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Discussion Starter #1
I'm doing a mini project here on PerC. :proud: Last night I made very sure what my family's personality types were, and I am pretty sure I got them all right. I'll be doing one thread at a time (Today being the first.) on trying to understand my family better. I'll start with the head of the family... My ISTJ father.

  1. What could I do to make our bond with each other stronger?
  2. How can I get him to relax every once in a while and stop working so much at home, and instead spend time with the family?
  3. He has a high blood pressure. How can I help him to drop it and like the above question, help him relax more often?
  4. When can I be affectionate with him, and when should I back off?
Thank you!
 

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I'm doing a mini project here on PerC. :proud: Last night I made very sure what my family's personality types were, and I am pretty sure I got them all right. I'll be doing one thread at a time (Today being the first.) on trying to understand my family better. I'll start with the head of the family... My ISTJ father.

  1. What could I do to make our bond with each other stronger?
  2. How can I get him to relax every once in a while and stop working so much at home, and instead spend time with the family?
  3. He has a high blood pressure. How can I help him to drop it and like the above question, help him relax more often?
  4. When can I be affectionate with him, and when should I back off?
Thank you!
1. What does he enjoy? What does he get animated about? Find that common ground and show that you are interested in those things, too.
2. Do some research and find out what television shows he can "relate" to. Tell him that he would like watching "Show X" because "such-and-such" character was really smart (or other positive ISTJ characteristic), and that character reminded you of him. We're rarely represented in a positive light on TV, so he might find this intriguing. Anyway, once you have located the elusive ISTJ character on a program, sit down and watch it with him, and be sure to discuss it afterward.
3. Convince him it's in his best interests to see the doctor, if he hasn't already. Most of us hate going to the doctor, so you're going to have to give him some factual and frightening facts (and be prepared to back them up) that will convince him that he needs to go.
4. Reserve your affection for times when you have privacy. If it's in public, don't do it. We'll respond either way, but in the latter situation only because it's socially correct. You WILL notice a difference. In the latter situation, expect your ISTJ to be very tense. If it's a private situation (and by private I mean JUST the two of you) then you might have more luck. Even when I'm with the few people that I'm comfortable with and close to, if those people try to be affectionate with me when someone else (even if it's just one other person, and even if that person is an acquaintance or friend) is around, you can BET that I'll tense up.
 

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My attempt to answer question 4 (which is sort of related to question 1):

Figure out how he shows affection and show him affection in that way. Generally people show affection in the way that they'd like to receive affection. For my (maybe) ISTJ father it's acts of service (combined with gifts) and it is most definitely not affirmation nor physical touch (I don't recall ever having been praised by him nor have I ever been hugged by him). Actions definitely speak more loudly than words for him.
 

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!. Interact with him about things you both enjoy. I can usually tell when I'm being bs'd with and I only really feel like talking with someone if they are being genuine.
2. That's a hard one, we don't like to be pushed into anything. Maybe just grow your bond with him first and then express your want for him to do more things with the family.

The other two I'm unsure of an answer.
 

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I'm doing a mini project here on PerC. :proud: Last night I made very sure what my family's personality types were, and I am pretty sure I got them all right. I'll be doing one thread at a time (Today being the first.) on trying to understand my family better. I'll start with the head of the family... My ISTJ father.

  1. What could I do to make our bond with each other stronger?
  2. How can I get him to relax every once in a while and stop working so much at home, and instead spend time with the family?
  3. He has a high blood pressure. How can I help him to drop it and like the above question, help him relax more often?
  4. When can I be affectionate with him, and when should I back off?
Thank you!
1. Do things together. Work side by side. If he is doing the dishes, help him. If he is doing yard work, help him. If he is grilling, help him. Eventually, he'll begin to open up and share more than you ever thought possible. Then he will begin helping you with your tasks. And in a few months you can post back and ask us how can you get rid of an ISTJ...:laughing:

2. A. Get the work done. When the work is done, he will relax. B. Sit him down for a discussion with the family and explain that part of his role (task) as a father is to help you develop strong relationships with each other and with him. Tell him in concrete terms what you need. He will approach it as a task at first, but will loosen up with time.

3. See a doctor and get him to stay on his blood pressure medicine. This leads to congestive heart failure, which is often a killer of type A personalities. Tell him that you want him around for a while. Give him a job that is low key and less stressful. One thing my oldest son does is fish. Early mornings are sometimes spent with me paddling the canoe, positioning him for that perfect cast. I'm not fishing, but I have a job to do, and I'm enjoying talking to him at the same time. Don't over look the simple things.

4. He'll be clear about this. If he is focused on a task--bad timing. If he is working with you...there will be times that it feels right to give him a hug. Inside, he feels a great deal of protectiveness and tenderness toward you...he just doesn't know how to express it. Help him feel secure and he will show you that he loves you.

HTH
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thank you so much everyone. :happy: Actually, I do think that my father and I are alright pals, but I also just want our bond to be even stronger. I do understand that when he's busy with something, that I should just let him be.

It's sad, we always bug each other at the wrong time. I'll be doing something and then he'll come in and ask us to spend time together, only for me to decline the offer since I'm working on something... But then once I'm done, I'll look for him, only to find him working on something. :mellow:

Whenever he gets affectionate (once in a blue moon), I freak the hell out! :confused: He's always the strong, silent type who is really serious, so when he gets like that, it's so uncharacteristic of him and really, really strange for me to get used to. :crazy:

I'll talk to him about his health, though, as I do want him to be alive and to be a witness of my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my first child... I want him to be there for me. :proud: So thank you everyone!
 
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