Do you ever find your conflicting identity to be painful when you find you shouldn't express it? Sometimes I feel that I should just fit in and attract people by fitting to social conventions, other times I find being crazy is the best way to be. No matter which way I choose, I lose one crowd to win another. On one-on-one situations this isn't a problem, but in group situations I keep feeling conflicted what's the best way to be.
I also have a hard time telling what's really myself sometimes. I feel like I am pretty crazy, but do people need to know that? Sometimes I think I rely too much on being crazy to make people smile and then miss other ways of experiencing people. Or I won't project my more serious side enough so I'm not known enough for that side of me. But when going into the territory of the serious and personal, I become more likely to be offended and take myself too seriously, at least in group situations.
I've been thinking about what is a good social persona for me. I have a hard time telling what is myself because even if I don't think "and just be myself" I'm still exaggerating something or another.
A lot of time with more "conventional" guys, even if there's meaningful bonding as a result of doing activities, small-talk, fun-talk, I feel kinda empty from the interactions and lose sight of the long-term benefits of bonding this way.
How do you guys deal with having ENFP desires? and if you are surrounded by SPs or SJs that haven't developed their Ne or Ni side, how do you usually bond? and if you have to suppress your N side or Fi side or Te side (I can use Te a lot but in a lot of circles I find that's not the most PC/safe way to converse), how do you deal with the added stress of doing so? How do you follow social convention (in an Fe + Si way) in each social group you interact with, without compromising your values?