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My INTJ and I are going to France together in a week for 8 days.

Would this be bearable to an INTJ? He suggested it, and seems extremely excited about it.

What are some tips to make this an INTJ-friendly vacation together? It'll be our first.
 

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Well, given that you are an ENTJ or an INTJ with weak introversion (according to your sig) you shouldn't be too far off the mark in getting the general picture.

I like a general game plan and structure to the whole thing. I also like time for processing and taking it easy, especially on overseas trips with long ass flights and lots of stimulating environment changes. I'll keep my cool if it seems like those around me have a solid plan and know their way around. If things start to get chaotic I'll lose my head. I'm already anxious and need extra security and processing time for stuff like this. Other people would probably be able to focus more on the exciting parts of their vacation, though, so I don't think I speak for anyone else but me here!

So, um, keep a pulse on his energy levels, I guess? I don't see any reason an INTJ wouldn't go all out on an overseas trip if it was a once in awhile thing, but I'd sure get drained fast!

Edit: Oh, together. Umm...have you taken small trips together before? That gives me a good indication of things in a relationship. I like direct, efficient, non-resource wasting travel partners best. I get pretty frustrated with overly fussy, unstructured, and dawdling types. Somehow I don't think that probably describes you!
 

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Since he suggested it than I don't think there will be as much of an issue.. Just be aware of his need to get away and be solitary. Seeing how you are ENTJ, I don't think it would bother you as much as it would for other types. I like traveling because I get to learn more about myself. Self-discovery and it is all the more enjoyable when you are with someone you enjoy and genuinely love. Be very aware that sometimes in high social areas he may get crabby, depending on how long he is there for. Allow him to be independent... I don't think this will be an issue but just be informed.
 

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don't talk all the time.
omg THIS
so much this.

Can not emphasize it enough. It will make or break it with me. Expecting me to pay attention all the time would exhaust and irritate me, and coupled with me trying to be "nice" by continuing rather than somehow walking off to get my own space and recover, would exhaust and irritate me to the point of not even being able to speak for like a solid day just to stop the suffering I would be going through.
This is not an exaggeration - it has happened before, and my gf at the time was in tears by the end because she thought she did some terrible thing to make me hate her. The whole trip was just terrible and bordering on traumatic.

I don't even need to be alone. It's actually awesome to have someone around, but doing their own thing so I can just be back in my own head alone for a good amount of time each day.

Just surf the web or watch tv or something at the hotel to let him recharge and recover. Especially if he has been out and about for a while, he may well need to just not interact for a while as soon as he is back at the hotel.
 

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omg THIS
so much this.

Can not emphasize it enough. It will make or break it with me. Expecting me to pay attention all the time would exhaust and irritate me, and coupled with me trying to be "nice" by continuing rather than somehow walking off to get my own space and recover, would exhaust and irritate me to the point of not even being able to speak for like a solid day just to stop the suffering I would be going through.
This is not an exaggeration - it has happened before, and my gf at the time was in tears by the end because she thought she did some terrible thing to make me hate her. The whole trip was just terrible and bordering on traumatic.

I don't even need to be alone. It's actually awesome to have someone around, but doing their own thing so I can just be back in my own head alone for a good amount of time each day.

Just surf the web or watch tv or something at the hotel to let him recharge and recover. Especially if he has been out and about for a while, he may well need to just not interact for a while as soon as he is back at the hotel.
So should I suggest we separate to get out of each other's faces here and there? Because during weekends together, he wants to be with me 24/7. I took a 10 minute walk alone while he was sleeping once, and he wasn't happy about that.

Can I trust that an INTJ would speak up if he wanted some space? Or will I have to mandate separation time for his own good?
 

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So should I suggest we separate to get out of each other's faces here and there? Because during weekends together, he wants to be with me 24/7. I took a 10 minute walk alone while he was sleeping once, and he wasn't happy about that.
Wow he wants to be with you 24/7
Hmm maybe you are not the type of person who needs to be engaged all the time when you are with someone, in which case, he is one lucky INTJ

Can I trust that an INTJ would speak up if he wanted some space? Or will I have to mandate separation time for his own good?
It's not about separation, its just not being engaged all the time. Being in the same area is no problem for me at all. It's having to constantly pay attention that is exhausting.
 

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Mark Twain said it best: “I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”

If you haven't travelled together before this will be a great learning experience for the two of you. Travel tends to bring out a lot of personality quirks that you may otherwise never see.

Everyone has their own travel style. Some people like everything planned out from beginning to end. Others like to take their time and make things up on the fly. Make sure you're on the same page with your expectations.

An INTJ who is an inexperienced traveller would probably prefer a bit more structure to the trip. I like to have a rough framework in place, but generally keep things pretty flexible for the day to day activities.

As far as energy levels and downtime...8 days is a fairly short trip, so unless your partner is very introverted I don't see him having a lot of issues. The adrenaline/excitement of being away is often enough to override the typical energy drain. If he hits overload, he should have no issues telling you. Just keep an eye on his moods. I personally get really snappy and short-tempered when I hit saturation point.
 

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Can I trust that an INTJ would speak up if he wanted some space? Or will I have to mandate separation time for his own good?
he's a grownup. you just need to let him know it's okay with you if he wants down-time so he's not inhibited from asking for it. some of us hard-core introverts have had difficult experiences with other people believing or understanding what the down-time's about.

i'm just going to say too: someone so clingy he gets separation anxiety over a 10-minute walk he didn't even know about . . . well, that's a little bit worrying to me. you might be better off not suggesting it yourself, if he's given to that kind of thing. be a little bit careful, okay? travel can be a pretty isolated way of being with someone else, if you start feeling stir-crazy yourself.
 

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One thing that I do wrong a lot, and I believe that it is true for many INTJs, is to always 'work first and play after'. The problem is that there is always too much work to ever get to the actual play part. The great thing about traveling is that you can't feel guilty about playing be cayuse (if done right) there is no work. I bet he is really excited about getting to play! And with his girlfriend at that - what's not to love!?

One thing that I appreciate when traveling to new places is to NOT see every single thing and run around like crazy. Sure, I'll gladly do one or two sites a day for a few days, but I won't do the 'quick, quick, hurry up' & 'only 15 more minutes until the train leaves'. No schedules on my vacation! If the place is that fabulous, I'd rather come back another time than kill myself (and my relationship).
i don't like to. Plan too far in advance and I am fine with letting someone else being in charge. Unless things are melting down, which is when I generally step in and take over. (I just have a knack for organizing things.)

As has already been pointed out, introverts don't need physical solitude. You can be alone with your thoughts in other people's company. I think that many introverts do this automatically many times: the famous Zone Out. If you see this happening with your boyfriend, just let him be for a while. He'll come back out when he has recharged sufficiently.
Eating breakfast together while just doing some quiet people watching or reading a magazine is a simple way to get the intro part taken care of. Riding on a bus towards a site, while holding hands, looking out the windows and enjoying the silence between you is another.

I am so jealous of your trip - you'll have a great time!
 

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:bored:

@op I think its sweet you care to make it enjoyable...but...uhh...its your vacation too. Be careful that you don't sacrifice your own enjoyment for the sake of his.
It's not her vacation, it's her vacation too. Do you know the difference? I don't think so. Someone should be sacrificed, right? So, she better follow your advice, act paranoid and preemptively selfish.
 

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It's not her vacation, it's her vacation too. Do you know the difference? I don't think so. Someone should be sacrificed, right? So she better follow your advice, act paranoid and preemptively selfish.
Lol. :bored:

I think its easy to let intjs be too demanding at times...and many of us can overstretch to accommodate these strong and decisive personality types.

I just hope she is not trying to only please him at the cost of her enjoyment too (yay fe). :)
 
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