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Just learned about enneagram recently. Took many tests and I think I'm type 4w5.
Anyway, I have also recently diagnosed myself to have a borderline personality disorder. Now I'm just wondering if it's my bpd that contributed to the type 4w5 result?

I have always had relationship problems with other people. I've always been an emotional person and in a family of 9 kids, I have always felt I'm different from everyone. No one cries as much as I do. Everyone seems to enjoy life in this big family, but I always wonder. Why do I have be born into such a big family with my dad who has so many wives and kids? My parents are divorced. My mother was the first wife and she left the house because my dad was abusive.

Anyway, I was just an unhappy kid with unhappy childhood. I grew up longing for a close, deep and meaningful relationship so I turned to finding a boyfriend. I have always been in a relationship since 15. Never been single longer than 8 months. I always look for the type of guy who can provide me love and security. But for some reason, I always end up fighting with them, pushing them away even though I don't want them to go away (BPD). So my current boyfriend opened my eyes. He said I got issues. I thought everyone was like me just behind closed doors, they act different. My boyfriend said "no! I have never seen anyone act like this. This is unacceptable." So I did a lot of research - something I enjoy very much. At first, I thought I was bipolar but it just didn't click then I learned about BPD and now it all makes sense.

After finding out about my BPD, I learned about enneagram and took the test and I'm a 4 BUT now I'm wondering. Am I a 4 because of my BPD or I have BPD because I'm a 4??

Maybe it doesn't matter, but I really wonder if there's anyone out there like me? I think a combination of type 4 and BPD isn't good at all. Please share with me your experiences. For all I know, I have been a very unhealthy type 4 and I really want to fix that. I'm working on my BPD on my own at the moment. I want to be better but I still feel really lost.

I have so many questions but I will save them for later so it's not too confusing. Thank you.
 

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I'm not sure if your personality can be determined by a mental illness or vise versa. I do know that certain personalities can make you vulnerable to certain mental illnesses, if you are living out it in an unhealthy way. One of the enneagram books mention that abuse and trauma as well as childhood experiences can effect the number your go to when your in stress (which is number 2 for a 4), and how unhealthy your 2 behavior will go. The way that 4s develop and grow healthier is to integrate to the number 1. Taking on positive traits of the 1 can help. In particular, meaningful action, staying in the here and now, among other things.

Mental illnesses have physical and chemical influences in the brain, and not solely on behavior/personality/trauma. However, there are things that you can do in conjunction with medication/therapy or however you are treating it. Finding ways to integrate to the 1 will be helpful to you, as it is for all 4s. There is a blue book by Riso and Hudson on the Enneagram that is quite extensive in detailing how a 4 can develop and grow.
 

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Hi,

I googled '4w5 BPD' and came across your thread. I was diagnosed for BPD by a professional though my therapist maintains I never had it. However, I do relate to the thought patterns and some behaviours seen among those with BPD. Anyway labels don't matter. The point is I have had serious issues. I'm also an INFJ and also a 4w5. I don't know if any of this has exactly what to do with how I am. But maybe it's just how I am. You mentioned you love doing research, well so do I. I can obsessively research about something for days/weeks/months. Life hasn't been a walk in the park. I was an unhappy kid with a very unhappy childhood. The way I responded to my childhood has lead me to shut down and push people away if they get too close. I haven't been 'off the charts' really and have been quite functional (good academic performer at University, high performing employee) so most people don't realize what I might be going through. My husband is the only person I've been with a long period of time and it was because of this that I came to realize my inherent mistrust in the world, emotional agitation, deep sadness and a crazy craving for a very deep emotional contact yet fearing it at the same time are in fact not normal. I underwent Dialectical behaviour therapy. It was good but by that point I was already working on the same things as I was being taught. So I've been hard at work since early last year and the good news is that life has gotten 100 times better than before. I still have some ways to go before I can say I don't suffer from anxiety on a daily basis but it's so much better than before. I'm slowly learning to let people in my life. I'm finding human connection to be very healing but I have to be careful as I don't want to use anyone as a crutch either.

You are not alone. I think there are many more. Just don't lose hope in yourself. Hope and faith in yourself are what will help you most. Try opening up to your boyfriend at a pace that's comfortable for you. Are you seeing a therapist? A good therapist can be very helpful. Also helpful is not putting labels on yourself. It's ironic because I still google labels like 4w5, INFJ and BPD :) But I know that not thinking constantly about what's wrong with me and what diagnosis should fit me perfectly really helps.

What other questions do you have?


Just learned about enneagram recently. Took many tests and I think I'm type 4w5.
Anyway, I have also recently diagnosed myself to have a borderline personality disorder. Now I'm just wondering if it's my bpd that contributed to the type 4w5 result?

I have always had relationship problems with other people. I've always been an emotional person and in a family of 9 kids, I have always felt I'm different from everyone. No one cries as much as I do. Everyone seems to enjoy life in this big family, but I always wonder. Why do I have be born into such a big family with my dad who has so many wives and kids? My parents are divorced. My mother was the first wife and she left the house because my dad was abusive.

Anyway, I was just an unhappy kid with unhappy childhood. I grew up longing for a close, deep and meaningful relationship so I turned to finding a boyfriend. I have always been in a relationship since 15. Never been single longer than 8 months. I always look for the type of guy who can provide me love and security. But for some reason, I always end up fighting with them, pushing them away even though I don't want them to go away (BPD). So my current boyfriend opened my eyes. He said I got issues. I thought everyone was like me just behind closed doors, they act different. My boyfriend said "no! I have never seen anyone act like this. This is unacceptable." So I did a lot of research - something I enjoy very much. At first, I thought I was bipolar but it just didn't click then I learned about BPD and now it all makes sense.

After finding out about my BPD, I learned about enneagram and took the test and I'm a 4 BUT now I'm wondering. Am I a 4 because of my BPD or I have BPD because I'm a 4??

Maybe it doesn't matter, but I really wonder if there's anyone out there like me? I think a combination of type 4 and BPD isn't good at all. Please share with me your experiences. For all I know, I have been a very unhealthy type 4 and I really want to fix that. I'm working on my BPD on my own at the moment. I want to be better but I still feel really lost.

I have so many questions but I will save them for later so it's not too confusing. Thank you.
 

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I would say that your being a type 4 and having BPD are intertwined, but I don't think one came before the other. Borderline isn't hereditary; it's usually a result of an environment. So type 4 and BPD are just two (among other) different components of your personality, and they overlap. My sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but she's a type 1.
 

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I was very recently diagnosed by both my psychiatrist and therapist as having borderline personality disorder. I have to strongly advise you against diagnosing yourself; if you really think you have this, you need to seek help from a professional immediately. I had no idea how much I needed help until I got on some mood-stabilizing medications.

As far as mental illness goes, I don't think all 4s have BPD, or all BPD are 4s. It's just that a lot of the characteristics of BPD are 4ish - and also 7ish - so the two can overlap. However, having Borderline qualities does not mean that you have the disorder. Impulsivity, moodiness, emptiness, self-destructive behaviors... those are just a few symptoms, but you have to have had a persuasive pattern throughout your life in order for it to be a disorder. You can display all criteria at different times of your life, it doesn't mean you have BPD.

But yeah, I think it is true that certain types are more prone to have certain personality disorders.
 

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I have a question for all you guys, I hope someone answers, because I'm not sure what I should do. The man I love (infp/4) is showing all the traits of BPD. He has no idea, he's in so much pain, and we're not seeing each other anymore because he pushed me away (though he's been trying to come back) Should I tell him what I'm thinking? How???? This is going to destroy him isn't it? Really hope you can help me!! :)
 
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