Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
I am not sure how helpful this will be because I have only been in one 1 week relationship, but I do have to say that I would love unconditionally and put as much in a relationship as I feel necessary until I know I can truly love the person, then I would throw in everything while only asking for love and company in return. I feel as though it would be worth it and that it would be something that only the right person would want, that person being one of the few that you are compatable with or, if you're lucky, the one you are meant to be with.
 
  • Like
Reactions: zKyuu

·
Registered
Joined
·
322 Posts
true love = unconditional love

yes, I love unconditionally. I'm a very loyal person, every day I live in the fear of one day my s/o will leave me, once they leave, my life will become too awful to live and I'll mentally slap myself every single day for giving my everything to them. so after all I've experienced, I think it's wiser to not to put 100% of effort or give 100% of myself to them. the most I'll give is probably 95%.
 

·
PerC Mermaid
Joined
·
23,481 Posts
yes, I love unconditionally and put everything in a relationship, I think it wouldn´t work if I don´t do my best. I give them, love, time, patience, loyalty, respect and I am always affraid of that not being enough and I am always looking for ways to give more.
What do a I get back from it? well, if I am lucky enough I will be loved in return, what else would I want? :)
Being in a relationship is an eternal work, you need to work on it every single day....you have to be patient and put a lot of
efforts, you have to be ready to fail sometimes but you need to be willing to get up and try again, you have to be true
to yourself but also understand the other side of the situation, never think just of "you" but of "Us"...... is it worth it? ohh yes! it is! :) Sometimes relationships don´t end well.....sometimes you get hurt....but I think what really matters is not how the travel ends
but how much you enjoyed the ride :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: fenrir and Zech

·
Registered
Joined
·
663 Posts
Always and twice on sunday

There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love...Don Juan DeMarco

For me there is no other way to love than giving yourself unconditionally. If there is any expectations, conditions or restrictions of any kind..that's not love. It is about total acceptance without judgment of any kind. Because it doesn't have expectations, I don't expect something in return and don't even care it the other people feel the same way. Because I don't expect anything in the first place. I feel blessed in so many aspects and want to share that blessing with many people as possible. I feel joy/ecstasy when I love others. Everything that they give back..I take it as a gift. Attachment and expectations usually lead to suffering. I am talking here not just about a s/o but everyone else I interact with. Love is too much of a good thing to reserve it just for one people...everyone could use a little more of it in their lives. But that's me ;p, all visions and opinions are valid.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5, 1w2, 2w1 Sx/Sp
Joined
·
10,590 Posts
Do you love unconditionally? I try to but I'm not perfect :)

Do you put everything in relationship when you love? Yes, the relationship suffers if I don't.

What do you get back for it? Depends on the person but it's not really about receiving.

Is it worth it? Yes, I wouldn't be loving the person if I didn't think it or they were worth it. You decide what something is worth.

Is it something that people want? Or is it just something that makes us immensely faithful, sweet, nice and good-to-have-around? Everyone wants it, even if they haven't learned how to give it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,156 Posts
I try to love unconditionally and some people say that do. But honestly, I don't know one person who loves unconditionally all the time. It's easy to say you love someone unconditionally when they are being nice and agreeable. When that person goes crazy and does things that hurt you, that's when you'll really see if your love is actually unconditional.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,610 Posts
I believe in unconditional love and have felt it for a number of people (not just romantically). I think it is entirely worth the sorrows and disappointments that sometimes come with love. I do put everything into a relationship and often I have been blessed enough to receive love and concern in return. Not always, though. I have had numerous disappointments in loving people, but I still love them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Except for your own child, it is impossible to love unconditionally. There will always be a breaking point or a point of no return. There will always be a limit on what you can handle emotionally before your 'will' to love unconditionally is shattered. In my opinion and in my experience the ability to love greatly is a gift from one's self to another. To love greatly is not to love unconditionally. Everyone has conditions. That is why fidelity in marriage or romantic relationship is not a 'social' norm it is an universal truth. I love my wife, my family and my friends greatly, but it's my kids that have my unconditional love. I can't honestly say that there aren't any conditions on my wife(fidelity), family and friends (trust and honesty). Well, my Mom gets a pass. I love that tough old woman.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5, 1w2, 2w1 Sx/Sp
Joined
·
10,590 Posts
I disagree. Everyone is different. I could forgive my husband and still be with him if he cheated on me, so long as that was what he still wanted. If he didn't, then I would let him go. That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt me initially. I am human after all but I wouldn't stop loving him. So I don't agree that it's impossible to love anyone else unconditionally but your own child. Lots of parents love their children conditionally once they do something they disapprove of.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
I do love unconditionally, though I tend to agree with nkpatch regarding "unconditionally". I believe that goes into a whole new topic of what the definition of unconditional love is. In either case, I'll stick with an abstract as opposed to absolute definition of unconditional love.

I have been married twice, and in both marriages, I was extremely devoted and gave freely of my love because that is simply how I view relationships. I don't take my relationships lightly and I put all energy into trying to make them better. Sometimes that backfires on me from the standpoint of my significant other did not see relationships the same way I do. While I'm putting more and more into the relationship, I'm not getting back anywhere near what I put into it. This has hurt me quite a bit in both of my marriages, but now that I realize I am an INFJ and I have also studied the other personality types some, I realize that other types simply aren't wired the same way I am. I'm am at peace with myself much more after this realization, though I will admit that while I still get frustrated with my current wife's perception of relationships I find that I can at least accept it more.

I do put everything into a relationship. When I make any decision I always have a visual checklist of how this will affect my wife or kids, and if that decision affects them negatively, then I will not make that decision even if it means I will be deprived of something.

What do I get back for it? Not nearly as much as I put into it, but I've come to expect that over the years. I believe that an INFJ will do anything for their significant other, but they need to learn that all personality types don't see things the same way.

Yes, it's worth it. We are looking for someone we can love for a lifetime, and even though certain frustrations occur, it is still worth it - at least in this INFJ's opinion. If we didn't have that we would probably be more miserable than we already are!! :)

Is it something what people want? Or is it just something what makes us immensely faithful, sweet, nice and good-to-have-around? - I think it's a combination of both with this question.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
64 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I do love unconditionally, though I tend to agree with nkpatch regarding "unconditionally". I believe that goes into a whole new topic of what the definition of unconditional love is. In either case, I'll stick with an abstract as opposed to absolute definition of unconditional love.

I have been married twice, and in both marriages, I was extremely devoted and gave freely of my love because that is simply how I view relationships. I don't take my relationships lightly and I put all energy into trying to make them better. Sometimes that backfires on me from the standpoint of my significant other did not see relationships the same way I do. While I'm putting more and more into the relationship, I'm not getting back anywhere near what I put into it. This has hurt me quite a bit in both of my marriages, but now that I realize I am an INFJ and I have also studied the other personality types some, I realize that other types simply aren't wired the same way I am. I'm am at peace with myself much more after this realization, though I will admit that while I still get frustrated with my current wife's perception of relationships I find that I can at least accept it more.

I do put everything into a relationship. When I make any decision I always have a visual checklist of how this will affect my wife or kids, and if that decision affects them negatively, then I will not make that decision even if it means I will be deprived of something.

What do I get back for it? Not nearly as much as I put into it, but I've come to expect that over the years. I believe that an INFJ will do anything for their significant other, but they need to learn that all personality types don't see things the same way.

Yes, it's worth it. We are looking for someone we can love for a lifetime, and even though certain frustrations occur, it is still worth it - at least in this INFJ's opinion. If we didn't have that we would probably be more miserable than we already are!! :)

Is it something what people want? Or is it just something what makes us immensely faithful, sweet, nice and good-to-have-around? - I think it's a combination of both with this question.
What types do you think see things like us?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
152 Posts
yes, I love unconditionally and put everything in a relationship, I think it wouldn´t work if I don´t do my best. I give them, love, time, patience, loyalty, respect and I am always affraid of that not being enough and I am always looking for ways to give more.
What do a I get back from it? well, if I am lucky enough I will be loved in return, what else would I want? :)
Being in a relationship is an eternal work, you need to work on it every single day....you have to be patient and put a lot of
efforts, you have to be ready to fail sometimes but you need to be willing to get up and try again, you have to be true
to yourself but also understand the other side of the situation, never think just of "you" but of "Us"...... is it worth it? ohh yes! it is! :) Sometimes relationships don´t end well.....sometimes you get hurt....but I think what really matters is not how the travel ends
but how much you enjoyed the ride :)
The biggest misconception that people make is that if that unconditional love is truly the one, then I don't have to do any work. Then when a problem surfaces, I mistakenly think this is not the "real" love. Wrong, any relationship takes effort to maintain. Yes, your wife/husband may hurt you, but that's part of human nature. It may be intentional or not.

I still believe in putting 100%, because anything below that represents holding back and is more like an investment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
726 Posts
Do you love unconditionally?
Yes, but not everyone.

Do you put everything in relationship when you love?
There is no such thing as "everything".

What do you get back for it?
Whatever the invested decides to return to the investor.

Is it worth it?
It's never worth it, but that's not the reason we give love, now is it?

Is it something what people want? Or is it just something what makes us immensely faithful, sweet, nice and good-to-have-around?
I have no idea what other people want. I know what I want, and I know what I do. I know the reasons I tell others, and I know the reasons I tell myself. I also know that the two do not necessarily coincide. I know that "valuation" and "integration" are processes invested deeply in "love", but what humanity does, what it says, what it claims, what it seeks to be vindicated in, and what it believes are all things related only by subject matter. If you want the "reasons" for something that someone did, you are chasing fairy-tales because they'll only ever give you the fairy-tale answer. It's a rare human who can be honest with themselves. Rarer still are the people who are sincere and open with others. Those people should be feared because their motivations for such openness are their own, and (make no mistake) they profit from that openness in some way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
What types do you think see things like us?
INTJs I have noticed from personal experience don't necessarily see things like we do, but they can easily understand where we are coming from when explained and can probably relate to us better than the other types. I will say I'm not as well versed on the other personality types yet, but I am slowly starting to get a grip on them. But I really don't think that any other type sees things quite like we do.

What about you, what types do you think are more simliar to us?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
64 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
What about you, what types do you think are more simliar to us?
I can agree with INTJ but I know only one and he seems to be very T, but I feel it there even though.
I want to regain my motivation for loving unconditionally from conversation with someone, non-INFJ. To see why is it worth it again. To heal my wounds.
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Top