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Discussion Starter #1
For my questions earlier. I didnt give the full story to my situation with my ESTP boyfriend. And I do feel only ESTP men could help answer those questions due to your own understanding of that "go for it, get it" attitude and also attitudes toward commitment, but agree that is typism in its way. Also, i had not known this question came up many times before, thats just interesting news to me.
 

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The question comes up often not because it's a common problem but because it's a trite stereotype. It's like just assuming that all Thinkers are assholes and all Feelers are pussies, people just have preconceived notions they like to push.
 

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Is that why these threads are closed? If someone actually reported them I bet that wasn't estp, cuz we simply don't care.

Drop some details on yours current situation, let's see what it's about.
 

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The question comes up often not because it's a common problem but because it's a trite stereotype. It's like just assuming that all Thinkers are assholes and all Feelers are pussies, people just have preconceived notions they like to push.

Okay then someone please explain to me that. Thinkers would be the trait that this is assosiated with? Im trying to figure this out. It's a little scary. I get the feeling he is very deep, and caring, hes also romantic with me (apparently unlike ESTP) he caressing my arms, tells me he misses me already, rubs his finger across my lips as were kissing and says he loves my lips, etc. He's soo nice to be, perfect charming gentleman, were so smart together about how to treat one another, but
He's had problems with his mom and dad as a kid, has addictions, has moments of depression, pretends everything is fine, tries to hide who he really seems to be, acts all "no bullshit", no care, jokingly, with others, loves to debate, loves to be right, gets stuck on details in arguments, and im a little scared.. I get this sense that he really likes me, but that he doesnt know what he wants, he tells me we may have a real future together, but i feel like he loves excitement of new things and may lose interest immediately once he does, or gets bored. I feel like though he pretty much seems to be falling head over heels for me (we work really well together and really "fit") i feel like in one second he may change his mind and then be a completely different person. Im not trying to say all ESTP are like this, but often personality types are similar, so i was wondering if these traits, lack of interest in commitment, lack of commitment when interested in commitment, or putting on a facade with the charm (not on purpose) but lying to oneself even. I want some sort of understanding about this. Okay INFP are apparently often non-leading, in the clouds, insecure, ocd, perfectionist. And ESTP i hear can be people who get what they want no matter what, real leaders, charmers, dont like to commit, dont like routine, like excitement, dont know what love even is. I didnt make that up, but im wondering all your takes on my situation, not meaning to offend.
 

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Is that why these threads are closed? If someone actually reported them I bet that wasn't estp, cuz we simply don't care.

Drop some details on yours current situation, let's see what it's about.
We're selective in what we care about, I didn't report it because I wasn't online when this all went down. The only thing I really give a shit about is quashing these threads before they become a problem. We don't need people coming in and telling us about our type (not saying the OP did) and trying to back claims that have no backing.
 

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@Fizz getting emotional?
it may be a bit annoying especially since this topic keeps coming back all over again, but not a reason to care really. Well maybe thats because I'm used to enjoy my bad reputation already.

@Snow Dove
You missed two crucial informations : how old is he and how long are you together.
 
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@Fizz getting emotional?
it may be a bit annoying especially since this topic keeps coming back all over again, but not a reason to care really. Well maybe thats because I'm used to enjoy my bad reputation already.
I'm not getting emotional, there wasn't really any emotion at all in my post. I'm just stating what I've noticed in this sub-forum over and over again. The repetition is annoying.
 
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Again, im not telling you guys what your type is. I wrote a list of stuff that apparently the ESTP is about. Also, i just asked questions, i didnt make statements. I understand not all ESTP are the same, of course not. I wonder now if hes an ENTP instead. I wish i knew if those accusations of what an ESTP are correct, i was asking you guys for your feedback, but apparently i cant even ask those questions without sounding judgmental about it. Makes sense. But i didnt make up the list of traits. Definitely doesnt make some personality types look good when you read on sites the bad traits about them and hear that some are unfaithful, etc. I really wonder about this guy.. But it looks like you guys cant answer my questions because basically, if anyone answered them and said it were true, it would just make that person, and the rest of you look kinda bad. Sucks. But true.

Hes 35. Im 22. Weve known eachother for 7 months, dated for 5, but things only started really getting romantic, intimate, where he is now falling for me, a month or two ago.
 

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But it looks like you guys cant answer my questions because basically, if anyone answered them and said it were true, it would just make that person, and the rest of you look kinda bad. Sucks. But true.
You kinda miss the point darling. The reason for our major annoyance is that as active members noticed, threads like yours arrive here frequently, and 90% of cases are made by INFP, sometime ISFP, ENFJ's and others with question 'are you all unfaithful?'.

And funny thing is when they get answer they usually don't accept it. But I'll answer your, beware that this post may be blunt and not what you expect.

So, first thing - you look for selfless love? But you aren't loving him selfless yet, so why would you demand this from him?

Second - most of ESTP's don't know what love is (especially in F's or even better, NF's meaning). Can't speak for everyone, so on my own example (for relationship, not flirt/sex): If I like you, then I want to spend time with you. If this time we have together is fun, I will want to continue it. I like flirting/pick up and so on but if I commit I'm faithful. If relationship gets boring and it can't be changed, then I'll rather leave straight then cheat. It may happen to get caught in a moment and forget about this commitment, but unlikely. I wouldn't cheat intentionally.
It can come of as love when you look on it from outside, but is it really? No idea.
The fact we don't really understand feelings and don't like to deal with them doesn't mean we aren't capable of them.

Third - what your problem really is? From your post it looks like this: you are CONCERNED if he will be faithful, because he has MOOD SWINGS and most likely is estp so he MAY get bored. So what are you worrying about? From ESTP's point of view thinking about it is really stupid and useless. But if it doesn't convince you, just talk to him about it. Be concrete (means show him in detailed description what you are worrying about instead of mumbling about it). And show him some of this 'selfless love' of yours by being more trustful.

Also, he opened to you really fast, I couldn't. This means he is most likely well developed (supported by fact that he is way older then me) or is not ESTP.
Plus, some people may share qualities of other types and thus be mistyped. For example the more inteligent ESTP will be, the easier to confuse him with ENTP, and the more reserved he is the easier to mistype him as ISTP. There have been a lot of discussion about it here and on others forums as well if you're interested.

Finally, if you really want true, selfless love in your meaning of this word, go for ISFJ, INFP, ISFP or smth like this guy and stop pounding estp's for not being as you'd like them to be.
But you wont do it, because you are attracted to ESTP guy (like most women) and it's stronger than your 'want'. Now you are sad, because you can't overcome it and you wish he had the qualities you want in addition to these you desire. Also you won't admit it, because this would make you look bad. Sucks. But true.

I spent about 10 minutes on this post, hope it explains the problem enought for you (except you most likely won't accept this answer anyway).
 

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I'll just say this - are there traits that he has that are similar to an estp? Absolutely. But the thing is, and these guys touched on it in the previous posts, there is no answer basing it on type. Some are more developed than others, but not everyone of this type handles the situation the same way. And I know you made it clear that you're not trying to stereotype us. That's cool. But it just sounds like this guy has a lot of baggage. And if you're unsure about all this at this point, it's probably not meant to be.
 

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Ooh, I can explain this perfectly. Some, ESTPs tend to fall into different psychological issues such as Narcissm, Psychopathy, ADHD, and Bipolar. NPD, which I am has a problem with detachMent(not getting close to others), so is bipolar disorder due to the fact I am also one we tend to withdraw Emotionally and not want to be around others when depressed. As for psychopathy and ADHD, we are a type that needs to keep ourselves occupied mentally or we get board.

Speaking for myself, I tend to be a all(either playing the field or committed)or nothing type of guy. People tend to think ESTPs are liars based off our description, this is untrue we just don't like talking about our feelings or problems. Did he specifically tell you what his type was or did you assume based of generalizations, which is very common for most people?
 

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I understand not all ESTP are the same, of course not. I wonder now if hes an ENTP instead. I wish i knew if those accusations of what an ESTP are correct, i was asking you guys for your feedback, but apparently i cant even ask those questions without sounding judgmental about it. Makes sense. But i didnt make up the list of traits. Definitely doesnt make some personality types look good when you read on sites the bad traits about them and hear that some are unfaithful, etc. I really wonder about this guy.. But it looks like you guys cant answer my questions because basically, if anyone answered them and said it were true, it would just make that person, and the rest of you look kinda bad. Sucks. But true.
I can't speak for everyone, but I really don't care if I look badly. What I am sick of with Fs is that when they feel badly, they look for anyone to blame to feel better. They come on here asking for help when they really want to do is dump their bad feelings on us. We had one young whiny INFP brat come on this forum and basically say her entire life was ruined by bullying ESTPs which included leaders in her church. Every ESTP who read her comments were like "ESTP as church leaders? Are you effing kidding me?"

I actually tried to help this girl at first by telling her that a lot of things she was complaining about could be improved if she had a better attitude. She got all hurt and then another INFP lectured me on being more sensitive and how INFPs needed support when they are feeling down.

Now, Snow Dove, this has nothing to do with you. But when we have another F coming here, and especially another INFP, asking for help and wanting to know the truth about us, we are all like, "Here we go again." Are you really seeking truth and help or do you want to be told something to grab onto so that if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you can say, "All you ESTPs are assholes."

That said, I don't see how it could work between you two. For an INFP and ESTP to work, they would both have to be EXTREMELY mature with their third and fourth functions. Just using myself as an example in comparison to you at your age, I wouldn't have been mature enough/open minded enough to handle a relationship with an INFP, so I doubt (not know just doubt) that another person could be that mature with their third and fourth functions at 22. And your ESTP partner doesn't seem to be terribly mature either.

Let me give you one example of the type of maturity I am talking about, "And ESTP i hear can be people who get what they want no matter what." That is a really immature comment. Do ESTPs get what they want more so than other types? Yes. But do you know how we do so? We work to the bone even doing work we hate, help other people get what they want, and bust through conventional wisdom that is wrong even if it means dealing with a shit storm from people hell bent on maintaining the status quo.

The other day I was talking to an INFP. She was pretty distant until I did her type and within five minutes, she told me that I got her better than almost anyone in her life. I was honest with her and said, "You know I really don't like most INFPs because of how selfish they can be." She admitted to me that when she was young, she was extremely selfish, "but I am not like that now", and I don't think she is. She has learned that to get what she wants she needs to help others; she had developed her Ne, the key to growth for an INFP.

So the comment ESTPs get what they want is pretty offensive to us. Sure, we often get what we want but we don't expect it to be handed to us like other types do.
 

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Again, im not telling you guys what your type is. I wrote a list of stuff that apparently the ESTP is about. Also, i just asked questions, i didnt make statements. I understand not all ESTP are the same, of course not. I wonder now if hes an ENTP instead. I wish i knew if those accusations of what an ESTP are correct, i was asking you guys for your feedback, but apparently i cant even ask those questions without sounding judgmental about it. Makes sense. But i didnt make up the list of traits. Definitely doesnt make some personality types look good when you read on sites the bad traits about them and hear that some are unfaithful, etc. I really wonder about this guy.. But it looks like you guys cant answer my questions because basically, if anyone answered them and said it were true, it would just make that person, and the rest of you look kinda bad. Sucks. But true.

Hes 35. Im 22. Weve known eachother for 7 months, dated for 5, but things only started really getting romantic, intimate, where he is now falling for me, a month or two ago.
Snow Dove, I wander why do you at first place taking care if this guy is attached to you and if he is ESTP.
Reason? ".......has additions, has moments of depression....". Additions: even plural?!?!

And then you wonder whether ESTPs lie to others or cheat people. Common trait in people with addition(s), regardless type. I dont consider it MBTI issue in general, and lot less because you are even unsure about his type.

I wander if you are kidding yourself in the way that love could save someone with this pack of issues or not (I dont know you). Frankly, love could help someone with issues, but usually not love of some romantic person who want unconditional love from someone who isnt in condition to give it.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I showed him the different types and choices. He chose ESTP. I am very mature for my age. He is older and he is very smart with me, we treat eachother very well. However I can see he has an immature side. And a selfish side. I can see why. But I wonder if he's just in a conquest. Conquest 1- to make me orgasm, 2- to win my heart and trust. Since he does know my concerns and fear with this. If he could feel it is love but is lust and a conquest. I can see how that could be true too.. I don't want to hate ESTP, I want to understand it. If this could be real, or just really fake. But still not on purpose. I really don't think he's trying to use me in any way.
 

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I showed him the different types and choices. He chose ESTP. I am very mature for my age. He is older and he is very smart with me, we treat eachother very well. However I can see he has an immature side. And a selfish side. I can see why. But I wonder if he's just in a conquest. Conquest 1- to make me orgasm, 2- to win my heart and trust. Since he does know my concerns and fear with this. If he could feel it is love but is lust and a conquest. I can see how that could be true too.. I don't want to hate ESTP, I want to understand it. If this could be real, or just really fake. But still not on purpose. I really don't think he's trying to use me in any way.
You won't know if it's real until time. If he's not trying to use you then what's the problem?

Just be smart! I.e if it's obvious you're feelings aren't mirrored, then talk to him. Infact, anything you;re in doubt about, just ask him. He won't know what's troubling you unless you tell him.

Give each other time, you'll understand each other more and more and all ESTPs are extremely different. ESTPs are more than capable of loving and long term relationships, if they so choose to and their partner understands their needs.

I am an ESTP in love, there you go: Proof!
 

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I can't speak for everyone, but I really don't care if I look badly. What I am sick of with Fs is that when they feel badly, they look for anyone to blame to feel better. They come on here asking for help when they really want to do is dump their bad feelings on us. We had one young whiny INFP brat come on this forum and basically say her entire life was ruined by bullying ESTPs which included leaders in her church. Every ESTP who read her comments were like "ESTP as church leaders? Are you effing kidding me?"

I actually tried to help this girl at first by telling her that a lot of things she was complaining about could be improved if she had a better attitude. She got all hurt and then another INFP lectured me on being more sensitive and how INFPs needed support when they are feeling down.

Now, Snow Dove, this has nothing to do with you. But when we have another F coming here, and especially another INFP, asking for help and wanting to know the truth about us, we are all like, "Here we go again." Are you really seeking truth and help or do you want to be told something to grab onto so that if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you can say, "All you ESTPs are assholes."

That said, I don't see how it could work between you two. For an INFP and ESTP to work, they would both have to be EXTREMELY mature with their third and fourth functions. Just using myself as an example in comparison to you at your age, I wouldn't have been mature enough/open minded enough to handle a relationship with an INFP, so I doubt (not know just doubt) that another person could be that mature with their third and fourth functions at 22. And your ESTP partner doesn't seem to be terribly mature either.

Let me give you one example of the type of maturity I am talking about, "And ESTP i hear can be people who get what they want no matter what." That is a really immature comment. Do ESTPs get what they want more so than other types? Yes. But do you know how we do so? We work to the bone even doing work we hate, help other people get what they want, and bust through conventional wisdom that is wrong even if it means dealing with a shit storm from people hell bent on maintaining the status quo.

The other day I was talking to an INFP. She was pretty distant until I did her type and within five minutes, she told me that I got her better than almost anyone in her life. I was honest with her and said, "You know I really don't like most INFPs because of how selfish they can be." She admitted to me that when she was young, she was extremely selfish, "but I am not like that now", and I don't think she is. She has learned that to get what she wants she needs to help others; she had developed her Ne, the key to growth for an INFP.

So the comment ESTPs get what they want is pretty offensive to us. Sure, we often get what we want but we don't expect it to be handed to us like other types do.
I know where you're coming from.

My Mother is an extremely unhealthy INFP. I have tried to open up with her and I showed her information about her type, slowly. It's so hard to get her to listen.

She doesn't improve much and it's extremely frustrating having an unhealthy INFP for a Mother who expects everything from you, never appreciates what you've already done and constantly deflects how anything can be her fault. Not to mention she demands constant sympathy and refuses to try and do anything for herself.
 

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I showed him the different types and choices. He chose ESTP. I am very mature for my age. He is older and he is very smart with me, we treat eachother very well. However I can see he has an immature side. And a selfish side. I can see why. But I wonder if he's just in a conquest. Conquest 1- to make me orgasm, 2- to win my heart and trust. Since he does know my concerns and fear with this. If he could feel it is love but is lust and a conquest. I can see how that could be true too.. I don't want to hate ESTP, I want to understand it. If this could be real, or just really fake. But still not on purpose. I really don't think he's trying to use me in any way.
Snow Dove, nobody in internet could you say, if the guy fakes affection. If I were you, Ill get information on addictions. You didnt mean what it is, but for example if someone is alcoholic, his behaving is having one of certain patterns, which is similar to other alcoholics more than XXXX in MBTI.
And as for depressed people, lots of people in this time have enought troubles with themselves, because depression is able to give really hard time to ppl: it doesnt necessarily mean he is faking affection, it could just come out differently.

And this with lying and cheating: for example I dont lie to BF, because if so, relation for me would loose any sense. Im looking for friend in a way in BF (I dont want just sex) and to my near friends Im able to say everything.
 

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We ARE soo different!

@Snow Dove Thanks for your post! I certainly had some of these questions, and I am learning so much, here.

@ Adventure
I so appreciate what you've written here.The totally different perspectives are so interesting! And it's amazing how people could be so different! These are one of those times when I find out how accurate and helpful the mbti tend to be.:) Especially, I'm glad to recognize that the charm and feeling bored when it's not exciting is both natural for the ESTP type. Just like being the opposite side of the coin that because of a certain strength, there's also a certain weakness that comes with.
Also, you pointed out about the INFPs claiming for selfless love, which is intriguing, and I need to delve a bit more to fully understand what you're talking about.

Hope we can communicate with each other more easily, so we can enjoy one another more often.:)





 
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