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Just curious, were/are you bullied? If so, was it by your family, friends, schoolmates, co-workers?

What effect did this have on you? Are you stronger because of it now?
 

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You don't need the "you" in the title :)

There was this kid who got thrown out of my elementary school for being mean to me. I think I was the only one who was really against that decision because I thought it would be terribly traumatizing for him to get kicked out, especially when his relationship with me was the only problem he really had. It's hard to be kind and at ease when your environment has deemed you the bad kid, and I guess even as an 12-year-old when this happened I felt sorry and worried for him because of it.
He obviously wasn't nice to me, but on the other hand I don't have much memory of it or unsolved complexes today, so it hasn't been the worst.
 
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Who isn't these days, in some form or another? I got bullied as a kid/teenager because of my physical disability. I don't know if it made me a stronger person but it definitely made me a different person. Overall I don't think I'd go back and remove it if I could, except out of curiousity to see what I'd be like if it never happened.
 

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Yes I was. In my entire years from primary to high school. That's why I hated school. I got rid of it all once I went to college.

I am still holding grudges because I feel these people deserve it. Some things you don't want to forget. I saw a colleague in the past moths and I realized seeing him that I so hate him after almost 15 years.

Now that's either hate with a passion or he was a real jerk, you pick, I don't care.
 

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Yeah for 2 years of my elementary school. I was 13 then I think. It was by my classmate. It made me much more insecure I guess and I couldn't say that makes me stronger haha. But it made me a person I'm now.. and I'm happy the way I'm
And now when I'm older I dont tolerate that stuff anymore. Now when I train karate and extrecise I just wait for anyone to harass me so I can show him piece of my mind. I would make amazing villain in movies XD
 

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I was yes, mainly because my very first teacher in elementary school used to treat me as a sort of personal stress relieving tool. So I had the privilege to endure a lot of hits, slaps, throwin on the ground etc, which made my dearest classroom mates think that I was weak so they kept goin. Also my mum was and still is emotionally abusive. When I was done with college (15 - 16 yo) it was such a deliverance. The next four years were bully free so to speak but, meanwhile I found a person to bully back.

Took 10 years of therapy and a lot of personal work to toughen up and say fuck it to all of that. Combined to an unfortunate event which up to this day is still not entirely healed, I still am afraid of physical reactions, of any kind, but the good part is that I view things under a very different light since it happened.
 

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I was targeted by women I worked with, a group effort. They watched my every move and got me fired. My point of view was that I worked hard and they wanted more attention, didn't want to work that hard. Was very frustrating. It has certainly made me smarter, not necessarily stronger. I still feel sad about it, that people act that way. My intentions are always very good and I seek to understand others, but some of the stuff they pulled, man just so mean! Nothing more disheartening to me.

edit to add: Oh I remember now, they were VERY confronty, it made me terribly uncomfortable; It was like they enjoyed the adrenaline rush of the possible fight, and enjoyed watching me be scared? I don’t know, but I do know they were seeking to CHANGE me, no desire to understand me, and it was all direct attacks on who I am as a person, clearly stating I was WRONG. LOL. Was pretty horrible.
 

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From the start of elementary school, untill the end of high school. Especially high school was a living hell for me. Did I become stronger because of it? Not really. Did I become more aware of my own actions and social dynamics? Hell yes.

Too bad this happened only after I started analyzing my past and recognizing why stuff happened. I recognized that a lot of times I called it upon myself and since then I have been a lot more succesful at blending in and enjoying it all.

It's just.. I was and still am the kinda guy that doesn't set clear boundaries very easily. I hate the feeling of having to do that all the time in a "macho man" environment (Or w/e you call it). But still, I've learned to do it and it has helped me alot. I just wish it wasn't neccesary and people would not need to make themself seem better at the expense of others all the time.
 

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Yea. When I was in middle school the girls I used to sit with at lunch told me that I couldn't sit with them anymore and wrote me a mean note. I was kind of more openly eccentric at that age and middle school is...middle school. I definitely spent lunches in the bathroom for a little while after that, like a cliché.

I used to take a bunch of dance classes and I was kind of a teacher's pet. She'd openly compliment me a lot and have other girls look to me for form sometimes. They'd mock me behind her back, but not behind mine, lol.

In high school we used to have this "circle" that everyone would walk around every day before the bell rang. There were a group of girls who made it a point to say something nasty to me every day as they'd pass me. At one point one of them actually tried to fight me in front of the entire cafeteria for literally no reason. I started skipping a lot of school and getting there really late, after the bell. There were a subset of those girls who made it their mission to, like, ruin my life (well, it felt like that at the time). They tried to turn my best girl friend and boyfriend against me. Years later one of them told a mutual girlfriend that they had felt threatened. I ended up befriending some of them later in my high school life though. Not the bullies themselves, but other parts of their group, so they left me alone then.

I rejected a guy, so he'd drive by my parent's house and scream slut. I'm pretty sure one of his friends spray painted my purse at a party. Yet another one intimidated me by punching a wall and breaking his hand when I rejected him (or spraining it badly - I don't remember).

I once went out to my car and it was covered in ketchup and tampons. Still not sure who did that, but it was around a time when someone's crush supposedly wanted to ask me to a dance, so I wondered if that had anything to do with it. Probably.

Wow. I'd almost forgotten how much fun school could be xD This was kinda embarrassing writing all this out and I can't stop editing it. It all looks a lot more dramatic than I remember compiled like that. And it probably is. It almost feels immature to talk about it, but there's been other stuff since that you could classify as bullying too, and after a while you realize that life is kind of high school. Are you supposed to pretend it's not? Idk. Maybe.

What effect did it have on me? Hmm. I admittedly have some minor anger issues. Nothing extreme though. I'm a lot more assertive now than I used to be and I've read up on anger management. I'm pretty Teflon to insults too. I'd say I have pretty high self esteem because I've spent a lot of time building myself back up from tear downs, but I have lower confidence in some regards when it comes to drawing attention to myself. I think I have a decent sense of humor too and I can generally laugh at myself, though I'm kinda self deprecating at times.

Also, apparently I feel the need to share this stuff on the internet as a result, lol. I think good comes from sharing our stories though. (It's like I need to leave this on an "adult" note or something. Adults can talk about this stuff though right? Comedians do it. Is it petty for the rest of us? Okay, no more editing, regardless).
 

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I was so numb to being bullied that by my final year of high school I didn't care if I lived or died.

People are fucking crazy. I'd eat lunch by myself in the library and they'd still seek me out so they could hassle me.

I remember being so angry and bewildered by that notion. It's like, "Hey! Let's find that guy who wants to be left alone and let's harass him while he's reading his book!" WTF?

I was punched, kicked, spit on, mocked. It was almost always groups of two or more people. Like hyenas.


I remember one time being in art class and a popular straight white teeth blonde girl was making fun of a student that had come over from Africa. She kept mocking the way he spoke and he clearly was not enjoying it so I told her what I thought of her and that she could go fuck herself and then she told her boyfriend to beat me up.

Then when the school authorities would get involved I'd be punished and blamed while the evil-doers faced no consequences.

That weird non-joiner kid is causing trouble again! He's after the pretty princess this time! Lock his ass up in detention!

That was a recurring theme. Feeling like I was being punished for standing up for myself or for others.


One of the things that helped me not blow my brains out or blow someone else's brains out was knowing a lot of my intellectual and artistic heroes were social outcasts at that age. For instance I remember feeling a sense of relief when I read this in a Danny Elfman interview:

So how did [your parents] feel about you leaving high school?

They weren't happy. I did get a diploma sent to me. I just didn't want to stick around to get it. I managed to squeak enough credits and take off. It wasn't like I wasn't interested in college. I just wanted to get the fuck out of high school as fast as I could. I really disliked people my age, for the most part. I just had as much as I could take of teenage boys in general. It was that weird out-of-place thing. Being surrounded by teenage boys was, for me, like being in some kind of zoo full of orangutans. For the most part, they were so fucking stupid and proud of it that it was mind-boggling. [Laughs.] It probably hasn't changed that much. I just wanted to be around girls. I couldn't stand boys. I had some friends who were boys, but they were misfits like myself. They were eccentrics.​
 

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I thank my lucky star, guardian angel, God for shielding me from being bullied. It's dumb luck, not because I was people or social smart. It's simply that I've never come across a sadistic person or a group of them; not in school and not at work.

When I was 10 to 12, I befriended a gal in my class. I took her under my wing because she's made fun of and isolated by other girls in the class (for being developed early, growing breasts etc.). I felt sorry for her therefore I got her into my circle of friends (3 girls).

Most of the time I made sure I paid attention to those who were looked down upon (being from poor family, wearing shabby uniform, or extremely quiet). I didn't want to be vocal about the disrespect they got therefore I did my part to be nice to them in small ways.

No, I was never a bully. I might have momentary envy towards the prettiest or the smartest girl in school/class but I would not intentionally shame or torture them.
 

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I had my own set of misfits I gathered into a group through primary, high school and VCE(college equivalent I think?). The one's in primary, once I left them with feeling safe enough at school they found their own groups and people they'd like to hang out with but there were always a few that would come talk to me if they needed to talk about things.

In highschool it was a nightmare, I'd have to avoid people every day because of all the bullying going around, I'd gathered all the misfits into 'my' group but at the same time I hated them, the language they used, the way they talked about people.. so I'd just wander around the school avoiding people except in class, I was screwed in class.. can't even be left alone to do my work most of the time without someone trying to annoy me.. If only I'd learnt to be more assertive and my death stare by then. I had no trouble standing up for other people though if I thought someone said something bad about them.

I switched school for VCE and collected the people who didn't find groups and we got along well.. barely talked at all except for games and anime.. which is the equivalent of small talk to me. People were nice there.. People complimented each other and as far as I know, no one bullied anyone else or said anything bad about anyone. But yeah.. I still found the need for alone time and now, I kind of wish I'd been less traumatised in the past and was more capable of holding conversations with people...

Family still continues to be emotionally abusive but from talking to other INFJs in person, it seems a normal occurrence that we're just much more affected by. I've told my parents when I didn't want to talk to them or I didn't like what they were saying every now and then and it seems to be affected the way they behave though. Friends.. used to bully me all the time in highschool, school mates in primary and high school. I even get it by the odd stranger I meet when I organise social groups for HSPs and stuff.. one of my friends told me that it was because seeing someone for who they are behind their actions also makes them feel incredibly vulnerable and so, to some individuals I'm somewhat threatening.
 

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Yeah, a bit. There was a kid (and his entire family, including his parents) that harassed me from 2nd grade through HS graduation. So... ten years in all. Kid thought I had stolen his blue ribbon (for softball toss) that he won during field day. I didn't. I had several ribbons, I didn't need his. (And I thought the softball toss was a "girl" event, so even if I were inclined to have stolen a ribbon, it wouldn't have been that one.)

He, his friends, his sister, her friend and his parents... always calling me a thief (or a fucking thief, if it was the parents) from second grade through senior year. They were nothing if not persistent. (I suspect, if we shared territory, they'd still be doing it.)

Thing is... it never really bothered me. I mean, it made an impact obviously as I remember the ongoing nonsense. But... my INTJ nature just... let it go. And since I had never heard adults talk to a child in such a way (what kind of adult screams "fucking thief" at a 7 yr old?), I was never bothered by his parents' antics. I just thought there was something wrong with them, as the behavior was foreign to me. (Turns out I was probably right about that, eh?)

I never fought back... never said a word. (Not to the kid, not to my parents... not to anyone.) Didn't fight back cuz he never said shit when he was alone, of course. Always needed to have 2 or 3 sidekicks with him. And, honestly... he wasn't worth all that.

I did make him cry three seperate times during a football scrimmage in 9th grade. Any time he even thought about touching the ball, I hit him with everything I had. :laughing: Never said a word... just kept poppin' him.

I do wonder about his blue ribbon, though. Did someone steal it? (I wonder what they thought about me taking all their heat for all those years if they did?) Did the dumbass lose it? What happened to it? I have no idea...

There was some slight neighborhood bullying when I was young, too. Usually bigger kids doing what bigger kids often do. That all stopped when I started to bulk up around... between 8th and 9th grade. I got a little muscle behind me and that shit stopped. It's not any fun to torment someone who might turn around and beat your ass, after all.

As for the adult thing... does my administration trying (quite lamely, I have to say) to get me fired count? Cuz they just did about three weeks ago. They were unsuccessful becasue they're fucking stupid, but... yeah.

And this not me, but someone else (sorry not going to read back to find out who) was talking about getting fired for doing a good job, cuz others ganged up? My mom got fired from a job she'd had for 17 yrs because she did her job too well. She was fired for doing her job too well and making the other employees look bad. Not even kidding. How's that for a kick in the ass?
 

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Yep. For most of school. I wasn't interested in what others were interested in and so I didn't talk to them much. It wasn't like I was totally isolated - I had a couple of friends and they were great guys, so if the others had left me alone I would have never given them a thought. Unfortunately they gave me some, regularly. I even got beat up once or twice, but nothing too spectacular. Gay jokes were a fact of daily life, but they didn't really hurt so much, especially after a girlfriend came to meet me at school once.

Honestly, one of my friends had it worse. After some things I've seen him suffer through, it wasn't possible to accept said "others" even if I wanted to. I am not completely faultless - I think there were a couple of times where I joined in, but at least it was about things I had said to him in private before, and I was delicate and questioning, not viciously berating. Then again he totally stabbed me in the back some time later, so maybe he had a different opinion.

My other friend was pretty popular actually, and he hung out with them. I never gave him any fuss about it because he never joined in when they were giving me shit. Perhaps he is the reason things weren't worse for me. In any case, he was a loyal friend and a really good person.

When we graduated I didn't go to the thing. Got my diploma and never looked back. Or so I thought. Five of my classmates got into a car accident after the party. Only one survived. I went to the funeral because of my second friend. I was all "serves you right" at first, but eventually decided that this was the time to let go. Never looked back.

All of this did make me stronger, no doubt, but it also chipped away another piece of my humanity. That's how life goes.
 
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Because of my colours skin. I am not even black, just brown, and it's more ironic because I live in Latin America (Half of people are brown colour) but the majority of my classmates where white. It wasn't the topically "bulling", no physical violence, they just made jokes after jokes. "Did your mom​ put you on oven?" things like that.
 

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I was bullied in middle school. I was a weird strange little guy, in a place where everyone was so shallow. My elementary school before coming there, was extremely hippie. I came there and was totally out of my element. It was horrible. I used to puke from the stress of having to go there every morning when I was in the 6th grade, that place really affected me. It got horrible when I was in the 6th grade, mind you, no one ever laid a hand on me or anything like that, I posed a threat in that respect, but when these guys are pack and its only you, its not wise to fight or return evil for evil, only if they laid hands on me, would I defend myself, as a young martial artist and boxer. I hoped that they would ever touch me, then I could do what I wanted, punch their faces in. But it never happened, and since I didnt really leave in the district at the time, I had to stay out of trouble, otherwise my mom could get into trouble, for sending me to a school, that probably should not have been going to, as I had to catch 3 buses to get there. But it was better than the school, educational wise, that I wouldve ended up going to. The hippie school was in a nice area, but I had moved right around my promotion to middle school.

But 8th grade, unreal. In the 7th grade I had to sit next to this guy, who was not popular at all, even less than I was. But he was such a weirdo, and he liked exchanging insults. At the time, I didnt want to do this, it seemed pointless, but he did it anyways, despite my wishes. And this wasnt a problem, I knew I could beat him up, but its like, I just couldnt do to my circumstances. So I endured all his crap, ignored it. Then he made up this weird story about me going to jail and getting raped, while Elvis song, jailhouse rock was playing... what a bizarre sicko he was. So in the 8th grade, things got better, but then, i guess out of his own insecurity and wanting people to acknowledge him, he told people this story. And somehow it became a story about me being raped in a detention home, also being raped by a teacher, also being raped in the schools basement area. And people would yell jailhouse when I walked by, really loud. Even the people I was cool with, would yell this, and if I got into an argument or played around with them, they would say I got raped. And I would ask them are they retarded. When my day of promotion to high school came, I such anxiety that they would call me this at graduation.

I promised myself, that if they called me this at graduation, I would say the hell with it, and jump off stage and beat the hell out of at least one of them, I dont care if I was expelled or whatever. Somehow my aunt heard of my plan, and she told me, this is your day, dont allow them to ruin it. And sure enough I came on stage and they all yelled the jailhouse name... and I was filled with immense rage, they were all laughing. I was so mad. After I confronted the guy, who had made up the whole thing, I asked why the hell did you even make up that crap and tell people that. I should punch your face in. And he said something like, its not a big deal, if you hit me I will just hit you back. At that point I heard my aunts voice in my head, and I fell back and said forget it. That summer I had a growth spurt and had been working out. And so, high school was entirely different. At that point this guy who made it up, sort of remained the same, my mom moved back to the district of the school, so I didnt have to hold back anymore. I won't lie, at this point, I consistently called that guy out to fight, but he was afraid of me. I laughed at him as he walked through the halls. I was respected, he wasnt. And I feel so bad about all that, but at the time it felt good, and I really wanted to knock him out, I had such hatred for him. But somehow, I never just beat the crap out of him, when I couldve just randomly hit him. I guess at that point, I figured, what was the point anymore, the moment to do that had gone, no reason to cling to the past. let it go, and at that point, I stopped directing attention towards him. Man I still experience all that crap, even now. hmmm it really affected me, perhaps it made me a better person, by humbling me, making me find a better than my fist.
 

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Wow, that was a horrible experience no one should have to endure. I had my share of being bullied as well and the worst part, in retrospect, is that no one encouraged me to stand up to the bullies. I was told by my parent/guardian, don't do it. Being from the baby boomer generation, adults were yellers when it came to discipline, to me another form of bullying. To this day I can get quivery inside from a yeller. I don't know about it making one a better person, but it sure is a part of me to this day.
 

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Don't you think it's simply because, we all crave for a safe place which would not be so to speak material or jugdmental ?

Something else than just an intimate journal where others would simply understand, feel, and embrace, without havin that itch, often represented by the "why". Explainin yourself where you can be read and not havin to deal with all the counterparts allow you to simply discharge, and if anything it show that you maybe trust people here, for understanding that need.

In short, thanks for that Veggie :) there's nothing wrong with letting things go in multiple ways. We all need our own space of therapy.

And yes you got a pretty solid sense of self loathing, a light and endearing one. Don't lose it !
 
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