@Cat King Cole:
I LOVE your post! but now it's raised a few questions. first, what exactly is "agent" mode? you mean investigateing, look for information in the world around them?
and I'm afraid that although I don't want to be, I'm rather stuck out here in the real world at the moment. as in, I think I spent so much time constantly and endlessly in my head and thinking about so meny different kinds of things, weather it be daydreams or figureing the world out, that I have theroughly worn that ability out. and now I have a harder time trying to ignore that around me and retreating to my head as I used to. I'm kinda stuck liveing out here for a while till I firgure out how to re-open and cross the portal back into the world that is my head. though after all that figureing the world out stuff, after so meny years, I finally turned some of my attention twords myself and tryd figureing myself out. that's what led my to variouse online tests, both for fun and hopefully learning about myself. eventually wanting to understand how and why I think, especially the way I do. also how and why I am the way I am. "exactly what is my way of thinking?" and such. then comeing to personality tests, finding I'm an INFP and doing endless reaserch into that, I came here and a few months ago began looking at ennegram.
oh my, am I? could be that I? I, am beggining to RANT? oh so sorry! no seriously, sorry about that. anyways I was saying, I got to a point where I began to wounder about, and try figureing myself out. then as I became more aware of some things about myself, and new things around me, I was able to start understanding stuff on a better level than before. though I think my previouse level of understanding was pretty good. but I probably feel that way because I think about stuff more than alot of people around me. but anyways, it broght me to being even more aware of the world around me than I already was, and eventually caused my shell to slowly whare away. now I'm stuck out here.
anyways, what was the point of my rant again? just a sec whilst I re read. oh yes. I was trying to avoid rants in this post but anyway. I'm afraid I'm quite conscious of the world around me now. no matter how much I don't want to be.
now another point, and I promise I won't be so ranty this time. see the world as I like? pfffffft! I WISH! if that were true I'd have absolutely no problem being out here! I'd be a happy kid again! no, I see the things around me unfortunaly as they are. and I don't like it. to much bad not enough good. people go, "oh yah, but we got this, this, and that isn't so bad either. such such and such isn't all that great, but look at all these good things we have!" and I say, "oh, right. like those 4 nice things you mentiond. true we have those. but are these 4, small, kinda nice things we have really enough to make up for, or even hope to balance out the 57 bad things around us that you forgot to mention?" I don't think so. a few more nice things would be great if you please...I am indeed an Idealist. *sighs*
just as you asked, "how can one" such as I "hold up illusions of union if thier feet are on the ground?" well my feet are on the ground, so wait a sec while I look around. nah, I geuss I can't. wait a minute, so you say 9 heads are in the clouds to give illusions of existancless union? an they have to be in the clouds or they don't see the union that makes them happy? that's just like what I explained! cept I was talking about just my head, not me and 8 others
.
dang I think I did it again...somewhat. not as long as before atleast. though I must say one can still be an idealist even if thier attention is directed outward, it'd just drive them insane. like it's slowly doing to me. nah I'm much more relaxed and acepting. does it bother me? yah ok it drives me nuts. but under my long hair I can ignore it all and continue on with my sane existance. though it means giveing way most of my self. who am I kidding every time I've said to myself I'm not? I AM a total door mat. and I hate it. I can't stand up for my self because I know the harsh consiquences existance will bring upon me for doing so. consiquences I dare not face. cause I don't like reality and can not handle it's exstreams though to others they seem so normal and take them as simply challenges to be takeld. I envy them. dam I ranted again.
ok, final thing I promis. thanks if you've held with me this long. I understand if not.
now yes I do not focus goals, nor do I plan exactly. though I do like to think up good possible options I may chose to take at latter times and in given situations. just so I have the options availible and can see them if the time comes I should need them. but I also have no drive either. no motivation or work ethic. nottin. but the point I want to get at here is that I don't like my emotions. I'd prffer that engine be turned off when at all possible. I focus what little energy I have at keeping that engine surpressed. ;est it push me to far and into the vary situations I do everything to avoid and put me in the situations I'm not built to handle. other worlds if I let emotion out I break down. and then shut down. and it only hurts really. so emotions kept in check. I can enjoy things, I just don't exact;ly get "happy" or :excited" or "enthusiastic".
my imaginations and other such things are not the fuels, but the engines being fueld by what ever energies I have left after keeping emotions surpressed. those are the things that keep me going, and used to keep me in my head. now I need to get them going again. I think I blew those engines as I mentioned before, and got left with nothing to hold me in there, and is why I'm not stuck out here with no ride home. I need those engines fixed so I can escape again. those they have lately been showing increasing signs of recovery and possibly full functionality in the near future. in which I do eagerly await.
so I just realized something. I think I really understand what happend now! something in my life, wasn't working. and I reverted from the 9w1 function mode, which wasn't solveing the problem, to 5w6 mode. that as explains why I was reacently begining to feel that my 2w1 may really be in there somewhere. seeing as I'm a 9w1 5w6 2w1. though it may just be that now being more self aware I have begun noticeing my tendancys which show how much 2 I really have in me. and that it didn't all totally disapear after I got that smack from reality when I was 6.
that or it's that I got IN_P as well as a 5w6 under a 9 all comeing together to make my a heavy thinker and contimplator. and that all had alot to do with my liveing in my head, but now that I figured out and spent so much time thinking of stuff from within my head, I gotta start thinking of stuff outside of my head. that and I ran out of stuff in my head to think about. so now I need to get some new knowlage so I can come up with all kinds of new things to think about in my head again. actually I though both that first explination and the second at the same time, and while writting the first one I forgot how exactly the second one went, or where it was going anyway. so I'm sure the second explination would have been alot better if I had rememberd more than the first part.
anyways that was it. and again sorry about all the ranting, but I'm really good I took the chance to do this so I could figure some stuff out and have something more to think about now.
I LOVE your post! but now it's raised a few questions. first, what exactly is "agent" mode? you mean investigateing, look for information in the world around them?
and I'm afraid that although I don't want to be, I'm rather stuck out here in the real world at the moment. as in, I think I spent so much time constantly and endlessly in my head and thinking about so meny different kinds of things, weather it be daydreams or figureing the world out, that I have theroughly worn that ability out. and now I have a harder time trying to ignore that around me and retreating to my head as I used to. I'm kinda stuck liveing out here for a while till I firgure out how to re-open and cross the portal back into the world that is my head. though after all that figureing the world out stuff, after so meny years, I finally turned some of my attention twords myself and tryd figureing myself out. that's what led my to variouse online tests, both for fun and hopefully learning about myself. eventually wanting to understand how and why I think, especially the way I do. also how and why I am the way I am. "exactly what is my way of thinking?" and such. then comeing to personality tests, finding I'm an INFP and doing endless reaserch into that, I came here and a few months ago began looking at ennegram.
oh my, am I? could be that I? I, am beggining to RANT? oh so sorry! no seriously, sorry about that. anyways I was saying, I got to a point where I began to wounder about, and try figureing myself out. then as I became more aware of some things about myself, and new things around me, I was able to start understanding stuff on a better level than before. though I think my previouse level of understanding was pretty good. but I probably feel that way because I think about stuff more than alot of people around me. but anyways, it broght me to being even more aware of the world around me than I already was, and eventually caused my shell to slowly whare away. now I'm stuck out here.
anyways, what was the point of my rant again? just a sec whilst I re read. oh yes. I was trying to avoid rants in this post but anyway. I'm afraid I'm quite conscious of the world around me now. no matter how much I don't want to be.
now another point, and I promise I won't be so ranty this time. see the world as I like? pfffffft! I WISH! if that were true I'd have absolutely no problem being out here! I'd be a happy kid again! no, I see the things around me unfortunaly as they are. and I don't like it. to much bad not enough good. people go, "oh yah, but we got this, this, and that isn't so bad either. such such and such isn't all that great, but look at all these good things we have!" and I say, "oh, right. like those 4 nice things you mentiond. true we have those. but are these 4, small, kinda nice things we have really enough to make up for, or even hope to balance out the 57 bad things around us that you forgot to mention?" I don't think so. a few more nice things would be great if you please...I am indeed an Idealist. *sighs*
just as you asked, "how can one" such as I "hold up illusions of union if thier feet are on the ground?" well my feet are on the ground, so wait a sec while I look around. nah, I geuss I can't. wait a minute, so you say 9 heads are in the clouds to give illusions of existancless union? an they have to be in the clouds or they don't see the union that makes them happy? that's just like what I explained! cept I was talking about just my head, not me and 8 others
dang I think I did it again...somewhat. not as long as before atleast. though I must say one can still be an idealist even if thier attention is directed outward, it'd just drive them insane. like it's slowly doing to me. nah I'm much more relaxed and acepting. does it bother me? yah ok it drives me nuts. but under my long hair I can ignore it all and continue on with my sane existance. though it means giveing way most of my self. who am I kidding every time I've said to myself I'm not? I AM a total door mat. and I hate it. I can't stand up for my self because I know the harsh consiquences existance will bring upon me for doing so. consiquences I dare not face. cause I don't like reality and can not handle it's exstreams though to others they seem so normal and take them as simply challenges to be takeld. I envy them. dam I ranted again.
ok, final thing I promis. thanks if you've held with me this long. I understand if not.
now yes I do not focus goals, nor do I plan exactly. though I do like to think up good possible options I may chose to take at latter times and in given situations. just so I have the options availible and can see them if the time comes I should need them. but I also have no drive either. no motivation or work ethic. nottin. but the point I want to get at here is that I don't like my emotions. I'd prffer that engine be turned off when at all possible. I focus what little energy I have at keeping that engine surpressed. ;est it push me to far and into the vary situations I do everything to avoid and put me in the situations I'm not built to handle. other worlds if I let emotion out I break down. and then shut down. and it only hurts really. so emotions kept in check. I can enjoy things, I just don't exact;ly get "happy" or :excited" or "enthusiastic".
my imaginations and other such things are not the fuels, but the engines being fueld by what ever energies I have left after keeping emotions surpressed. those are the things that keep me going, and used to keep me in my head. now I need to get them going again. I think I blew those engines as I mentioned before, and got left with nothing to hold me in there, and is why I'm not stuck out here with no ride home. I need those engines fixed so I can escape again. those they have lately been showing increasing signs of recovery and possibly full functionality in the near future. in which I do eagerly await.
so I just realized something. I think I really understand what happend now! something in my life, wasn't working. and I reverted from the 9w1 function mode, which wasn't solveing the problem, to 5w6 mode. that as explains why I was reacently begining to feel that my 2w1 may really be in there somewhere. seeing as I'm a 9w1 5w6 2w1. though it may just be that now being more self aware I have begun noticeing my tendancys which show how much 2 I really have in me. and that it didn't all totally disapear after I got that smack from reality when I was 6.
that or it's that I got IN_P as well as a 5w6 under a 9 all comeing together to make my a heavy thinker and contimplator. and that all had alot to do with my liveing in my head, but now that I figured out and spent so much time thinking of stuff from within my head, I gotta start thinking of stuff outside of my head. that and I ran out of stuff in my head to think about. so now I need to get some new knowlage so I can come up with all kinds of new things to think about in my head again. actually I though both that first explination and the second at the same time, and while writting the first one I forgot how exactly the second one went, or where it was going anyway. so I'm sure the second explination would have been alot better if I had rememberd more than the first part.
anyways that was it. and again sorry about all the ranting, but I'm really good I took the chance to do this so I could figure some stuff out and have something more to think about now.