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I realize I probably bump into them every day but they barely ever appear on MBTI Forums and I only know one confirmed ESFJ in real life. She reminds me of an ESTJ who is more curious about your personal life. She's VERY opinionated and always tells me what I should be doing I with my life. She's also gossipy.
 

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I'd go over to the ESFJ forum and ask them yourself.

All you're really going to get here is our perception of ESFJs in our lives (and sometimes it can lead to typism). We don't truly know how they think and why. How does their mind work? There's a ton of ESFJs out there and not one is the same as the other.
 

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They're so annoying that ESFJs can't even stand other ESFJs. It's pretty funny to watch, actually.
They have to one up each other for how much money and stuff they have. They're also terrified of being embarrassed. They embarrass each other, though.. like they set traps for each other. ESFJ 1 invites ESFJ 2 to her house, saying there will be a party in honor of ESFJ 1, but ends up embarrassing ESFJ 1 instead by putting her in an "obviously inferior" position. ESFJ 1 gets annoyed about this, but can't complain, and no one cares anyway, because ESFJ 1 pulls the same shenanigans herself.

:/

ESFJs are okay in small doses. If they like you they'll shower you with gifts and give you stability in your life.

For an INFP, they're frustrating because they'll try to "convert you" to their emotional mode. and they'll literally freak out because you have strong emotions and are able to think independently. :/

They are also controlling, obsessed with physical comfort to the point of annoyingness, and yeah, they get embarrassed really easily.
 

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Every type has their downsides. And every type is full of different people. My ESFJ sister has been nothing but a blessing, especially since our dad has become very ill. She moved him in with her family and takes care of him 24/7. And she is on. it.

Yeah, she can be a bit pushy and it's not always the time or place. But there's definitely situations in life where she's exactly the person needed to do what needs to be done. And admittedly, situations where her talents are needed arise more than the times when I'm just the right person for the job... :unsure:

But overall, negatives aside, ESFJs main mode is overseeing groups of people and making sure everyone has what they need. They're naturals at organizing group events, soccer mom duties, making sure everyone is taken care of. They can get the bossy and controlling persona when their idea of how things should be running is more tight-shipped than everyone else's idea. But I'd rather them do it than me, so I just ignore it and do what I do.
 

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Every type has their downsides. And every type is full of different people. My ESFJ sister has been nothing but a blessing, especially since our dad has become very ill. She moved him in with her family and takes care of him 24/7. And she is on. it.

Yeah, she can be a bit pushy and it's not always the time or place. But there's definitely situations in life where she's exactly the person needed to do what needs to be done. And admittedly, situations where her talents are needed arise more than the times when I'm just the right person for the job... :unsure:

But overall, negatives aside, ESFJs main mode is overseeing groups of people and making sure everyone has what they need. They're naturals at organizing group events, soccer mom duties, making sure everyone is taken care of. They can get the bossy and controlling persona when their idea of how things should be running is more tight-shipped than everyone else's idea. But I'd rather them do it than me, so I just ignore it and do what I do.
Yeah--this description is spot on, in my experience with one ESFJ, especially all the positive qualities. Not to mention that the one I knew was very confident seeming, a great communicator, and also generally pleasant to be around.

But here I'm going to talk about the conflicts:
The biggest problem I've had to worry about with her is that sometimes my values have seemed to threaten her. Like there are times when things didn't need to become issues, but she almost took my differing but strong values as a sort of threat to her authority maybe?
And so I think it's probably a really good idea to choose your battles carefully with them and just be stubborn but respectful about it, while also making sure to show them you still like them even if you disagree on something (and don't back down, but make it "your" thing--and accept that it might be treated as weird or abnormal by her (it's maybe a way of saving face).

But we got into a couple power struggles and it was pretty uncomfortable because she actually zeroed into the things that would upset me the most and did them without much consideration for the reasons why I felt strongly about them. So innocent things suffered because that's what I was reacting to.

She also had a way of asserting a lot of control over the social environment and always made it seem unquestionable, even though sometimes it wasn't right or what everyone wanted. It was also difficult to see how much influence belonged to her at the time, as it appeared that she was representing other individuals in the group and making her will seem universal or at least, supported by the majority.

But she often made the environment fun and comfortable...and I enjoyed her presence most of the time (except for when we had to butt heads and struggle, which was rare). She is great at nurturing though part of that to her seemed to be toughening up people...I like her a lot. Her home is also very comfortable and she's very protective and proactive about her family. She is also an interesting person with an inspiring life, and I think I could learn a thing or two from her about assertiveness and directness. She could also teach me a lot on caring for myself, as she is the type of person who is very attentive to people's comforts and needs.
 
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