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Unconsciously intimidating people & consciously trying to make people feel comfortabl

I've been noticing that i unconsciously intimidate people and have been told that i can come a bit too intense for some people. Too make myself appear less intimidating, i find myself changing how i carry myself to make others feel comfortable- whether it is toning myself down, keeping lowkey, posture stuff, and conversationally being more light-hearted. not really sure where this post is going, but does anyone relate to this?

sometimes it bothers me that i am coming off as intimidating because i know i am not forceful and never force any of my own standards/beliefs on others and i certianly dont try to do anything to make others feel this way.
 

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Yes... they don't tell me but I know I do. It's not my intent in matter of fact, it's quite the opposite. But it's what makes communication between us and others so strong (aka intense) for good or bad.
 

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This happens to me a lot. When people annoy me and I don't know them i am especially intimidating.

"Omg did you hear this...?"
"Yeah I can't believe it"
*conversation goes on"

me: "would you please be quiet?"

*conversation goes on*
me: "Please be quiet"

*conversation goes on while cursing about me*
Me: "BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!"

*more cursing about me*

This was during a concert and I was trying to listing but two bozos behind me wouldn't shut up :crazy:

Everything i said before the last bit was polite, but with a subtle glare afterwards and inbetween.
 
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holy old post, i almost didnt notice till i saw that hotty eclipses face :p where the hell has she gone?

anyway, if you carry yourself with confidence and still respect others and their space, then i don't see why they would be intimidated other than their own reasons of insecurity (which we all have to various degrees no matter how confident you think you are). it's the leader types that have this issue the most, in my opinion.
 

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I was very surprised when my sister told me (in answer to my question about why no one talks to me) that I intimidate people. I was also shocked when my friend said I was intense. I always felt very laid-back and never said anything that could come across as intimidating (I don't think. I usually don't say much.)

However, it was then commented on about how I always seem to know what I'm doing and I 'have a plan', which can be intimidating. Maybe it's just that INFJs seem to be more focused on certain goals that lots of people their age? (Partly because I've noticed INFJs, myself included, seem to have obsessive tendencies to projects or hobbies. We're also perfectionists.)

I tried to unconsciously appear less intimidating by slouching (I'm very tall) and walking quietly, not looking at people etc. but it didn't work so I gave up and just act like myself now. I figure if people get intimidated, I can't blame myself ebcause I wasn't intentionally doing it D:
 

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A friend of mine once told me that before she got to know me she thought i was scary. It makes sense i mean i don't often smile and i don't talk much so i can see how she thought i was scary. I think this helps drive away people who are shallow and don't take time to get to know a little about you before they make their judgments.
 

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I have been told many times that I come across as very confident - maybe not intimidating, but in control and put together (maybe that equals intimidating). The funny thing is that I feel pretty insecure and unsure of myself on the inside.
I used to act very reserved - I was always unsure if people liked me so I waited for others to initiate friendships, invitations, etc. Over the last few years though, I have really started putting myself out there. I smile a lot, engage others in conversation and invite people to do things. I've realized that there are a lot of people that are like I used to be - they're waiting for someone to initiate. I now notice the quiet and shy people and make an effort to make them feel comfortable.
The funny thing is that my being more approachable and inviting of others has resulted in others obviously seeing me as more approachable and reaching out to me.
 

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I don't think I usually intimidate people -- but I look very unintimidating (small and young-looking). I might make people feel a little uncomfortable, though, if I'm feeling overloaded and drained, because then it's harder for me to be effectively social.
 

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I don't think anyone has ever told me that I come across as "intense." I have been called intimidating in the past, but it's been for completely different reasons, and it's mostly come from men. A male friend of mine gave me a little insight on it not long ago. He told me that I have a lot of characteristics that are generally considered "masculine": I don't take shit, I'm feisty, I like beer, I don't "flirt," I'm particularly talented at "your mom" burns, and I don't giggle uncontrollably like an idiot when someone is clearly flirting with me. At the same time, I very noticeably have boobs and definitely look like a chick. This, combined with a large vocabulary and an ability to see beneath the surface of things fairly quickly, apparently makes me intimidating to some men, simply because they're not sure how to handle those apparently "masculine" characteristics in a girly body. That was what he told me, anyway. But intense? No, I don't think I'm intense. For those who aren't intimidated by me, they very quickly spot me as someone they can confide in.

I definitely make a conscious effort to make people feel comfortable, but this can be a challenge for me because I often don't feel comfortable around people I don't know. I may be smiling and saying, "Hello, it's nice to meet you," but in my head I'm thinking, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHAT DO I DO". Part of the shy person's struggle, I suppose. :)
 

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When I make a friend they always tell me like a week later " when I first started talking to you, you practically interrogated me for an hour" they always refer to me as intense - not so much intimidating. Although, I tend to talk more than and other person and ask more questions. With each person I meet, I subconsciously make up a profile of them and (since I live in the future) assess potential. Very arbitrary and almost cold but it is the way I think I work.

Anyone else like this?
 

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Yes Yes a thousand times yes. I've heard quite a bit through my late teens and 20's that I seem intimidating. People see me as cold or cocky from a far but when they actually have a conversation with me, it changes everything. This used to really bother me, perhaps because it conflicts with my Fe function if I were really this way, but now it doesn't at all. I've decided that I can't get hung up on it because for one I'm a genuinely warm sweet person. And for two, whoever thinks this of me is going to have to study me more or just approach me to get to know the real answer. The real me.
 

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Sigh* Yup, to ths very day, my Mother still tells me to stop narrowing my eyes at people that I'm just about to question, or try to have a discussion with,..she says like I look like I'm going in for the kill, whereas in reality, I've just been thining very hard about what they're saying and forming my reply. When I'm forming a reply, I'm not only addressing what they've said, I'm calculating the undertones, the context, the subtext, and the overall motivation of the speaker, all in a few seconds.. I'm sure this leads to the 'interrogator' look on my face.
To pick on what Literature Nerd said about her interactions with men, and what they found intimidating about her, I can agree with her points,.. I find that although INFJ's will look quite sterotypically feminine, or masculine, according to their gender,.. a lot of us do seem to have quite a unstereotypical, non gender, non sexualised way of interacting with people. We somehow , subtley dont fit the gender norms of giggly bubbly superficiality for women, or macho, cocky /quiet man norms for the males.
Theres something about that gender neutral, Ni led, Fe focused, brain ticking over, look about us ,that seems to creep people out a little. I once watched an ISTP vid where he was doing an impression of an INFJ 'looking into your soul' stare,..it was funny,.. but it was obvious that at some time, this young ISTP guy had been creeped out enough by an INFJ's stare to actually remember it and find it worthy of imitation.
INFJ's are very much like two way mirrors,.. we see out, but they only see their reflected selves in our eyes. Thats gotta be a little unsettling, I imagine.
G.x
 

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I've never in my life been told that I'm intimidating. Quite the opposite, I've been told that I'm extremely non-threatening. I often get told deeply personal experiences by people I don't know well because they tend to trust me easily. I assume it's due to my demeanor but I like to think that there's something deeper. Like maybe I emit really nice vibes.
 
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I've been noticing that i unconsciously intimidate people and have been told that i can come a bit too intense for some people. Too make myself appear less intimidating, i find myself changing how i carry myself to make others feel comfortable- whether it is toning myself down, keeping lowkey, posture stuff, and conversationally being more light-hearted. not really sure where this post is going, but does anyone relate to this?

sometimes it bothers me that i am coming off as intimidating because i know i am not forceful and never force any of my own standards/beliefs on others and i certianly dont try to do anything to make others feel this way.
I do relate!!! I intentionally walk in a powerful posture, because I've dabbled into body language and applied it a bit, and also Im a dancer so I have good posture. I am only assuming the latter, however. Also, I walk with a little attitude, confidence, intensity, but with a pleasant and happy facial demeanor. My brother says I walk extremely 'gay' because #1, my brother is an asshole, and #2 it looks like Im strutting and dancing as I walk- what can I say I am an unusually giddy/optimistic person. I am constantly sarcastic and light-hearted and I enjoy making people laugh, socializing, and laughing a lot. It would explain though why I sense that so many people around me (usually stranger) lack confidence- they feel intimidated!! OMG what an epiphany (maybe). My friends do know that I am intense and highly reactionary to things that may spark my interest, passion, or nerves but I appreciate that they have accepted it as just the way I am wired. I am naturally confident and unafraid around people, maybe that intimidates them. Im not afraid to put myself out there because by doing so I am increasing the chances of meeting someone highly interesting :))))

Hope that helps???
 

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I don't think anyone has ever told me that I come across as "intense." I have been called intimidating in the past, but it's been for completely different reasons, and it's mostly come from men. A male friend of mine gave me a little insight on it not long ago. He told me that I have a lot of characteristics that are generally considered "masculine": I don't take shit, I'm feisty, I like beer, I don't "flirt," I'm particularly talented at "your mom" burns, and I don't giggle uncontrollably like an idiot when someone is clearly flirting with me. At the same time, I very noticeably have boobs and definitely look like a chick. This, combined with a large vocabulary and an ability to see beneath the surface of things fairly quickly, apparently makes me intimidating to some men, simply because they're not sure how to handle those apparently "masculine" characteristics in a girly body. That was what he told me, anyway. But intense? No, I don't think I'm intense. For those who aren't intimidated by me, they very quickly spot me as someone they can confide in.

I definitely make a conscious effort to make people feel comfortable, but this can be a challenge for me because I often don't feel comfortable around people I don't know. I may be smiling and saying, "Hello, it's nice to meet you," but in my head I'm thinking, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHAT DO I DO". Part of the shy person's struggle, I suppose. :)
MASCULINE?? really? That is so funny because my best friend who also typed as infj was also described as more masculine than the 'female ideal"... fuck the female ideal though (but not literally). She is feminine in her own ways though and I love her :) she's great.
 
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