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Vocab disambiguation: the meanings of "social" etc - INTJ vs sociopath vs Asperger's
Anyone who's been on this forum for longer than a minute will have noticed that the same questions keep coming up:
- Are INTJs more likely to have Asperger's?
- Are INTJs sociopaths/ psychopaths?
In my opinion, a lot of those questions (and misconceptions) are based on a the vague way in which words such as "social", "antisocial", "society" etc. are used by the general public. In some cases, I think different words are available, but people are not precise. In other cases, there might not be alternatives, but people don't think about the ambiguity of those words. If I wanted to be prescriptive, I would recommend using/ inventing different words.
Below I will give some examples and definitions that will hopefully make it easier to see the differences between INTJs vs. sociopaths/ psychopaths vs. Asperger's
Please comment and add your own observations. Also, let me know if you disagree with my analysis.
1. Social, societal, antisocial, asocial, (inter)personal, sociable, pro-social, socially acceptable, legal vs. illegal
a) Social: This adjective is used in so many context that it can describe almost anything from a gathering of acquaintances, to a person's place in a hierarchy defined by education and income to issues that affect (a large portion of) the population of a country. In some contexts I would argue that it would make more sense to use "societal", "(inter)personal" or other words.
For example, an issue that is caused by the way that life is organized in a country could be called "societal" instead of "social". "Socially underprivileged" people could be more precisely described as "economically underprivileged" etc.
Some types of "social relationships" and "social skills" should be described as "(inter)personal". In this case, "social" refers to interacting with colleagues, acquaintances, the general public or groups of people whereas "interpersonal" refers to one-to-one communication.
INTJs: may not see any value in "social relationships" of a superficial nature. Most of the time, they probably understand the rules of 'small talk' etc. very well, but can't be bothered.
But INTJs may be very strong in "interpersonal" relationships (Ni = psychological profiling, Te = choosing an appropriate course of action, Fi = considering a friend's personal well-being, maintaining a long-term relationship).
They are likely to prefer a small, close circle of friends and to be selective about who they let into their life.
sociopaths/ psychopaths: may be very good at navigating "social" interactions (see "Superficial Charm") below, but this will be based on instrumentality, they probably won't just enjoy people's company for the sake of it but will have some aim in mind. It's very unlikely that sociopaths/ psychopaths will have close, reciprocal "interpersonal relationships". It is well known that sociopaths move from one 'victim' to the next and that many psychopaths abuse their spouses and children long before they commit a murder.
People with Asperger's: (It's difficult to make generalizations, I don't mean to offend anyone with Asperger's):
I would say that they struggle with both "social relationships" and "interpersonal" relationships. Although they may have a lot to offer in "interpersonal relationships", they might find it hard to get to this stage in the first place as a lot of people will misunderstand their behaviour. Their ability to interact with others may be affected by sensory over-stimulation and/ or rigidly logical/literal thinking and/or "lack of theory of mind" (not everyone with Asperger's has all of those symptoms and the prevalence of 'logical/ literal thinking' is over-reported in my opinion).
It is often said that people with Asperger's are very eager/ desperate to make friends but they don't know how to. This sounds less selective than INTJs.
[A lot of people on the autism spectrum are also extroverted and feelings types. I've worked with people on the spectrum who would type as ENTP, ENFP, ISFJ and seen at least one young man on the TV who was very ESFP].
b) antisocial
"Antisocial" does not mean "quiet/ reserved/ introverted". In fact, it means the opposite. Antisocial behaviour is behaviour that is disruptive and harms a group or those around the antisocial individual. Antisocial behaviour can be behaviour that prevents a group from reaching their aim. In some countries, some offenses are labelled "antisocial". Therefore, "antisocial" behaviour can border on illegal behaviour. See Anti-Social-Behaviour-Orders in the UK.
Examples: always shouting out in class and preventing your classmates from learning; playing loud music at night; intimidating passerby in the street; damaging public property ....
INTJs: most healthy INTJs are very unlikely to deliberately engage in such behaviour. In fact, it is the exact opposite of how INTJs normally behave; of course, INTJs are capable of any kind of human behaviour
sociopaths/ psychopaths: are very likely to engage in this type of behaviour or even illegal activities from a young age
people with Aspergers: are no more likely than the average person to deliberately engage in this kind of behaviour; if they are disruptive, it might be a consequence of having sensory overload or unaware of other people's needs; of course they are capable of any kind of human behaviour, just like anyone
c) asocial: This is the word you're looking for when you use "antisocial". Asocial means not very interested in 'social' interactions. An asocial attitude could be combined with any of the behaviours described above.
A person might asocial and antisocial or they could be asocial and pro-social (see below).
d) sociable: The opposite of asocial. A person who enjoys interactions with others. This attitude could be combined with any of the behaviours described above. E.g. in a group of youths who are engaged in antisocial behaviour, each member could be described as sociable if they like interacting with others in their group.
e) pro-social behaviour: is constructive behaviour that benefits other people apart from yourself; it is similar to altruistic behaviour. It's the opposite of antisocial E.g. if you help other people or are a good team worker, you are displaying pro-social behaviour.
You can be asocial (not sociable) but pro-social at the same time.
INTJs: can definitely be prosocial
sociopaths/ psychopaths: are very unlikely to be genuinely pro-social unless there's something tangible in it for them
people with Asperger's: can definitely be pro-social, but some might need to be told what is required
f) socially acceptable:
"Socially acceptable" behaviour is anything that is in line with the traditions, customs, etiquette and fashion of a country or community, such as greeting people in the 'correct' way, addressing people correctly, expressing opinions that do not deviate too far from the majority etc. Behaviour that is "not socially acceptable" is not illegal behaviour. The rules of what is considered "socially acceptable" are far stricter than what is considered legal/ illegal.
E.g. using a practical bag that is not very fashionable can be called "socially unacceptable" if a majority of people would not use this kind of bag.
"Behaviour that violates the norms of society" etc. (see description of socipaths/ psychopaths in the literature) actually refers to behaviour that is illegal or at least very immoral, such as torturing animals and other criminal behaviour. This is were a lot of the confusions comes from. Phrasings like this lead people to ask "Are INTJs sociopaths/ psychopaths?". This kind of behaviour should just be called "illegal".
INTJs: may reject the customs, etiquette etc. of a society to varying degrees; of course, INTJs can be criminals
sociopaths/ psychopaths: many of them will be very careful not to do anything that is "socially unacceptable" so as not to draw attention to themselves; e.g. whenever a psychopaths rapes/ abducts/ murders a person in Germany, the neighbours say: "He/ she was a normal and nice person like everybody else. They always greeted people in the street." Greeting people is a socially acceptable behaviour and provides a good cover for planning criminal activities. INTJs and people with Asperger's might stand out by neglecting this kind of socially acceptable behaviour, but might never have done anything illegal.
people with Asperger's: may not understand the rules of socially acceptable behaviour to varying degrees; if they are the type that is obsessed with logic, they might disparage this kind of behaviour like some INTJs, but often they express regret at not understanding how to interact; of course, people with Asperger's can be criminal
g) legal/ illegal behaviour
This should be obvious.
2. "Superficial charm"
Superficial charm is behaviour that flatters others but is not accompanied by a feeling of liking people. It is often used to manipulate others for one's own benefit.
INTJs: Te can be used to produce a fake-Fe effect, e.g. saying socially acceptable things because you know that this is expected, although you don't care. In INTJs this is often a passive strategy used to avoid reprisal from people who do not understand them or who they do not have a close relationship with. INTJs seldom use this actively.
All the INTJ's cognitive functions can also be used to build 'personal relationships' to achieve a goal, but this will seldom be used to manipulate people for the INTJs personal gratifications. E.g. I work hard to build superficial personal relationships with my students. Personally, I'd prefer to tell them to shut up and do the work. But I know that they will enjoy learning more if their teacher seems interested in them. So I get to know them in order to motivate them. It is my students who benefit from this. I only benefit indirectly in achieving better results, but it costs me a lot of energy, so that on the whole, my students benefit more. (Influencing vs. manipulating).
Of course, INTJs are also capable of feeling genuine consideration for others and having 'deep' and 'meaningful' relationships.
sociopaths/ psychopaths:
Use their superficial charm far more actively and their aim is to exploit others, e.g. to further their career, recruit people who are dependent on them, etc. Sociopaths/ psychopaths will find it far easier than INTJs to make superficial compliments etc. They are even said to turn themselves into a 'perfect friend' or 'Mr(s) Right' for others, e.g. by (pretending to) share all their interests and opinions. Sociopaths/ psychopaths can do this far more smoothly than INTJs and do not report any difficulty in this area. Their aim will be to manipulate others for their own gain, not to influence others in order to help them.
people with Asperger's: are not often suspected of having 'superficial charm' or any kind of charm
3. Empathy/ sympathy, affective/ cognitive empathy
a) Empathy/ sympathy: are often used interchangeably.
Empathy: "the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's position." (wikipedia) .
Sympathy: the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune, etc."; "afeeling of support for something"; or "a state in which differentpeople share the same interests, opinions, goals, etc.", but not necessarily the feeling that you share another person's emotions (wikipedia)
Cognitive empathy: The ability to use your intellect to understand what somebody else must be feeling.
Affective empathy: The ability to feel what another person is feeling.
INTJs: Can have superior cognitive empathy if they use Ni-Te and consider enough data; but may choose not use this skill if they don’t feel sympathy for a person (e.g. because they are not close to them, do not care about the same things, have not made similar experiences)
Can have varying degrees of affective empathy, but are definitely capable of high levels of affective empathy.
Sociopaths/ Psychopaths: Can have average/ high cognitive empathy (this is what allows them to figure out how people will react to their manipulations!). Are commonly said not to have any affective empathy, but it can be induced in a laboratory setting.
People on the autistic spectrum: Can have varying degrees of cognitive and affective empathy. Some even report experiencing extreme emotional anguish at seeing another person or an animal suffer, but they do not have the cognitive empathy to understand where those feelings come from (i.e. they only learn later that they had those feelings out of sympathy/ empathy with the victim!).Are more likely to misunderstand/ lack cognitive information than to willfully ignore it.
Anyone who's been on this forum for longer than a minute will have noticed that the same questions keep coming up:
- Are INTJs more likely to have Asperger's?
- Are INTJs sociopaths/ psychopaths?
In my opinion, a lot of those questions (and misconceptions) are based on a the vague way in which words such as "social", "antisocial", "society" etc. are used by the general public. In some cases, I think different words are available, but people are not precise. In other cases, there might not be alternatives, but people don't think about the ambiguity of those words. If I wanted to be prescriptive, I would recommend using/ inventing different words.
Below I will give some examples and definitions that will hopefully make it easier to see the differences between INTJs vs. sociopaths/ psychopaths vs. Asperger's
Please comment and add your own observations. Also, let me know if you disagree with my analysis.
1. Social, societal, antisocial, asocial, (inter)personal, sociable, pro-social, socially acceptable, legal vs. illegal
a) Social: This adjective is used in so many context that it can describe almost anything from a gathering of acquaintances, to a person's place in a hierarchy defined by education and income to issues that affect (a large portion of) the population of a country. In some contexts I would argue that it would make more sense to use "societal", "(inter)personal" or other words.
For example, an issue that is caused by the way that life is organized in a country could be called "societal" instead of "social". "Socially underprivileged" people could be more precisely described as "economically underprivileged" etc.
Some types of "social relationships" and "social skills" should be described as "(inter)personal". In this case, "social" refers to interacting with colleagues, acquaintances, the general public or groups of people whereas "interpersonal" refers to one-to-one communication.
INTJs: may not see any value in "social relationships" of a superficial nature. Most of the time, they probably understand the rules of 'small talk' etc. very well, but can't be bothered.
But INTJs may be very strong in "interpersonal" relationships (Ni = psychological profiling, Te = choosing an appropriate course of action, Fi = considering a friend's personal well-being, maintaining a long-term relationship).
They are likely to prefer a small, close circle of friends and to be selective about who they let into their life.
sociopaths/ psychopaths: may be very good at navigating "social" interactions (see "Superficial Charm") below, but this will be based on instrumentality, they probably won't just enjoy people's company for the sake of it but will have some aim in mind. It's very unlikely that sociopaths/ psychopaths will have close, reciprocal "interpersonal relationships". It is well known that sociopaths move from one 'victim' to the next and that many psychopaths abuse their spouses and children long before they commit a murder.
People with Asperger's: (It's difficult to make generalizations, I don't mean to offend anyone with Asperger's):
I would say that they struggle with both "social relationships" and "interpersonal" relationships. Although they may have a lot to offer in "interpersonal relationships", they might find it hard to get to this stage in the first place as a lot of people will misunderstand their behaviour. Their ability to interact with others may be affected by sensory over-stimulation and/ or rigidly logical/literal thinking and/or "lack of theory of mind" (not everyone with Asperger's has all of those symptoms and the prevalence of 'logical/ literal thinking' is over-reported in my opinion).
It is often said that people with Asperger's are very eager/ desperate to make friends but they don't know how to. This sounds less selective than INTJs.
[A lot of people on the autism spectrum are also extroverted and feelings types. I've worked with people on the spectrum who would type as ENTP, ENFP, ISFJ and seen at least one young man on the TV who was very ESFP].
b) antisocial
"Antisocial" does not mean "quiet/ reserved/ introverted". In fact, it means the opposite. Antisocial behaviour is behaviour that is disruptive and harms a group or those around the antisocial individual. Antisocial behaviour can be behaviour that prevents a group from reaching their aim. In some countries, some offenses are labelled "antisocial". Therefore, "antisocial" behaviour can border on illegal behaviour. See Anti-Social-Behaviour-Orders in the UK.
Examples: always shouting out in class and preventing your classmates from learning; playing loud music at night; intimidating passerby in the street; damaging public property ....
INTJs: most healthy INTJs are very unlikely to deliberately engage in such behaviour. In fact, it is the exact opposite of how INTJs normally behave; of course, INTJs are capable of any kind of human behaviour
sociopaths/ psychopaths: are very likely to engage in this type of behaviour or even illegal activities from a young age
people with Aspergers: are no more likely than the average person to deliberately engage in this kind of behaviour; if they are disruptive, it might be a consequence of having sensory overload or unaware of other people's needs; of course they are capable of any kind of human behaviour, just like anyone
c) asocial: This is the word you're looking for when you use "antisocial". Asocial means not very interested in 'social' interactions. An asocial attitude could be combined with any of the behaviours described above.
A person might asocial and antisocial or they could be asocial and pro-social (see below).
d) sociable: The opposite of asocial. A person who enjoys interactions with others. This attitude could be combined with any of the behaviours described above. E.g. in a group of youths who are engaged in antisocial behaviour, each member could be described as sociable if they like interacting with others in their group.
e) pro-social behaviour: is constructive behaviour that benefits other people apart from yourself; it is similar to altruistic behaviour. It's the opposite of antisocial E.g. if you help other people or are a good team worker, you are displaying pro-social behaviour.
You can be asocial (not sociable) but pro-social at the same time.
INTJs: can definitely be prosocial
sociopaths/ psychopaths: are very unlikely to be genuinely pro-social unless there's something tangible in it for them
people with Asperger's: can definitely be pro-social, but some might need to be told what is required
f) socially acceptable:
"Socially acceptable" behaviour is anything that is in line with the traditions, customs, etiquette and fashion of a country or community, such as greeting people in the 'correct' way, addressing people correctly, expressing opinions that do not deviate too far from the majority etc. Behaviour that is "not socially acceptable" is not illegal behaviour. The rules of what is considered "socially acceptable" are far stricter than what is considered legal/ illegal.
E.g. using a practical bag that is not very fashionable can be called "socially unacceptable" if a majority of people would not use this kind of bag.
"Behaviour that violates the norms of society" etc. (see description of socipaths/ psychopaths in the literature) actually refers to behaviour that is illegal or at least very immoral, such as torturing animals and other criminal behaviour. This is were a lot of the confusions comes from. Phrasings like this lead people to ask "Are INTJs sociopaths/ psychopaths?". This kind of behaviour should just be called "illegal".
INTJs: may reject the customs, etiquette etc. of a society to varying degrees; of course, INTJs can be criminals
sociopaths/ psychopaths: many of them will be very careful not to do anything that is "socially unacceptable" so as not to draw attention to themselves; e.g. whenever a psychopaths rapes/ abducts/ murders a person in Germany, the neighbours say: "He/ she was a normal and nice person like everybody else. They always greeted people in the street." Greeting people is a socially acceptable behaviour and provides a good cover for planning criminal activities. INTJs and people with Asperger's might stand out by neglecting this kind of socially acceptable behaviour, but might never have done anything illegal.
people with Asperger's: may not understand the rules of socially acceptable behaviour to varying degrees; if they are the type that is obsessed with logic, they might disparage this kind of behaviour like some INTJs, but often they express regret at not understanding how to interact; of course, people with Asperger's can be criminal
g) legal/ illegal behaviour
This should be obvious.
2. "Superficial charm"
Superficial charm is behaviour that flatters others but is not accompanied by a feeling of liking people. It is often used to manipulate others for one's own benefit.
INTJs: Te can be used to produce a fake-Fe effect, e.g. saying socially acceptable things because you know that this is expected, although you don't care. In INTJs this is often a passive strategy used to avoid reprisal from people who do not understand them or who they do not have a close relationship with. INTJs seldom use this actively.
All the INTJ's cognitive functions can also be used to build 'personal relationships' to achieve a goal, but this will seldom be used to manipulate people for the INTJs personal gratifications. E.g. I work hard to build superficial personal relationships with my students. Personally, I'd prefer to tell them to shut up and do the work. But I know that they will enjoy learning more if their teacher seems interested in them. So I get to know them in order to motivate them. It is my students who benefit from this. I only benefit indirectly in achieving better results, but it costs me a lot of energy, so that on the whole, my students benefit more. (Influencing vs. manipulating).
Of course, INTJs are also capable of feeling genuine consideration for others and having 'deep' and 'meaningful' relationships.
sociopaths/ psychopaths:
Use their superficial charm far more actively and their aim is to exploit others, e.g. to further their career, recruit people who are dependent on them, etc. Sociopaths/ psychopaths will find it far easier than INTJs to make superficial compliments etc. They are even said to turn themselves into a 'perfect friend' or 'Mr(s) Right' for others, e.g. by (pretending to) share all their interests and opinions. Sociopaths/ psychopaths can do this far more smoothly than INTJs and do not report any difficulty in this area. Their aim will be to manipulate others for their own gain, not to influence others in order to help them.
people with Asperger's: are not often suspected of having 'superficial charm' or any kind of charm
3. Empathy/ sympathy, affective/ cognitive empathy
a) Empathy/ sympathy: are often used interchangeably.
Empathy: "the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's position." (wikipedia) .
Sympathy: the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune, etc."; "afeeling of support for something"; or "a state in which differentpeople share the same interests, opinions, goals, etc.", but not necessarily the feeling that you share another person's emotions (wikipedia)
Cognitive empathy: The ability to use your intellect to understand what somebody else must be feeling.
Affective empathy: The ability to feel what another person is feeling.
INTJs: Can have superior cognitive empathy if they use Ni-Te and consider enough data; but may choose not use this skill if they don’t feel sympathy for a person (e.g. because they are not close to them, do not care about the same things, have not made similar experiences)
Can have varying degrees of affective empathy, but are definitely capable of high levels of affective empathy.
Sociopaths/ Psychopaths: Can have average/ high cognitive empathy (this is what allows them to figure out how people will react to their manipulations!). Are commonly said not to have any affective empathy, but it can be induced in a laboratory setting.
People on the autistic spectrum: Can have varying degrees of cognitive and affective empathy. Some even report experiencing extreme emotional anguish at seeing another person or an animal suffer, but they do not have the cognitive empathy to understand where those feelings come from (i.e. they only learn later that they had those feelings out of sympathy/ empathy with the victim!).Are more likely to misunderstand/ lack cognitive information than to willfully ignore it.
