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Can anyone tell me the characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ? Like what they do when they are isolated or not getting their needs met?

I ask because I think I am one. I used to be so sociable and optimistic, and now I have become cynical and isolated. I don't want to be around people anymore because I know I will just be disappointed. Even though I feel that way, I still get very lonely and yearn for a friend (cuz at the moment... I really don't have any). I just don't want superficial friends. I want someone who genuinely cares and I guess I feel like that is impossible so I have become almost anti-social.

If you know what those characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ are, maybe there are ways to become healthy again? I'm just trying to get back to who I was, even if it takes work.
 

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StephAnne, go over to typology central. Many of the ENFJ threads are about unhealthy ones. HIGHLY manipulative (knows how to turn people against others), engages in a lot of social games (uses charisma and charm to get what they want, ruthlessly ruin other people's reputations), messes w/ the energy of the room to make it unpleasant for everyone, close-minded/judgmental, IRRATIONAL (doesn't have a good sense of reality), takes offense to EVERYTHING, has a major martyr complex, has explosive emotional outbursts. Here's food for thought. Hitler most likely was ENFJ.

To be honest, StephAnne, I saw your video in a thread and you seem far from unhealthy.

Isolated: a really negative form of INFJ. Ni-Ti loop. Gets depressive and goes into a "woe is me" state. Starts to nitpick at any possible flaw they perceive about themselves and tries to change them. Over-thinks and overanalyzes. Starts to get tunnel-vision and paranoid. Becomes extra critical. Pretty much goes down a dark road and becomes pessimistic.
 

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StephAnne, go over to typology central. Many of the ENFJ threads are about unhealthy ones. HIGHLY manipulative (knows how to turn people against others), engages in a lot of social games (uses charisma and charm to get what they want, ruthlessly ruin other people's reputations), messes w/ the energy of the room to make it unpleasant for everyone, close-minded/judgmental, IRRATIONAL (doesn't have a good sense of reality), takes offense to EVERYTHING, has a major martyr complex, has explosive emotional outbursts. Here's food for thought. Hitler most likely was ENFJ.

To be honest, StephAnne, I saw your video in a thread and you seem far from unhealthy.

Isolated: a really negative form of INFJ. Ni-Ti loop. Gets depressive and goes into a "woe is me" state. Starts to nitpick at any possible flaw they perceive about themselves and tries to change them. Over-thinks and overanalyzes. Starts to get tunnel-vision and paranoid. Becomes extra critical. Pretty much goes down a dark road and becomes pessimistic.
Been in the Ni-Ti loop before...usually when I get super depressed...happens for a month or two mid-winter, then I'm fine. I consider it seasonal.


In the end, uh...you don't seem too "unhealthy". On the other hand, if my former friend and spermdonor(father) are of my personality type, as has been "insinuated" by others...well...let's just say they are about as manipulative and ruthlessly ruining of others lives as you can get. These people are scum, and I'd love to put them six feet under if there were no legal ramifications for such activities. They really really irritate me...and one has the same name(my spermdonor), so it's even worse when I'm home feeling like I've got someone ruining a name I've tried to make for myself.


So yeah...not anywhere near it unless you're manipulating things for the worst possible selfish reasons and have completely turned your charm into a weapon of mass social destruction.
 
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Can anyone tell me the characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ? Like what they do when they are isolated or not getting their needs met?

I ask because I think I am one. I used to be so sociable and optimistic, and now I have become cynical and isolated. I don't want to be around people anymore because I know I will just be disappointed. Even though I feel that way, I still get very lonely and yearn for a friend (cuz at the moment... I really don't have any). I just don't want superficial friends. I want someone who genuinely cares and I guess I feel like that is impossible so I have become almost anti-social.

If you know what those characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ are, maybe there are ways to become healthy again? I'm just trying to get back to who I was, even if it takes work.
Steph, I agree with some of the other responses. I've been dealing with isolation and feel critical, edgy, moody, mean and just plain unhappy. Of course I'm unhappy with myself and the situation, and then I take it out on everyone around me. Because when I'm happy with myself and/or the situation, I can easily let things go. Clearly not the case when my world is off-axis.

I consider myself to be a healthy ENFJ, but in undesirable circumstances (which are ending soon....yay!)
 

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Can anyone tell me the characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ? Like what they do when they are isolated or not getting their needs met?

I ask because I think I am one. I used to be so sociable and optimistic, and now I have become cynical and isolated. I don't want to be around people anymore because I know I will just be disappointed. Even though I feel that way, I still get very lonely and yearn for a friend (cuz at the moment... I really don't have any). I just don't want superficial friends. I want someone who genuinely cares and I guess I feel like that is impossible so I have become almost anti-social.

If you know what those characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ are, maybe there are ways to become healthy again? I'm just trying to get back to who I was, even if it takes work.

Here's a piece of advice from Stargate:laughing:, but I find it very enlightening. If there is a fight you cannot win...don't fight it, just block it out of your life as much as posible. The point is, focus on positive emotions, positive things and people and every time a negative thought comes to your mind, get it out of your mind imediately by thinking " I will not let this get me down, I have so many positive things in my life : <insert list>" . I'm an INFP and I love being aroung people, so you as an ENFJ should love this even more.:laughing: You just have to find the right people and you can start on this forums, read , talk, there are many NFs here to talk to and to learn from their experiences andI'm willing ot bet in no time you will be able tomake many friends. :cool: Oh I always thought I don't need other people to make me feel great and I don't think it is true only for introverts. Make a list with all your qualities, what makes you such a great person and whenever you feel down for whatever reason focus on this and cut off the negative emotion. There are so many great things to do in life, plus spring is coming, the sun isshining :laughing:so go out there and enjoy this beautiful life. You don't need people to take a walk in the park and enjoy it. The first step to meeting great people is to get out. As a sugestion, we INFP people can be found in parks and libraries reading a book or just enjoying some time for ourselves (physical or not). Good luck finding us! :laughing:
 

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wow. i'm bringing this thread back b/c i like it and i feel like it may answer why i don't feel like i quite fit in in the INFJ forum. anyone else have some experience and/or advice to share??
 

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StephAnne, go over to typology central. Many of the ENFJ threads are about unhealthy ones. HIGHLY manipulative (knows how to turn people against others), engages in a lot of social games (uses charisma and charm to get what they want, ruthlessly ruin other people's reputations), messes w/ the energy of the room to make it unpleasant for everyone, close-minded/judgmental, IRRATIONAL (doesn't have a good sense of reality), takes offense to EVERYTHING, has a major martyr complex, has explosive emotional outbursts. Here's food for thought. Hitler most likely was ENFJ.
OMG!! This description perfectly fits someone in my family! I mean, it's scarily accurate. (Not the Hitler part. Only Hitler was like Hitler.) Wow...it totally makes sense they're an ENFJ gone wrong, too. I never considered that before.....
 

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ok im having a hard time figuring out how unhealthy of an ENFJ i really am. For a while now I've been showing a lot of signs of an unhealthy ENFJ this was brought to me by my friends who see these actions and are finally starting to get fed up with me and in reality i do care very deeply about my friendships and relationships but I've been very manipulative in negatives way that are to benefit my self and the problem is its unintentional like i dont even realize when i do it and makes me come off as a very selfish person and i hate selfishness with everything in me, im also very involved in a lot of drama and gossip some things i can believe can never go away as much as i hate drama my friends think i can't live without it, i also have one friend who is an ENFP in particular rn who is going through a tough time and says im adding excess stress with the way I've been acting lately and our friendship is basically hanging on by a thread. she's been trying to explain to me the problem and i do understand but im having a hard time fixing it basically the problem with the way I've been acting lately is the way I've been so defensive to everything she tried to explain about my recent issues with drama, I've tend to over react over very petty things and making everything into a problem which is adding excess stress to her life in a difficult time where she expects me of all people to be giving her the least difficulties. its basically been a toxic pattern every night for the last week of emotional outburst from me and getting all defensive and making a huge deal over petty drama and just causing constant stress if there is anyone with any advice please lmk
 

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Can anyone tell me the characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ? Like what they do when they are isolated or not getting their needs met?

I ask because I think I am one. I used to be so sociable and optimistic, and now I have become cynical and isolated. I don't want to be around people anymore because I know I will just be disappointed. Even though I feel that way, I still get very lonely and yearn for a friend (cuz at the moment... I really don't have any). I just don't want superficial friends. I want someone who genuinely cares and I guess I feel like that is impossible so I have become almost anti-social.

If you know what those characteristics of an unhealthy ENFJ are, maybe there are ways to become healthy again? I'm just trying to get back to who I was, even if it takes work.


Its sad we ENFJ's think we have unhealthy habits.

"With great power, comes great responsibility."

We are logical thinkers.
We choose to have unhealthy habits

We give ourselves permission to be unhealthy, and we can also ALLOW ourselves to have self control.
 

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So I don't like the "unhealthy" label. It seems to indicate that there are two choices--healthiness and unhealthiness--with nothing in between and that we reach one point and just stay there. Our own tendency to self-blame can lead us to label ourselves this way.

Think in terms of physical health--an otherwise healthy person may eat a Krispy Kreme donut every once in a blue moon. A person may also go from being a cheerful Yogi with a balanced diet to being three hundred pounds and back again. Again though, those are also two real extremes.

But I prefer to say--those were some unhealthy thoughts, behaviors, or patterns rather than that the person is "unhealthy."

One of the keys is actually to be more gentle with yourself, find more balance, and balance out your functions.

I recommend a book called "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Brandon. It has some great exercises that help you to take responsibility without self-flaggelating. I also recommend "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." It helps with ineffective and exhaustive giving.

Also, never compare anyone to Hitler unless the person is advocating rounding up people based on race, religion, ability, age, and ethnicity and depriving them of human rights. Or unless the person is propounding eugenics. Or unless the person's last name rhymes with Chump.

Hugs to you!
 

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So I don't like the "unhealthy" label. It seems to indicate that there are two choices--healthiness and unhealthiness--with nothing in between and that we reach one point and just stay there. Our own tendency to self-blame can lead us to label ourselves this way.

Think in terms of physical health--an otherwise healthy person may eat a Krispy Kreme donut every once in a blue moon. A person may also go from being a cheerful Yogi with a balanced diet to being three hundred pounds and back again. Again though, those are also two real extremes.

But I prefer to say--those were some unhealthy thoughts, behaviors, or patterns rather than that the person is "unhealthy."

One of the keys is actually to be more gentle with yourself, find more balance, and balance out your functions.

I recommend a book called "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Brandon. It has some great exercises that help you to take responsibility without self-flaggelating. I also recommend "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." It helps with ineffective and exhaustive giving.

Also, never compare anyone to Hitler unless the person is advocating rounding up people based on race, religion, ability, age, and ethnicity and depriving them of human rights. Or unless the person is propounding eugenics. Or unless the person's last name rhymes with Chump.

Hugs to you!
I really agree with this post, and I think it's very wise. I'm going through a lonely spell at the moment, and instead of opening up to people that really matter - I become irritable and start picking fights over little things - annoyances spill over/ etc. I sometimes see people and judge them harshly and angrily. Still, it's a continuum, and I've been having good days too. I think we are not always gracious to ourselves on our bad days.

I just fear that I will lash out at others as I'm moody, even for an ENFJ. I tend to simmer with anger.
 
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I really agree with this post, and I think it's very wise. I'm going through a lonely spell at the moment, and instead of opening up to people that really matter - I become irritable and start picking fights over little things - annoyances spill over/ etc. I sometimes see people and judge them harshly and angrily. Still, it's a continuum, and I've been having good days too. I think we are not always gracious to ourselves on our bad days.

I just fear that I will lash out at others as I'm moody, even for an ENFJ. I tend to simmer with anger.
So with you--I think all types have those irritable spells. But when we have them we are likely to really blame ourselves for them. The fact that you have that much self-awareness about why you feel that way and why you are doing that is a pretty big plus. My hunch is that you could probably sit down and think about what is driving that lonely feeling and all the rest and might say, "No wonder. I have been dealing with ______, ______, and _____. Of course, I'm reacting this way. If I were a friend instead of me, I'd want to give me a great big bear hug."
 

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So with you--I think all types have those irritable spells. But when we have them we are likely to really blame ourselves for them. The fact that you have that much self-awareness about why you feel that way and why you are doing that is a pretty big plus. My hunch is that you could probably sit down and think about what is driving that lonely feeling and all the rest and might say, "No wonder. I have been dealing with ______, ______, and _____. Of course, I'm reacting this way. If I were a friend instead of me, I'd want to give me a great big bear hug."
Thanks, this is so true. I oftentimes think about what I would do if I could switch identities like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, and doing big bear hugs is on top of my list. :tongue: The real unhealthiness for me comes from too much pride which makes me not recognize my flaws (mainly being too emotional, which leads me to hurtful situations, and not correcting them properly). Maybe it's being a type 4 also, but everything short from my ideal (perfection) makes me beat myself over and over again.
 
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