Personality Cafe banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,760 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My spinning depression now is constituted by beliefs of what was and could have been. I’m trying to use thought cycles to overcome depression.

This depression was traumatic. It was from a psychiatric admission* and the loss of opportunity to go to one of the best universities in my country from doing a double law degree and then flunking out of my psychology degree

I moved in again with my parents after living independently. They’re pushing me to finish the year of my degree that I have left. I’m living vicariously through them pretty much in the middle of nowhere in a faraway country

Now I’m stuck with the shattered pieces of my life. I also am stuck with very little relationship experience and I’m a 24 year old with all these problems with depression and no girlfriend.

I feel like a waste of potential who hasn’t achieved much in life and I’m stuck at university and don’t know what’s gonna happen next :unsure:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
421 Posts
I couldn’t quite understand what you wrote. Do you study law or something else?

Whatever you are studying, you are just 24 with only 1 year left to graduate and have the financial support of your parents. You will have a much easier time in finding a girlfriend after you have graduated and financially supporting yourself. For now just focus on finishing the last year of your studies, take one step at a time and don’t sweat about other things. Can’t help you with the depression part.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,066 Posts
You seem to be doing well, and from the wording, the depression is in the past. Or is it still current? May I ask what the trauma was that caused the depression?

Sorry, it's just not clear what about the situation is problematic enough for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,760 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
You seem to be doing well, and from the wording, the depression is in the past. Or is it still current? May I ask what the trauma was that caused the depression?

Sorry, it's just not clear what about the situation is problematic enough for you.
Depression is current I went to a clinical psychologist who said follow thought cycles and try to investigate negative thought spirals and reinforce positive thought cycles

i went through a psychiatric episode which I find embarrassing where I believed terrorists and FBI were after my friends and me. This was not the result of delusion but the result of developing my own analytical methods for psychoanalysing people and getting too caught up in those methods.

I live in a certain part of the world where authorities can come in and arrest people based on such beliefs and put them in a mental hospital essentially. That was the trauma, they let me out after 3-5 days. I don’t like how it affected my family and I’m not crazy, I was just using an analytical method that I made up and generated conclusions about people that were unnecessary



I couldn’t quite understand what you wrote. Do you study law or something else?
I used to study law and was an honours student but I discontinued and now I’m in psychology . I failed some units in psychology

Whatever you are studying, you are just 24 with only 1 year left to graduate and have the financial support of your parents. You will have a much easier time in finding a girlfriend after you have graduated and financially supporting yourself. For now just focus on finishing the last year of your studies, take one step at a time and don’t ...

I will try it , it’s just very difficult for me to focus after being admitted to a psych ward and having thoughts that I’m like an embarrassment
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,066 Posts
Off the top of my head:

1. You're not an embarrassment. If others are embarrassed of you, ignore them. Shake it off.
2. 24 is young. You can still study whatever you want. I'm 31 and still in college, taking up my bachelor's degree. I have classmates that are in their 40s and 50s. So it's never too late.
3. I think psychology is a poor substitute if a law career is what you're really after.
4. You don't need a girlfriend. Women are complicated. Trust me on this.
5. Maybe school isn't giving you enough challenge. Are you working? Find a source of income that you can do online.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,760 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Off the top of my head:

1. You're not an embarrassment. If others are embarrassed of you, ignore them. Shake it off.
2. 24 is young. You can still study whatever you want. I'm 31 and still in college, taking up my bachelor's degree. I have classmates that are in their 40s and 50s. So it's never too late.
Thanks for the response really, this is great advice

I think I’m coming to terms with my age being 24 and still having a lot to learn because a lot of people my age are really discouraged by education and bringing their education in terms with their work

it can get really confusing , where I’m going and what job I’ll end up doing , I have no idea at this point who I will be



3. I think psychology is a poor substitute if a law career is what you're really after.
4. You don't need a girlfriend. Women are complicated. Trust me on this.
5. Maybe school isn't giving you enough challenge. Are you working? Find a source of income that you can do online.
A legal career would be a lot of comfort and I am good at law. However, there’s zero space for creativity and self expression which is why I discontinued/dropped out

i could always go back and finish it too

thanks for the girl advice that’s a true point

I’m training for radio overseas
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
421 Posts
Depression is current I went to a clinical psychologist who said follow thought cycles and try to investigate negative thought spirals and reinforce positive thought cycles

i went through a psychiatric episode which I find embarrassing where I believed terrorists and FBI were after my friends and me. This was not the result of delusion but the result of developing my own analytical methods for psychoanalysing people and getting too caught up in those methods.

I live in a certain part of the world where authorities can come in and arrest people based on such beliefs and put them in a mental hospital essentially. That was the trauma, they let me out after 3-5 days. I don’t like how it affected my family and I’m not crazy, I was just using an analytical method that I made up and generated conclusions about people that were unnecessary





I used to study law and was an honours student but I discontinued and now I’m in psychology . I failed some units in psychology




I will try it , it’s just very difficult for me to focus after being admitted to a psych ward and having thoughts that I’m like an embarrassment
Look there’s nothing to be ashamed of even if you were crazy and had a delusional episode. Your family must be worried about your mental health because that’s what they families do. I mean I got called crazy by my family and got forced into theraphy by them for a physical ailment I had; they did it because they care, not because I’m embarrassing them. But maybe don’t use that analytical method anymore if it causes pain and problems.

If you worry about being humiliated by people other than family, you probably won’t stay in that place after you graduate since it’s “in the middle of nowhere”. And again, a couple days in a mental ward is no reason for embarrasement.

You don’t know how young 24 is, I had classmates in their 7th years because they kept failing.

For an honours student in law, psychology should be easy-peasy. Try to concentrate on your studies and you’ll graduate in no time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,384 Posts
My spinning depression now is constituted by beliefs of what was and could have been. I’m trying to use thought cycles to overcome depression.

This depression was traumatic. It was from a psychiatric admission* and the loss of opportunity to go to one of the best universities in my country from doing a double law degree and then flunking out of my psychology degree

I moved in again with my parents after living independently. They’re pushing me to finish the year of my degree that I have left. I’m living vicariously through them pretty much in the middle of nowhere in a faraway country

Now I’m stuck with the shattered pieces of my life. I also am stuck with very little relationship experience and I’m a 24 year old with all these problems with depression and no girlfriend.

I feel like a waste of potential who hasn’t achieved much in life and I’m stuck at university and don’t know what’s gonna happen next :unsure:
nobody KNOWS whats gonna happen next kid. youre 24... you ARE a waste of potential IF you sit there like a POS feeling sorry for yourself. im 39. divorced no kids.

in times like these, remember - you will have times like these again... so figure it out, now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,876 Posts
I just graduated. A month ago, I was full of hope. I had a plan (plan after plans) of how I want to spend my first months of being a graduate. Who would've thought of the lockdown. I'm stuck at home with my plans going nowhere. I feel like a failure.

To others, I'm being too hard on my self. To myself, I am worthless.

If you use your analytical skill, you'll be able to uncover what's factual from what isn't. Use logic. Are we failures? What is failure anyway? Can you not get back up? Have you been concentrating on who you're not right now vs how you can fulfill your maximum potential?

Personally, I feel that dwelling with my emotions right now is counterproductive. Try to understand what it is that's making you feel depressed. What can you do about it? Can you focus on what you can do instead of what you can't do? I try to rely on logic when I'm too emotional. Even if I feel ugly and the worst person ever, how true is this really? Emotions are messy and they aren't always true.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,551 Posts
You had one path turn out to be a dud, you could continue letting your past, and what you're lacking continue to deter you from working on your present (and coming closer to getting what you lack) . Or you can come to terms with the fact it was just one path, and check out the rest of the map.

Things are only going to get worse as you age. Maybe don't add to the pile of regrets and act while you still can.
 
  • Like
Reactions: xraydav

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,760 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
I just graduated. A month ago, I was full of hope. I had a plan (plan after plans) of how I want to spend my first months of being a graduate. Who would've thought of the lockdown. I'm stuck at home with my plans going nowhere. I feel like a failure.

To others, I'm being too hard on my self. To myself, I am worthless.

You have graduated, I guess that is something that would be an achievement, so i would not let this covid-19 pandemic mess with my perception of how important that is

You have so many more opportunities in front of you because of it. I wish I had more opportunities, but I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand

Can I ask you something, what’s it like to feel worthless? The way I was raised, it seemed everything that could be measured had worth

If you use your analytical skill, you'll be able to uncover what's factual from what isn't. Use logic. Are we failures? What is failure anyway? Can you not get back up? Have you been concentrating on who you're not right now vs how you can fulfill your maximum potential?
“What is failure?” That question hit me hard. I define it as not having succeeded and not completing a task well. I guess I have done that in some way.

I can get back up

The other thing you said, also made my mind do a 360 . If I was accomplishing what I could at a maximum level, I would be a musician(and cover musician), a director and an IT/Engineering boss , and a political activist as a result of the others

That’s a damn good question , cause looking at what I have around me, I guess I could only be a cover musician and the other opportunities have snapped because of covid-19 right now and even if it weren’t the viral pandemic, I would feel like those goals are really faraway

If you don’t mind me asking where are you located in the world? I’m from rural Australia so it’s difficult to always get what you want career wise

Personally, I feel that dwelling with my emotions right now is counterproductive. Try to understand what it is that's making you feel depressed. What can you do about it? Can you focus on what you can do instead of what you can't do? I try to rely on logic when I'm too emotional. Even if I feel ugly and the worst person ever, how true is this really? Emotions are messy and they aren't always true.

I feel depressed because all my opportunities to be someone great, have gotten real faraway. I’m stuck with this image of a person who honestly hasn’t achieved much

I could focus on ways to implement my dreams, realistically, and settle for training goals and lesser achievements. (For example, posting a YouTube video of me singing, rather than becoming a great musician overnight)

I like what you had said, and it has helped me thank you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,876 Posts
You have graduated, I guess that is something that would be an achievement, so i would not let this COVID-19 pandemic mess with my perception of how important that is

You have so many more opportunities in front of you because of it. I wish I had more opportunities, but I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand

Can I ask you something, what’s it like to feel worthless? The way I was raised, it seemed everything that could be measured had worth
My case is a bit more complex. I was supposed to graduate 6 years ago. I quit school because I didn't want the plan my father had for me (study accountancy) but I also had no idea what I wanted to study.

After some months of being a bum, I ended up working for an international company. In 7 years, I've managed to get stellar recognition within the company, was entrusted with different job roles and had my salary increased by more than double throughout my stay. The roles I took weren't official as I am yet to graduate. I am doing the tasks of managers (two ranks higher than my official position). Among all the roles I handled, I liked being a trainer the most. Finally, I have a course to study. I took up AB Psychology. When the demands for school and work increased more than my mental and physical strength can bear, I let go of my work. Resigned. I am jobless for 6 mos now and there are the things that are contributing to my feeling worthless:

1. I wish I didn't resign so I can keep my income flowing.
2. I wish I had more savings over the course of my employment
3. I wish I never said no to official promotions.
4. I hope my decisions did not contribute to my starting from scratch again. I am practically a newly grad. The salary that awaits me is disappointing. It could be as much as my starting salary when I started working.
5. I wish to start paying for a house soon. I'm also at the marrying age. Marriage is costly.
6. I should've bought a car. I practically spent money training to learn badminton, dance, some travels, and my college.
7. I need three months worth of more studies (to earn certificates about things I already know) so I can get the same salary as when I resigned. COVID is delaying my progress and I feel nothing now. I'm relying on my parents' money for sustenance which I am not proud of.
8. I haven't been feeling myself lately. :( I'm less punctual and less disciplined. How can I impress when I am not on top of myself?

Feeling worthy and feeling not worth much is hurtful to me. I always want to be impressive.

That’s a damn good question, cause looking at what I have around me, I guess I could only be a cover musician and the other opportunities have snapped because of covid-19 right now and even if it weren’t the viral pandemic, I would feel like those goals are really faraway
I feel the same way. If the pandemic did not exist, I will be studying again. What I do now is I study online via LinkedIn learning. I still plan to do the three-month study when everything subsides. But when? I feel like really need to get a job soon which is all the more challenging because of the pandemic.

If you don’t mind me asking where are you located in the world? I’m from rural Australia so it’s difficult to always get what you want career-wise
I live in a third world country and my work history makes me think i can do anything as long as I have a concrete plan, I stay focused, and I invest well on myself.

One of my goals is to study abroad so I can play with more opportunities.

“What is failure?” That question hit me hard. I define it as not having succeeded and not completing a task well. I guess I have done that in some way.

I can get back up

The other thing you said, also made my mind do a 360 . If I was accomplishing what I could at a maximum level, I would be a musician(and cover musician), a director and an IT/Engineering boss , and a political activist as a result of the others

That’s a damn good question , cause looking at what I have around me, I guess I could only be a cover musician and the other opportunities have snapped because of covid-19 right now and even if it weren’t the viral pandemic, I would feel like those goals are really faraway
I like what you had said, and it has helped me thank you
Your question forced me to face my problems. I admitted things I couldn't just say to myself (I am disappointed with my decisions). Confronting the negative emotions, to me, is the first step to address them.

I feel depressed because all my opportunities to be someone great, have gotten real faraway. I’m stuck with this image of a person who honestly hasn’t achieved much
Ugh. We're in the same boat. :( If it helps you to talk about this more, be my guest. It helps me as much (perhaps more).

After I responded to you, I felt more peaceful. More accepting of myself and my shortcomings.

I could focus on ways to implement my dreams, realistically, and settle for training goals and lesser achievements. (For example, posting a YouTube video of me singing, rather than becoming a great musician overnight)
This made me smile. Some people can be given the worst problems and they still manage to come out victorious. Let's be one of them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,909 Posts
7 years ago I went through an intense depression. Over the months I started destroying everything in my life. I quit my job and stopped hanging out with anyone, eventually stopped talking to anyone at all, even my family, even though they tried to contact me. I was alone in the world and free to go as crazy as I wanted and no one was around to say I couldn't. So I did. I spent all day every day in the dark. I laid around in bed and waited for my arms and legs to move themselves, and when they didn't I laid in bed some more. Sometimes I'd get out of bed around 3 AM and go on a long aimless walk and see no one. The world was empty and it was mine. Mostly though I just laid around in bed repeatedly going through how I would commit suicide. I would go deep into some woods, no one would ever know where. I'd dig a hole, get in it, and shoot myself in the brainstem for the quickest, most painless death possible.

This, the climax of my depression, lasted perhaps 2 months. Then one morning I woke up and realized I couldn't go any deeper into this thing without landing in a mental institution. That was game over for me. Reality had called my bluff to be quite honest. See, deep down I thought if I really let go enough something would happen. Maybe the skies would part and an answer would come from God. Maybe something in my brain would change and I would become enlightened and transcend suffering. But even those things weren't worth the whole ordeal of getting dragged out of my apartment by the police when I refused to pay my rent and then taken to a mental institution by my parents. So I decided to go back to rejoin the stream of the living, go back to doing things like taking showers, eating meals, making chit chat with people, and getting a job.

But in making that decision I confessed once and for all that I hate this world. It is not good, it is bad, and it shouldn't exist. If there were a god, he would be my enemy. If I could press a button to end the universe instantly, I would.

7 years now and I haven't known a second of depression. I still believe every last word of what I just said. Once I realized what a shithole this place is I gained the capacity to do what needs to be done. Suffering is bad, not good. I don't want any more of it than is absolutely necessary. I used to invite more of it on myself just to try to prove something or whatever. Not anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,760 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
My case is a bit more complex. I was supposed to graduate 6 years ago. I quit school because I didn't want the plan my father had for me (study accountancy) but I also had no idea what I wanted to study
I’m glad you got out of the trap of doing what your parents intended, I almost went down that path. I also remember being super confused when I started this university stuff


After some months of being a bum, I ended up working for an international company. In 7 years, I've managed to get stellar recognition within the company, was entrusted with different job roles and had my salary increased by more than double throughout my stay. The roles I took weren't official as I am yet to graduate. I am doing the tasks of managers (two ranks higher than my official position). Among all the roles I handled, I liked being a trainer the most. Finally, I have a course to study. I took up AB Psychology. When the demands for school and work increased more than my mental and physical strength can bear, I let go of my work. Resigned. I am jobless for 6 mos now and there are the things that are contributing to my feeling worthless:

1. I wish I didn't resign so I can keep my income flowing.
2. I wish I had more savings over the course of my employment
3. I wish I never said no to official promotions.
4. I hope my decisions did not contribute to my starting from scratch again. I am practically a newly grad. The salary that awaits me is disappointing. It could be as much as my starting salary when I started working.
5. I wish to start paying for a house soon. I'm also at the marrying age. Marriage is costly.
6. I should've bought a car. I practically spent money training to learn badminton, dance, some travels, and my college.
7. I need three months worth of more studies (to earn certificates about things I already know) so I can get the same salary as when I resigned. COVID is delaying my progress and I feel nothing now. I'm relying on my parents' money for sustenance which I am not proud of.
8. I haven't been feeling myself lately. :( I'm less punctual and less disciplined. How can I impress when I am not on top of myself?

What you said sounds amazing, why can’t you continue working in that field in the future when all this boils down? Clearly you’re talented in it


I wish I knew which job I was truly talented in, I just don’t know yet, I’ve performed so average in the ones I did


I feel ya 7) I’m living with my parents again after my bad experience, I had no where else to turn. I’ve tried CBT and it helps a bit , you can find worksheets online https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/


4) You can work up your field. Happens given time

3) I’m also now full of regrets. Like rejecting the no 1 university is a massive thing I regret . I guess we all have regrets


Feeling worthy and feeling not worth much is hurtful to me. I always want to be impressive.
I feel like I have so much untapped potential , that I am useless. Not unworthy. I’ll turn the question on you? What is worth anyway? What would happen if you find you’re unworthy?


I feel the same way. If the pandemic did not exist, I will be studying again. What I do now is I study online via LinkedIn learning. I still plan to do the three-month study when everything subsides. But when? I feel like really need to get a job soon which is all the more challenging because of the pandemic.

I’m also doing study externally and I can tell you, it’s hard to keep motivated . The pandemic has made things worse , like a prison



I live in a third world country and my work history makes me think i can do anything as long as I have a concrete plan, I stay focused, and I invest well on myself.
I am also temporarily staying for a couple of months in a third world country. And it sucks to be so detached but what I noticed is that some people in my network don’t end up staying, they move overseas for opportunities in study and work. Which is a bit limited now

One of my goals is to study abroad so I can play with more opportunities.

Your question forced me to face my problems. I admitted things I couldn't just say to myself (I am disappointed with my decisions). Confronting the negative emotions, to me, is the first step to address them.


Ugh. We're in the same boat. :( If it helps you to talk about this more, be my guest. It helps me as much (perhaps more).

After I responded to you, I felt more peaceful. More accepting of myself and my shortcomings.

This made me smile. Some people can be given the worst problems and they still manage to come out victorious. Let's be one of them.

I’m super happy to hear that my depressed contribution actually led to some light for you. Feel free to respond at any length you like, I would really love to talk with someone about things on my mind, it really helps especially in a time like this

I felt like I went through hell with no positives and I am slowly recovering in life. That is a positive, too, I guess
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top