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I don't know if I would use the word "co-dependent", but I do occasionally do things I don't agree with or support to keep close ties with a friend. Example: I am an avowed atheist...the kind that would love to halt religion around the world. My best friend happens to be a christian, and I have more than once helped with one of his church thingys because I just wanted to spend time with him/ keep us close.
 

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THE IRON GIANT
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I've had tendencies that could easily be seen as codependent. I was married to a two for more than a decade who became disabled and very dependent upon me. Eventually her health started to improve, but my position in the relationship did not. By the end I was doing pretty much everything for both of us just to keep the status quo. Sixes and twos are supposed to be very compatible. When she needed me, I was there. Eventually she relied on me even when she didn't need me, and when the stress poured on, I resented it but couldn't stop out of loyalty. It certainly greased the wheels when other circumstances put divorce on the table. :sad:
 

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awww, this is a great dilemma inside me. Well, not so much ... lately, if I see myself being co-dependant, I run the other way. I don't mean co-dependant on one person...I mean little things I observe in myself, such as going along with the group when I'd rather be reading. I find it really annoying that most things I do are for other people. I like getting back to myself.

But for the most part, I'm frighteningly independant. Too independant, you could muse.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Codependency is probably a big deal with sixes. There's a decent sense of security, I would think, from feeling like you and another person absolutely need each other.
So I hear. Bleh. It doesn't help that I also have a 2 fix.
 
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MOTM Nov 2010
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Sorry to be dense, but what is a 2 fix?
Advanced Concepts
The personality types are grouped into "triads." 2, 3, and 4 are in the Heart Triad; 5, 6, and 7 are in the Thinking/Head Triad; and 8, 9, and 1 are in the Instinctive/Gut Triad. The personalities in each of these triads are usually making decisions based either on relationships and emotions (Heart Triad), logic and mental processes (Thinking Triad), or gut and action-oriented processes (Instinctive Triad). Read the full description for a full understanding of the triads.

There is also a more subtle element of the Enneagram personality theory called a "trifix." It basically states that your personality may be subtly influenced not only by your primary personality type, but also by two other personality types in the opposing triads. So if you are a type 4, which is in the Heart Triad, but you also identify strongly with the description of a type 6, which is in the Head Triad, and you notice yourself consistently acting much like a type 1, which is in the Instinctive Triad, then your trifix will be something like 4/6/1. Type 4 personality characteristics are your ego's "primary fixation" and type 6 personality characteristics are you ego's "co-fixation," while type 1 personality characteristics also provide a frame of mind for your ego to become fixated on.

One quote explains the nature of the trifix this way: "The Ego is like a fearful entity living inside the nine-sided house who becomes convinced that the outside is dangerous and that it is most likely to see and be able to respond to this perceived danger by looking through three particular windows. Because the Ego is very fearful, it spends a great deal of time fixated on the view through these three windows. It may set up chairs with binoculars in front of these windows; it will become very familiar with these three particular views. Every time the Ego feels particularly or suddenly threatened, it will immediately go to these windows. The Ego is Fixated in these three Domains. "

Of course, the trifix is a smaller aspect of the Enneagram theory and should not concern you if you are only just starting to determine your type. Only later when you notice some consistent characteristics in yourself which are similar to personalities in other triads should you become interested in finding out your trifix.
The Enneagram Blogspot

You can see my trifix in my sig (6-9-2). Six is still my core. The anxiety runs through my other fixes.
 
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I used to slip into a feeling of co-dependency, as if I couldn't survive by myself because I'm too (timid, weak, young, lonely, stupid, etc.). It's been a huge struggle for me to realize that I can be independent.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Co-dependency also means I don't have to look at my own problems and can continue to hang onto the pride of being "okay". Meh. The damn broke open today. I'm pissed at myself. I'm banishing myself to the corner where I belong. Or maybe I'll go bug the 2s for awhile....
 
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THE IRON GIANT
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I used to slip into a feeling of co-dependency, as if I couldn't survive by myself because I'm too (timid, weak, young, lonely, stupid, etc.). It's been a huge struggle for me to realize that I can be independent.
For me, being free of codependency has been a balancing act between being there for someone and wanting to do everything for them. It's been tough, but I think I'm really there now, at last. I have to think about everything I say sometimes, depending on my level of excitement. Which sounds pretty awful I guess. :frustrating:
 

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For me, being free of codependency has been a balancing act between being there for someone and wanting to do everything for them. It's been tough, but I think I'm really there now, at last. I have to think about everything I say sometimes, depending on my level of excitement. Which sounds pretty awful I guess. :frustrating:
I think everyone has to do that at some point. It's not awful to try to watch your words.
 

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I was encouraged to join some co-dependency groups
when I went to the hospital a year and a half ago for
suicidal ideations. I told the doc. I wasnt feeling well
and thats why.

He said I didn't value myself and it took me at least
a year to understand what he meant. That I really
didnt value myself.

Codependency has a lot to do with not respecting yourself.
Those people tend to get into relationships where they
arent warranted much of an opinion.

It seems comforting at first because you dont really
know what you want in many ways. Though its an
unhealthy environment. Anybody who wants to tell you
what to do doesnt care like they should.

They might be more apt to abuse, have addictions,
or do things in such a way you have no say and
give in to what they want all the time.

The way to overcome it is to learn how to
have boundaries. To learn what you like
and dislike and to stand firm in who you are
and what you want.

I am finally getting out of a codependent relationship
that I got into when I was 18. I was used to having
a religion tell me everything I needed to do in my
life. What I ate drank, did, who I loved, everything was told to me.

So, when I left it for my bf. He kind of filled those
shoes for me. I had very little say. Didnt get to eat
what I wanted, choose out things I wanted, ect.
He has a nastey drug problem and it comes before food
sometimes. I'm finally getting out.

I only share this to sympathize with anybody
else who might have that issue.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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I

I am finally getting out of a codependent relationship
that I got into when I was 18. I was used to having
a religion tell me everything I needed to do in my
life. What I ate drank, did, who I loved, everything was told to me.
Thank you for sharing this Ethel. I'm wondering how common this background is for sixes. I know I can relate. I moved from parents, to religion to religion, to relationship to relationship, etc.

About 3 years ago I went to a specialized counselor to stop the cycle of unhealthy relationships. I remember when the counselor told me "We are going to work on you hearing your own voice." It was so incredibly small at the time. I had taken other's advice for years. I remember my response to the therapist was "I'm just not sure which one is my voice and which one is my anxiety?" She assured me that eventually I would know the difference. Someday, it would be obvious. But I had to keep on tending my own garden.

Recently I discovered I also have a 2 image fix. This has been a powerful discovery for me. Actually, the realization left a bitter taste in my mouth at first. I can see how my two fix has helped my 6 motivations over the years and in intimate relationships. It's been tough to stop the knee jerk reaction of giving to others what I should be giving to myself.
 

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Hmm I don't know. I keep myself quite separate from other people, but this could be because I intuitively suspect myself to have the nature to be co-dependent. I struggle with some of my relationships if I don't have enough feedback from othes because I'm left with only my thoughts of what the relationship means, I am co-dependent on reassurance from others, if you will.

My natural tendency is to back off from relationships with people who I don't feel share enough with me, then they tend to get annoyed that I'm not sharing enough. I find it bizarre because they're doing the exact same thing with me yet they're allowed to complain about it and I'm not..?

*shrug*
 

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MOTM January 2013
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I used to be codependent but I wouldn't say im am too much anymore. I don't like being codependent because it just strips me of my identity, I can't seem to form my own opinions anymore which eventually makes me extrememly depressed and resentful. I won't indulge in codependent behaviours.
 
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