Well for one, you are similar to myself (though i'm an sx/so) and 4w3 in my tritype, but You have a distinctly friendly nature to your posts, and even from your user-name, it seems to me that you are always present of the social dynamic between yourself and others, a sort of social consciousness that serves as prevailing thread with people, I guess it's like always wondering how you 'fit-in' . I do the same myself but it's a bit laxed, and as long as I have good friends or something engaging to think about, the problem doesn't plague me as much. Plus i've noticed with so/sx or sx/so fives, there is always a rather eccentric political element to our interests, heh, look at your Goethe quote, I'd expect a quote from Rousseau next, or Thomas paine, or William Godwin after that Goethe quote. Plus I have an so/sx 5w4 friend, and your vibe is similar. Also my gf and my best friend are so/sx's (though they are both 4w3 INFPs), the energy is still there, it's pretty cool, but I suppose the two variants can relate to an extent (of course there will be key differences).I started to get the notion that my variant was so/sx when I kept getting social as a result. But what were some of the clues that led you to see that I could be a so/sx?
Source: Enneagram Instinctual SubtypesInterrelationship of Instinctual Drives
A noteworthy point of interest with respect to the Enneagram Instinctual Subtypes is that the dominant instinctual drive (self-preserving, social or sexual) will shift to the other two subtypes as needed to ensure its influential role in this trialectic instinctual system. The way in which the dominant subtype employs the other two appears to be very specific and predictable. The dominant drive maintains the role of the commander in chief and the other two are channeled through its lens. Generally, this is very primal and often unconscious. This is especially apparent with respect to the human drive to seek a mate and pair bonding, but applies to all areas of life. If a relationship displays conflicting instinctual needs the dominant drive perceives it as a threat to security and acts accordingly. Confusion about the manner in which the instinctual drives manifest to create and maintain a sense of security is often the root of misunderstandings. Such disturbances in the instinctual drive are often the catalyst for seeking counsel or therapy.
Self-preserving moves to Sexual: For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.
Social moves to Self-Preserving: The social subtype will think in terms more indicative of the self-preserving subtype when selecting a mate. This is very important to insure the desired security that rank and social status can provide. The social subtype seeks a mate with a shared social vision and similar values. This is necessary to fulfill the desire for a mate that will join them in their activities. Therefore, a secure social position is essential. Much attention is paid to the potential mate?s connections, rank and ability to provide financial security. This subtype enjoys bringing others together, feeling that ?the more the merrier?. They are often adept at creating the center stage and often use their home for social events, gatherings and causes. At first the social subtype will spend more time one on one with the potential mate. Once the mate is in place, the social subtype will return to outside interests, groups and/or activities, ideally, this is with their mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their need for people, activities, causes and unwilling to share their interest in others.
Sexual moves to Social: The sexual subtype (one on one) will seek the greater world or social arena to find a desired mate. The sexual subtype is normally happy tucked away in a secluded setting with one significant other. However, when alone or in search of a mate, this subtype will behave much more like the social subtype. One must be with others to find ?the other?. Once the mate is selected, the social activity will be replaced by the dominant drive for time spent in union with the other one on one. At first the sexual subtype may spend time with the potential mate in the company of others. They become a pair even in groups. Then when the passion for deeper connection is ignited the sexual subtype will want to bond totally with their desired other. When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts.
So true, and it really explains a lot about my past relationships. They, and friends too, have always complained that I am "too unavailable" but I need lots and lots of time to myself and have felt guilty about needing it. I dislike demands on my time, even from loved ones, is that being selfish? Yeah, probably kind of...
In the average health range, this instinctual stacking is warm, friendly, and loyal. They need their down time and have no problem spending time alone. They actually value it very much. They feel an energy drain from people’s demands on them. This instinctual stacking is what is described in most Enneagram books. The most notable and potentially frustrating thing about people of this type is the difficulty involved in getting really close to them. While they can usually handle themselves socially, they always hold back when it comes to intensity or intimacy in a relationship which can frustrate a sexual variant type. Others are aware that there is more going on beneath the surface, but it can’t really be accessed. These Fives are masters at minimizing their needs. Even though they shy away from intense personal relationships they often have a lot of intuition about others. Their detached level of personal involvement somehow brings objectivity to their insights. They can be the most practical of the instinctual stackings.
Their issues usually revolve around demands made on their time. This can become problematic in personal relationships. This subtype has an ideal vision of what a close or romantic relationship should be, but given their concerns for protecting their space and time and lacking the instinctual drive of a strong sexual instinct, energy just doesn’t flow in that direction. Because this subtype is good at minimizing their needs they can get along fine with few relationships or without a romantic partner. With the social instinct second in the stacking, they generally do find friends or colleagues and they may even be married, but the need to maintain their own time to pursue their interests is always a point of contention. .
For me it was just what I related to most. I originally thought sp but after seeing the descriptions it's clear that sx is definitely first for me and sp is second. Social barely factors into it for me.How should you decide which variant stacking you are?
Based on how you act? What your motives/desires are? Fears? Or how you would act if you were healthy and feeling safe?
Not saying you're not a social 5, but I just wanted to note that for 5's who are Social first, they typically interact with others through their area's of expertise and are not usually interested in social banter and are also typically the least skilled at "small talk". Social doesn't really mean you're a social person in the traditional sense, but for 5's in particular, they interact more through their ideas and knowledge, whereas a Sexual 5 might interact by trying to form a more personal and intimate bond.I'm a self-pres/sexual....
That description is so me. My social instinct is so bad that when a social situation does come up, I have no friggin idea how to act. I'd rather avoid them altogether, because I see no practical use for them a lot of the time (<-- probably my 6 wing talking). However, I put an unusually large line between socially relating and being intimate with someone. I'm a totally different person with a guy I'm intimate with in comparison to my friends or family. Intimacy equals access to my inner world in my mind....very few souls actually know what goes on in there :x