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So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
It has a tendency to be a mixed bag for me. If I feel that they are inflicting harm on me purposefully then I get rather indignant and try to muster a frown or disapproving word. If it is particularly stinging, then I hide mostly to not leave myself vulnerable to further harm and to not appear to be too sensitive. The feelings of the person causing the problem don't concern me all that much unless they have a change of heart and try to apologize.

The bold section applies to me though when the situation is with someone I respect or love.
 

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Do you lose respect when someone apologizes, or gain?
Oh, it most certainly endears them to me. I understand that somethings said are in haste or thoughtlessly, so a quick, sincere apology makes points with me! The only situation I can think of where it wouldn't is if this person was cruel very often ( to anyone).

Does it depend on what the relationship to you was before the incident, and how they apologize?
Not really, I *try* to give lots of chances to all folks ( but the people I love get a few more, i think) .
 

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I actually think this stems across all types. It's not an uncommon human reaction to hide from negative feelings. I think it's just particular for infps to feel guilty about it wheras other types might act out more in anger.
 

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When I'm down, people get mad at me when I express anything else than something positive. But generally the world seems to be like a reverse prison; it won't let me in. I hide when I'm hurt, because the things and people I'm hiding from are the ones that hurt me. That includes friends and family..
 

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Do you lose respect when someone apologizes, or gain? Does it depend on what the relationship to you was before the incident, and how they apologize?
I gain respect for people when they apologize. It's a strong value of mine to admit when I'm wrong, and apologize when I feel bad about something I've done to someone. ('the sad thing is the how often this happens, unfortunately). There are times I think it may be best to just let little things go, but generally I prefer "clearing the air" if I've got something bothering me in the back of my mind.
 

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I don't think it's pathetic at all. Why is it your fault that all you INFP feel more deeply than anyone else? If anything INFP have to be the strongest of all the types, with primary Fe, and I have alot of respect for you.
That is so very nice of you to say! It may not be our fault that we feel deeply, but we can choose to act on it better.... ;)
I wish more people would respect each others weaknesses and talents. I thank your for your choice to respect our deep feelings, it takes a vary rare person to do that. :D
 

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So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
It hadn't occurred to me that being needed would hurt someone. It doesn't make sense. I assumed that most people who withdrew instead of seeking out others when hurt tended to do it because someone had, at some point, abused them with invalidation for seeking comfort from their painful feelings, in some kind of horrible victim-blaming scenario that made them afraid of ever being emotionally open again. People with anti-sensitive parents seem to have the most trouble expressing their feelings to others when they are hurt, and seem to be the ones who isolate themselves instead of reaching out.

I suppose some people withdraw because they are empaths who worry about others, but I would think that when one is suffering, getting help is generally more urgent than the possibility that the helper might feel a little bit of the pain that is overwhelming the person. It only makes sense that one would want to seek relief from the burden if one hasn't become cynical about other people, and if one is in a non-hostile environment that is emotionally nurturing.
 

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If I hide those feelings, I would hide them from myself as well, the best I could. I dont want to be seen as weak, and I dont want to acknowledge my weakness. Also, I view showing those sort of feelings to another like this...a bullet for your gun, for every tear you see me cry.

This is soooo true. Could not have said it better myself.
 

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I hide from everyone when I need to figure out my feelings. When I'm around many people I can't sort out my emotions, and I don't know how to solve the problem I'm in. Also, I hurt when someone else is hurting so I flee. So that I can relax, and think straight in order to solve their problem(s) in a more calm and practical way. My emotions always seem to get in my way, and I need some time alone to figure things out.
 

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I don't neccesarily hide when hurt, but instead, put on a defensive shield that gives the person the impression that I am unhurt. What I seek is a bond where I can unveal my thoughts without fear of being perscuted in doing so. I want to connect with others and gain people's trust, which can lead me to share too much of myself with those who aren't worth my while.

I idealistically want to believe every person is kindred and experiences shared emotions, but likewise am slow to trust and loosen up around others. I've had a history of, apparently, coming on too strongly to people for said reason above, and over the years, have retreated more into my shell to keep from getting hurt. I learned the hard way that you cannot expect the same quality relationship with someone online as with someone you physically know, since most tend to want an escape from reality and their problems when on the web, and avoid painful truths or dealing with human tradition.

In hiding my emotions, I dwell for what seems aeons on the same conflict, as if trying to figure some solution I cannot find. I introspect to figure out what aspect of my personality may have rubbed said person the wrong way, how I could have come off to them, and, basically, beat myself up over what, sometimes, can't be solved. I've dealt with certain people who've put on shields stronger than my own, to the point where I can no longer communicate with them (this applies to the internet and real world). Some people want to preserve theirselves so badly that they simply refuse to solve the problem all together, sad as it is. And it's, ironically, more painful when it's with someone you hardly knew, since you never got to explore where your bond could've lead.

I think I may idealize people too much. In the real world, I have this illusion that everyone and everything is somehow interconnected, that everyone has their own story they want to share with the right person, while online, I've hoped to find kindred spirits to relate to. For the longest time, I've been so concerned with opening up and saying the wrong words that I've failed to express myself all together. I sometimes even forget who I am. My aura is crystalline in this sense- I take up the personas of those around me as if I'd earn more brownie points from them.

I've learned with time, and through this website, however, that what really holds me back is fear of outside critique. I've already worn myself so down with my own criticisms, constantly trying to predict the worst outcome, and often expecting it, that to hear the neagtive feedback of an outside source would be devastating. It'd just reaffirm the dark thoughts I'd long had, and help generate new false self-concepts.

Quoting what someone on PersonalityCafe once told me: Hiding and beating yourself up constantly can turn into a vicious cycle. Be careful.















...I really hope I'm not repeating myself with this post...
 

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I think that's a good analysis (^-^)/. This may sound strange, but I never really display negative emotions (O-o)... It makes me very uncomfortable when other people do, and I really don't want them to feel that way. I really can't stand anything serious in general. Serious things and negativity tend to make me feel really anxious for some reason (;O-O)... If I'm really upset, I'll probably just say that I feel sick and binge watch Shane Dawson videos untill I feel better. When I'm with other people I just act very goofy and do dumb stuff , like singing Pen Pineapple Apple Pen in a Miranda Sings voice... Other people definitely seem to see me as a happy and carefree person, which is pretty true most of the time.
 

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Yes. But it would cause the relationship's downfall. So I try not to hide it for a very long time. Unfortunately, I already did this to one of my precious friends and it caused me to distance myself. I'd say it's okay if you can handle the inner conflict, but sometimes, it's just not the best thing/choice to do.
 

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So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
Depends on which type of INFP you are dealing with I think. It doesn't really apply to me.

I would say that if I display that i'm hurt or dissatisfied, I am burdening someone else, which is quite similar in the end result I guess. However, I tend to do this with people that I barely know or are not close with, as opposed to people that i'm very close with. I think it is important that the people that are most invested in you know what you like and don't like.

In other words it is okay to scream at family members and be real about things, but flipping off a random stranger is a big no. To held close friends or a lover accountable for their actions is not much of a problem for me either. You can calculate responses from people that care about you, so it's not so scary or final when things are bad with them sometimes. They know you better than that.

In public I sort of learned that showing dissatisfaction only gets people to either complain to you or judge you, getting them all involved in your feelings. Them telling you what to feel and not to feel and all that, very annoying. In that context I avoid conflict like the plague, yes. Am I afraid of hurting them yes or no? ... not really, they usually do not care for you either, why should I then?

Don't get me wrong though, I always hope and strive for positive outcomes and like to think that people mean well. It can be tough in public to avoid negative feelings though.
 

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My perspective on just my way of dealing -- if I am hurt or emotionally injured, sad or very stressed or discombobulated or really messed up -- I MUST retreat, isolate, THINK and sort, reflect, think more, have quiet, not expend energy outwards, go inwards NOT outwards... and that is the only way I can get my feet back underneath me. I lick my wounds, think/analyze my wounds, brush myself off, and eventually emerge and get back in the arena. My healing process doesn't always involve friends, family, doctors, nurses or the rest of the human race.
 

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Random, cloudy, early morning thoughts:

So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
.

I can see this--it's perhaps because one knows that being hurt will be a burden to the other person. The other aspect is that it will emotionally influence the other person, and INFP may want to stand back to see what other person would do without that influence. What they really want to do.

But yes, I have heard many times to smile, to not have 'negative energy' etc. It sends the message that my feelings are not very important and are just bothersome to others. So I generally try to avoid imposing them.

I also don't need people to see how sensitive I really am, because most people don't value that or care, and plenty will just use it to manipulate or hurt more. When you get hurt by someone, it means you care. And people make fun of that weakness.

I cannot use my emotional displays strategically to manipulate situations, so they are essentially vulnerable displays and I prefer not to show them to everyone, or those who I don't have lots of reason to trust

But a lot of times it is because I don't want to impose--I don't want to inadvertently change a person's behavior by causing a reaction in them, by exposing my own emotional reaction. I do value relationships in which I can discuss emotions, but I like to know I'm not going to cause everything to collapse, because that is the last thing I want to do by just honestly expressing my feelings. I want the relationship and everything to be strong and for things to go well and right regardless of my emotions. I do not want to bend others to my will or have premature or reckless outcomes that don't consider everyone's true wants and needs.
 

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Well also 'hiding' when you are hurt prevents you from getting further damage from being hurt more or again.

If you get hurt/hit you need to get out of harm's way or the field where its possible to be hurt/hit again. So you can restore/heal.

Its a similar situation in a war I guess but on an emotional level, if you get hit you should leave/hide and not stick around or have somebody drag you out to safety asap.
 

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Yes and no. Personally, it's very hard to fathom that someone else cares enough to be hurt by my pain (I know this sounds emo, it's easy to think it, it's just harder to believe it). Generally I hide because I feel like I have too many problems, and if I talk or let people see all of them, they'll get fed up with me and stop liking me. That's usually the primary reason.
A secondary reason is that when I talk about my problems, people try to make me feel better or give me solutions, none of which help me. Instead I find myself worrying about being nice and making them feel like they've helped me when they haven't. It's a lot easier and faster to solve my own problems. All I need is someone to comfort me and tell me they care about me so that I'll be capable of solving the underlying problem. I need someone to be my pain killer pretty much.

There are two other similar reasons why I would hide when I'm hurt. One is when I feel like my emotions are imposing on another person's freedom. My emotions are irrational and I get hurt by stupid things. Then other people try to accommodate me by not doing something, or not going to an event they were excited about. This makes me feel guilty and there's a good chance that they'll feel a bit of resentment doing this which makes me uncomfortable.

And lastly, as mentioned before in this thread, we get judged for being too sensitive or too dramatic all the time. And who knows, maybe we can be sometimes, but that doesn't mean that we want to go around and have people tell us that when we're in pain. It's easier and more comfortable to just let it all out in private.
 
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