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9 Posts
Just learned about enneagram recently. Took many tests and I think I'm type 4w5.
Anyway, I have also recently diagnosed myself to have a borderline personality disorder. Now I'm just wondering if it's my bpd that contributed to the type 4w5 result?
I have always had relationship problems with other people. I've always been an emotional person and in a family of 9 kids, I have always felt I'm different from everyone. No one cries as much as I do. Everyone seems to enjoy life in this big family, but I always wonder. Why do I have be born into such a big family with my dad who has so many wives and kids? My parents are divorced. My mother was the first wife and she left the house because my dad was abusive.
Anyway, I was just an unhappy kid with unhappy childhood. I grew up longing for a close, deep and meaningful relationship so I turned to finding a boyfriend. I have always been in a relationship since 15. Never been single longer than 8 months. I always look for the type of guy who can provide me love and security. But for some reason, I always end up fighting with them, pushing them away even though I don't want them to go away (BPD). So my current boyfriend opened my eyes. He said I got issues. I thought everyone was like me just behind closed doors, they act different. My boyfriend said "no! I have never seen anyone act like this. This is unacceptable." So I did a lot of research - something I enjoy very much. At first, I thought I was bipolar but it just didn't click then I learned about BPD and now it all makes sense.
After finding out about my BPD, I learned about enneagram and took the test and I'm a 4 BUT now I'm wondering. Am I a 4 because of my BPD or I have BPD because I'm a 4??
Maybe it doesn't matter, but I really wonder if there's anyone out there like me? I think a combination of type 4 and BPD isn't good at all. Please share with me your experiences. For all I know, I have been a very unhealthy type 4 and I really want to fix that. I'm working on my BPD on my own at the moment. I want to be better but I still feel really lost.
I have so many questions but I will save them for later so it's not too confusing. Thank you.
Anyway, I have also recently diagnosed myself to have a borderline personality disorder. Now I'm just wondering if it's my bpd that contributed to the type 4w5 result?
I have always had relationship problems with other people. I've always been an emotional person and in a family of 9 kids, I have always felt I'm different from everyone. No one cries as much as I do. Everyone seems to enjoy life in this big family, but I always wonder. Why do I have be born into such a big family with my dad who has so many wives and kids? My parents are divorced. My mother was the first wife and she left the house because my dad was abusive.
Anyway, I was just an unhappy kid with unhappy childhood. I grew up longing for a close, deep and meaningful relationship so I turned to finding a boyfriend. I have always been in a relationship since 15. Never been single longer than 8 months. I always look for the type of guy who can provide me love and security. But for some reason, I always end up fighting with them, pushing them away even though I don't want them to go away (BPD). So my current boyfriend opened my eyes. He said I got issues. I thought everyone was like me just behind closed doors, they act different. My boyfriend said "no! I have never seen anyone act like this. This is unacceptable." So I did a lot of research - something I enjoy very much. At first, I thought I was bipolar but it just didn't click then I learned about BPD and now it all makes sense.
After finding out about my BPD, I learned about enneagram and took the test and I'm a 4 BUT now I'm wondering. Am I a 4 because of my BPD or I have BPD because I'm a 4??
Maybe it doesn't matter, but I really wonder if there's anyone out there like me? I think a combination of type 4 and BPD isn't good at all. Please share with me your experiences. For all I know, I have been a very unhealthy type 4 and I really want to fix that. I'm working on my BPD on my own at the moment. I want to be better but I still feel really lost.
I have so many questions but I will save them for later so it's not too confusing. Thank you.