I've learned quite a bit about myself in the last few months since I wrote my first questionnaire
. And I feel like I have no type to fit in again. The more I think about it, the more I feel like my true type is ‘nothing’.
Can someone type my MBTI
and Enneagram wing
1. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
I'm a 20 year old female and I don't have a mental illness.
2. Study these two images here and here. Which one do you prefer and why? How would you describe it?
I definitely prefer the second one.
The second one gives me a sense of rest. I think the color probably makes a big difference in the feeling each photo brings to me. Warm colors warm my heart, and unified colors seem to envelop me in that mood.
Each photo evokes completely different emotions in me. The first one is rather refreshing feeling. Something new is about to begin. It's like changing the mood and giving hope. But now I don't want it. I like the feeling of being at home.
3. Please describe yourself as a person if you were to introduce yourself to someone else like in a cover letter. What kind of person are you and why?
I really don't know who I am. It seems I don't have my ‘core’. It's impossible to describe me in one word because I have so many conflicting characteristics. I'm changeable, I'm both of all and nothing.
I've been curious about who I am, but since I have nothing in my heart, I will never find the answer. Having no personality sounds very fitting to me. Being nothing is me.
Questions like this really torment me... I'm afraid to put out my own, so I just want to say 'see me as you like'. If I have to say something, I'll say that I like to draw... Who am I really? I want to know this, too.
If I have to prepare a cover letter, I have to use several depending on my mood. I receive something integrated of my surroundings and my mood, which formed who I am today. There is no consistency there. The me I was yesterday is nowhere to be seen today, and the me I am today will already be gone tomorrow. What I like at one moment is what I dislike at another. I love one thing while I hate it.
I don't even have my inner self. If I try to have an identity of my own, it will change quickly.
4. What kind of person would you LIKE to be? Why? What kind of person would you NOT want to be? Why?
Want to be:
harmless, kind, tolerant, unique, loved, necessary, precious
I want to be an all-inclusive person, everything, and everyone's friend. Anyway I want to be flexible enough to understand all perspectives and not hurt anyone.
And it's very important for me to be accepted and included. I want to be a person who is okay with being in the circle of everyone. After giving my opinion, I worry and regret it until I get a response, because somewhere there's an assumption that my opinion doesn't matter.
Don't want to be:
problematic, common, boring, scary, hated, ignored, unimportant
I want to fit in with society, but at the same time I hate being like that because I never want to lose what's important to me by adapting to people. Even so, I want to avoid acting selfishly and being hated. So I usually just try to fit in, and I always regret not being able to express myself honestly. I don't like both being distinguished and seeming simply like everyone else.
5. Do you think there are any differences to how you described yourself and how people actually perceive you? How do you think others would describe you? If there are any discrepancies between these two that are you are aware of; do you know why exactly that is?
People around me think I like solitude. Not at all. I hate loneliness. I keep my distance from people so as not to hurt anyone. I really want close friends. But others only see me based on autistic stereotypes, not my true self. But it's true that I find it boring to associate with people who aren't interested in me, and I want to avoid it. When I meet someone, I want to get involved with them if they look like me, but if not, I'm not really interested.
6. What in life do you find to be of importance? Why? If you are unsure you can always take the Value Test and post the results here. Do note that it helps if you narrow it down to 20 or ideally 10 values as suggested at stage 2.
I haven't thought much about such things myself and I don't know well, so here are the test results.
What is the most important thing in your life? Find out with this personal values test. Discover your core values in 5 minutes and make more conscious decisions.
1. Passion - a vocation or loved hobby
2. Beauty - aesthetics, attractiveness
3. Pleasure - enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction
4. Friendship - comradeship, companionship
5. Popularity - being liked or admired by many people
At least my perception would be something like that.
What matters is what I think when the subject is posed, and I don't have to find consistent answers throughout my life. I can't see a single line from what has been to what will be.
7. How do you react to new situations in your life? Can you describe an event in your life where you were in an unknown situation? How did you deal with it?
I can't remember the specific situation, but either I find answers from the past or I'm confused.
I usually deal with new events by finding similarities from existing experiences, so I don't worry too much about what will happen in advance. I'm good at learning things like how to use new tools for this reason. I tend to think that if things have gone well so far, they will continue to do well.
8. Please describe yourself when you are in a stressful situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't be anywhere, so I withdraw to a place where no one can see me. The imagining that I'm hurting people by my mere presence makes me self-critical. I fantasize about a comfortable environment to escape from that suffering.
The pain of existing increases. I keep my distance from all people in the hope that no one will recognize me.
I avoid all risks of being hurt. I can only console myself with the fantastic feeling of finding someone who is similar to my current state of mind and connecting with that person.
9. Please describe yourself when you are in an enjoyable situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
I can be quite a cheerful and funny person. I say a lot of crazy things and make people laugh. I don't hesitate to go out in public. I love letting others know what I like and I talk about it a lot. I actively try to help others. I try to get along with everyone.
But that is rarely the case. I'm filled with fear of rejection most of the time.
10. Describe your relationship to socialization. How do you perceive one-on-one interaction? How do you perceive group interaction?
I'm the silent person in the group because I believe that nothing will change with or without my opinion. I dislike group interaction because the conversation actually goes on without me and I easily feel left out. At such times, loud people always dominate and disregard the opinions of quiet people like me. That was always the case when I was a student. I find this imbalance of power frustrating.
Then the flow of the story is too fast and my thoughts can't catch up! This is the biggest reason why I can't voice my opinion in groups.
I need someone to wait for me. I need an environment where I can be confident that my opinion is needed. So I prefer one-on-one.
11. Describe your relationship to society. What are the elements of it you hold important or unimportant (e.g. social norms, values, customs, traditions)? How do you see people as a whole?
It's important that no one is offended, that everyone's wishes are respected to the greatest possible extent, and that everyone is accepted and included equally.
We value different things, so I dislike general standards like social norms that force to change our minds.
Also, I can't stand being told to respect destiny (land of birth, family, etc.) because it's not my will.
It's up to me, not society, to decide whether it's good or bad for me.
I have mixed feelings about tradition. There are some wonderful cultures and arts in the world that should be left behind. However, it depends on the will of modern people to connect it to the next generation. Even if the tradition disappears with the passage of time, the fact that it existed in the past is certain, and we can remember that time from there. It's natural for new things to be born and old things to disappear as time goes by, and I think it's against nature to call on society to maintain this. However, I also know that there are people who value it, and I respect their precious traditions. Just don't force us to keep traditions. Each of us has the right to find something really good.
And I abhor the old ideas that gave birth to discrimination, and I hope that they will soon disappear. For example, I call parents and teachers who see minorities as abnormal and educate them to stay away from them as obsolete and I hate them. I also hate the justification of racism, sexism, and all kinds of discrimination based on history.
I think all people are good as long as they don't fight each other or force things on each other. I believe that forgiving each other is the way to create a better world, but I'm still not enough to say that because I easily criticize people and even unknowingly trample what they hold dear.
12. Describe your relationship to authority. How do you perceive authority? What does it mean to you, and how do you deal with it?
I hate authority because it's a symbol of inequality. I know it's necessary for society to function, but my loathing for it remains. I'm obedient on the surface but rebellious on the inside. Telling me what to do irritates me regardless of their position.
13. Describe your relationship to order and chaos. What do order and chaos mean to you? How do they manifest in your daily life?
In a good way:
What makes things beautiful. I love the rules to make them visually beautiful. I've always liked to arrange things according to some rules, and felt uncomfortable when they were disrupted. For example, a rainbow looks beautiful because it follows a certain rule of red-yellow-green-blue. Colored pencils arranged in green-red-blue-yellow order are frustrating and I have an immediate urge to fix it. It's disgusting to see books of different sizes arranged randomly. I want to sort them in descending order. Order in my surroundings is necessary for my comfort.
I was very curious as to where this comfort came from, and after comparing the information I'd collected so far with my own heart, I finally knew. They all bring a gentle image to my vision in common. When the colored pencils are arranged regularly, it reminds me of a rainbow and the boundaries of each color look familiar. When things are arranged in descending order, the strength of each corner is relaxed and everything looks like one. Everything that feels comfortable has a sense of unity. It calms the mind with less stimulation and less distraction.
In a bad way:
It robs us of the possibility of evolution by fixing things and restricting further thinking. By making a variety of things “normal,” we lose the chance to find what is really good and our minds become bored. By not thinking about exceptions to the established common sense, people become a group that fears the unknown and creates discriminatory thoughts. We can save ourselves the trouble of thinking by following existing rules, but blindly believing in them will hurt people by having narrow thinking.
It's mainly the opposite of what I just said.
In a good way:
Chaos means unpredictably diverse. It helps keep my inner self from being controlled. I hate it when someone reads my psychic patterns and predicts my actions. It feels like I'm losing autonomy and uncomfortable having to recognize that I'm acting as others expect. Chaos is essential in my heart to be so unique that I'm not fully understood by anyone.
In a bad way:
It confuses me with no consistent pattern and no idea what the future holds. I lose sight of my mental preparation, so my mental state of constantly responding on the fly and thus switching violently exhausts me. Everything is separated and each thing feels painfully intense to me.
14. What is it that you fear in life? Why? How does this fear manifest to you both in how you think and how you act?
To be disillusioned and trapped in suffering. I despair when I need to know that what I have perceived is not normal. For example, when I see the bad side of people who I thought were good until now, or when I have to accept the dark side of people, the world seems like a loveless hell filled with suffering. Even staying in such a place is painful. In other words, always thinking about the bad side means “living is suffering” for me. I want to avoid that suffering. I don't want to live in a world full of unpleasant things.
I often need to get away from people so that I don't feel that pain. Disappointment at the ugliness of the world turns into hatred of reality and longing for utopia. Let me be in ‘my world’ without disturbing. It's a great fear that my presence is perceived when I don't want it, and finding myself living in reality. It exhausts me to hold onto a sense of presence. I have two sides of me, “me in reality” and “me in my world”, and it is painful to switch between them violently.
We, who were originally the same, changed and only I was left in the same state as before. I don't want to lose or change what I have now, but staying the same keeps me away from people. It frightens me to see new sides (talents etc.) in people I already know. Then I desperately try to be like them, and when that doesn't work, I feel overwhelmed by the loneliness of being left behind. And it reproaches me for not being perfect like everyone else.
That I really am the only one. I want to have a different identity than most, but it still makes me feel lonely and tormented when there is no one like me.
Though it sounds strange, I'm quite afraid of something being generated from myself. I want to have my favorites, to express my everything as my favorites, not to have something of my own secondarily. I find comfort in identifying with my favorites. As long as I'm any different from them, I feel isolated all the time.
And in reality, I fear being left out the most! I never want to see the outside time passing by, leaving me behind as if there is an insurmountable wall between me and others.
Whenever I interact with people, I'm always afraid of being rejected or losing existing relationships. If I hurt people, I'll be rejected, so I have to accept them kindly. If I make a mistake I'll be rejected, so I have to be right all the time. Such thoughts haunt me whenever I'm involved with someone, and they show up in my tense demeanor.
It continues ⇊