Waking up, healing, becoming true

584 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by Anunnaki Spirit, Mar 8, 2020

Inkling considered INFJ

Discussion Starter · Mar 8, 2020

Hello INFJs of the interwebs,

I got emotionally abused by a covert narcissist for two years, I was codependent with her and she was my best friend. After weeks of guilt inducing I ended the relationship to her. First I was so proud and felt so liberated and full of energy.
Now I just saw how often I got used for my empathy and I recognized inner wounds that stem from childhood (maybe even trauma). I got into people pleasing behavior because I was so scared of being alone. I put up many personas just to please people and get the attention my ego so desperately craved.
Now I'm on like a mission to tell people how I truly am, if they are dissapointed by that they must leave. I have to grow boundaries and get the authentic self I am destined to be.
What I want to say is, it's a little scary to see so many things falling apart. I know there are a lot people out there my age feeling the same or that went through the same.

I am not really good at articulating my inner world but I did the best I could. Sorry if it seems a little fuzzy.

What were your experiences with that? How did you got through that? Any tips?

Edit: INFJ age 24 m (if that's imortant)

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Six

· #2 · Mar 8, 2020

Inkling considered INFJ said:
Hello INFJs of the interwebs,

I got emotionally abused by a covert narcissist for two years, I was codependent with her and she was my best friend. After weeks of guilt inducing I ended the relationship to her. First I was so proud and felt so liberated and full of energy.
Now I just saw how often I got used for my empathy and I recognized inner wounds that stem from childhood (maybe even trauma). I got into people pleasing behavior because I was so scared of being alone. I put up many personas just to please people and get the attention my ego so desperately craved.
Now I'm on like a mission to tell people how I truly am, if they are dissapointed by that they must leave. I have to grow boundaries and get the authentic self I am destined to be.
What I want to say is, it's a little scary to see so many things falling apart. I know there are a lot people out there my age feeling the same or that went through the same.

I am not really good at articulating my inner world but I did the best I could. Sorry if it seems a little fuzzy.

What were your experiences with that? How did you got through that? Any tips?

Edit: INFJ age 24 m (if that's imortant)

Narcissists...

If the question is how do you deal with Narcissists:

You're always going to be stuck with them at some stages of your life - so whilst always the best option is to cut them out (because there's no sort of interaction they do which isn't designed to drain energy or pull back so as to just allow your good nature to give them an opportunity later to do the same):

I have found depending on the narcissist there's a series of ways you can actually tie them down to their own double binds if you can force them to suffer the consequences of them in a way which avoids them shunting the reasons for it onto a subject which isn't directly tied to a crucial excuse they offer themselves or story they tell themselves - however it's so much effort the best way is still to avoid them.

If the question is how you get that authentic self:

What gives you energy which still aligns with how you aspire to actually be?

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Lucan1010

· #3 · Mar 8, 2020

For me, it was my parents. They both have a lot of issues and aren't great people, but mainly my dad is just very apathetic, while my mom suffers from severe and untreated Narcissistic personality disorder. At times growing up in their house was nightmarish. Moving out and being at college most of the year has helped a lot. My life isn't perfect, but I'm largely happy with it and have never felt better. I unfortunately still have to maintain some connections with them, as I'm reliant on their cooperation for signing up for Financial Aid each year, and to have somewhere to stay over longer breaks. I look forward to the day when I am no longer reliant on them at all.

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Anunnaki Spirit

· #4 · Mar 8, 2020

Difficult as it may sound but being alone is no where near as bad most people make it out to be granted some days it can be on the difficult side but gradually one learns to appreciate the unburdened freedom it gives compared to living on someone's leash and having to please every whim.

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