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Discussion Starter #1
What do you like/dislike most about people?
Like: The emotional support they can provide to me, humor (as long as it’s not crude or at someone else’s expense)

Dislike: Being too noisy (I am easily annoyed by people who whoop and cheer and jump for joy at the slightest provocation), fighting all the time (because interpersonal conflict, even if it doesn’t directly involve me, upsets my delicate emotional equilibrium)

What do you like/dislike most about yourself?
Like: My unique ways of looking at the world (at least they seem unique to me)

Dislike: My tendency to overthink things and consequently get myself into depressive thought loops

What do you spend the most time thinking about?
Interesting facts that I’ve learned about, things that have happened in the past (nostalgia), or (if I’m in an unhealthy state) things people have said in the past that have made me angry/sad in some way.

What's the most recent cool thing you've learned?
At just over 11,000 feet elevation, the Eisenhower Tunnel along Interstate 70 in Colorado is the highest point along an interstate highway in the US.

When you are romantically interested in an individual, how do you generally act (shy, outgoing, annoying, etc.)
Shy, full stop. I feel like talking to a woman that I’m romantically interested in is like playing Russian Roulette; because if our personalities do begin to clash, I’ll be MUCH more disappointed in myself and resentful than if it had just been any old woman I had made friends with.

Name a city that best represents your personality.
Seattle. I feel like the “Seattle Freeze” stereotype really describes my approach to socializing well, and it has a unique “hippie” type of creativity. And it’s famous for passive-aggressive anger as well.

That, and in terms of climate I feel like it combines many of my favorite aspects of the places I’ve lived (forests, mountains, relatively cool year-round, and strangely enough the constant light rain doesn’t bother me as much as a drier climate).

How do you present yourself to the world, at work, in conversation (perhaps in your choice of clothing or word choice)?
I always wear casual clothes (or business-appropriate attire if at work), usually earthy colors (brown, green, gray) – basically I try to stand out as little as possible in a group of people. Even though I DO have favorites in terms of personal taste, I do not like to flaunt them except with those I know well enough to share. Why? Because I’m afraid that people will pre-emptively judge me for it.

As for word choice, I always try to be polite and avoid using harsh language (despite how I may feel) and deep down I wish other people would, too. The problem is, I still do sometimes end up saying things which other people might find weird or inappropriate. But if I happen to hurt someone’s feelings, it isn’t because I made a decision to (attempt to) do so.

What is your idea of the perfect day?
Throwing away the schedule for the day and not having to worry about any responsibilities or chores, and then doing any combination of these things that proves to be extremely fulfilling to me: Going for a hike in a beautiful woods setting, having a very deep discussion with a family member or friend and getting stuff off of my chest, having a world-class dinner at a restaurant with a trusted friend or family member where I can be sure there won’t be any screaming kids.

At least, that’s how I would hope. In truth, I feel like what makes a day “good” or “bad” for me is dependent on so many small variables that it’s virtually impossible to predict whether or not a day will be perfect just going by what activities I do.

What are your most important values?
Do you mean what traits do you value most in other people? If so, compassion, loyalty, introspection.

Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I know this sounds strange, but as a whole I actually tend to like video game stories more than books or films (some really good examples would be the Pokemon games, MMORPGs, Super Mario Galaxy). I have a tendency to get very emotionally overwhelmed by movies, and as such I tend to end up really liking certain chapters of books and films, but hating others. One example would be the Simpsons Movie, I liked a lot of the individual jokes but once the plot kicked in I thought that it felt pretty dramatic for an animated cartoon with the whole Homer and Marge’s relationship dynamic.

What have people seen as your weaknesses?
Being too quiet and distant, not being able to keep up my energy levels throughout a project unless it is something I care strongly about, complaining too much at times, making a lot of careless mistakes from not focusing enough, taking criticism very personally.

What have people seen as your strengths?
Intelligence, creative thinking, good memory, having unique quirks, noticing things that others often miss, doesn’t overreact to situations (outwardly at least).

How do you behave around strangers?
Try not to talk to them too much unless I have a reason to, if so, I generally try to be polite, realizing that other people have feelings as well and trying to make as good a first impression as possible, doing my best to put myself in their shoes.

A friend is getting married and they put you in charge of the cake. You narrowed it down to two places to make an order. The first is a bakery with whom you got a good relationship with. The other is a well-known cake maker to whom everyone goes to (your friend hints to it as well). Which one do you choose and why?
Probably the one I have a good relationship with, because chances are I’d know their best deals, and if I have a good relationship with them, then I probably feel that they make the better cakes as well, and that the more well-known one is highly overrated.

Are you worried about what may go wrong? Tend to imagine worst case scenarios?
Not so much physical danger (i.e I try not to avoid thinking about the possibility of getting into a wreck while driving, or being attacked by a bear in the woods), but I do try to anticipate potential hostility from other people and am very sensitive to relationship issues. I do tend to become more nervous about my safety when I’m in a completely new situation though, such as when I recently tried to learn to ski I never really could work up the courage to go up the mountain.

Despite this, I still have a strong tendency to overlook what may go wrong and can be prone to being caught with my pants down. To give an example, one time when I was still in high school and had just gotten my driver’s license, I made the 3-hour drive to stay at my uncle’s house for the weekend while my parents were out of town even though they had specifically told me not to. I wanted to see if I could do the drive and thought my parents were just being paranoid…and as it turned out, the reason I got caught and into trouble is because I parked a little too far out from the curb at my uncle’s house and got towed – meaning that I had to ignominiously call my parents and ask for the VIN to verify that my car was impounded and not stolen.

Do you dislike taking big risks unless it's a "sure" thing?
I would say it can depend on how severe the consequences of failure are, but more often than not, yes.

Do you have desires/fantasies of being rewarded in a social or public arena?
No, personal recognition from my closest friends and family members is reward enough.

Do you think about your affect on others, groups, organizations, and the world?
Maybe a little at times, for instance a part of me does want to have a job that makes a contribution to the world which personally matters to me, but overall I do not think about this NEARLY as much as how others/groups/organizations affect ME as a person.

Which fictional characters do you identify yourself as?
-Elsa from Frozen
-Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter
-Radagast from Lord of the Rings

Do you think there are any differences to how you described yourself and how people actually perceive you? How do you think others would describe you? If there are any discrepancies between these two that are you are aware of; do you know why exactly that is?
I think that many if not most people tend to really underestimate my sensitivity and emotionality because I rarely actually “get emotional” outwardly, and have a hard time with self-expression. I also have always found it pretty uncomfortable to show affection outwardly, though I have no idea why. For this reason, and because a lot of my interests are intellectual, I think that I could easily pass as an INTP even though I am an INFP (in MBTI).

Please describe yourself when you are in an enjoyable situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
Not that different really. Even when I am in an enjoyable situation, I still don’t really express much more than a smile or quiet laughter. I guess the biggest reason is just being highly introverted.

Describe your relationship to authority. How do you perceive authority? What does it mean to you, and how do you deal with it?
I have kind of a love-hate relationship with it. If I agree with the authority figure and their approach to leadership in general, I will often look up to them as a good example to follow. But if I have issues with their overall approach (such as if they lead by intimidation) then I will start to resent their position, and complain about them to anyone who will listen. Although I will avoid confronting directly, if I do hate a teacher or boss, I will get very passive-aggressive and it absolutely will show in the quality of my work and amount of effort I put in.

I tend to agree with the saying, “Authority is necessary, but power corrupts”.

Describe your relationship to socialization. How do you perceive one-on-one interaction? How do you perceive group interaction?
I view as kind of a necessary evil, although that isn’t to say I don’t ever enjoy it. I would say I am much better at one-on-one interaction, and in a one-on-one situation I can spend time talking about my interests and deep matters, and can go on for a long time. But put me in the room with a group, and I will usually just drift right out of the conversation as it drifts to some superficial topic like shopping, sports, what Mr. X did with his BFF on Saturday, etc. and start to feel a very strong urge to just walk out of the room.
 

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4w5.

I knew you were an introvert type -- either 4 or 5 -- but I wasn't sure which until I read the portion where you're particularly sensitive to criticism and tend to get into depressive loops. Your particular distaste towards kids and loud cheering I can view as a visceral type 4 fear of competing for attention.

Any questions?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Any questions?
1. I'm pretty sure my instinctual stacking is sp/so - isn't it extremely rare for a 4 to be sx-last?

2.
Your particular distaste towards kids and loud cheering I can view as a visceral type 4 fear of competing for attention.
I think it's more "easily overstimulated by the world around me" - which I always assumed indicated 5 and/or sx-last.

3. Quite a few others on this board have suggested that I could be a phobic 6w5, but I honestly don't see it. That being said, I was going through a highly stressful period of my life with college and have since graduated, so in retrospect I thought that if what I wrote back then did indeed sound 6ish, then maybe that might indicate that I am actually a 9. The other thing that made me think 9 is my tendency towards passive aggression & extreme dislike of conflict - I will flee all signs of a fight, and would rather give up on a relationship altogether than be backed into a corner.

4. While I can relate to Type 4's underlying desire to feel like a special individual, I don't really see myself trying to find my uniqueness through my emotions and suffering per se; it's more like I try to build a unique identity through identifying with other people and incorporating their beliefs and traits - basically wanting to be "different" from people that I hate, at least where it counts - but not necessarily 100% "unique" as such.

In a nutshell, I have always been 99% confident that I am some variant of the 459 tritype, but don't really know which is in charge - and honestly, I feel like I can effectively switch between having any of them as my core type, depending on what mood I'm in.
 

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1. I'm pretty sure my instinctual stacking is sp/so - isn't it extremely rare for a 4 to be sx-last?

2.


I think it's more "easily overstimulated by the world around me" - which I always assumed indicated 5 and/or sx-last.

3. Quite a few others on this board have suggested that I could be a phobic 6w5, but I honestly don't see it. That being said, I was going through a highly stressful period of my life with college and have since graduated, so in retrospect I thought that if what I wrote back then did indeed sound 6ish, then maybe that might indicate that I am actually a 9. The other thing that made me think 9 is my tendency towards passive aggression & extreme dislike of conflict - I will flee all signs of a fight, and would rather give up on a relationship altogether than be backed into a corner.

4. While I can relate to Type 4's underlying desire to feel like a special individual, I don't really see myself trying to find my uniqueness through my emotions and suffering per se; it's more like I try to build a unique identity through identifying with other people and incorporating their beliefs and traits - basically wanting to be "different" from people that I hate, at least where it counts - but not necessarily 100% "unique" as such.

In a nutshell, I have always been 99% confident that I am some variant of the 459 tritype, but don't really know which is in charge - and honestly, I feel like I can effectively switch between having any of them as my core type, depending on what mood I'm in.
Hmm actually upon second glance you're right, 5 does seem much more fitting.

I initially voted 4 because I picked up on the sensitivity and strange distaste towards kids and whatnot but I can see those as 5 traits as well of feeling overwhelmed. That being said, I don't know where you saw the numbers that claim 4s can't be self-preservation. Sounds like some BS to me.. here's a link: http://personalitycafe.com/type-4-forum-individualist/211242-self-preservation-four-description-according-beatrice-chestnut.html

Something else for you to think about is that you do actually use 4 and 9 as well. You also you 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, and 8... the difference is in how much you use what -- and that's what defines your core.

459 seems like the right tritype for you. Can you identify with disintegration moments to 7 where you feel scattered and strangely extraverted vs. integration moments to 8 where once you feel you've become an expert at the topic you feel yourself emerge and act as an authority on the topic -- taking more confident action?
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
Can you identify with disintegration moments to 7 where you feel scattered and strangely extraverted vs. integration moments to 8 where once you feel you've become an expert at the topic you feel yourself emerge and act as an authority on the topic -- taking more confident action?
I would actually say 5 is the type that I relate to by far the least in terms of the integration & disintegration arrows - 7 & 8 are the only two types that I feel I like I honestly don't have a bone of in my body.

I would say that I relate most to 9 disintegrating to 6 when I am stressed (losing initial optimism, becoming more questioning & fearful of authority), and I feel like many of not most of the 6w5 traits that I relate to are more on the darker side, rather than the core motivations (seeking security).

BUT on the integration side I feel like 4 integrating to 1 sounds a lot more like me than 9 integrating to 3 - in particular I relate very strongly to this paragraph (especially the bolded parts):

SECURITY (FOUR GOES TO AVERAGE ONE)
With trusted intimates, or in situations in which Fours feel sure of themselves, they may risk being more openly controlling and critical of others. Their frustration with others and feeling of disappointment in how others are behaving (especially toward them) finally erupts. Fours can become impatient and critical, demanding that people meet their exacting standards, constantly pointing out how others have made errors. Nothing about the other person (whom they may have idealized and regarded as their longed for "rescuer") now satisfies them or gives them much hope or pleasure. Everything about the person and their situation becomes irritating and annoying and they can't seem to get the other person's faults out of their mind. Fours in this state may also compensate for their ragged emotions by driving themselves excessively, feeling that they are lazy and unproductive if they are not constantly working and improving
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And I meant that I'd heard that it was rare for a 4 to be sx-last, not sp-dom. 4 in general strikes me as a very strongly sx type.
 

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I would actually say 5 is the type that I relate to by far the least in terms of the integration & disintegration arrows - 7 & 8 are the only two types that I feel I like I honestly don't have a bone of in my body.

I would say that I relate most to 9 disintegrating to 6 when I am stressed (losing initial optimism, becoming more questioning & fearful of authority), and I feel like many of not most of the 6w5 traits that I relate to are more on the darker side, rather than the core motivations (seeking security).

BUT on the integration side I feel like 4 integrating to 1 sounds a lot more like me than 9 integrating to 3 - in particular I relate very strongly to this paragraph (especially the bolded parts):



And I meant that I'd heard that it was rare for a 4 to be sx-last, not sp-dom. 4 in general strikes me as a very strongly sx type.
Ok and do you identify with 4 disintegrating to 2?

Getting possessive, clingy, over-attached, trying too hard to make connections with others?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Ok and do you identify with 4 disintegrating to 2?

Getting possessive, clingy, over-attached, trying too hard to make connections with others?
Nope, in fact I pretty much do the exact opposite of that when I'm less healthy. LOL

Highlighting the parts of 9 -> 6 that resonate with me:

Under Stress (Nine Goes to Average Six)
Nines attempt to avoid anxiety and conflict by detaching emotionally from active participation and by not talking about their real concerns and issues. But they can only use this defense up to a point, beyond which they can no longer contain their anxiety, frustration, and fear. At such times, they will begin to exhibit many of the characteristics and behaviors of average-to-unhealthy Sixes. The usually stable, easygoing Nine becomes worried, testy, and defensive. They begin to see others as the source of their unease, complaining to anyone who will listen, and blaming everyone else for their distress. They may also have issues with authority, feeling put upon or controlled by those they see as having power over them. Under prolonged stress, Nines completely lose their placid demeanor and become more and more reactive and nervous. They may seek help and reassurance from others but may just as quickly disparage them for "dominating" or "overwhelming" them.
Question: Does integrating generally happen much more over time compared to disintegrating which is more transient? Because I feel like that description of 4 integrating to 1 that I posted also sounds more like me when I'm less healthy, rather than the first step in growth while feeling secure per se. Maybe I just haven't truly experienced integration yet (too young in my life)?

I kind of want to pick no Enneagram type and say, "Bah, none of the types describe me more than about 70%...MBTI FTW!" But that is sooo done already by now.

But more or less, I have always kind of felt like Type 9 is me on my good days, while Types 4 & 5 are me on my bad days. :wink:
 

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Question: Does integrating generally happen much more over time compared to disintegrating which is more transient? Because I feel like that description of 4 integrating to 1 that I posted also sounds more like me when I'm less healthy, rather than the first step in growth while feeling secure per se. Maybe I just haven't truly experienced integration yet (too young in my life)?
Integration come from a place of power and maturity. It's moments where you choose to fold on your old personality patterns and behave in the way you know you should. It could be that you're young but at the same time I think everyone experiences integration at certain points in their life.

If you're truly this confused still my recommendation is to step away from all the numbers and just forget about enneagram for a while -- get more involved in your real life. Once you start exploring and experimenting in the real world you'll learn what works for you and what doesn't and you'll learn more about how you respond to different things.

Then revisit enneagram in about 6 months time and focus on just finding the 1 number that seems to call to you most. If still no answer, revisit life, and repeat lol.
 
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