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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've always felt like I have been preparing for a life that is just around the corner, but never comes. I am improving my odds, conquering obstacles, learning methods, undoing habits, sacfricing today so that I might have a better tomorrow. Only thing is, seems like it's today forever! I've even had others tell me that I'm waiting for my life to start and that I need to just start living it. You guys ever feel that way? As soon you get rid of this depression, of this chronic pain, of this injury, of this schooling, of this flesh-eating bacterium on your esophagus, that you'll be ready to start relaxing, accepting yourself, and get out there? Do you ever get there?
 

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This is how I feel all the time too. Funny you started this thread, because I was thinking of posting nearly the same thing.
 

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You do, yes, the moment you stop either living in the future, or the past. You have to live in the right now. Every moment. All of that stuff in your head, tearing you down, making you feel like you're weak, and worthless.... it's just a mental tape loop playing over and over.

Here' the big secret. It's not you


I figured this out only fairly recently. Ten years ago, I was a different person. Five years ago, ditto. Eventually, I realized that if who I was kept changing, then what was changing wasn't really me. Not at the core of my being. See what I'm saying?

I can recommend reading Eckhart Tolle's 'The Power of Now'. It sounds very self help-y, and I avoided it for years. It's actually incredibly profound, and it talks about this very thing.

I've read a couple of your other posts. Hang in there man, believe me, I *know* how hard it is. Just Don't. Ever. Give. Up. You are perfect just as you are. Why do you think you were born?

One day, like me, you will finally rise above the clouds after what will seem like an eternity of struggle and you will realize how very strong you actually are.

Only way I can describe the feeling is these last two stanzas of a poem I wrote about it:

It is a kind of sanity, this bringing
A soul-song that binds me true
Darkly whispering
Of the joyful fury, wild beneath my waves

The tempest comes at last to name me
The words come screaming; burning stars
I am Leviathan
All the world is not so strong
 

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I feel like that sometimes too, although at times in my life I have felt like I was really living.

Right now, though, yeah. I'm kind of stuck in a waiting period. I think we tend to overanalyze ourselves and the world a bit too much (and from our own perspectives a bit too much too), so we end up getting stuck unable to do anything.

I'm still trying to break free myself, too. I think other people might be right, that we just need to put ourselves out there and start living. But it's hard to break the mental chains that prevent us from doing so.
 

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Oh yes. This is the one major disconnect I have with myself, what's becoming the biggest obstacle in life for me. I'm borrowing this from the literature quotes thread and from Sylvia Plath:

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
 

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I'm too scared to start my life, because I doubt I could handle all the responsibility. I also don't know how to "start" it, is there some kind of big red button I have to press?

Also, a quote from typologycentral:
"Every day I beat myself up over the tiniest, most inconsequential details. I can even see how irrational I’m being, but I can’t stop doing it, even when I promise myself day after day after day that this will be the day when I catch up on everything (school-related and otherwise) that’s due, this will be the day when I stop sucking. And it never is. I feel like I’m stuck in this rut and can’t get out. It’s not about the study habits, it’s about the stupid feelings holding me back. I think."
 

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Certainly guilty of the same thing.

I think the worst part is that I often do really well supporting other people to go outside their comfort zone and leap forward in life, yet I seem to fail in my own respects. Part of me wants to say "I need to start dating support-type girls," but I should be able to invoke change in myself.
 
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dude, i know what you mean.

i'm just a bit different though. I'm living and enjoying my life. but I have this subconscious list of things I need to get/do/accomplish before my life is "complete"/whole/real/me/worthy of a good life. etc. I always know what's on the list but ask me to name on the spot them and i'll give you a blank stare.

thinking about it: get the girl, get the body (get uninjured and back in shape), get the finances straight, get my knowledge level do the degree I want it, read this book...or more realistically, read ALL these books. . stuff like that.
 

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That is so much me. I felt like that until I was about 44. Halfway 2008 I stumbled upon some very important new insights and I met a host of new people among whom my gf all of which really got things moving for me.
Yet, I still feel as if things could go even faster. After a long time in pseudo hibernation I finally found fourth gear but I can sense there is another higher gear yet to engage.

I very much agree with wyrdsong that living in the now is an important key. Its getting past that past and present feedback loop that is keeping you mired in the middle.
 

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I've always felt like I have been preparing for a life that is just around the corner, but never comes. I am improving my odds, conquering obstacles, learning methods, undoing habits, sacfricing today so that I might have a better tomorrow. Only thing is, seems like it's today forever! I've even had others tell me that I'm waiting for my life to start and that I need to just start living it. You guys ever feel that way? As soon you get rid of this depression, of this chronic pain, of this injury, of this schooling, of this flesh-eating bacterium on your esophagus, that you'll be ready to start relaxing, accepting yourself, and get out there? Do you ever get there?
Yes. To me, it's the progression. Keeping up, ...

you can polish the ball all you want to. But until you get it dirty, you're not going anywhere.
 
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it's probably an inherently INFP trait to keep thinking that there's something to improve on and constantly nitpick even the most inconsequential matters, when sometimes it's just easier to get going, perceived flaws and all. one of the main reasons why INFPs make very difficult friends or partners - all the ridiculously unnecessary self-reflection and masochism.

we-ell, you know what they say, "it's about the journey, not the destination." something i struggle to keep in mind myself sometimes
 

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I was like this in the past, and definitely still am now .-. At first things were slow, but I was forced to start my life when my father died considering he kept the family together and handled everything financially. That was when I truly start seeing the world, instead of being forced to view my father's vision on the world.

Even though I was in High School then and long since graduated now, I had to grow up and start doing what I had to do. It wasn't the easiest thing at first, I didn't have much support and people constantly bothered me about my life even during my own depression period in Senior Year. ...I guess I could even say that my own life started when I started doing my training for work. It's started for me, but there's so much I still want add on...

When you feel life start to pick up a positive shift, don't stop no matter what. I can almost guarantee that you'll feel it when you take advantage of a good opportunity and expand on it, you'll actually feel like you're living your own life. With your own choices, you'll be more relaxed and ready to go.
 

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Oh yes. This is the one major disconnect I have with myself, what's becoming the biggest obstacle in life for me. I'm borrowing this from the literature quotes thread and from Sylvia Plath:

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
Fucking incredible quote. Most worthy of the second page!

I agree with the poster who suggested hunting down The Power of Now. If you're looking for a less spiritual, more "logical" way of looking at things, find "A Guide to Rational Living". It's perfect for overthinkers and will help you in becoming more decisive. Mind you, I'm still battling with being the world's most indecisive overthinker, but the books have definitely helped (and will continue to do so).
 

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I can relate to that alot. People say that I have so much going for me but I dont take advantage of it, that I have a alot of wasted potenital. Ive been living like my fate is being decided by something other than me and Im just along for the ride on a raft in a sea. I want so much but I my desire is barely a glowing ember.
I just keep on going, hoping that the next chapter will begin soon but the pages keep on going.
 

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Have you been 'absorbing' my energy? :crazy: Lol j/k

Yes currently I am waiting for a certain life to start, I don't feel it is wrong though, I feel that I should've been here earlier.
 

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Oh yes. This is the one major disconnect I have with myself, what's becoming the biggest obstacle in life for me. I'm borrowing this from the literature quotes thread and from Sylvia Plath:

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

YES!!! Sylvia Plath! I LOVE her. I read that paragraph once before and it totally resonated with me too! That's cool that you put it up here. Have you read her Unabridged Journals? They changed my life, I can connect with her on so many levels! Do you think she was an INFP? I do.


Anyway, about waiting... I have often said this and thought it. I too feel like I am ALWAYS waiting. always. What's gonna happen next? As in, I am never fully doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am always expecting something else to happen instead. I feel like I am forever "in transition" or "in the latent phase" or something along those lines. I'm never HERE NOW. I'm in the process of getting there, just not there yet. Always a little behind. Always patiently awaiting the next thing I have to do. minute by minute.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I think I have a tendency to not feel okay with myself. Like I need something more for people to like me or for me to fit into society and be appreciated. I'm trying to open my eyes, though, and start to love myself the way I am today, flaws and all. It's so refreshing to hear everyone here having all these thoughts and feelings I can never share with even my closest friends. You guys are freakin cool!
 

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Same here

I think it's hard because you want to do certain things, enjoy your time.. but you keep thinking it will be a waste of time. You can't see how it could affect the future, so you focus on things that you know will directly make change. I think this is the issue that just has to be accepted, that we can't always have the knowing to see that far into the future.. Anything can happen. It's a journey, a process. Things always lead to other things.


Here's something weird
There is a man on youtube who channels an extraterrestrial entity called "Bashar". He has some interesting things to say, try the video called Following your highest joy and 2, Caution to the wind
 
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