Personality Cafe banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
843 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
According to wikipedia, kink is defined as:

In human sexuality, kinkiness or kinky (adjective), is a colloquial term used to describe unconventional sexual concepts or practices. The term derives from the idea of a "bend" (cf. a "kink") in one's sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with "straight" or "vanilla" sexual mores and proclivities. The term "kink" has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful to sexual objectification and certain paraphilias.

Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between kink and fetishism, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it.[1] Because of its relation to "normal" sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well.
The question is, what are considered conventional sexual practices? One way to quantify this is to test this out by setting up surveys, questionnaires, and interviews. You'll probably get a set of sexual activities that fall within a normal distribution. Nonetheless, sexual mores change over time. Not too long ago, homosexuality was considered aberrant to the point that it was classified as a mental disorder. A decade or so ago, BDSM was still considered relatively taboo and kept underground. But thanks to but not only to 50 Shades of Grey, BDSM has left a significant impression on mainstream culture. What was considered deviant in the past is now considered "normal."

There's a second part to my discussion. How do we distinguish a "vanilla" person or activity from a kinky person or activity? Is it considered kinky to slap and choke someone during sex? What about spanking?

Kink encompasses a multitude of activities: it can range from the dominant and submissive engaged in a total power exchange relationship to a fully grown adult who likes to defecate in his diapers pretending he's a baby to the masochist who likes to nail his genitals to a wood block. Besides being considered deviant, all these activities have something else in common. I'm going to quote what one of my friends said,

"Kink is really about taking a set of activities – pleasuring the physical and emotional being that you are – and exploring it as an art. The most dedicated kinksters seek to master the art of creating experiences for others (this is what Dominants and Tops do primarily) and master the art of receiving experience (this is what submissive and bottoms do for the most part)."

In essence, kink is a lifestyle where people explore their sexuality by pushing theirs and their partner(s) sexual, physical, and psychological boundaries. In a way, like art, kink is about creating narratives. It involves self-expression and constructing an identity by participating in, thinking about, and talking about these activities.

I am curious as to what your thoughts are on this. Anecdotes are always welcome.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,205 Posts
A kink is what people commonly refer to as a fetish: that is a non "conventional" turn-on that is greatly enjoyed but isn't strictly required.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,421 Posts
I dont know myself I dont think I am particularly all that kinky, I am sensual, & sexual but not particularly kinky. I was talking to my friend about this, she actually is kinky but not particularly that sexual.

I have had alot of unconventional things brought up to me and most of it I am interested in hearing about but not interested in doing. I try and keep an open mind, but what always seems to come to it is...why? Just saying for me personally.

I have had what I consider very 'normal' fetishes brought up to me as well as things that I was like ok thats way too much for me. Some dude asked me to role play I was his sister another a mother (hell to the fucking no I dont mess with role playing incest not me no way).

I had a chick telling me about how she apparently loves masturbating with fruit (I thought of Bulldurm-that just made me laugh), another chick tell me about shocking the clit and tits (I was thinking about how sensitive I am to a nibble) she explained that if I build a tolerance but I was like why do I want to build a tolerance to be less aroused by conventional things where I am dependent on shocking myself. Again I am fine hearing about it but I am scratching my head to the attraction.

I personally am much more into muscle training in both genders partners, edging, stamina, arousal zones, tantalizing with all sense, tantric sort of explorations.

I have played with slight dom sub stuff and its a turn on, but its just more the anticipation in the sex and edging thats a turn on to me, not getting or giving directions from/to someone.

I will say I get a ridiculous amount of pleasure from using tickle whips and slapping if someone is too unfinessed and goes right for a boob with no seduction, smack muhahaha, thats not all that kinky tho.

Meh I dont get, I keep listening to different people and am open to hearing just for me meh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
596 Posts
a vehicle for shaming those who express sexually eccentric inclinations?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,421 Posts
a vehicle for shaming those who express sexually eccentric inclinations?
Really?

I dont think so at all.

Fetishes are seeked by the masses now. Its almost counter culture to NOT be into fetishes as opposed to 20 years ago.

I dont think most fetishes are shamed.

Fetishes are often glamorized and people use them for freak status often. I am not saying all people who have fetishes do this, I am saying fetishes dont seem to take that much of a hit.

I see vanilla shaming all the time on here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
596 Posts
well, then i must have the outdated impression. serves me right for focusing on early 20th century psychology for so long
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sensational

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,421 Posts
There was a thread awhile back on fetishes and kink and I seemed to notice (not in all cases just generalizing) that NTs seemed often inclined towards fetishes, and it seemed half and half with NF's going both directions. While it seem more then not ST & SF were inclined to more conventional arousal. Again not saying thats the case for everyone of any of the types but a pattern I noticed.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,877 Posts
It's one those things that are heavily influenced by a person's preferences and sexual habits.

Generally 'vanilla' is something extremely commonplace and bland like quick missionary sex with the lights turned off, minimal foreplay and hand holding (a popular meme adds "for the purpose of procreation") although it's mostly something based off on typical religious stereotypes as the position itself isn't fundamentally boring. It can be rough or intimate or creative or all of the above depending on the people involved. There's fun tricks to be played in the dark as well as increased closeness.

It's all very subjective though it's easy to tell when people treat sex like a chore, with a complete lack of passion. Even more so when it becomes a sign of the loss of chemistry or of other issues.

A fetish is a certain detail or practice that causes arousal but doesn't necessarily need the contribution of a partner while a kink is something to explore together, something unusual (or not typically focused on by most) that becomes a way to spice up a couple's sex life and explore new horizons. Kinks that have been enjoyed for years can become routine or even vanilla for a specific couple because they seek an upgrade and to find something new and more stimulating.
 

·
Grumpy old bastard
Joined
·
10,085 Posts
Kink is Sx stacking combined with a big sex drive.

There are only about 1000 ways to fuck. After a while, I want something new and different.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
843 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Kink is Sx stacking combined with a big sex drive.

There are only about 1000 ways to fuck. After a while, I want something new and different.
I love how you say there's only a 1000 ways to fuck. I'm guessing you've tried them all hahaha. Me and my inexperienced ass :laughing:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,205 Posts
Really?

I dont think so at all.

Fetishes are seeked by the masses now. Its almost counter culture to NOT be into fetishes as opposed to 20 years ago.
Well some are, like the standard Hollywood fetishes. BDSM, costumes, leather/latex...

Anything else is going to be met with at least a little skepticism/discomfort to varying degrees, at least at first, in many cases.
 

·
Grumpy old bastard
Joined
·
10,085 Posts
I love how you say there's only a 1000 ways to fuck. I'm guessing you've tried them all hahaha. Me and my inexperienced ass :laughing:
hypothetically. Say someone lost their virginity at 18, and are now 48.

they were married to the same lady for 15 years, and had sex in all 3 positions.

and there were 15 other years where the person averaged sex every other day.

15*365 = 2737 times.

and 1000 different ways to fuck might be a bit of an exaggeration, but there is "sex with a friend" and "making love" to break it up a bit.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gorgon
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top