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Discussion Starter #1
hey guys.

I have a time sensitive question about this person i know. she hasn't done anything bad to me or anything, but i've always had the gut feeling that i should not trust her. I do not know where this feeling comes from and i feel that it is highly irrational, which is why I have not acted on this feeling. instead, i have allowed myself to continue to be friendly acquaintances with her, though i try to be guarded. i always feel uneasy after meeting her- at the back of my head im thinking that something was off about that meeting. i also don't feel comfortable because i feel that this person is prying for information about me? and sometimes asks questions that cause me to lose my guard or ask things that are hard for me to avoid/be reserved about.

she lied to me about something very small a few months ago - she told me about a decision she made, but later on i found out she had no intentions on that decision, and it was just something she told me (just me, not others). this kind of warned me to be careful. i still gave her the benefit of the doubt. and i wasn't angry or feeling upset or anything, it's possible that she changed her mind after telling me and that she was being fickle about her feelings. this is not a lie, but a change of heart, which i could understand. however, very recently, i think she lied to me about something else? sorry i should clarify this entire post. It's not the lies... i just think that there's a lot of dishonesty? i don't feel that it's something she told me about and then had a change of heart. I feel that she was intentionally dishonest to me about something. there's just too many contradictions. 2 in a row?

recently, she contacted me to hang out. i feel like i have an obligation to, but i also feel like i'm walking into a lion's den? i feel vulnerable and i feel suspicious of this person's intentions and i have the gut feeling that i should not go. Overall, i really don't feel like meeting this person. But i don't want to completely sever the friendship since she hasn't done anything wrong to me? i just don't feel like i've had enough "safe" interactions with this person to feel comfortable. it has been a while since i saw her a few months ago. I think she's going through some things in her life as well, which could explain the vibes i picked up - possible that she is just that way towards everyone right now, but.... why do i not feel like seeing her? i mean there are times when i have social obligations, and even if i wont really feel like doing anything social, i still want to see that person and i know afterwards, i'll be glad we met up. but this is different. not only do I not want to do this, i'm very hesitant about seeing her? but maybe this is all grounded in nothing? i told her i could meet up, but it's not too late to back out. what should i do? any advice? do you guys have any experiences with feelings like this?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
yes, but i don't know why i feel this way. i mean logically speaking... why would i feel like i'm in danger? i don't know. but i just strongly feel this way.
 

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as far as myself, i seek people that are genuine in friendships. you have no reason to befriend her, because she's trying to fool you into believing she is something other than what she is. the basis of any relationship is trust, and you have none for her.

my generalized thoughts:

i doubt she's some freako-serial killer or anything (ya never know) but what i think might be going on is that she is trying to use you, and you sense this. people take advantage of others all the time. maybe she needs you as a stepping stool to get somewhere in life (get connections to people, or what have you). maybe she senses that you are extremely caring, and knows you would have a hard time denying her something. maybe she's trying to find out all of your vulnerabilities so she can hang it over your head when the time comes.

trust your instincts, there's no reason to risk anything, and you have ZERO obligation to this person.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Well i know she is trying to use me for something for sure... she recently asked me to help her with something... and i couldn't say no, after all it would only take me like 5 minutes to help her with it. i didn't put much effort into it because i knew she was using me, and it would take me more energy to deny her the help on this thing, which is so easy for me. i figured i'd help her and then if i feel a need to distance myself from her, it would be a distance followed by my kind act for her. so she can't really have anything against me. and it would be a safe distance.

now that you bring it up, i feel that there IS something else she is trying to use me for, that she just hasn't got at. whether it is trying to get something out of me - information or my help or something... this explanation calms my mind/head a lot right now, but i still have siren bells going off in my heart that still tell me i am in danger, so i think there's something else but i have no idea why the hell im feeling this way
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Edit: i'm not worried about physical harm, but social harm if that makes sense? i feel that what i say or do when i hang out with her will be used against me?
 

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yeah, i wouldn't risk it. she sounds like a manipulative bitch. back out now.
 

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curiosity killed the cat.

balls.
it depends on if you feel like you can handle the negative future.
you ready for a battle!?

remember to put on your boxing gloves.
 

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I'm glad you resolved this issue :laughing:

I was just going to tell you to listen to your instincts. I know when I get feelings that strong about somebody, I'm near always right. If an acquaintance makes you feel uneasy you've no obligation to continue the friendship - that "obligated" feeling is all in our own heads, our own expectations.

She might not have given you a solid, tangible reason to mistrust her, but it sounds like she didn't really give you much solid reason for being friends with her, either!!
 

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Glad you resolved the issue.

If a person can lie to you once about a small matter, they will have no qualms lying to you again about a big matter. Even if they did have reservations, they can easily explain it away and justify themselves at your expense. I would not want to place my life and friendship in the hands of such people.
 

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I know that you’ve made your decision and YAY! Good one!! A couple of things you said struck me - I can tell from your first post that you knew that this woman wasn't a good friend to you, so YES, always trust your gut. There's no reason to be friends with someone that you don't trust, or like, or want to spend time with for any reason. And your concern that there would be some kind of repercussions if you cut off your relationship - step into your power and take care of yourself! Even if she did do something to retaliate, you can handle it!!

Melinda
 

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Your gut IS telling you something. It's the same way you feel when you make a right decision - it feels good. A bad decision either feels bad or you hesitate because part of you knows it's risky. If you have reservations, give in to those reservations or at least keep yourself in the comfort zone. The only obligations you have are those that you create for yourself. Allow yourself the freedom to say "no". Listen to those unspoken words.
 
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