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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I think unrequited love is pretty damn hot. Anyone else think so?

I think it's because it allows me to admire the object of my desire from afar. I can't do that when they are all up in my business.

 

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Unrequited love sucks donkey cajones.
 

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Unrequited love is a challenge!
:mellow:
But yeah, it's not the greatest.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #5
Unrequited love is a challenge!
:mellow:
But yeah, it's not the greatest.
I don't understand this. Do you guys really think you should have everything you want? I think it's a good thing for me when a love is unrequited. Something has to stop me every now and then. And they in turn, get to remain on their pedestal.

This is what wikipedia says about unrequited love:
Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections.
 

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Have to agree with the guys that it can very much suck, but I do agree Pink - it can be hot too! Especially with this imagination (; It's a combination of sick, sweet torture and idealization that involves seeing the sexual god they could be. I do like my imagination.
 

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I don't understand this. Do you guys really think you should have everything you want?
Hah, well, from my viewpoint you should just want nothing in the first place. :mellow:

When someone is crushing on me and I can't muster up the same back, it's painful. I've never found a way to remedy friendships after that. I mean, it's a conflict of interests. It's awkward. It's painful for everyone involved. It sucks.
 

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i don't even bother trying anything once it reaches that stage, if i like her a ridiculous amount despite not even knowing her very well i just give up on it as a lost cause.. i've even had it where they'll reciprocate and even then i just get overwhelmed by my infatuation and freeze.
it's definitely the ENFP in me though i think, that vivid imagination and the fact that it's such a "what if" situation stirs such a strong reaction..

i thought i got over this when i grew up, but it happened again last year with a girl at college so i guess not..:frustrating:

EDIT:
realised this thread wasn't about that-
yeah unrequited love is just painful. it depends.. are we talking infatuation or actual love? i remember having a huge crush on a girl for like 2 years when i was lyk 10-12.. she was quiet but popular (looking back maybe INFJ) and i was shy and a little weird. she went out with my friend.. :crying:
but looking back that kind of crush at that age was kind of fun. of course at the time it was souldestroying.

however i've had unrequited feelings for an exfling-turned-friend and that was just torture.

RE-EDIT:
ok apparently i was right the FIRST time :)
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #9
i don't even bother trying anything once it reaches that stage, if i like her a ridiculous amount despite not even knowing her very well i just give up on it as a lost cause.. i've even had it where they'll reciprocate and even then i just get overwhelmed by my infatuation and freeze.
it's definitely the ENFP in me though i think, that vivid imagination and the fact that it's such a "what if" situation stirs such a strong reaction..

i thought i got over this when i grew up, but it happened again last year with a girl at college so i guess not..:frustrating:
Yes, this is exactly what I'm talking about for me. It's much better from a far. When they reciprocate, over and over it's crash and burn. I get annoyed too fast. It was too much at once and then it's over before I know it.


So now the ENFP in me has decided to respect the "what if'. It's a completely romanticized state. It's what motivated knights to go out and fight for their taken ladies. My unrequited love motivates me to giggle myself to sleep and to daydream while I'm running.

The actualization of unrequited love isn't as romantic or exciting once consummated. So now I've learned to except the better part of it. Mmmm... yummy unrequited love. There is no let downs then.

When someone likes me and I don't like them, I don't think it's such a downer. I can't do anything about it. If it's a friend, I just have to be consistent. I don't like them. I won't ever like them. If they walk away screaming and crying because I don't reciprocate romantically, they weren't that good a friend to begin with and I'll think they are childish.

However, when I have feelings for someone on my end it is unrequited, it's often because I never tell them or they are unavailable. I guess I don't take enough risks. Anyway, I usually have nothing to walk away and cry about. To me, it's such a sweet bliss to admire them from a far, pining, daydreaming, doing kinky things with them in my head. It's a great way to pass the time. :happy:

Btw, I just read that the entire Peanuts comic strip was all based on unrequited love: Charlie Brown for little Red Head Girl, Peppermint Patty for Charlie Brown, Lucy for Schroeder. Good times.:laughing:
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #11
Okay. I take back everything I've said previously. Unrequited love is stupid. It sucks. It should DIE. I want to stab it in the neck with a fork. The end.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #12
Retraction: It's okay again. Argh...

But I'm buying the object of my desire this card in case he gets too cocky. Do you think it will work?


*Sigh* A woman cannot live on sexy morsels of hope alone. This seems like a pretty good investment:
 

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Unrequited love is awesome because it makes us appreciate those around us. Things don't always have to be about us and things don't always turn out the way you want them to but it's a hell of a journey!!!
 
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Pink -- I would call that like a megacrush or something... not quite unrequited love?

To me if you truly love someone -- truly connect with them -- I believe they feel the other side of that connection. That means, if you REALLY see them for who they are, and care about them deeply for who they are -- I believe that tells you that you can do something wonderful for them. Edit: I think both people will sense what's possible. The "requited" part is whether or not both people decide to ACT on what's possible, to realize it.

But if it's more romanticized -- when us ENFPs' brains are exploring possibilities, thinking about what we truly want, and projecting that on a person -- that's more like a crush. There may be intense pining but it's not as much based on our understanding of the other person, as aggrandizing specific qualities we see that We Think are Something A Lot Like What We Want.

I tend to feel this for people I respect & admire who also have some outward feature that I think I want, or provide access/support for things *I* long to achieve in my life.

It can be confusing to know what to do with it. :D I think you are right to just savor/explore it yourself. Wise. :)
 

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I used to be the queen of unrequited love. Pining was totally my thing. The dudes I was into were pretty much never into me. I didn't even mind it that much. It made the tiniest signs of their reciprocation that much more exciting and fulfilling.

I mean, yeah, it was also totally unhealthy, but that didn't occur to me at the time. :wink:
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #17
Actually, I wouldn't want a relationship with the object of my desire. But saying "unrequited" makes it muy romantico and takes the focus off of me having the blame and not being ready.

It's finding the beauty in being a martyr :wink:

I mean, yeah, it was also totally unhealthy, but that didn't occur to me at the time. :wink:
Actually, I think mine is really healthy. In many ways. It gets me close to nunnery. But instead of being married to God, my heart is devoted to some other fantastical creature. I should wear a ring and a habit.

Pink -- I would call that like a megacrush or something... not quite unrequited love?
Oh. :unsure: Sorry guys. Never mind. :blushed:
 

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I'll take a double helping of unrequited love...hold the rejection....
 

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Maybe we need to merge this thread in with the one on addicted to crushing, which it seems to be that's what Pink (.....and IMHO most ENFPs -- myself included) suffers from!!!:tongue:

Chinotto totally explained it here:
To me if you truly love someone -- truly connect with them -- I believe they feel the other side of that connection. That means, if you REALLY see them for who they are, and care about them deeply for who they are -- I believe that tells you that you can do something wonderful for them. Edit: I think both people will sense what's possible. The "requited" part is whether or not both people decide to ACT on what's possible, to realize it.

But if it's more romanticized -- when us ENFPs' brains are exploring possibilities, thinking about what we truly want, and projecting that on a person -- that's more like a crush. There may be intense pining but it's not as much based on our understanding of the other person, as aggrandizing specific qualities we see that We Think are Something A Lot Like What We Want.
There was a really great thread on "elaborate fantasies" in the NF forum, and I think that's kind of what this is about. And for me it doesn't even have to be a *real* person. Heck, it's easier to make up an imaginary prince charming (or Mr. Darcy.....:wink:) who's perfect, since real people aren't perfect and there are going to be things that will piss us off and frustrate us.

I think when we just meet someone and are crushing on them it's easy to romantize everything because you don't really *know* them, and the negatives are eliminated or simply nonexistent at that point.

Unrequited love I think it something that is much deeper, a passion, an infatuation. A one-sided love affair that lasts a lifetime. I always tend to think of classic literature and old films: Love in a time of cholera, Casablanca, The Sorrows of Young Werther....basically all your brooding romantic heros of the 18th century romantic era of literature, art, and music.

In all honesty, I don't think ENFPs really are the type to have unrequited love. When in a relationship we might stay well beyond end, but we are also too jumpy to be tied down to one person who does not reciprocate the feelings over a long period of time. We crush on someone, and a week/day/hour later we meet someone new and they're our new *love interest*.
 
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