[Philipthestone]

Hello everyone! This is a big situation. Let’s say there is this girl name Christina. She is a biracial girl, about 172 cm/ 5 feet 7.75” tall, black hair, dark brown eyes and is an INTP. She goes to a new school. The first day of school during her 10th grade year she sat with this girl name Tammy. She is 180 cm tall/ 5 feet 11. Her personality is unknown. She is somewhat friendly and she likes video games a little. She is always complaining about her dad. Then Christina sat next to this guy name Ethan. He is 184 cm tall/ 6 feet 0.5. Brown hair, and hazel eyes. He is very pale, and is an INFP. He is extremely quiet and at the start of the year Christina asked him out via note but Ethan said no. Then later on 3 new guys started to sit at the lunch table. First off was a guy name Carson. He is hispanic and is a bit heavy. He is about 182 cm tall/ 5 feet 11.75. He is an ESTP. He is not the smartest and alot of the time he doesn’t know what is going on. Then we a guy name Carter. He is very skinny, pale, and is about 183 cm/ 6 Feet even. In fact I think he even wears size 26 jeans waist. He is an ESTJ and is kind of strange. Not very smart but always has his opinion on people and talks about others alot. Then last but so not the least is Sampson. He is a red head with brown eyes. Heavy set, and is 182/ 5 feet 11.75 cm tall. He is an ESFJ and is the leader of the group. He has his opinion on everything. He is extremely smart and has like 40 college credits and he is still in high school with us. He is bossy and has told Christina to shut up many times. Christina also is not friends with any of these people really. Though she had a crush on Carter but one of her other friends outside lunch during class said that if she doesn’t ask him out she will post an embarrassing dm to her instagram and she did. She basically said “Oh um Christina is obsessed with you, and is always stalking your instagram and dreams about you.” Then she said “Okay thanks for the heads up.” Later Christina made up an apology letter to send to Carter and she gave it to him. She said she only visited his instagram once and said she was just too shy to speak to him. She did later came up and ask if he forgave him. He said it was fine. Then later she tried to ask out Carter but he said that he was busy, then she said what about another time, then he said he doesn’t like skating, then she said okay what about something else, then he finally said he is already seeing someone, but later on found out he lied to her.

Also I found it weird that Christina liked Carter because the year before when she sat with those people she always complained they never talked to her and treated her rude when she sat next to the wrong people, mostly Sampson. Also you have to check with Sampson like she is the leader of the table. Also the stuff with the note and her asking out Carter came during the 2nd semester of her 11th grade year. She has not sat with any of those people during her 11th grade year at all and stopped sitting next to them whatsoever at the last day of her 10th grade she. Though she is obsessed with trying to make these people her friends though, but I don’t know why. Also she had a new group during her 11th grade year which worked out well but now it is her 12th grade and most of those people except 1 left. Now the one that remains is in a larger group and barely talks to her any more. During lunch she sits next to no one this year. She still has the group from her 10th grade year but she is unsure whether to try again. Also I think Carter thinks of her as a creep. She is a very cloistered girl I guess. Also she can’t sit in one area of the lunch room because there is this 183 cm tall girl she pissed off like 4 to 5 years ago in a huge conflict and if she finds out Christina goes to the school she might either beaten up or told on by her friends as she did something 4 to 5 years ago that was really bad.

There is no one up front on the first lunch area, 2nd area off limits, and the 3rd area has two people that look like they may accept her but she doesn’t know what to do.

Who should Christina sit with?

 

[WickerDeer]

*sigh* I'll admit I found this pretty hard to read, and all the info about people's appearances was distracting.

Highschool is horrible. If Christina is an INFP (I think you said she was an INTP in the beginning), then I think she should find someone who she can trust and is very close to, and she should sit with them...or else find a good book to read or something to keep her mind off the other people in the lunchroom.

Either way--it's not the end of the world. She's almost out of high school and this will become inconsequential in a few years, provided she doesn't get beat up, harassed, or bullied to the point where she develops some kind of social anxiety or depression.

Remind her that high school is not very important, and that when she is older she will have a lot more choices. If she really needs to sit somewhere and she can't find anyone trustworthy to talk to (people tell her to shut up, people post embarrassing things online about her etc.) then she should just sit with them, but stop opening up to them honestly until she finds someone who acts respectful and mature.

She might want to try the people who she hasn't met yet--because her reputation is already smeared by her "friends," who are acting immature and unempathetic. And she could probably do with a new crowd, though one never knows what type of people they are by looking at them superficially--they could be worse or better. She should not settle for friends who violate her trust or socially embarrass her.

Christina doesn't need to worry about sitting with the "wrong kids" in another "leader's" eyes, because it's none of their business, and quality of friendship is worth more than acting "appropriate" according to some bossy highschooler's immature standards.

And again--I know my post's kind of redundant, but I think she should find some good books to read to take her mind past high school, because the world is a lot bigger than that though when in high school, kids focus a lot on social groups...it's just part of child development for most kids.

Christina has a lot of potential, but it's not going to be validated through the eyes of a clique. She should focus on academics and other life goals for when she leaves high school. Get a stack of fictions to read and learn of people through the novels, find some music you like, and areas of interest...perhaps learn to play an instrument if that's an interest. Focus on those instead of trying to find water in the desert of the high-school social environment.

Also...find someone trusworthy to talk to. It could be a good teacher, a school counselor, or a friend who respects privacy. Writing in a journal (that no one will be able to find) or keeping a sketch book if she's inclined to draw, are also some good ways to keep in touch with and grow feelings and identity. If there are extra-curricular interests, perhaps she could join a club, or volunteer for the school library or school events.

She could meet new people--you never know what kind of person someone is just by looking at them, or who you might meet if you go out of your comfort zone to talk to new people who seem interesting to you.