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Discussion Starter #1
I am looking for outside opinion regarding type: I'm interested in developing more conscious habits that will be rewarding in creating a positive, successful and overall satisfying life.


Prerequisites

What age range are you in?
23, 24 in less than a month.

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
ADHD.


Further Insight:
Breast implants, 500cc High Profile
Half a vial of Restylane injected under my eyes
Drive an Audi
Management position, work history has been luxury car dealerships.
Lives in a 5 bedroom, two story home in what is essentially a gated community

* I have been on/off studying the Enneagram for just over three years. I believe myself to be a sx/sp instinctual stack.
* I relate to components of 1, 3 and 4 (no order).
* I relate least to types 7, 8 and 9 (no order).
* I gravitate towards types 3, 8 and 9 (unintentional) (no order) (mainly romantic).
* I give little energy and have little involvement for friends outside of my relationship. I make time for their friends, not my own. My life will revolve around the person I am dating and so will my positive/negative motivations ie. everything else in life can be hell, but if my relationship is good, there is potential and I am capable - if my everything in my life is good, but my relationship is suffering, I feel as though I am falling apart and have trouble concentrating.



Main Questions

1.) What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

My life is about working towards having a truly satisfying experience and feeling engaged with my existence. Embodied. I am driven by the idea of having a deep and successful relationship with someone admirable and accomplished, beautiful home in a coveted area, luxury vehicles, a coveted highly intellectual position that pays extremely well.



2.) What were you like as a kid?

I was a loner. I had no friends and did not cry over this. It just was. It wasn't something that I got upset over, because it wasn't something I felt in control of. I didn't know how to build friendships or further develop connections, so I was alone. I stood by myself throughout lunch hours, waiting for them to be done and hoping an adult supervisor wouldn't attempt to "intervene" by encouraging inclusion. I had cut my hair short like a boy, was tall and awkward - I never felt pretty nor feminine as a child.



3.) Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

Resistant and conflicted relationship. Not interested in elaborating further. Minimal emotional connection, little current communication.



4.) What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

Accomplishment - aesthetically pleasing, enviable ownership, perfect and satisfying relationship, professional excellence

Purpose - professional, romantic validates personal existence, social is only relevant as a means of communicating it not validating or supporting it.

Attractiveness - if I am accomplished and perfect to the ideal then I am attractive.

I hope to avoid being undesirable and dependent.



5.) Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

I can't say there is a greater fear beyond shame. However, the feelings I fear - I have felt. I know they are possible and this motivates me to work away from them.


6.) a.) How do you see yourself?

As a constant work in progress.


b.) How do you want others to see you?

I want others to see me as desirable - attractive, accomplished, competent and respectable. I want to be seen as the ideal.


c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

I dislike emotional immaturity and clouded judgement, as well as self-entitled behaviour mixed with a degree of dependence that is not age appropriate.



7.) Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).

a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. (2)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you (3)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. (1)



8.) Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

"The wandering mind" takes me to whatever needs to be taken care of, which often prompts me to write a list to organize what needs to get done. Additionally, it can also bring me to reflect on what "things" (action, material, accomplishment) I want to get done in order to support personal growth, development and enhancement. This is also organized into a list that spawns many sub-lists. The mental direction is rarely provoked to this path, as it is more of a natural tendency and the general purpose/associated act (lists + action plans + research) are satisfying because I feel in control of the process.



9.) What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

Best: There are two answers to this question. I feel my best when I prove, mostly through work but also through action or explanation, that I am able to solve a problem/identify an unknown issue and explain the cause and solution/display competency and capability in a capacity or area that exceeds others. This is in sync with being aesthetically pleasing without the appearance of too much effort: A beautiful face with perfect features and minimal makeup, shiny healthy hair that others have to ask if it's dyed (almost black), an unreal figure (5'11, 130 lbs, 30 DDD) and non-trendy but attractive clothing (combination of sexy and professional, or casual and sexy). I feel my absolute best when I have an intimate connection that feels both energizing and stabilizing with someone who I feel borderline "spiritually" synced to, a calm intense feeling of unjudged love and acceptance/respect that doesn't feel insincere or shallow. Connection. It will colour my life, give life to my life, etc. Every "best" feeling will always be secondary and any "worst" can be turned down.

I feel my worst in a situation that is characterized by a reversal in any of the above, particularly the last point. I feel my worst when I'm unable to apply and demonstrate either an ability or competence. I feel my worst when I can't identify causes or sources, thus am unable to explain or resolve. I feel my worst when my knowledge and resources are not fit or an incorrect fit, as well as lack there-of. I feel my worst when I do not feel physically attractive (overtired, outfit, made up, zit, bloated). I feel people consider me lesser than if i am not the most beautiful person in the room. I feel my absolute worst when I feel a change of a connection. I begin feeling I need to reestablish my value as a developed, resourceful, pragmatic and accomplished person. I begin to try and "casually" demonstrate intelligence, insight, competence, resourcefulness. I also become focused on how attractive I am, trying to preserve and enhance it - I have to be the most attractive (by all measures) and sexually appealing female. I have to be the ultimate gift. They can't not have me. This is all fuelled by a lot of subconscious mourning of the loss of connection. Accompanied by a feeling of having to win acceptance, prove value and earn respect. The best is my security, the worst is a reaction to feeling it has been lost.



10.) Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:

a.) Anger

Anger is often my response to someone behaving in a way that I can deem punishable, their behaviour becomes interpreted in what I'll view as objective and evaluated as malicious or unforgivably stupid (ie. careless) intent. My anger can manifest as controlled and cutting, or it can explode like a nuclear bomb. Not as often, it can motivated almost insidious behaviour. I am able to allow the feeling of anger activate in me physically, as oppose to sadness which I have an extremely low tolerance of. I resist sadness and will often rephrase the situation to seek solace in anger instead. Anger is a drug - in habit, use, destruction and recovery.

b.) Shame

Shame is not foreign, but it isn't common. When it does occur, it is extremely pronounced and results in a lot of reflection. Shame is usually a response to discovering, from someone else, that my actions and behaviour has been interpreted or had an opposite affect than I had intended - the actions and behaviour would have been very deliberate in support of a specific motive or goal, so that would be the cause for shame. Shame is very discouraging. The silver lining on the black cloud is at least I can see the information as transformative.

c.) Anxiety

Anxiety can be a gateway drug to anger, but it most often is just a state that I abuse when I am already questioning myself to keep myself down. Anxiety is energizing but in an unpleasant way. I FEEL out of control when I feel anxious and it makes me feel EITHER vulnerable or susceptible to making mistakes. It clouds my thoughts.



11.) Describe how you respond to the following:

a.) Stress

Anger, shame or anxiety. Whichever will satisfy.

b.) Negative unexpected change

Anger or anxiety, whichever has the better chance of an expected outcome.

c.) Conflict

I will try to avoid engaging in conflict that is clearly self-defeating - "arguing with an idiot will only make you one." If I must, I usually become cold/distant and cutting. At worst, I am maliciously strategic in actions that are punishing (hacking, collecting information to use against them, etc.)



12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?

I am the pretty, reserved one that doesn't need to validate my presence by drawing attention to myself or befriending anyone and everyone. I have a MATERIAL professional and/or intellectual advantage on everyone, on top of it. I will give indication that I can be an engaged and approachable human by acting very openly with a limited FEW people who I have existing exposure or relationships with. I am often someone special's girlfriend in the group. Because of this in combination with the above, people can't not notice me and want to get to know me. However, this isn't necessarily a thrill nor satisfying. This is just a part I play to get through and move through the motions of these situations. It's the most appreciable yet least involved of my options, LEAST exhausting. It's also self-supporting. Put out little personality and more role, retain superficiality that is appropriate. I like to be the girl their friends wish they had.


b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?

I behave like a mentor, not a dictator. I'm like a teacher or paid guider, not a powerboat.


c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

Not if they are qualified to own the authority over myself and others. It isn't even a rebellious act, it's just a calm loss of respect that will outline their image.



13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

14.) Comment on your relationship with trust.

My attitude towards trust tends to not be a primary focus, nor motivator, in the majority of scenarios. The ownership is different than implied by the question - I don't consider my sense of self defined by trust. It's never, "I don't trust you/I trust too easily." It's either I trust someone and thus, do not worry about it, or "I don't trust you because __" (insert reason that explains distrust in reference to a situation).

▫ To generalize a little more, I may not trust someone to have my best interest in mind but that is supported by what I recognize as an understanding associated with either what tends to be human condition or personal personality characteristics I have observed. Trust, in itself, doesn't spark any reactive thoughts or feelings.



15.) Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

Religion is a social tool used to make sense of human existence and validate meaningfulness of human life on earth, "humanizing" occurrence of it ("there is a grand purpose"). As with any practice that combines beliefs and lifestyle into a well-defined category (religion, politics, nation), it's a personal matter that remains irrelevant as long as it's not abused or misused. I believe that religion is more inviting to most over the alternatives - People can find Science too dark and Philosophy not user-friendly. My beliefs are rooted in philosophy, with an appreciation of science, and are not religious.

There are no past, nor current, political figures or structures that I identify with for the actual content. If anything, the dedication and passion is what's inspirational. I have political beliefs that naturally reflect my perception of what is good/bad and what is right/wrong and what is the right/wrong way to manifest good + what is the right/wrong way to correct bad. Due to having no identifiable affiliation, my political beliefs are better represented as my ethical beliefs.

Of course my "religious" and "political" beliefs, ie. my perspective on meaning and opinion on organizing human life, has influenced my answers. My attitude towards systems that have such a heavy affect on both people and society is "defining" by default.





Extra Questions

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
If I am the best, I am desirable. If I am the best, no one can be more desirable than me. If I am the best then my partner will be more proud and affectionate towards me (note: does not reflect an absence of these qualities, working to maintain and enhance them.)

- To be without needs, well-intentioned
If I have needs that are not forgivable, then I am dependent. If I am dependent, I am not attractive. If I need things, I do not choose things. I lose ground. I lose influence. I am weak.

- To replace direct experience with concepts
If I can intellectualize my experiences then I can view them as information to use as reference, not feel them. If I am not fully engaged, then I do not have everything to lose and I will be conscious (not overrun by feelings and action.)

- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
I must apply my superior moral judgement or I am no better than those who I consider less developed.

- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
Escapism, practice.
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Extra Material

1.) Select all of your fears.
- The fear of deprivation and pain. ✔
- The fear of lacking a unique, significant identity. ✔ (note: unique is irrelevant, childish in my opinion to stress)
- The fear of being evil or corrupt.
- The fear of being harmed or controlled by others.
- The fear of being unloved or unwanted by others. ✔
- The fear of loss and separation from others.
- The fear of being unaccomplished and worthless. ✔
- The fear of being helpless and inadequate. ✔

- The fear of being without support or guidance.

2) Choose your three worst tendencies.
- Becoming frustrated with others because of their faults. ✔
- Conserving everything for yourself.
- Showcasing your successes and failing to admit you have faults. ✔
- Becoming anxious about things that might happen. ✔

- Never being satisfied, constantly wanting to experience more.
- Wanting to acquire what other people have.
- Thinking that others can't help themselves as much as you can.
- Constantly expressing anger.
- Not taking action.

3.) How do you express anger?
- Externalized anger: Openly displayed anger.
- Repressed anger: Avoidance of showing anger openly, but it sometimes manifests as passive-aggressiveness.
- Internalized anger: Harshly criticizing one's self. May also appear as judgmental tendencies. ✔

4.) How do you express shame?
- Externalized shame: Openly displays shame. May manifest as constantly needing approval or positive feedback.
- Repressed shame: Avoidance of shame. May manifest as trying to prove yourself to avoid the shame that you feel. ✔
- Internalized shame: Keeping shame to yourself. May manifest as failure to believe anyone can understand your pain.

5.) How do you express fear?
- Externalized fear: Expresses fear openly by displaying paranoia through hoarding, Information, possessions as well as detachment. ✔
- Repressed fear: Avoidance of showing fear. May manifest as surrounding yourself with safety/security and suspiciousness of the unknown.
- Internalized fear: Keeping fear to yourself. May manifest as engaging in fun activities to avoid facing the fear contained within.

6.) Select all sets of traits that are somewhat like you.
- Strong Willed, Decisive, Tough Minded, Domineering, Controlling, Aggressive.
- Analytical, Knowledgeable, Observant, Detached, Isolated, Nihilistic. ✔
- Unique, Emotional, Creative, Self-Absorbed, Self-Deprecating, Self Conscious. ✔
- Easygoing, Trusting, Conciliatory, Self-Effacing, Escapist, Passive Aggressive.
- Empathetic, Altruistic, Sentimental, People-Pleasing, Manipulative, Victimizing.
- Ambitious, Energetic, Self-Assured, Scheming, Narcissistic, Monomaniacal. ✔
- Loyal, Practical, Trustworthy, Fearful, Distrustful, Defensive.
- Moralistic, Perfectionistic, Self-Disciplined, Self-Righteous, Critical, Obsessive. ✔
- Future Oriented, Extroverted, Open Minded, Compulsive, Reluctant, Arrogant.

7.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Optimistic.
○ Escapist. ✔
○ Adventurous.
○ Extrospective.
○ Compulsive.
○ Hasty.
○ Futuristic.
○ Versatile. ✔
○ Exuberant.
○ Curious. ✔
○ Experiential. ✔

○ Vivacious.
○ Entertaining.
○ Bold.
○ Spontaneous.
○ Enthusiastic.
○ Excessive.
○ Occupied. ✔
○ Materialistic. ✔
○ Pleasure-Seeking.

8.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Dominant.
○ Conning.
○ Autonomous.
○ Self-Confident.
○ Direct. ✔
○ Powerful.
○ Willful.
○ Charismatic.
○ Dynamic.
○ Destructive.
○ Insensitive.
○ Exhibitionistic.
○ Assertive.
○ Protective. ✔
○ Honest.
○ Decisive.
○ Confrontational.
○ Strong.
○ Demonstrative.
○ Aggressive.

9.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Melancholic.
○ Emotional.
○ Sensitive.
○ Refined. ✔
○ Individualistic.
○ Introspective. ✔
○ Self-Absorbed. ✔
○ Temperamental. ✔
○ Pessimistic.
○ Self-Centered. ✔
○ Socially Awkward. ✔
○ Romantic. ✔
○ Negative Self-Image. ✔

○ Low Self-Esteem.
○ Shy. ✔ (mask this as being "too good" or "too busy" to notice/acknowledge others)
○ Idealistic. ✔
○ Complex.
○ Self-Expressive.
○ Self-Indulgent. ✔
○ Fantasizing. ✔


10.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Expressive.
○ Interpersonal.
○ Empowering.
○ Intrusive.
○ Manipulative. ✔
○ Nurturing.
○ Histrionic.
○ Caring.
○ Helpful.
○ Supportive.
○ Prideful.
○ Demanding.
○ Empathetic.
○ Selfless.
○ Entitled.
○ Hysterical.
○ Friendly.
○ Approval-Seeking.
○ Needy.
○ Kindhearted.

11.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Over-Adaptive. ✔
○ Resigning. ✔
○ Paradoxical. ✔
○ Habit-Bound. ✔
○ Distractible. ✔

○ Easygoing.
○ Self-Effacing.
○ Receptive.
○ Agreeable.
○ Stable.
○ Complacent.
○ Indomitable.
○ Conciliatory.
○ Submissive.
○ Passive-Aggressive.
○ Stubborn.
○ Self-Forgetful.
○ Indecisive. ✔
○ Conflict-Avoidant. ✔ (sometimes, only to save energy)
○ Unclear. ✔

12.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Alert. ✔
○ Inventive. ✔
○ Isolated. ✔
○ Contemplative. ✔
○ Private. ✔

○ Fearfully-Uncertain.
○ Independent. ✔
○ Self-Motivated. ✔
○ Withholding. ✔
○ Cold. ✔
○ Insightful. ✔
○ Detached. ✔
○ Observant. ✔
○ Eccentric. ✔

○ Cynical.
○ Cerebral. ✔
○ Analytical. ✔
○ Self-Sufficient. ✔
○ Hypersensitive. ✔
○ Intuitive. ✔


13.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Success-Oriented. ✔
○ Adaptable. ✔
○ Driven. ✔
○ Image-Conscious. ✔
○ Successful. ✔

○ Paragon.
○ Attention-Seeking.
○ Self-Deceptive. ✔
○ Vain. ✔
○ Deceitful. ✔
○ Superficial. ✔
○ Relentless. ✔
○ Insecure. ✔

○ Self-Promoting.
○ Narcissistic. ✔
○ Competitive.
○ Career-Focused. ✔
○ Ambitious. ✔
○ Opportunistic. ✔
○ Motivating. ✔


14.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Self-Criticizing. ✔
○ Critical. ✔
○ Perfectionistic. ✔
○ Controlling. ✔
○ Self-Righteous. ✔
○ Principled. ✔
○ Obsessive. ✔

○ Purist.
○ Realistic. ✔
○ Ethical. ✔

○ Punitive.
○ Disciplined. ✔
○ Rational. ✔

○ Dogmatic.
○ Responsible.
○ Reformer.
○ Fixated. ✔
○ Detail-Oriented. ✔
○ Anger-Rejecting. ✔

○ Serious.

15.) Select all traits that apply to who you are.
○ Security-Oriented.
○ Cautious.
○ Suspicious.
○ Trustworthy.
○ Evasive.
○ Cooperative.
○ Doubtful.
○ Rigid.
○ Dedicated.
○ Mindful.
○ Anxious. ✔
○ Reliable.
○ Committed.
○ Defensive.
○ Loyal.
○ Trusting.
○ Ambivalent.
○ Worrying.
○ Perseverant.
○ Concerned. ✔

16.) I feel that my pain cannot be understood by anyone else.
- True.
- False. ✔

17.) My sense of self is based on my attachment to
- My self image of a successful, valuable person. ✔
- My association/loyalty to important people/groups.
- My idealized, internal harmonious view of the world.
- None of these.

18.) I am confrontational.
- True. ✔ (If I need to confront, I will - I am not needlessly combative)

- False.

19.) I avoid suffering of any kind.
- True. ✔

- False.

20.) My emotional guard is
- Down, so I can let others in.
- Up, but sometimes I let down my guard when I feel safe. ✔
- Up, I don't want anyone to see my vulnerable side.

21.) I wish to be truly understood.
- True.
- False. ✔

22.) I feel frustrated with
- Things that don't live up to my standards, because I care about making things better. ✔

- That being different doesn't get me what I seek, because I will not change who I am to be better appreciated.
- The present, because the search for what I seek is more exciting than the experience.

23.) To further avoid rejection, I
- Try to love others so much that others won't reject me.
- Cut off my emotional needs, so that my lack of emotion will shield me from further rejection.
- Expect it and give off the impression that I can handle it. ✔

24.) I often pretend that my fears don't exist.
- True. ✔
- False.

25.) I will do anything to hear I'm valued.
- True.
- False. ✔

26.) I openly express my anger.
- True. ✔

- False.

27.) I have something missing that I must find.
- True. ✔

- False.

28.) I don't enjoy introspection, because I don't like what I find.
- True.
- False. ✔

29.) I get angry at and criticize myself.
- True. ✔

- False.

30.) I can relate to, "I have value in the eyes of others".
- True. ✔

- False.


31.) When confronted with a problem, I
- Put aside my wants/feelings to remain objective and may not take the feelings of others into account. ✔
- Can easily set aside my own feelings and will cut corners to make things more efficent.
- Tend to withdraw, since I feel I can solve things on my own. ✔
- None of these.

32.) I avoid my anger whenever I can.
- True. ✔

- False.

33.) I enjoy being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
- True.
- False. ✔

34.) I try to keep myself distracted.
- True. ✔

- False.

35.) I have trouble acknowledging my anger.
- True.
- False. ✔

36.) Others notice my anger before I do.
- True.
- False. ✔

37.) I refer to my anger as resentment.
- True. ✔
- False.

38.) I avoid any feelings that are sad and/or painful.
- True. ✔

- False.

39.) I feel annoyed when others don't follow the rules.
- True. ✔

- False.

40.) I try to never show my anger.
- True. ✔

- False.

41.) I tend to hide the fact that I'm vulnerable behind anger.
- True. ✔

- False.


42.) I can relate to, "Why not be angry? It's only an emotion".
- True. ✔

- False.

43.) I have a tendency to make my problems someone else's problems.
- True.
- False. ✔

44.) I need feedback from others to know I'm valued.
- True. ✔ (from significant other only)

- False.

45.) I feel hurt if someone doesn't give me the validation I need.
- True. ✔ (only significant other)

- False.

46.) I avoid the shame I feel.
- True. ✔

- False.

47.) I feel I need to be recognized as impressive by others.
- True. ✔

- False.

48.) I have a tendency to be overly competitive.
- True.
- False. ✔

49.) I feel I must put on an act to earn being valued by others.
- True. ✔

- False.

50.) I feel that others like who I pretend to be more than who I really am.
- True. ✔

- False.

51.) I feel deficient, since I'm not like everyone else.
- True. ✔

- False.

52.) I have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.
- True. ✔

- False.

53.) I feel that the world is terrifying and I must prepare for it.
- True. ✔

- False.

54.) I tend to be easily overwhelmed.
- True. ✔

- False.

55.) I detach from my emotions.
- True. ✔

- False.

56.) I'm more comfortable dealing with thought than emotions.
- True. ✔

- False.

57.) Becoming more knowledgeable helps me feel less empty.
- True. ✔

- False.

58.) Being in control of my environment helps me feel secure.
- True. ✔

- False.

59.) My fear shows itself through worry/aggressive behavior.
- True. ✔

- False.

60.) I am suspicious of the unknown.
- True.
- False. ✔

61.) I feel that I cannot trust myself, nor the outside world.
- True.
- False. ✔

62.) I choose to adapt in order to
- Be closer to the expectations/values of others, so I can receive validation. ✔
- Be consistent with the beliefs of a figure or system, so I can gain security.
- Get along well with others, so I can attain harmony.
- None of these.

63.) My sense of self is based on my search for the ideal
- Autonomy; Perfection and self control. ✔
- Attention; Someone who completely understands and appreciates me. ✔

- Security and contentment; What awaits.
- None of these.

64.) My gift that I can offer to prevent rejection is
- My heart; I focus on the needs of others and help them however I can. ✔
- My intelligence; I offer my expertise in hopes that it will be appreciated. ✔

- My strength and will; I offer my power and know I can be depended on for leadership and strength.
- None of these.

65.) I get into conflicts by being
- Overly moody, temperamental and self-absorbed. ✔

- Too pessimistic, suspicious and doubtful.
- Too willful, defiant and confrontational.
- None of these.

66.) I get into conflicts by being
- Too clingy, worried and self-important.
- Impatient, irresponsible and excessive. ✔
- Too complacent, inattentive and stubborn.
- None of these.

67.) I get into conflicts by being
- Too impatient, rigid and critical. ✔/B]
- Too competitive, insincere and boastful.
- Too detached, isolated and provocative. ✔
- None of these.

68.) In terms of needs, I tend to
- Reject my own in favor of the needs of others.
- Reject the needs of others in favor for my own.
- Try to balance the needs of others with my own. ✔

69.) I am non-confrontational.
- True.
- False. ✔

70.) I don't like to acknowledge that I get angry.
- True.
- False. ✔

71.) I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive.
- True.
- False. ✔

72.) I express my anger to get what I want.
- True. ✔

- False.
 

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I am looking for outside opinion regarding type: I'm interested in developing more conscious habits that will be rewarding in creating a positive, successful and overall satisfying life.


Prerequisites

What age range are you in?
23, 24 in less than a month.

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
ADHD.


Further Insight:
Breast implants, 500cc High Profile
Half a vial of Restylane injected under my eyes
Drive an Audi
Management position, work history has been luxury car dealerships.
Lives in a 5 bedroom, two story home in what is essentially a gated community
...lmao, k.

* I have been on/off studying the Enneagram for just over three years. I believe myself to be a sx/sp instinctual stack.
* I relate to components of 1, 3 and 4 (no order).
* I relate least to types 7, 8 and 9 (no order).
* I gravitate towards types 3, 8 and 9 (unintentional) (no order) (mainly romantic).
* I give little energy and have little involvement for friends outside of my relationship. I make time for their friends, not my own. My life will revolve around the person I am dating and so will my positive/negative motivations ie. everything else in life can be hell, but if my relationship is good, there is potential and I am capable - if my everything in my life is good, but my relationship is suffering, I feel as though I am falling apart and have trouble concentrating.
Focusing on relationships is not necessarily sx, however, the general vibe you have is sx-first, so I don't think your instinctual stacking is incorrect.

1.) What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
My life is about working towards having a truly satisfying experience and feeling engaged with my existence. Embodied. I am driven by the idea of having a deep and successful relationship with someone admirable and accomplished, beautiful home in a coveted area, luxury vehicles, a coveted highly intellectual position that pays extremely well.
7ish, with the acquiring of possessions and material luxury.

2.) What were you like as a kid?
I was a loner. I had no friends and did not cry over this. It just was. It wasn't something that I got upset over, because it wasn't something I felt in control of. I didn't know how to build friendships or further develop connections, so I was alone. I stood by myself throughout lunch hours, waiting for them to be done and hoping an adult supervisor wouldn't attempt to "intervene" by encouraging inclusion. I had cut my hair short like a boy, was tall and awkward - I never felt pretty nor feminine as a child.
This suggests a withdrawn type.

3.) Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
Resistant and conflicted relationship. Not interested in elaborating further. Minimal emotional connection, little current communication.
I want to know why this is, but I won't push if you don't want to elaborate. Understandable.

4.) What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
Accomplishment - aesthetically pleasing, enviable ownership, perfect and satisfying relationship, professional excellence
Image type-ish. Maybe 3.

Purpose -
professional, romantic validates personal existence, social is only relevant as a means of communicating it not validating or supporting it.
Image type.

Attractiveness -
if I am accomplished and perfect to the ideal then I am attractive.
3.

I hope to avoid being undesirable and dependent.
Autonomy suggests a competent type, not wanting to be undesirable is sx-first.

5.) Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I can't say there is a greater fear beyond shame. However, the feelings I fear - I have felt. I know they are possible and this motivates me to work away from them.
4.

6.) a.) How do you see yourself?
As a constant work in progress.
Betting yourself, "working" - 3.

b.) How do you want others to see you?
I want others to see me as desirable - attractive, accomplished, competent and respectable. I want to be seen as the ideal.
3ish and sx-firstish.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
I dislike emotional immaturity and clouded judgement, as well as self-entitled behaviour mixed with a degree of dependence that is not age appropriate.
Competent type.

7.) Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. (2)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you (3)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. (1)
Not type specific, but certainly helps to narrow it down.

8.) Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
"The wandering mind" takes me to whatever needs to be taken care of, which often prompts me to write a list to organize what needs to get done. Additionally, it can also bring me to reflect on what "things" (action, material, accomplishment) I want to get done in order to support personal growth, development and enhancement. This is also organized into a list that spawns many sub-lists. The mental direction is rarely provoked to this path, as it is more of a natural tendency and the general purpose/associated act (lists + action plans + research) are satisfying because I feel in control of the process.
3, very 3.

9.) What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best: There are two answers to this question. I feel my best when I prove, mostly through work but also through action or explanation, that I am able to solve a problem/identify an unknown issue and explain the cause and solution/display competency and capability in a capacity or area that exceeds others. This is in sync with being aesthetically pleasing without the appearance of too much effort: A beautiful face with perfect features and minimal makeup, shiny healthy hair that others have to ask if it's dyed (almost black), an unreal figure (5'11, 130 lbs, 30 DDD) and non-trendy but attractive clothing (combination of sexy and professional, or casual and sexy). I feel my absolute best when I have an intimate connection that feels both energizing and stabilizing with someone who I feel borderline "spiritually" synced to, a calm intense feeling of unjudged love and acceptance/respect that doesn't feel insincere or shallow. Connection. It will colour my life, give life to my life, etc. Every "best" feeling will always be secondary and any "worst" can be turned down.
3 and sx.

I feel my worst in a situation that is characterized by a reversal in any of the above, particularly the last point. I feel my worst when I'm unable to apply and demonstrate either an ability or competence. I feel my worst when I can't identify causes or sources, thus am unable to explain or resolve. I feel my worst when my knowledge and resources are not fit or an incorrect fit, as well as lack there-of. I feel my worst when I do not feel physically attractive (overtired, outfit, made up, zit, bloated). I feel people consider me lesser than if i am not the most beautiful person in the room. I feel my absolute worst when I feel a change of a connection. I begin feeling I need to reestablish my value as a developed, resourceful, pragmatic and accomplished person. I begin to try and "casually" demonstrate intelligence, insight, competence, resourcefulness. I also become focused on how attractive I am, trying to preserve and enhance it - I have to be the most attractive (by all measures) and sexually appealing female. I have to be the ultimate gift. They can't not have me. This is all fuelled by a lot of subconscious mourning of the loss of connection. Accompanied by a feeling of having to win acceptance, prove value and earn respect. The best is my security, the worst is a reaction to feeling it has been lost.
Again, sx 3.

10.) Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) Anger

Anger is often my response to someone behaving in a way that I can deem punishable, their behaviour becomes interpreted in what I'll view as objective and evaluated as malicious or unforgivably stupid (ie. careless) intent. My anger can manifest as controlled and cutting, or it can explode like a nuclear bomb. Not as often, it can motivated almost insidious behaviour. I am able to allow the feeling of anger activate in me physically, as oppose to sadness which I have an extremely low tolerance of. I resist sadness and will often rephrase the situation to seek solace in anger instead. Anger is a drug - in habit, use, destruction and recovery.
Competent type. Also, utilizing anger in place of sadness is a bit 8ish, unwillingness to be vulnerable.

b.) Shame
Shame is not foreign, but it isn't common. When it does occur, it is extremely pronounced and results in a lot of reflection. Shame is usually a response to discovering, from someone else, that my actions and behaviour has been interpreted or had an opposite affect than I had intended - the actions and behaviour would have been very deliberate in support of a specific motive or goal, so that would be the cause for shame. Shame is very discouraging. The silver lining on the black cloud is at least I can see the information as transformative.
3 and 4.

c.) Anxiety
Anxiety can be a gateway drug to anger, but it most often is just a state that I abuse when I am already questioning myself to keep myself down. Anxiety is energizing but in an unpleasant way. I FEEL out of control when I feel anxious and it makes me feel EITHER vulnerable or susceptible to making mistakes. It clouds my thoughts.
Competent type.

11.) Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) Stress

Anger, shame or anxiety. Whichever will satisfy.

b.) Negative unexpected change

Anger or anxiety, whichever has the better chance of an expected outcome.

c.) Conflict

I will try to avoid engaging in conflict that is clearly self-defeating - "arguing with an idiot will only make you one." If I must, I usually become cold/distant and cutting. At worst, I am maliciously strategic in actions that are punishing (hacking, collecting information to use against them, etc.)
This is all competent type to me.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I am the pretty, reserved one that doesn't need to validate my presence by drawing attention to myself or befriending anyone and everyone. I have a MATERIAL professional and/or intellectual advantage on everyone, on top of it. I will give indication that I can be an engaged and approachable human by acting very openly with a limited FEW people who I have existing exposure or relationships with. I am often someone special's girlfriend in the group. Because of this in combination with the above, people can't not notice me and want to get to know me. However, this isn't necessarily a thrill nor satisfying. This is just a part I play to get through and move through the motions of these situations. It's the most appreciable yet least involved of my options, LEAST exhausting. It's also self-supporting. Put out little personality and more role, retain superficiality that is appropriate. I like to be the girl their friends wish they had.
sx 3.

b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I behave like a mentor, not a dictator. I'm like a teacher or paid guider, not a powerboat.


c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

Not if they are qualified to own the authority over myself and others. It isn't even a rebellious act, it's just a calm loss of respect that will outline their image.
Competent type again.

14.) Comment on your relationship with trust.
My attitude towards trust tends to not be a primary focus, nor motivator, in the majority of scenarios. The ownership is different than implied by the question - I don't consider my sense of self defined by trust. It's never, "I don't trust you/I trust too easily." It's either I trust someone and thus, do not worry about it, or "I don't trust you because __" (insert reason that explains distrust in reference to a situation).
This rules out certain types.

▫ To generalize a little more, I may not trust someone to have my best interest in mind but that is supported by what I recognize as an understanding associated with either what tends to be human condition or personal personality characteristics I have observed. Trust, in itself, doesn't spark any reactive thoughts or feelings.
Same with this.

15.) Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Religion is a social tool used to make sense of human existence and validate meaningfulness of human life on earth, "humanizing" occurrence of it ("there is a grand purpose"). As with any practice that combines beliefs and lifestyle into a well-defined category (religion, politics, nation), it's a personal matter that remains irrelevant as long as it's not abused or misused. I believe that religion is more inviting to most over the alternatives - People can find Science too dark and Philosophy not user-friendly. My beliefs are rooted in philosophy, with an appreciation of science, and are not religious.
You have so much competent type.

There are no past, nor current, political figures or structures that I identify with for the actual content. If anything, the dedication and passion is what's inspirational. I have political beliefs that naturally reflect my perception of what is good/bad and what is right/wrong and what is the right/wrong way to manifest good + what is the right/wrong way to correct bad. Due to having no identifiable affiliation, my political beliefs are better represented as my ethical beliefs.
1.

Of course my "religious" and "political" beliefs, ie. my perspective on meaning and opinion on organizing human life, has influenced my answers. My attitude towards systems that have such a heavy affect on both people and society is "defining" by default.
1.

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
If I am the best, I am desirable. If I am the best, no one can be more desirable than me. If I am the best then my partner will be more proud and affectionate towards me (note: does not reflect an absence of these qualities, working to maintain and enhance them.)
sx.

- To be without needs, well-intentioned
If I have needs that are not forgivable, then I am dependent. If I am dependent, I am not attractive. If I need things, I do not choose things. I lose ground. I lose influence. I am weak.
8.

- To replace direct experience with concepts
If I can intellectualize my experiences then I can view them as information to use as reference, not feel them. If I am not fully engaged, then I do not have everything to lose and I will be conscious (not overrun by feelings and action.)
5ish, randomly.

- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
I must apply my superior moral judgement or I am no better than those who I consider less developed.
1.

- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
Escapism, practice.
What do you mean by this?

Overall, you seem to be a sx/sp 3w4 - 1w2 - 7w8, but that's just the first impression I have.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thank you both for taking the time to weigh in. Initially, upon first encountering the Enneagram, I identified as sx/sp 3w4. When I recently delve in again, I questioned the possibility of both 1 and 4 (4 significantly less than 1). Taking the comments into consideration, I believe that I was correct in my original type. Again, thanks!
 
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