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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I'd like to make my final remarks. These are more for myself than for anyone else. I am an extravert and think out loud. Writing helps me in some ways more than talking because I think more about the words and I can look at them afterwards.

I never fully resonated with any of the enneagram types. None of them gave me the epiphany about who I was and why I did things until I admitted to myself the possibility that I was an 8. I had ruled out the possibility because I didn't like what I read. To me, type 8 sounded like a "bad guy." Type 8 reminded me of anal retentive control freaks (who I now understand to be type 1s), and people like my old boss who loomed over his employees with the look in his eyes that if they did one thing he didn't like they would be fired in an instant. I saw the fear in their eyes when he walked by. He showed me a screen on his computer where he could see the view of surveillance cameras and watch his employees all day.
The way he ran his ship irritated me. He was losing money because his employees resented him. They feared him but didn't love him.
No one respected him because they all knew if it weren't for his father's fortune keeping the business afloat, no one would be there in the first place. And my boss knew that, too. It puzzled me why everyone played along with this charade, how they could allow a tyrant to treat them that way, no one stood up to him.
I made friends with his father because I respected his father.
So he actually yelled at me and tried to intimidate me during work.
I looked at him with anger and bit my tongue. I knew he wanted me to fight back so that he would have an excuse to fire me.
I defiantly told him about process improvements that might make his business money. I tried to help him as a means of correcting the power balance. I could not stand seeing people cowering in fear under a tyrant. It makes me so angry when people act like they don't have control over their situation.
My boss came in one day complaining he couldn't sleep that night. He couldn't sleep and neither could I. We were in a power struggle.
I told his most trusted and valuable employee that she was valuable so that she would demand more money and no longer take the abuse he dished her on a daily basis. The way everyone played into his fear mongering meant that I also had to lose power in order to play along and keep my position and I could not handle this. I worked hard to compensate for what I was doing. I wanted my job and I wanted my power. But when it came down to it, I decided to keep power instead of my job which in hindsight was stupid. But it made me so angry. I knew what I was doing but I didn't, if that makes any sense. I learn from every experience and now I will be more prepared to deal with this kind of situation in the future. I have to figure out what happened before I can let something go. I have a need to learn from every failure.
I made his father happy and kept in close communication with him which flaunted the fact that my boss was in fact not the man in power. And when my boss fired me he said, defiantly, "My father does not run this business. I do."

I've always thought of myself as someone who could withstand anything.
I started smoking because:
1. My mother told me not to.
2. I wanted to see what it was like to be addicted to something and then quit. I viewed it as a test. When I quit smoking, I will have truly won a test of will power and I will know I am all that I desire to be.

I am very aware of the balance of power in any room.
I refuse to back down.
I can't stand relying on other people.
When I give, I give without expectation to receive.
I might have a strong sense of ethics as ENFx is a perspective that concerns emotions and ethics are nothing if not emotion.
I take my ethics into arguments of efficiency.
It is simply inefficient, ineffective business design to rule employees with pure fear.
The business was losing 25,000$ a year because of my boss's poor management style.
And it probably still is. But I don't care anymore because I don't work there.
It only concerned me when I worked there because there was an improper power balance which meant, the inequality extended to me. It was akin to him paying his employees well so he could go into work and see what he could get away with in regards to disrespect. Literally, he used verbal abuse to intimidate me. I knew he would. It's like paying someone 10$ to punch them as hard as you can.
Anyone worthy of my respect would treat me with respect.
I am most aware of my motive when I am at a party and there are women gathered or when a woman comes up and flirts with my SO.
I know what man I've got and I know how to keep him mine.
She flirts with him not because she's horny. She flirts with him because he's holding my hand. I hate when men never see that for what it is. She's only into him because he's got a beautiful woman on his arm. And I am deeply skeptical about which man I choose for this reason.
If he cheats on me, it's about power. The other woman proves she is more powerful than me by luring my man astray. I have zero tolerance for characteristics that would indicate a man's wandering eye. If he so much as checks out another woman in my presence, we have a problem.
When I meet don juans, I make friends with them but never sleep with them. It gives me pleasure to move the relationship dynamic from one where he believes he can seduce me to one where I dangle true love of friendship and attraction in front of him and then never give it to him.

This whole thread was a power struggle. EOP and I both knew it. Apparently no one else did. And I attribute that to the fact that EOP and I are both a very rare breed of woman: ENFP type 8.
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