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Cafe Legend and MOTM Jan 2011
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Yes, but not because I have a fetish or anything. I wish that I were still a virgin, too, and it would be nice, when I mate with my soulmate, to be the only one. The ideal would be to have my virginity back, and to mate with one person for life who also chooses to mate only with me for his whole life. Since I am not a virgin, I don't require that my mate be a virgin, but I have always secretly wanted it to be that way. If he isn't, then it will have to be a situation in which he also wishes that we were both still virgins, having wasted his chance for the ideal just as I did.

When I lost my virginity, I thought I had found my mate for life. He broke up with me, and I was devastated, having saved it longer than most in order to spend it on someone deserving.
 

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When I lost my virginity, I thought I had found my mate for life. He broke up with me, and I was devastated, having saved it longer than most in order to spend it on someone deserving.
This happened to me, but I'm not regretful. I gave it to my mate at the time because I wanted him to have it, and I wouldn't have done it if I felt I would later wish I hadn't. I doubt you would have, either.

Then again... I was surprised at how un-special the whole thing was. My legs aren't loosened by the fact that I can't look at it as such a big deal as before, but still, I think it's only worth waiting for on principle - not because it's likely to be something amazing, just for the sentiment.

But I digress. What brings up the question about INFPs? Is there a reason they might prefer a virgin any more or less than anyone else?
 

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What brings up the question about INFPs? Is there a reason they might prefer a virgin any more or less than anyone else?
Maybe he has a personal theory :wink:

For what it's worth, I agree with snail 100% on this'un. One of my exes said to me at the very start of our relationship that I had better get used to the idea of *not* having sex with her, since apparently that had caused issues with her relationships in the past. I couldn't have been more content with the idea.

EDIT: to add to statistical analysis, the ex in question was XNFP, a few shades more extraverted. Yay trends!
 

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Virgins? What are those? Oh yeah, I remember. They're a myth, like unicorns or fairies - adult virgins anyways. Virginity? Isn't that a developmental stage? Like you have to grow out of it in order to become an adult? I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere in pop culture that you have to give your virginity away before your're 18. At least that's what Hollywood says, and I'm pretty sure that Hollywood is the authority on all things. Why would teenagers value their purity when they have so many inspiring icons to look up to who say otherwise? Nobody in their right mind would wait until marriage to have sex. Try it before you buy it, right? Seriously, think about it. If people waited until marriage to have sex, we probably wouldn't have a proliferation of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, then women would have no reason to kill innocent human life in the name of "women's choice." Is that really what we want? Come on now, let's be realists here. Who needs virginity when you can simply 'reclaim' your virginity? Why would two people save themselves for each other when there are so many other fish in the sea? Do you really want to live your entire life and have only one sexual partner? This isn't a fairy tale. Ladies, don't save yourself for marriage. Joe Blow wants to add you as another notch on his belt. You don't want to disappoint him, do you? :dry:
 

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Virgins? What are those? Oh yeah, I remember. They're a myth, like unicorns or fairies - adult virgins anyways. Virginity? Isn't that a developmental stage? Like you have to grow out of it in order to become an adult? I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere in pop culture that you have to give your virginity away before your're 18. At least that's what Hollywood says, and I'm pretty sure that Hollywood is the authority on all things. Why would teenagers value their purity when they have so many inspiring icons to look up to who say otherwise? Nobody in their right mind would wait until marriage to have sex. Try it before you buy it, right? Seriously, think about it. If people waited until marriage to have sex, we probably wouldn't have a proliferation of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, then women would have no reason to kill innocent human life in the name of "women's choice." Is that really what we want? Come on now, let's be realists here. Who needs virginity when you can simply 'reclaim' your virginity? Why would two people save themselves for each other, when there are so many other fish in the sea? Do you really want to live your entire life and have only one sexual partner? This isn't a fairy tale. Ladies, don't save yourself for marriage. Joe Blow wants to add you as another notch on his belt. You don't want to disappoint him, do you? :dry:
I'm going to tell my bestfriend she is a unicorn ..she is 21 and a virgin. My sister, I will tell her she was a fairy till the magic man made her "real"..she was 20 when she lost her virginity.

Maybe you are fishing in the dirty pond Beloved. Maybe you should change your bait, cast out further. Maybe you don't like the reflection in the clear pond or you don't like being able to see what's beneath.

Maybe you should question why you are always attracted to "those types of women" that disapoint you so, and possess such (self-proclaimed) "loose morals", rather than attacking them for those so-called impurities.
I think it cruel that we simultaneously accept the young are easily influenced, impressionable and fed primarily by their family and peers, and yet berate them when they display the very actions and behaviours this culture engenders. Society does not advoacte free thinking. Sadly the majority are not naturally strong, self assured, confident and content within themselves to always make the right choices for themselves. And who's to say your self-righteous choices are for everyone, how come you get to hold the moral compass? Often the majority need to be encouraged to nurtue themselves so they may cultivate a strong character who will be less likely to fall into the obvious problems that we see today...*sigh* I'm tired of defending the fact that people are human, most are secretly scared, feel alone and are just trying to be the best they can be at that time, and in the only way they know to be..
 

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I'm going to tell my bestfriend she is a unicorn ..she is 21 and a virgin. My sister, I will tell her she was a fairy till the magic man made her "real"..she was 20 when she lost her virginity.

Maybe you are fishing in the dirty pond Beloved. Maybe you should change your bait, cast out further. Maybe you don't like the reflection in the clear pond or you don't like being able to see what's beneath.

Maybe you should question why you are always attracted to "those types of women" that disapoint you so, and possess such (self-proclaimed) "loose morals", rather than attacking them for those so-called impurities.
I think it cruel that we simultaneously accept the young are easily influenced, impressionable and fed primarily by their family and peers, and yet berate them when they display the very actions and behaviours this culture engenders. Society does not advoacte free thinking. Sadly the majority are not naturally strong, self assured, confident and content within themselves to always make the right choices for themselves. And who's to say your self-righteous choices are for everyone, how come you get to hold the moral compass? Often the majority need to be encouraged to nurtue themselves so they may cultivate a strong character who will be less likely to fall into the obvious problems that we see today...*sigh* I'm tired of defending the fact that people are human, most are secretly scared, feel alone and are just trying to be the best they can be at that time, and in the only way they know to be..
Our culture definitely is at fault for young people's bad decisions, as well as parents. I'll admit, the pond I was fishing in was supposedly a Christian population. I mistakenly assumed that people who grew up being taught certain ideals actually embraced those ideals, as I did.

Sometimes, you can tell what a woman's intentions are by the way she dresses. Does she advertise her body by wearing tight, revealing clothes?

By "those types of women" I assume you mean most women, because I waited longer than both of the women you mentioned and longer than any woman I am acquainted with (that I'm aware of). I don't hold women to a higher standard than men. I don't set myself up on a self-righteous throne and cast judgement on others who failed to meet standards that I, myself, could not meet. I was an idealist who believed in my ideals. I was looking for another idealist who shared my values, and I never found her.
 

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Our culture definitely is at fault for young people's bad decisions, as well as parents. I'll admit, the pond I was fishing in was supposedly a Christian population. I mistakenly assumed that people who grew up being taught certain ideals embraced those ideals, as I did. Sometimes, you can tell what a women's intentions are by the way she dresses. Does she advertise her body by wearing tight, revealing clothes? By "those types of women" I assume you mean most women, because I waited longer than both of the women you mentioned and longer than any woman I am acquainted with (that I'm aware of). I don't hold women to a higher standard than men. I don't set myself up on a self-righteous throne and cast judgement on others who failed to meet standards that I, myself, couldn't meet. I was an idealist who believed in my ideals. I was looking for another idealist who shared my values, and I never found her.
How old are you? I too am an idealist and have met equal disapointment, I am yet to meet a man who isn't just fundamentally looking for an easy lay and to be looked after and who doesn't belittle and degrade women at every opportunity, but admittedly I am 30, I have only "dated" 7 men, I have lived in my home town the majority of my life, I am unconfident, complicated and untrusting.. I've not exactly moved heaven and earth to find that special someone. I am so easily moved to stereotype men and have to constantly correct my thinking and runaway-mouth .. so I'm no-one to call you up on your present state of mind on this issue but I can't not express my shock at how angry and bitter you appear towards your disapointment with women as a whole.

Sometimes, you can tell what a women's intentions are by the way she dresses.
Why are you even judging her by her clothes or asking what her clothes are saying about her intentions? You are doing exactly what they are doing, you're playing that game too..
Sure lots are advertising somewhat blatently, some will be merely conforming, not fully appreciating any message it may be conveying, some will be expressing there sexuality not advertising it. Are you guessing peoples values by superficial things such as dress or are you acquainting these women and finding out for sure? It's too complicated a game to guess intention by clothes alone... I genuinely feel like you see women as something to acquire, like you're trying to pick one out.. and you keep getting mad at the merchadise for false advertsising or not getting the right one that you thought you ordered. I'm sorry it's how you come across to me sometimes :sad:
 

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I genuinely feel like you see women as something to acquire, like you're trying to pick one out.. and you keep getting mad at the merchadise for false advertsising or not getting the right one that you thought you ordered. I'm sorry it's how you come across to me sometimes :sad:
I don't understand how you came to that conclusion. Something to acquire? What do you mean? Anyone who finds someone special has, in a sense, acquired something.
 

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I don't understand how you came to that conclusion. Something to acquire? What do you mean? Anyone who finds someone special has, in a sense, acquired something.
If that someone special found me, he would not own me. Acquire is to have in possession. No one should possess someone else (well in my view), to give of each other and recieve of each other you must remain a whole person, separately as well as together. I can give all that I am to someone but they do not keep it until they decide to let it go, they have it until I stop giving it. It's a constant flow. I hope I'm making some sense, as I'm not good at explaining it. Otherwise, if I found someone and took possession of them, that would mean they would in fact be mine until I chose to relinquish it. Which we know doesn't happen because if someone walks, we can't really stop them, well unless you manipulate or use force. We should always have free will, should being the operative word. You cannot own people, you cannot own love, simple as. I believe attraction and love is cultivated, it isn't present somewhere in someone or something to be attained, it is to be experienced, felt, actioned, those things cannot be acquired. That's how I see it, I believe that it's the idea that we own people through loving them that is unhealthy, this is true for family. My mother does not own me, I do not own my daughter. Wife's don't own their husbands, and yet that is how they behave and so come the problems... big hurts, big grievances and big problems. True love for me is not ownership or partnership. And finding that is like finding a needle in a haystack :sad:
Both you and the "dispointing women" have one thing in common, you both want to "have" someone. I wanted to "have" until I opened my eyes, I also realised that I actually did'nt really want to "have" someone, not really, I was taught about "having through loving". I had to find out what values and beliefs were really mine and I'm still finding out. We are blatently programmed as well as oh so subtly, hence I question you and the pond so much :wink:
 

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Virgins? What are those? Oh yeah, I remember. They're a myth, like unicorns or fairies - adult virgins anyways. Virginity? Isn't that a developmental stage? Like you have to grow out of it in order to become an adult? I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere in pop culture that you have to give your virginity away before your're 18. At least that's what Hollywood says, and I'm pretty sure that Hollywood is the authority on all things. Why would teenagers value their purity when they have so many inspiring icons to look up to who say otherwise? Nobody in their right mind would wait until marriage to have sex. Try it before you buy it, right? Seriously, think about it. If people waited until marriage to have sex, we probably wouldn't have a proliferation of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, then women would have no reason to kill innocent human life in the name of "women's choice." Is that really what we want? Come on now, let's be realists here. Who needs virginity when you can simply 'reclaim' your virginity? Why would two people save themselves for each other, when there are so many other fish in the sea? Do you really want to live your entire life and have only one sexual partner? This isn't a fairy tale. Ladies, don't save yourself for marriage. Joe Blow wants to add you as another notch on his belt. You don't want to disappoint him, do you? :dry:
Right on the mark. It truly has come to this, and it's sad.
 

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Why are you even judging her by her clothes or asking what her clothes are saying about her intentions? You are doing exactly what they are doing, you're playing that game too..
Sure lots are advertising somewhat blatently, some will be merely conforming, not fully appreciating any message it may be conveying, some will be expressing there sexuality not advertising it. Are you guessing peoples values by superficial things such as dress or are you acquainting these women and finding out for sure? It's too complicated a game to guess intention by clothes alone...
It's really sad that people have to be judged by the clothes they wear or the way they look. It's sad that while people claim to want the person who's everything they want on the inside, and yet only see the outside - quite possibly letting the good ones slip right past.
 

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If that someone special found me, he would not own me. Acquire is to have in possession. No one should possess someone else (well in my view), to give of each other and recieve of each other you must remain a whole person, separately as well as together. I can give all that I am to someone but they do not keep it until they decide to let it go, they have it until I stop giving it. It's a constant flow. I hope I'm making some sense, as I'm not good at explaining it. Otherwise, if I found someone and took possession of them, that would mean they would in fact be mine until I chose to relinquish it. Which we know doesn't happen because if someone walks, we can't really stop them, well unless you manipulate or use force. We should always have free will, should being the operative word. You cannot own people, you cannot own love, simple as. I believe attraction and love is cultivated, it isn't present somewhere in someone or something to be attained, it is to be experienced, felt, actioned, those things cannot be acquired. That's how I see it, I believe that it's the idea that we own people through loving them that is unhealthy, this is true for family. My mother does not own me, I do not own my daughter. Wife's don't own their husbands, and yet that is how they behave and so come the problems... big hurts, big grievances and big problems. True love for me is not ownership or partnership. And finding that is like finding a needle in a haystack :sad:
Both you and the "dispointing women" have one thing in common, you both want to "have" someone. I wanted to "have" until I opened my eyes, I also realised that I actually did'nt really want to "have" someone, not really, I was taught about "having through loving". I had to find out what values and beliefs were really mine and I'm still finding out. We are blatently programmed as well as oh so subtly, hence I question you and the pond so much :wink:
I view marriage as an ownership of both partners. The husband belongs to the wife and the wife belongs to the husband. No questions asked. A spouse doesn't have the "right" to have sex with other people outside of marriage because their body belongs to the other spouse....but I'm just a wayward idealist. :confused:
 

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I view marriage as an ownership of both partners. The husband belongs to the wife and the wife belongs to the husband. No questions asked. A spouse doesn't have the "right" to have sex with other people outside of marriage because their body belongs to their spouse. But I'm just a wayward idealist. :confused:
Wow. :shocked:

I hear what you are saying and your veiw is your right. Hopefully you will meet someone with the same view and you will both be happy. I hope you find what you are looking for Beloved, I really do. I understand you a lot more and will cease on retaliating your posts :happy:.
 

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Wow. :shocked:

I hear what you are saying and your veiw is your right. Hopefully you will meet someone with the same view and you will both be happy. I hope you find what you are looking for Beloved, I really do. I understand you a lot more and will cease on retaliating your posts :happy:.
Thank you. Unfortunately, not many women have the same mindset; therefore, I've given up on my ideals. I'll use women for sexual pleasure and call it a day.
 

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Thank you. Unfortunately, not many women have the same mindset; therefore, I've given up on my ideals. I'll use women for sexual pleasure and call it a day.
well good luck with that one :wink:
I on the otherhand will just abstain, that way I won't unintentionally hurt or affect anyone else...
 

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Thank you. Unfortunately, not many women have the same mindset; therefore, I've given up on my ideals. I'll use women for sexual pleasure and call it a day.
Not many people have that mindset anymore. It's the way of the world now: Instant gratification without any thought toward the thoughts of others. Again, it's sad what things have come to...

I feel so devastated inside when I talk to older couples who met and married and never looked in another's direction. Not devastated it happened that way, but sad that it's no longer in "fashion"... I wish it was.

My grandmother was a teenager during the war,working as a telagraph operator. She met my grandfather who was in teh army, went on a few dates and were married after two months. They said it was love at first sight. She adored him and when he died 18 years ago, she stayed faithful to her marriage and her love for him.

Old fashioned and silly as it sounds, I wish that had happened to me, I wish I would meet the one who would be that for me... and I definitely wish it for my children.
 
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