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I see a lot of threads by other types asking the ENFJs on this forum to try to interpret the behavior of an ENFJ in their life based on the people on this forum's past experiences: I see a lot the answer: "Be open and talk to them yourself" because no one hear can really tell what that ENFJ is thinking really, but I also think about these scenarios; I wonder if the direct approach is always best, so I thought of a few ideas for a non ENFJ to find out how an ENFJ really feels: feedback would be welcome!
First of all, I wanted to lay out the possible reasons why ENFJs don't share what they feel:
1. There's nothing to share. ENFJs can be notorious for giving the wrong impression sometimes, because they love people so much and get so excited about being around anyone that they connect well with, share a lot of common interests with, and who actually listen to what they have to say, that an ENFJ who loves someone as just a friend can easily behave like another type who's madly in love.
2. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the ENFJ is unsure how the other person feels so they hesitate for fear of getting hurt.
3. Not being sure if they want a relationship. I've read and also seen from time to time ENFJs crushing hard on people that they don't really want to pursue a relationship; usually in those cases, I find they make a huge effort to hide their feelings, because they don't want to lead the other person on.
4. Sometimes the friendzone is the best place to be. ENFJs, at least the healthy mature ones, often look to the interests of the people in their lives more than they're own, so if they look at the big picture and see that a relationship would not be the best thing for both parties they strive to stay content within the friend zone.
Okay, so going on to how someone would address these things. First of all, it's possible that if the reasons are 3, and 4, it may be possible that the ENFJ may never reveal what they feel, unless it's so overwhelming that they can't help it. (I'm not sure how often that happens) I'm guessing usually, however, they might just think thoughts that would detach themselves from the romantic feelings or avoid the person altogether as a last resort:
*The direct approach. Tell, them how you feel and what you want.
This is the advice I see given most often; probably because most of the time they might be scared to say how they feel, not knowing how you feel. But, even if they don't feel anything at present, if they're that enthusiastic to have you as a friend, you never know they're feelings might grow knowing that you feel that way about them. Sometimes the ENFJ might get so caught up in thinking of how great you are to have as a friend they may not have even considered the possibility that you like them that way, even if the signs are right in front of them.
The drawback of this way is, you may want to mentally prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection, because if they don't believe that they could ever share your feelings, you could not only face rejection, but possibly end a friendship.
*Be observant, and go along with their subtle hints.
Sometimes when ENFJs are too shy or scared to reveal what they feel they might give you little hints. I find a lot of ENFJs tend to express themselves kinda in riddles, because they really want to share what they feel with those close to them, but they're so scared the other person won't take to it very well.
So, if an ENFJ says, for example: "Hey, that's a cool looking house we should buy this house one day." try playing along with it and feel out how they respond. That's just one example, but they could use any number of things like that to kind of indirectly say what they're feeling.
The drawback about this method, however, is that it's still pretty subtle, so they may still be kinda unsure, and you may end up still not really getting anything out of them, and you may end up having to be more direct.
*create a hypothetical situation.
If you want to reveal how you feel, but want to err to the safe side and not potentially ruin the friendship you could say, in effect, "If you ended up ever liking me, I might end up liking you too." sort of give the message that you don't necessarily have feelings for them now, but if they ever had feelings for you, those feelings might grow in you, and kinda feel out how they react to that idea. It might take them time to get over the awkwardness of the idea, but hopefully the friendship might not be ruined by it.
The potential drawback of this idea is that if they don't share your feelings you may end up never being able to really express what you feel, without being more direct and potentially ending the friendship. That last two ideas are probably better for if your feelings aren't so overwhelming that you could still remain friends with the person if they didn't really like you back.
Okay, so I'm open to other ideas, and feedback. If you think my suggestions stink that's fine too, lol!
First of all, I wanted to lay out the possible reasons why ENFJs don't share what they feel:
1. There's nothing to share. ENFJs can be notorious for giving the wrong impression sometimes, because they love people so much and get so excited about being around anyone that they connect well with, share a lot of common interests with, and who actually listen to what they have to say, that an ENFJ who loves someone as just a friend can easily behave like another type who's madly in love.
2. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the ENFJ is unsure how the other person feels so they hesitate for fear of getting hurt.
3. Not being sure if they want a relationship. I've read and also seen from time to time ENFJs crushing hard on people that they don't really want to pursue a relationship; usually in those cases, I find they make a huge effort to hide their feelings, because they don't want to lead the other person on.
4. Sometimes the friendzone is the best place to be. ENFJs, at least the healthy mature ones, often look to the interests of the people in their lives more than they're own, so if they look at the big picture and see that a relationship would not be the best thing for both parties they strive to stay content within the friend zone.
Okay, so going on to how someone would address these things. First of all, it's possible that if the reasons are 3, and 4, it may be possible that the ENFJ may never reveal what they feel, unless it's so overwhelming that they can't help it. (I'm not sure how often that happens) I'm guessing usually, however, they might just think thoughts that would detach themselves from the romantic feelings or avoid the person altogether as a last resort:
*The direct approach. Tell, them how you feel and what you want.
This is the advice I see given most often; probably because most of the time they might be scared to say how they feel, not knowing how you feel. But, even if they don't feel anything at present, if they're that enthusiastic to have you as a friend, you never know they're feelings might grow knowing that you feel that way about them. Sometimes the ENFJ might get so caught up in thinking of how great you are to have as a friend they may not have even considered the possibility that you like them that way, even if the signs are right in front of them.
The drawback of this way is, you may want to mentally prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection, because if they don't believe that they could ever share your feelings, you could not only face rejection, but possibly end a friendship.
*Be observant, and go along with their subtle hints.
Sometimes when ENFJs are too shy or scared to reveal what they feel they might give you little hints. I find a lot of ENFJs tend to express themselves kinda in riddles, because they really want to share what they feel with those close to them, but they're so scared the other person won't take to it very well.
So, if an ENFJ says, for example: "Hey, that's a cool looking house we should buy this house one day." try playing along with it and feel out how they respond. That's just one example, but they could use any number of things like that to kind of indirectly say what they're feeling.
The drawback about this method, however, is that it's still pretty subtle, so they may still be kinda unsure, and you may end up still not really getting anything out of them, and you may end up having to be more direct.
*create a hypothetical situation.
If you want to reveal how you feel, but want to err to the safe side and not potentially ruin the friendship you could say, in effect, "If you ended up ever liking me, I might end up liking you too." sort of give the message that you don't necessarily have feelings for them now, but if they ever had feelings for you, those feelings might grow in you, and kinda feel out how they react to that idea. It might take them time to get over the awkwardness of the idea, but hopefully the friendship might not be ruined by it.
The potential drawback of this idea is that if they don't share your feelings you may end up never being able to really express what you feel, without being more direct and potentially ending the friendship. That last two ideas are probably better for if your feelings aren't so overwhelming that you could still remain friends with the person if they didn't really like you back.
Okay, so I'm open to other ideas, and feedback. If you think my suggestions stink that's fine too, lol!
