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There are far too many details to put into a post, so I will sum it up as fast as possible.

Basically, I want to move on from my ex, because of the distance between us there is no possibility of a relationship. There are times when he is back home, but he stays for a week, so sometimes I end up feeling used, especially because at times he hardly gives our "friendship" any real attention when he is away. Even when I have confronted him about the issue, he tells me he never means to be a bad friend.

There is also the issue that he tells me that he loves me, and wishes to be with me. He hopes to be with me when he returns home full time, but that's 5 years from now. Which does create some trust issues on my behalf. It would with anyone.

I've talked about us just not communicating at all, and moving on but he tells me that he values our friendship, and would take out the sexual part if it would help keep it. The thing is, it doesn't even feel like a friendship, because keeping a conversation with him is sometimes a chore, and it shouldn't be a chore, should it?

I really don't want to be in a relationship in order to move on;I really want to move on emotionally. It's not healthy, and I believe it's getting me down. At the moment I don't even know if I have feelings for him, or it just feels easy/comfortable. Or maybe it has gotten to the point where it's too much effort to put up with, and love doesn't conquer all.

I'm not sure what I am looking for. Just some words of encouragement? Some strength? Or to hit me with a reality stick. Either way, I'm just emotionally invested in something that isn't good for me and I don't know what to do.
 

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If you don't want it, end it. Then no contact, get rid of his stuff, hang out with friends/family and do your own thing. You'll be just fine then.
 

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This is kind of sad, coming from you. :/

I guess the reality stick...it's far easier to get over him if you find another guy.

At the very least, distract yourself and no-contact at all for a while - six months to a year. You'll slowly stop thinking about him as your real-life friends and family and doings take more importance in your mind than a failed mess like this seems to have become.

Good luck Firedell.
 

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rough spot. no good advice as there are no easy answers.

i wish you the best.....
 

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If you are feeling that a relationship has turned from fun to work, you should end it. Clearly, you aren't happy & you're only going to become less happy as the 5 years go by. You seem to need someone who you're able to spend time with, without them going somewhere & not being able to see them. Don't make it worse by trying to hold out for him. You'll feel worse & worse, day after day, & if you were to last until he returned full time, you're going to be so miserable that you're going to wish that the person never existed... to the point that the very memory of him is poison in your veins. So, get out of it now before it's too late, & everyone that you know will be there for you.
 

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Keeping the conversation feels like a chore is never a good sign. I believe that is a sign of a broken friendship/relationship. Just be decisive. You just have to be decisive with it. No communication and moving on is the best thing to do in this scenario, especially since you feel emotionally invested into something you can be liberated from. If he refuses, then you must stand your ground and tell him this is best for me and I can no longer contact you until I am ready. If he truly values your 'friendship', he will understand what is best for you and abide to your wishes.

As for words of encouragement, it is really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Know that deep down you can be liberated from this emotional pain you are feeling now, and you have the power to do it. Just be decisive. If you must move on and not communicate, you must stick with it!

Take care, best of luck.
 

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Is this the Navy chap?

I think eventually you just have to forget. I mean you're only young. You've got a hell of a long time left on this planet. Some things you just have to leave behind and I guess its bad but it's also good. You will find new things. But imo you should recognise that if you want something over, then its over, no more, gone. Don't try to relight or to relive it just accept it for what it was at the time, value it accordingly, and learn the lessons.

For the practical advice on moving on from things I can't help you with that. I think it's just time. Time and separation. If he keeps coming back in to your life at irregular intervals you'll never move on... there'll be always a constant reminder.
 
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