it takes her a while to earn this status. Like if she doesn't just come straight out of high school. I mean it seems like you guys are attracted to NFs and we aren't the most ambitious people. What if she came from a hellhole childhood and slowly but surely earns her way into status? What if she wants to be a part time or even full time stay at home mom or did it for a little while and that is why it has taken her so long to get her degree? Where is there room for her to raise his kids and wouldn't he be flattered that someone would want to do that for him? To me it seems like that is status for him to be able to have that in a marriage. Thanks.
I was just listing off examples hypothetically. There's certainly nothing required. And there's a lot to say for potential. I'm married to a stay-at-home mom (enneagram 6), and we got together in high school. She's not ambitious so it allows me to pursue my own ambitions. That works best for me.
 

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I was just listing off examples hypothetically. There's certainly nothing required. And there's a lot to say for potential. I'm married to a stay-at-home mom (enneagram 6), and we got together in high school. She's not ambitious so it allows me to pursue my own ambitions. That works best for me.
I hope I am not annoying you. What do you mean, when you said potential? I guess if he has been single for a while and a bit older, he may feel like he has made it that long, so he might as well continue to be picky. Do you ever wish your wife had more for you to show off? Do you feel like you are short changed? Before a 3 learns the side of 6, can love and care for someone feel more important than these high expectations you would usually hold? Do you all ever feel head over heals for someone you wouldn't expect to at first, because of her status? It doesn't make you feel masculine, to be head of the house?
 

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I hope I am not annoying you. What do you mean, when you said potential? I guess if he has been single for a while and a bit older, he may feel like he has made it that long, so he might as well continue to be picky. Do you ever wish your wife had more for you to show off? Do you feel like you are short changed? Before a 3 learns the side of 6, can love and care for someone feel more important than these high expectations you would usually hold? Do you all ever feel head over heals for someone you wouldn't expect to at first, because of her status? It doesn't make you feel masculine, to be head of the house?
No, I appreciate your questions. Potential would mean things like intelligence. She and I have about the same, which is important. I don't focus a lot on my wife's status, otherwise. I tend to concentrate more on my own. (Wife says I'm pretty self-absorbed ;).) I would say that in her case the attraction toward her built as I learned more about her. Obviously, there was mutual attraction, but I did most of the initiating. I don't really see myself as head of the house (or very masculine either). We generally share in most things. I am a modern man so my 3-ishness drives me to be seen as sort of a "perfect man"---sensitive, competent, decisive, etc. Since I'm relatively psychologically healthy, I tend to strive to BE as good a husband and father as I can be rather than just try to appear so. It's very important. I have even had strangers tell me that I am a "great Dad". I have to be the BEST husband on the block, so to speak. I'm not sure that would be true of my father's generation. As for falling head over heels for somebody, I would say that, from what I just said, somebody who could be a very impressive wife and mother, if that's what she wanted to be, would certainly count.
 

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No, I appreciate your questions. Potential would mean things like intelligence. She and I have about the same, which is important. I don't focus a lot on my wife's status, otherwise. I tend to concentrate more on my own. (Wife says I'm pretty self-absorbed ;).) I would say that in her case the attraction toward her built as I learned more about her. Obviously, there was mutual attraction, but I did most of the initiating. I don't really see myself as head of the house (or very masculine either). We generally share in most things. I am a modern man so my 3-ishness drives me to be seen as sort of a "perfect man"---sensitive, competent, decisive, etc. Since I'm relatively psychologically healthy, I tend to strive to BE as good a husband and father as I can be rather than just try to appear so. It's very important. I have even had strangers tell me that I am a "great Dad". I have to be the BEST husband on the block, so to speak. I'm not sure that would be true of my father's generation. As for falling head over heels for somebody, I would say that, from what I just said, somebody who could be a very impressive wife and mother, if that's what she wanted to be, would certainly count.
Wow! That makes me feel optomistic, because I have always wanted a close relationship with my children when I have them. Can I PM you with more questions? Thanks.
 

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I always seem to look for people who complete the "perfect image" I have in my head. For a while, I wanted to be that Abercrombie and Fitch couple. Then I found that person, and regretted every minute of our relationship. I'm trying really hard to look past the facade and let myself be comfortable with what makes me happy, disregarding whether or not it "looks" good to other people.

I always thought I was horribly strange and broken. XD I'm glad others have had the same kinds of feelings.
 
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