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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'll give brief descriptions of how I feel, the impulses I experience, and how I act during stressful situations.
Your role is to tell me what functions are these behavioral patterns representative of. Of course you can also have a go at determining my type (MBTI and/or Socionics)

1. When there is a loud argument in my house, but I'm not a part of it: the aggressive speech, no matter if loud or relatively quiet, between 2 or more people in the house, tends to distract me from my thoughts and work to a huge degree. I simply am unable to tune myself out of an argument even if I have nothing to do with it. So I will either put on my headphones to block the sound of people arguing out of my head, or if that is not an option, I will go and get myself involved in the fight. My involvement won't be soft or diplomatic, rather, I'll scold both parties equally and tell them to shut up. I require emotional and physical comfort, and whomever disrupts it needs to leave or be destroyed.

2. When someone is talking about me behind my back: regardless of whether they speak good or ill of me, I will always feel extremely upset. If a person has something to say about me, he should say it directly to my face. If I catch someone talking behind my back, I am very likely to explode in rage and crash their party. This is one of the things that gets my blood boiling the most. It always feels as though the very essence of my dignity is being harmed.

3. If a person says he is disappointed in me, or points out some of my flaws, I will become extremely self-conscious, and will spend a large amount of effort to compensate for those flaws and to change myself. I tend to tailor myself to the expectations of other people. And this is also why I need a lot of time before I can respond to an accusation, as I tend to by default assume that I am the one at fault, and only after a few days or weeks will I arrive at the actual true estimate of who's right and who's wrong in any particular situation.

4. I rarely get angry at people. I feel like hating someone is an effort, an emotional investment. And if I'm going to invest myself emotionally into an enemy, then that enemy has to be worth my investment. In which case, I will start treating people as my enemies only after they've crossed me way too many times, and I will use silence as a means of torture. My best revenge is to exclude that person from my life. Most recently I had decided to stop viewing my uncle as my relative, and instead treat him as a stranger whose existence I no longer recognize.

5. Whenever I end up alone in an apartment for the night (no matter if its at my home apartment or at a rented place during holidays), I will display absolute paranoia about my safety. I will check every lock at least 10 times, ensure that the lights are on in the correct areas, and that objects that can serve as self-defense weapons are by my side as I sleep. I even sometimes rig the doors with improvised alarm mechanisms to wake me up in case someone tries to open them. I end up behaving as though I am taking a nap in the middle of a military conflict. Although I had never in my life experienced a break-in or an assault. So my paranoia isn't caused by any real-life traumas. My imagination just likes to create very ridiculous what-if scenarios of potential danger, and once those scenarios appear in my mind, I can't feel comfortable unless I take all the necessary measures to protect myself against them.

6. Similarly to my paranoia in #5, I also have a chronic fear of water, knives, and dogs. Which is why I still didn't learn to swim, which is why I always scold people for leaving kitchen knives lying around, and which is why I hate dogs.

7. When approached by a thug who's asking for a fight, my first impulse/desire is to beat him up. The idea itself feels very attractive to me. But very often I refrain from doing it, because my earlier mentioned paranoia kicks in, and I get overloaded with questions such as: "What if he's a trained fighter? What if he has a knife in his pocket? What if he has friends camping nearby? What if I accidentally hurt him in such a way that would land me in prison? What if I overestimate my ability to fight? etc." So I get bogged down with all these countless questions and scenarios almost instantly and continue calculating all potential scenarios and threats, even most crazy ones, while speaking to the thug in an attempt to calm him down or distract him.

8. If I walk alone in a new unfamiliar environment (for example visit a new city), I again focus too much on the potential dangers the new environment may yield. I keep an eye on what people hold in their hands, what could be hidden behind corners, whether there are drivers in currently parked cars, what is the number of people in each section of the street, etc.

9. If a person attempts to purposefully insult me or abuse his power over me, I will feel extremely timid and scared, but I will never escape the fight. Every time I end up verbally or physically attacked, I can't feel my legs, but my pride doesn't let me concede. I might die, but I will never acknowledge defeat or show weakness. Showing any sort of weakness equates to degrading my self-esteem. Don't neglect this aspect of me because I'm definitely not over-blowing it. I'm anything but a pushover, and I have been caught in countless occasions standing up to authority which behaved unfairly towards me, and as result of my stand - shocked all my peers who were too timid to do the same.

10. I tend to neglect my health and am extremely scared of any kind of medical interference with my body. Since childhood I had the tendency to imagine illnesses, and suffer from those imaginary illnesses. The placebo effect is strong with me, to the point that even if a person just walks up to me and says "your left leg hurts", it will start hurting. But whilst I have a tendency to imagine illnesses, I also have a tendency not to notice real illnesses until it becomes too late. I will neglect every health issue I have until it will become unbearable and in urgent need of treatment.

11. I am extremely conscious of my external image, which is why I always try to perfect what I wear, how I move, how I gesture, how I sit, how I walk, how I run. I need to ensure that everything I do looks elegant and confident, because I have fears that once my elegance and confidence fades, people will start noticing my weak side and my derpy-ness. As result to this paranoia, and my constant counter-action to it, I am constantly praised for being elegant, but also scolded for being too uptight, stuck-up, tense, and not knowing how to relax or have fun.

12. When talking to strangers, if I need to give complicated answers, I am unable to produce them while looking into the person's eyes. As direct eye-contact causes my brain to overload and just stop working. Hence I need to always avert my gaze in order to ensure the precision and accuracy of my speech.

13. When I find myself in an extreme survival situation, my first line of thought is always the following: If I won't be able to overcome this crisis on my own, then I'm weak, and if I'm weak, then I don't deserve to live anyway, so if I die, good riddance.

14. When it comes to the opposite sex: if the girl isn't my type, then I feel absolutely nothing towards her. If she is my type, I will feel absolute intense passion. There is no middle ground for me. And I am always attracted to the elegant and powerful types, as I find the soft and lenient types to be boring. The reason I mention this in the list of stressful situations, is because I consider romantic attraction to be an extremely stressful phenomenon.

15. Any kind of emotional conflict leads me to developing health issues. So, let's say someone decided to hate me, and told me about it. I'll end up having stomach problems, heart problems, gut problems, etc. problems as result to that.
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