Personality Cafe banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,138 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So I sit next to this girl in one of my classes. I'm pretty sure she's an INFP...I'll say hey to her and all that stuff but she's so shy that she looks at the floor and answers. When I am trying to make conversation with her she's normally zoned out and I only get "ohhhh" or "Yeah" from her and that's it. I am an ENTP so you can imagine how I am. Do you think I'm intimidating or what? How do I get her to talk more?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,138 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
I need more information. It's sweet of you to reach out to her but what makes you sure she's INFP, because she's quiet and shy?

Not that but she goes with her feelings too. Plus she's always zoned out and every INFP I've met (my dad is one) always dont seem to be down here on earth.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
594 Posts
Not that but she goes with her feelings too. Plus she's always zoned out and every INFP I've met (my dad is one) always dont seem to be down here on earth.
That sounds about right. Getting an INFP out of their shell is similar to getting any shy person out except INFPs need more time. Be patient and try to formulate questions that make her talk more, open-ended, simple etc. Don't push her to talk more, just be friendly, non-threatening and approachable. She'll open up to you eventually.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,549 Posts
If she comes out of her shell, it will be because she wants to, not because someone else thinks she should. So take things slowly. You can try to get to know her or ask her questions occasionally, but if you do it all the time, she won't like that. She'll be able to sense whether it's about "bringing her out of her shell" or genuinely trying to get to know her.
I remember once someone tried to bring me out of my shell. My sister (who's ISTJ) and I were at a coffee shop with some friends and this random stranger kept trying to get us to talk to him, and even said he liked getting quiet people to come out of their shells because they had interesting things to say. I suddenly felt like I was some sort of circus side show or something, and I didn't talk to him, and neither did my sister. But I have become good friends with people who I thought really wanted to get to know me, not just get me out of my so called shell.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Theodore

·
Registered
INFP 648 sx/sp
Joined
·
2,937 Posts
Try not to be too sudden prying as it may cause her to withdraw, but just showing some warm and genuine interest in her as a person and being kind and approachable and respectful of her space and personality should just about do it.
And as said, cookies would probably help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,734 Posts
If you happen to be loud and kinda hyperactive, overbearing or pushy, don't. These kinds of people make us retreat even more. If you're not like that, then you're doing great haha. I think you just have to be casual and friendly and laid back when speaking to her, and a medium-low tone of voice helps a lot. INFPs are generally very sensitive to sounds, and loud tones of voices, or people who are always overexcited generally make it difficult for us to open up (and specially if she happens to be shy). Ask her for help on something (like pretend you didn't hear the title of the assigned text), or ask about homework... I find that all the times I've ended up befriending people who sat with me in school and university were chill, laid back people who first asked me homework stuff and then it led to personal life stuff very naturally. If she's shy maybe she won't like talking about herself or her personal life right off the bat. So start with the common ground you share: the class and everything related to it (the teacher, the assigned texts, other classmates...). And yeah, just be chill and casual. I remember one girl who sat with me in university and I used to feel very intimidated by her, and she would talk to me but I responded monosyllables, until at one point I noticed that she started sitting with her knees on the side of the table and balancing her chair with only the rear legs, arms crossed behind her head, she appeared so chill and natural that I soon felt very comfortable with her and I started forming longer phrases. Body language is so powerful.
Also, don't stare at her or pay too much attention.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
So to bring someone out of their shell in a way... If you want a friend, then you got to be a friend...
Since she is obviously apprehensive of you as a person, then typically, a normal introduction period has to happen first.

You can bring something to show her and tell her this is what you are about... but take it easy and not overload in one meeting, but stretch it out. If she is interested in giving a friendship in return too, then she too would bring something else forward to tell you also too.

So.. it goes...
A: "Hm... this looks good ! I always like this kind of thing... I am into xyz.. I think it's wonderful. How about you, have you seen this kind of thing before? Do you want to have a look ? ... Have a look and let me know what you think."
B: (Takes that something and have a look cos by now she could be curious as to what you are rattling on about...)
A: "Don't you think that this is amazing. How about you? Have you ever found something that you find just as fascinating? "

Basically say something to target her Ne. :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
You can't bring her out of her shell. But you can show her you are someone she could talk to. No chit chats. Ask some deep question: but she might catch you if you are trying very hard. So when you are together, not during class, let her follow the lesson, try to ask something deep about what you BOTH just heard or something you BOTH just saw.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top